RENSHU

The dialogues feel kind of random, like they’re just there to fill space in the story, and they don’t really hold my interest. There’s not much setup either like in Chapter 4, where he just laughs out of nowhere. I get that you’re trying to show his quirky personality, but you already made that clear in Chapter 1. You don’t need to keep reminding readers about it. Instead, you could just drop subtle hints for us to pick up on, like how you introduced Y and Z. Also, I’ve noticed you’re really good at adding mystery to your main character, and it is what I really like about your works! But I think it’d feel more natural if you let the world react to him instead of pointing things out in the narration. It would make the story flow better and feel more immersive. Good fanfiction that I would recommend that demonstrates these tropes are Thy good Neighbor and A Golden Path if you want a reference or inspiration.

I’ve really enjoyed both Rose of Death and Limitless! Honestly, I feel like Webnovel has gone downhill when it comes to quality fanfiction. It’s either AI-translated messes or straight-up AI-generated stories. Plus, the audience here can be super toxic, which seems to scare off a lot of passionate authors. What I’m trying to say is, you might want to think about crossposting your works on other platforms. For example, cyberpunk fics tend to have a solid audience over on Spacebattles. Based on my experience, the readers there are polite, give solid constructive criticism, and love engaging in discussions about the story. The UI might take some getting used to, but if you’re looking to grow your audience, I’d definitely recommend giving Spacebattles a shot!

I like that Winston's participation to the next arc "Baams Fall" I call it is not automatic compliant but rather needing to be convinced by Khun. Thanks for the chapter!

I just notice that the quality is ramping up the more we stick to Winston's POV. I like Winston's larger than life personality it really makes him standout to the already blinding variety of characters TOG have. Author I think you are the best when you are writing Winston Heath. Thank you for the chapter.

This chapter is an improvement over the previous one. We get to see more of Winston, understand his reasons for protecting Baam, and see that he's not passive—he has the courage to take action toward his own goals. Thus a good chapter overall.

Hoh's perspective might not be necessary to include here. In the original story, Hoh's POV was crucial because it contributed significantly to Baam's character development. However, in this narrative, we're primarily following Winston Heath's journey. While it's thoughtful to make the story accessible to new readers by referencing the original content, including the POV of a side character who doesn't influence the main character might not enhance the overall experience. It might be more beneficial to focus on the reactions to the previous team or to further explore the responses of the rankers, perhaps even through Endorsi or Baam's viewpoints, regarding Winston's actions in the exam. This way, the writing stays more closely connected to the main character's development.

i know this story might not of priority since it is an experiment you say, but I am really interested and invested in the plot already. mc is more relatable and as far as from the current released chapter, one I can empathize more. hope you give this story some love too.

not overpraising but rather redundancy of the paragraph. there were already multiple paragraph that is explaining his potential and keeps getting repeated.

In my opinion, the wisest political move Hiruzen could have made would have been to have Takeshi fostered by another influential family in Konoha, like the Hyuga. This would help establish common ground and satisfy Danzo while only slightly upsetting the Uchiha, who might still accept the arrangement since Takeshi wouldn’t be under Danzo’s control. If the fostering went well, it could lead to improved relations with another powerful clan, which would ultimately benefit the Uchiha as well. Given that the Uchiha already have a prodigy in Itachi—something Danzo would have been keenly aware of—Takeshi’s importance is too great to be monopolized by either Danzo or the Uchiha. Spreading influence more evenly across the village would be a more balanced approach. As Takeshi grows, he could potentially marry into the Hyuga clan or even establish his own clan, further spreading the unique traits of his kekkei genkai. Although fostering him into another family might seem cold, it’s a better option than the Uchiha hoarding all the geniuses. This would not only upset Danzo, who, despite Hiruzen's limited knowledge of Root, still holds significant influence in Konoha’s politics. Furthermore if Takeshi would be fostering in Uchiha it would mean two super geniuses being hoard by them, thus in turn would likely increase tensions in relations between the great clans within konoha, which tensions would only increase as Takeshi grows and shows his worth.

I like this new character personality you're trying, bleap; it's different from your usual unhinged MCs, but as you said, it's an experiment. The MC is mature and serious, which fits well into the setting that you are planning to establish according to your disclaimer where your holding off first from delving into the supernatural. It's too early to judge, but I think I'm hooked already.