what i feel....

I had been making mistakes for so long that I don't even know myself when I had started making them and how I became so.... so..... unlike myself.

I remember my childhood when I think everything was alright . Even though my dad was busy, my mom got tired with all house work and my brothers went to play as soon as they came back from school and always went to play on holidays. I had so many friends whom.... I am not with contact anymore....we had cats at home, I used to go to drawing classes every weekend at temple.

We lived in a small house in Vasco, Goa. My mother would visit every temple near every now and then and as her only companion available at home I would also visit every temple now and then and may be that's why probably at that time and given my young age I was spiritually & mentally & physically happy and was able to ignore some small and some not so small unhappiness …. that happened during that time.

At that time , my young self was was a pretty confident and may be self centered but truly inspired and happy kid. I had a aim and I didn't care about many things like what would people say if I wear this dress? how to keep up with the ongoing conversation? what kind of breakfast did mom made? how my classmates would judge my mom's homemade breakfast? What would I do if I loose everything I have today? What about my future? What if I fail to achieve my aim? 

However, I am still pretty sure at that time I wasn't judging anybody and neither did I care whether I am being judged. I didn't have to think over and over again before I speak my mind.

That place had been very small with an even smaller kitchen and two rooms where all our books, desks, clothes and other things all over the place with two cats and our family of five but I didn't feel insecure of life at that point of time.

May be that were the perks of being a young child, but I really really … liked me in my young self. I didn't overthink everything.... and maybe ' I ' was then  was the best version of myself...