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The Multiverse Shits Itself(SAO Abridged/Multiversal Empire Building)

Abridged Kirito and abridged Asuna are summoned to melromark to be the sword hero and 'spear' hero. They are not amused. Shenanigans ensue. Our favorite sass-lass and our insecurity-hiding badass-by-accident to mess up shield hero's world at first by accident, and then on purpose with sheer spite and absolute insanity as things go way too far, way too fast. You cool with that? Well, they don't care, so be cool with that or Asuna will do violent things to your intestines using her rapier... Which in fact, despite the world's assertions, we all agree is NOT A SPEAR!

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Task...

Hours later, I found myself tucked away in a shadowy corner of the throne room, a silent and conceptually invisible observer to the absurd spectacle unfolding before me. It was the throne room of the royal guest house, a lavishly decorated space that reeked of wealth and privilege. The air hung heavy with the scent of perfume and polished wood, a cloying fragrance that did little to mask the underlying stench of desperation that clung to the few nobles gathered for this impromptu audience.

Desperate for what, I literally have no Idea, these guys are rich as balls.

Asuna's invisible form stood beside me, her arms crossed, her expression a mask of absolute boredom and contempt. Our tangible illusions, kneeling before the king of the Re-Estize Kingdom, were putting on quite a show. It was a performance worthy of an award, a carefully crafted blend of humility and veiled arrogance, designed to both appease and intrigue the easily manipulated monarch.

I mean, how could they not, we were controlling them.

Our permanent clones were raiding the kitchen to test out if, this word too, would have food that tastes like ash in our mouths.

Ah, yes, it is confirmed.

A very decadent cake tastes like sugarwater and dust.

Damn you, Ragu Rabbit…

Damn you…

Seriously, what were the odds of the king just happening to be in E-Rantel instead of his own capital? And with the crown princess and her ever-present bodyguard, Climb, no less? It was almost too convenient. Almost. I briefly considered using my Intelligence domain to peek into their minds, to sift through their thoughts and uncover any hidden agendas. But honestly, I wasn't feeling particularly paranoid at the moment. Besides, watching these fools stumble through their courtly rituals, their faces etched with a mix of apprehension and eagerness, was far more entertaining.

My gaze swept across the room, taking in the details. The king, an exhausted, and yet way too thin man with a head of thinning gray hair and a crown that seemed a bit cheaply made atop his head, sat upon his throne, his posture a study in forced regality pushed through what seemed like sheer exhaustion.

The crown princess, a young woman with delicate features and a sharp intelligence that flickered in her eyes, stood beside him, her expression carefully neutral despite the hidden malice I can actually feel from her. Climb, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword, stood behind her, his gaze fixed on us with a wary intensity while he wore some clearly very expensive magical armor. It shined with an unnatural blue hue. The remaining nobles, a motley collection of sycophants and opportunists, shifted uneasily, their eyes darting between us and the king, their minds no doubt racing with calculations of how this unexpected turn of events might affect their own positions of power.

"...and I know that it might be suspicious, us appearing at a trying time out of nowhere," my illusion declared, his voice full of a sincerity that made me want to gag, "but the ruins we were exploring truly did teleport us from our continent to this new one. The Yui continent does not have any matching locations observed on the local maps, and I can assure you that my wife, the duchess of the ducal house most aligned to my kingdom's crown, holds as little hostility to you and yours as I, the first prince of the Famme Kingdom, and heir to the throne. Please, I humbly request you to believe me."

It was a masterpiece of bullshit, a carefully crafted web of lies designed to appeal to the king's ego and his desire for powerful allies. And judging by the way the king was nodding along, his eyes gleaming with a trust that wasn't fake at all, it was working perfectly.

I glanced at Asuna, a silent question passing between us. She shrugged, a mischievous grin spreading across her face.

"Let's see how long we can keep this charade going," she said, her voice a playful whisper that only I could hear.

"Probably until we get bored, these guys are apparently very dull shovels to our monomolecular knives. Too much not sharp. I think this world needs to be introduced to some betta' chedda'!" I replied with just as much magically silenced amusement.

"Betta' Chedda'? Why are we quoting cheetos commercials from the 1990's now? I only know that commercial even exists because my sperm donor was using an old VHS that he somehow thought was worth 10 grand. It had commercials on it! Can you believe they had commercials on VHS tapes?!" Asuna glared, using magic to shove the thoughts directly into my mind.

"Because obscure references, movies or otherwise, are a thing I must do. It is my solemn duty to shove as many obscure references into random conversations as possible. You know this Asuna, this is my calling." I declared with as much gravitas as possible while using the literal air around Asuna's head to create sound-waves.

Asuna blinked at me, then spoke using crackling static. "That was actually a really unexpected way of making silent communication."

I chuckled, using a kind of magical memetic sign language to express myself and hide the chuckle as my grin widened. I continued to listen in and puppet the illusionary clone. "You're gosh darn right, even if yours is just as good. OH! They're starting to talk about serious stuff!"

Magical memetic sign language for the win.

"I indeed see the merit in following the Warrior Captain's recommendation in giving you a title of Baron for your stay in our kingdom," the king declared, his voice weary but firm. "I hope that you will see this kingdom as a home, or at least a second home where you can do the type of good you have done here, that I know in my heart you have similarly done in your homeland."

