"He was my corset"

After a while, I managed to move my feet. Felipe was leading me to upstaires. To our room. My mouth was still dry. My lips a line. My scares burning. As if she had stung me again. In my back. Like she used to back home. On the lower part of my back, so no man would spot them underneath all the big dresses. On my upper thighs, so no man would spot them underneath all the big skirts. I remembered what Elizabeth had said. About the choices of my own future. To choose between getting overdriven or to stand up for myself. But what could I possibly do? My fate was already decided. I would already be travelling to the Spanish Empire with Felipe tomorrow. It made me wonder how close the wedding would be? It could be anytime. Months. Weeks. Days? It was all just business and money and power. Felipe didn't love me. His mother saw me as a business opportunity, and he saw me as his own little toy. He was looking at me like I was the newest toy in the store. How could I possibly stand up against them? What could I do? I had already tried taking my father out of marrying me away to this stranger. At least 50 times. Even more. I had even talked to Agnes about it.

The bedroomdoor was in flung open, and Felipe walked in with clean clothes. Another big dress. I couldn't take any more big dresses. He put it on the bed. It seriously just looked like a big ball of blue and orange material. He gave me a smirk.

"It's disappointing you fell asleep before you came home last night," he said still looking at me.

"What?" Excuse me?

"Who knows what would have happened between us if you slept here, in this bed with me". My breathing difficulties came back. I didn't even have a corset on. Felipe caused it. He was like that tight corset I had on yesterday. He was my corset. He looked at me like I was a slice of meat.

"You know, i got a little jealous on that pirate yesterday" he grabbed my waist and put his lips on my neck. I never noticed how small he actually was. He was only a few centimetres taller than me. It made him look young. I cleared my throat.

"I'm not comfortable with you talking to me this way," I said, trying to sound like I had all the confidence in the world, but I knew I failed due to my shaking voice. Suddently his eyes changed. His face. It softened. He let go of my waist, taking a step back.

"My apologies, Lady Bonny," he said, and I couln't believe what came out of his mouth next. "I see I may have overstepped your boundaries. I'm sorry if I have in any way made you feel pressured or uncounterable" he sat down on the bed.

"W-what?" Was he joking? Was he actually a better person than I had gotten the impression of?

"I guess I just tried being forward. Agnes told me you don't talk much, or likely wouldn't show much intrest. So I tried being the one that was forward, tried to get you interested. I can see how I've maybe given you an impression you didn't like very much" he sounded sad. Embarrassed. My stomach twisted itself. I didn't know what to believe. What to rely on. Was this just another sick and twisted game?

"It's okay, I guess," I said while hugging my body.

"From now on we'll take it slow." He smiled at me.

"I'm cold," I responded. "I'll get dressed." I grabbed the dress and slammed the door open. I couldn't get away fast enough. My fast strutting ended up as running. As soon as I got through the door, the tears started running. A sob escaped my mouth, and I slapped my hand over it. I felt so trapped. I was told what to do with my future, how to dress, what to like, how to act. I was 20 years old, and the rest of my lifetime was already carved in stone. I hated how anything was so planned. Every single detail in my future was decided. Every single detail. I couldn't even decide what to have for breakfast. Or dinner. My 200 next meals were already planned. There would be no exciting adventures. No choices. Nothing. I ripped the rope of my body and started slipping the hideous dress on. Yesterday had been different. After I met Elizabeth, it was like I could make my own choices. Like I myself could decide who to be. I had been in control. For the first time in my life, I had been in control of my own life. Now, I was standing here, forced to wear a big, ugly dress. My cheeks were covered in my tears. How could I possibly fight this? Until now I always had an impression of Felipe, confirming that the wedding was a terrible idea and that my father and Agnes was in the wrong place. But now? Suddenly Felipe changed. Like he had been wearing a mask, as I have all my life. I looked at my reflection. I was so convinced he was a bad person, then he showed me how vulnerable, insecure and warm he could be. How could I know which one was real, which one was wearing a mask? I felt even more trapped now. I dried my tears with my sleeve. After a while of staring at my tears in the mirror, self-pitying me, a thoguh hit me. A whisper hid in the back of my head. I looked back on the day before today. The best day of my life. What if i didn't have to physically stand up against Agnes, my father, Felipe? Yesterday I got a taste of what being free tasted like. I sniffled. What if just escaping was enough? I wasn't made for this life. I had thought it so many times. There was a reason my mother loved the ocean so much. It was a place where she could be free from anything. Even from my dad. I know she loved him, but he was never like her. He had met her on the seas, but he sailed there for different reasons. He was transporting goods. She had sailed to live free. To fly over the waves. I looked at the awful piece of clothing I was wearing. It would be an insult to dresses to call it a dress. I grabbed one of the orange sleeves. I looked at myself in the mirror. I wanted to be free. Like my mom. Like everyone else. I ripped the sleeve of. The orange material fell to the ground. I smiled. I actually ripped it of. Then the other. A laugh escaped my mouth. Next, the layers of material on the skirt was on the floor. My heart was pounding a million times in a second. What was I doing? I wanted to be free. And where should I begin? I thought about Elizabeth. I laughed again, louder this time.

I chose to run from my life, and fight for Elizabeth.