Helpless
Here I sit
in a crowded room
yet feeling all alone.
I'm hoping
no one will see me,
wishing so desperately
I could melt
through the walls,
knowing it is
physically impossible,
yet wishing it
still the same.
It's so loud.
All I want is
peace and quiet.
Why can't they all
just leave me alone?
I feel so lost,
uncertain of the future
that was just
within my grasp.
Not knowing what
to do or say
or be.
Not understanding why
I must do that
or act like this.
I don't know
who I am
any more.
I've completely lost
who I thought
I was,
no longer seeing things
in the same light.
I've lost my footing,
and now I'm spiraling
down into darkness.
Where I once
looked forward
to the future,
now I fear it.
It's so hard
to look back and see
a void where
my life
should have been.
I wish there was
a way to end
the pain.
A way to escape
from all the
uncertainties.
I'm fearing that
the layers of
masks that I've worn
all my life
are starting to crack
and break
and fall apart.
I hate having
to pretend
that I'm alright,
that nothing
bothers me,
that I am just
another bump
in the road
that people walk over,
never feeling
a thing when they
trip over me to get to
the other side.
I'm standing here,
on the edge
of a cliff,
and everyone who
passes by
tries to push me
over the edge.
I fear there will
come a day
where I can't
get my balance back,
and I'll fall.
I don't know
what lies
at the bottom,
but I'm afraid of it.
I'm so scared.
I'm tired of
not feeling accepted,
tired of being
the outcast,
the 'ugly duckling',
never quite fitting in.
I hate the
ridicule from society
for being different.
As I sit here,
I wish that
someone could see
this scared little girl;
crying, screaming for
someone to help her,
knowing that
no-one can hear her,
and that
no-one cares.
She prays for
the pain to stop,
but doesn't believe
that anyone
is listening.
I feel like
the Titanic,
sinking in a
sea of troubles,
everyone else's
as well as my own.
I've been sending out
an S.O.S.,
but I've come
to realize
that no-one
will make it
in time to save me.