WASTE THAT'S WHAT THIS IS

I sat in on one of the sitting room sofas and watched as they carried my dad's dead body out of the room.

I can't believe he is gone so soon, I wondered what I have done to both my parents to leave me so early.

it's might not have been planned by my mum but it is clear that my dad did not think I matter, he never for once thought I could help him.

he took his own life never for once did he think about me.

what life will be like for me if he decided to leave this planet?

I looked ahead of me as the tape of my mum's death played on the television screen.

I do not wish to watch this, not now or ever, but my body felt too paralysed to move

I must say I have seen this a thousand times before now.

My mum died three years ago from a fall on a broken beer bottle, and my dad blamed himself for her death.

I watched him sit on this couch, the one he fell asleep on the day my mum died.

He does this daily, watching the video of her death and saying repeatedly I killed my wife.

I and everyone that knows my mum, including my uncle who initially accused my dad of killing my mum, had tried to talk him out of that notion.

We all know it was a tragic accident, and we do not hold him responsible for my mum's dad, but he hardly listens.

I blamed my uncle for not destroying the tape, the instant my dad got addicted to it. That singular act might have saved his life.

I know he would have kicked against it, but I believed that after a while he would have gotten over it, but now he is dead shot himself dead.

A singular bullet wound to the head.

He never left that seat except to sleep at night, and sometimes he sleeps in that seat and I can't get him to go to bed

When my mum first died, my cry for food will make him stand to talk to the maids, but as time goes on the maid left one after the other as they were not been paid.

You see dad stopped going to the office and his business suffered a lot, so the maids were not paid.

Uncle Luke came in one day, after trying to talk to dad for a while and seeing he was not responding got him to sign the company over to him.

Uncle Luck then maintains the house as well as my school fees with my maid, but now that my dad is dead, I do not know what will be the fate of all this.

You see, my parent could be considered relatively rich, and we lived largely.

We had maids taking care of me and my mom's needs, and because my mom did not trust the maids and people working for her, she had asked for CCTV cameras to be in all the rooms and corridors to monitor the maids

It works for her perfectly and that was how my father came to know how she died, which was my dad's only saving grace when the police had come into the case.

Now I think. if the police had; had my dad, there would have been no room for him killing himself this way.

At first, my uncle had accused my dad of killing my mum, but when the footage for that night's event was played by the police to both parties.

It was clear the death was a pure accident that could have been avoided if both had not been drunk on the said night. A night I wish I could reverse,

On that fateful day, my mum had come to school to pick me up after school in high spirit. I was ten years old at the time, three years ago precisely.

I, for one, was so joyous that my mum came to pick me up, she was a very busy woman who is hardly home, most time when she returned at night I will have slept off.

Part of the reason she had the camera fixed was, so we all know that; she can see everything that goes on in the house.

She feels that will stop us from doing anything she won't approve of, especially sleeping with her husband or maltreating me.

It was clear how happy I was. It was my mother picking me up and not some random company driver.

Once home I noticed my dad's favourite car in his parking space, and my joy multiply.

I was a child in a candy store, as I skip into the house leaving my mother who was asking me to slow down behind.

My dad was by the door picking me up the instant I skipped in and rubbed my head as I laughed out loud in his hands.

My mother walked in shortly after carrying my school bags over her shoulders.

He dropped me slowly and straightened to face my mum with a smile paced on his face.

"Darling what are we celebrating, I just had to rush home from work leaving many files unattended to me, the joy in your voice can not be countrified."

My dad said walking to my mum and hugging her.

"You should guess." My mum said turning her back to him, still in his arms.

"You know baby, I can't guess"

"Okay, then what is that thing you know I have fought so hard all these two months for? she asked my dad once again.

"To legalize your stay in this country? Before now". my father replied, then his face lit up.

"Oh my god, you got it didn't you?"

My mum looked at him with that funny look she always wears when she is too excited to talk.

Before I could join in on the fun, my dad swept my mum off her feet, in a turnaround swing as they celebrated.

After much 'put me down' from my mum, he set her down on her feet gently.

"This calls for celebration." My dad said smiling, dragging my head to his stomach and holding me close absentmindedly.

"I know, and I came too prepared." My mum said heading straight for the kitchen,

"Tayo roll the feast," she said as disappeared into the kitchen

It was a feast and I did not know how my mum put it all together, but I knew we did celebrate and some of her friends joined in the celebration.

Sometimes later, I was sent to bed and that was the last day I saw her alive. all I know of her death was what I saw on the camera footage.

They had partied hard into the night and at one point during the night all their friend had left one after another,

In the footage, at one point they had a broken beer bottle on the floor, but are far too gone in their intoxication mood to do something about it.

My dad was already passed out on the settee as the last guess, which was aunty Lilly was leaving.

My mum waved her off and promised to lock the door later, after clearing the last plate she decided to go lock the door then it happened.

She stepped on the spilt beer from the broken bottle and fell, did I mention that the floor was all covered in tiles?

She fell and then landed on the floor as the broken bottle slid into her throat, she died silently.

I have never again watched this video to this length until today my father decided to do the unspeakable.

The first time, I watched it out of curiosity and got to know how my mum died.

Ever since then, I have only played the video to the party scene, but today as they carried out my dad's dead body, I sat feeling nothing as I look at the screen.

I wondered if all this was not a waste of good people.

I am too shocked to move. Then back to the scene before me.

Some minute after my mum's body finally went still, my uncle her brother came in and from the door announced his presence.

He must have had a lot of delays, because, the first thing he did was to question of is why the door was open.

My dad for some reason best known to him choose that time to wake up and see my mother on the floor gain full consciousness

He ran to my mum who was lying lifeless in her pool of blood, my uncle walked into the footage and instantly accused my dad of killing his sister.

His threat rings out in the air and my dad just kept crying and begging his wife to return to him.

I weep silently as I beg my mum right now to return to me, how could she just go like that.