This Tired Soul

To believe that a lie can replace the truth is to believe the lie itself.

The lie was that I would be okay, and that everything would be like it had been before; peaceful. Now that I replaced the truth, I needed to believe it. I never did.

"PAPA! PAPA PLEASE!" I cried out as the Alpha dragged the rope that held my wrists secured together, forward.

"MAMA!" I cried out for her as I scanned the pack that was forming around the pole I was being dragged to, fear replaced the empty feeling in my stomach as I saw my parents huddling together and not looking. I knew they couldn't stop what was about to happen, we should have been more careful.

Ugly sobs filled me as I screamed and struggled against the top as I landed on my butt and dug my bare feet into the ground to stop moving. But he only yanked harder. I tried to undo the ropes but failed when I realized we were already there, the pole.

The pole was where enemies were whipped publicly, but Alpha believed any young pup who did something against their pack should be taught the hard way. No matter what age.

He bent down without speaking and clasped the chains into my wrists before letting the ropes untangle around them.

I was mortified, my arms now hung above me while I stood on my toes. My chest touched the huge pole as I lent on it for more support as I stood. I could see the pack forming around me, they wanted to know what was going to happen.

Would I stand here for days or would I get the adult punishment? My body shook as I could hear movement from behind me, everyone could smell the fear radiating off me, almost like a perfume that was too strong.

"Bring Connor over here." His deep voice rang in the silence before I could hear grunts coming closer.

"Papa! Please! Please don't hurt him. I- I kissed him first, I was the one that came onto him!" I could hear Connor lies as he stood only 6 ft. away from me. Truth be told no one came onto anyone, after my 14th birthday I found out he was my mate.

At that age we had years to grow a bond before we did the deed or claimed eachother. But I didn't think it mattered anymore.

We of course agreed to not tell anyone since being gay was a sin in our pack. Months we kept it hidden and we hoped months to come.

"Connor, you have a chance at redemption. Nathan does not. You are the Alpha heir, now you must step up and become a man. Take this," I heard a pause as many gasped around me.

I tried to pull on the chains harder as more fear clouded my mind. I couldn't see what was going on, and that was probably the sacred part. "Show everyone who will be taking over this pack once 21. And don't mess this up."

I heard a sob from the crowd as I got a glance of my mother as she collapsed to her knees while my father rocked her from behind. At this point I thought I was gonna die, but I knew deep down that I wouldn't. And I think that was the scariest part, I would live.

"Do it, redemption doesn't always come." I heard Alpha Nick say in a deep voice. I listened to the silence hoping to hear movement when I heard Connor.

"I'm so sorry Nathan, please- please forgive me." I wanted to ask what for. But I never got a chance.

Numbness sliced through my back as I let out a starkest scream. I could feel my back begin to sting from the first whiplash. I started to claw at the huge pole that I now leaned on.

I dug my fingers deep into the poles' sides as I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth together. Again the whip came down, but this time I could feel half of my shoulder and my back rip.

"How-How many times father?" Connor's voice shook in fear. I didn't know why though, until I realized he was the one whipping me. The mate bond had barley form and I could feel it breaking. Me without my wolf and him just having his over a year made our bond like a child that needed lots of mending before it could finally become adult.

"38." The number rang throughout the sandy court yard as the sun began to pound down harder then before. All the air seemed to be swept by the silence before a painful cry came from one of the groups to the side.

"YOU CAN'T! YOU WILL KILL MY BOY! SO WHAT IF HE KISSED CONNOR, THE MOON GODDESS PAIRED THEM!" I was shocked that my mother had raised her voice, she was a silent woman but today, I could hear her breaking with each word she said. I didn't mean to make her break, I would never have held my mate and kissed him if it meant my mother breaking.

The Alpha ignored my mother as he said go to Connor, I readied myself but I could never be prepared.

Another scream climbed up my raw, burning throat.

I wanted to die, but the only time I came close was when the whip barely wrapped around my throat and ripped a slanted section off. Soon my legs didn't hold me, my fingers were going numb from loss of blood as my wrist held my body up from sagging. I could still hear the whip going off but all I could feel was the hot rain drops that slowly went down my back.

My once plain green shirt was now no longer on me, my fingernails that were once perfectly cut as best as I could do, were ripped and bleeding from digging them into the wooden pole.

My eyes were in a haze, a galaxy of shape and color now in my vision, swarming around me where the people once stood.

The counting stopped, but new sobs from around me never seemed to. I felt hands under my arms lift me up. I let out a weak strangled cry but my throat was too sore and the slash was too deep.

My knees held me like pudding, they didn't. I was just standing by the person who was making me stand from holding underneath my arms.

"Nathan; I'm so sorry." I could hear the person that held me up say, their voice vibrated through my torn limbs as they slowly let me fall to my knees. I let my head fall in submission hoping to never have to do that again. Hoping to just be taken home and sleep.

Usually that is what happens with pups. But someone was chaining my hands to the bottom of the pole so I could sit facing it but could not leave it or get up.

"No, no, no, no." My hoarse voice came out like someone had clawed at the inside of my throat. "No, let me go home. Please." My words didn't make sense but I hoped they understood, I knew they understood.

I looked up to the Alpha as he looked down on me.

"Nathan Musk, from this day on you will be whipped everyday for 364 days after today. Once your time is served you will be exiled. If anyone helps him, they will also have the same fate. 15 whips a day, no more, no less.

This will teach you well. You will be fed every week and may be brought with chains on to the bathroom once a day. You; are a criminal." His black eyes glowed with the Alpha command as everyone gasped and whispered outraged but yet did nothing.

This was going to be my new life, and he was going to make sure I lived through it to the end.

"Connor, pack your things. You're going to the Alpha camp early. You will not speak of this ever." I didn't hear a response to this but I might have been too exhausted and scared to actually listen.

Would I ever get to talk to my parents again? Would I be able to walk after this? Survive this? And after a whole year of this would even remember me? I knew I had to escape, but my chances of that would be just as good as surviving this.

"Oh and Connor?" I could hear the Alpha very close as if standing next to me.

"Yes-Yes father?" Connor was farther away, maybe closer to the entire pack that watched in fear.

"You forgot to break the bond." His words came out light hearted but I could hear the threat.

I sucked in air as they seemed to have been cut off when he said that. Being beaten and exiled at my age was a lot, being rejected at my age, was cruel.

"I, Connor Jacob. Reject Nathan Musk from becoming my mate, and future- future Luna of my future pack; Clear Soul Pack." The pain from the whip seemed like nothing as mental pain slammed onto my already beaten body.

I screamed and cried out, I begged the Moon Goddess for the pain to stop, I cried out to my parents, the Alpha, even Connor to make it go away, to kill me. But they just stood there with the pack and watched me die on the inside. More salty hot tears caked my face falling where the dried ones once did.

Nothing seemed important anymore, my school, my friends, my family, my future. After an hour of screaming and crying, the pack and everyone else left. I was alone, dead. All I could do was look at the bloody sand in front of me that coated my thighs and arms.

The Alpha had cut off my pants saying I wouldn't need them.

I felt so horrible that when my eyes tried to roll in my head I wouldn't let them, I would just sit wheezing as blood leaked from my body. I was going to suffer, I was just preparing to know the feeling.