He paused, his gaze sweeping across the gathered nobles, a flicker of steel entering his eyes. "As such, I will grant you a home in the form of land and an area to rule justly, like one certain member of my court has utterly failed." He turned his attention to a thin, mouse-faced noble whose expensive clothing and jewelry couldn't quite hide the fact that he was wearing far too much makeup. "What was it again, Baron Cheneko? 'I bet my land and holdings that it is simply bandits or those Empire bastards messing around early!' That is what you said. Do you know what else was said? By a member of the Black Scripture of the Slane Theocracy that has been interrogated thoroughly under the Speak Truth spell? Not very kind things."

Baron Cheneko, his face paling beneath his carefully applied rouge, bolted for the door of the throne room, only to be intercepted by two of the king's guards. His desperate cries of "I'm innocent! It's a conspiracy I swear!" were drowned out by the heavy thud of the throne room doors slamming shut behind him.

The king sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly as if a weight had been lifted from them. "Now, I apologize for the spectacle," he said, his voice regaining its composure, "but there were clearly things that needed to be addressed."

He turned back to our illusions, a genuine warmth entering his eyes. "Baron Cheneko's lands are yours, as well as his title. Please, take care of the lands of Carne Village, the Shamak Village, and the Duran Village, as well as the area where the Great Forest of Tobh sits. I know it isn't as large as I am sure a prince is handling, but I hope that our relations can grow as we work together."

I directed my illusion to bow deeply, his voice filled with a carefully crafted gratitude. "Your Majesty is too kind," he said, his tone a perfect blend of humility and respect. "We are honored to serve your kingdom."

Asuna's illusion mirrored my own, her voice echoing with a similar sentiment. "We will strive to be worthy of your trust," she said, her head bowed.

As the king continued to speak, outlining the details of our new responsibilities and offering vague promises of future support, I couldn't help but smirk. The king, despite his naive optimism, was no fool. He'd just played a masterful hand, eliminating a detractor, rewarding our "heroism," and setting a subtle test for us all in one fell swoop.

Asuna, her invisible form beside me, leaned closer, her voice a soft whisper that only I could hear. "Hm," she mused, "bold move. Getting rid of a detractor and a spy while demonstrating his power like that? Actually a surprisingly adept ruling decision."

I nodded, my amusement growing. "He's also testing us and our claims," I said, my voice barely audible. "If we rule badly, it makes it obvious that we aren't royalty or similar. Nothing outsourcing to a bunch of human-like androids for now can't handle."

I could practically taste the irony. Here we were, literal gods playing the role of humble nobles, being tested by a king who had no idea of the true extent of our power and that we were about to swipe his kingdom from under him. It was almost too easy.

I actually kinda almost felt bad.

Almost.

The illusions dissolved as we stepped back into the physical space where our doppelgangers existed, a seamless transition that left no trace of our separated presence.

As we exited the throne room, Gazef, his brow furrowed in thought, approached Kirito, his curiosity piqued by the display of "talent" he had witnessed in the battle before our supposed knockout.

"Forgive my inquisitiveness, Your Highness," Gazef began, his voice full with a respectful curiosity afforded to royalty like Asuna and her best adorable husband clearly were, "but does your shared duplication talent allow those copies to exist constantly?"

Kirito, ever the master of weaving elaborate tales, launched into an explanation that was equal parts believable and utterly absurd. "Ah, Captain Stronoff," he said, his voice laced with a hint of amusement, "you see, it's not merely a duplication. It's more akin to a hivemind. Three additional individuals, each one an exact replica of myself, sharing a single consciousness. They only dispel if my main body is rendered unconscious. Sleep, however, poses no such limitations."

As Kirito continued to weave his intricate web of half-truths multiplied by two to make a full truth if you squint and decided to ignore the outright fabrications that those were their limits, I found myself the target of a different kind of interrogation.

Renner Theiere Chardelon Ryle Vaiself- a royal mouthful, and the Crown Princess of Re-Estize, approached me, her steps light and graceful, her smile as bright and welcoming as the morning sun.

But beneath that facade of kindness, I sensed something else.

A calculating intelligence, a subtle manipulation, a web of intrigue spinning within her mind.

I'd seen it on my own parents' faces countless times, the carefully crafted masks they wore to hide their true intentions.

I, a master of deception in my own right, had learned to recognize the subtle signs, the telltale flickers in the eyes, the barely perceptible tightening of the lips, only the latter being trained out of this slightly less experienced manipulator.

There were other tells of course, but those were the amateur ones that she only partially tore out of the way she lied and deceived.

"What a wonderful day to meet a foreign Marquis!" Renner exclaimed, her voice as sweet as honey. "Please, tell me all about you and your city-state! Or was it an empire? I just can't remember!"

I met her gaze with a smile of practiced politeness, my own mask firmly in place. "It is, in fact, a kingdom, Your Grace," I replied, my voice as smooth and pleasant as silk. "And I would have you know that I am the duchess of a ducal house within the Famme Kingdom. Please, kindly keep that in mind."

The game was on.

And I was going to win.

"Ah, and this ducal house, what is its title?"

"My last name in which the ducal title is displayed is Yuuki." 

Transfering my stories from one site to another can be annoying sometimes.

Mass Release 1/3!

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