NO HOPE

"Death is not the greatest loss in life;

The greatest loss is what dies inside us , while we live"!!

~Norman Cousins

Sometimes life feels like curse. It only gives you pain, until you have no more tears to flow. It test you all the way down, until you have no more strength to fight, and then leaves you behind in the darkness to find your own path. No matter how well you planned your life, it will never go on your way, in those moments of your life when all odds are in your favor, it yet find its own ways to turn all odds against you.

Don't get me wrong!!! You may think I'm all negative about life because right now its hell for me!! But I am telling you reality, that sometimes life can be cruel with no heart and no feelings for its prey. May be that's the way Divine wants us to live our life, but who knows, may be He has planned something for us???

The home drive was a blur. I was still in shock because i had never expected how this day would turn out. I had never expected my best friend to be my worst enemy. The feeling of being betrayed poured through me and burned my heart. I was emotionally broken and now no one could heal it. I had never expected Rose to be that evil, why had every one aimed to broke me!! What was in me that made them hate me??

Why only me???

I parked my car on my porch and wiped the tears that had escaped through my eyes. I brushed my hairs through my palm and headed towards my door. As i entered my house, I heard familiar voices. I traced them and headed towards the guest room. I was about to enter the room but something caught my attention. I leaned beside the door, my ears on sensitive mode.

" So why don't you take her to a psychiatrist"??

Mrs. Henry asked. I heard my grand ma sign.

" Yes, I have taken an appointment with psychiatrist"!!

" You should hurry up Miss. Ember, or she will do something that would cost you everything, besides, i don't want my daughter "Rose" to have a mental disabled class mate, you know she can have a negative effect on her classmates"!!

Mrs. Henry replied in her usual mean attitude.

By now the burdens were so heavy on my chest, that all of the sudden the air in the room vanished away and i couldn't breath.

Tears threatened to come out and now i couldn't control it. I wanted air and my lungs were burning because i couldn't breath. I hurried and ran away and started my car. I ran my car on full speed. I didn't know where i was going but i drove, drove and drove away. Tears were burning, flowing out like heavy droplets that flows when the storm rises, but alas, this storm was thundering inside , was destroying my only hopes by its lightning!!

My vision blurred out due to thousands tears that slid down my cheek bone. But yet i didn't quit driving because it was the only option. I wanted to get away from this place, away from all the people who had hurt me, who hadn't realized how much pain they had caused me, who hadn't realized my worth!!

Hours later, when the sun got tired and left my side, i parked my car on a hill.

The hill was utterly beautiful and so high that you could see all the natural views. But what good was it for me, because all the color from my life were turned into black! By now, the sky was covered with black fabric and heavy stormy clouds.

I stood at the very end of the hill side, which was the most highest point. I glanced down the hill and all i saw was darkness spreading its arms, inviting me in its embrace, whispering dark words about life, telling me that the world don't deserve me. I was stunned by its invitation, but deep inside i felt the urge to accept it.

After all, what had i gained by bearing all these pains?? The cool breeze smashed on my face, my hairs blew up in the air, the breeze slowly stroking my cheek and whispering me " Don't lose hope"!! I closed my eyes as a familiar memory hit my mind. My mother lessons and her last words that she had said to me." STAND ALONE", I had tried to do what ever she had wished me to do, but had failed.

The memories of Liz betrayal and my grand ma's, thinking i was a psycho hit me hard. Now i had no doubt that i was a psycho, because i was hallucinating, now no one needs me and there was no reason of me staying here.

"There was no hope from the beginning"!!

I whispered the breeze in return. I pushed my arms and spread them in the air. I closed my eyes and tears started to fall out of my eyes. The breeze crashed with me, warning me to undo my decision, but now there was no turning back. I ignored the breeze but it again hit me, my hairs blew up in the air. I ignored it again because now there was no choice.

" I am sorry mom"!!

I half whispered to my self and with this, let my self fall down the hill into the darkness which was inviting me in its embrace. Now life was no choice for me, the only choice left for me was

"DEATH"!!