Prologue

"Our condolences, hija." Anang huling grupong nakikiramay at sumamang maghatid sa huling hantungan ng kanyang ama.

Staring as if she were dazed, Yvonne Xia Dion sat perfectly still. Walang ibang maramdaman kundi ang pamamanhid ng buong pagka-tao. Ni hindi na niya alam kung sino sa mga bisita ang bumabati ng kanilang pakikiramay sa kanya.

She continued staring at the vast darkness of the sky.

Napaka-ganda ng kalangitan ngayon. Maaliwalas, walang nagbabadyang pagbuhos ng ulan. Kumikinang na parang isinaboy na brilyante ang kumikislap ngayong mga bituin.

But she felt rather the opposite. Kabaligtaran ng nakikita ang nararamdaman niya ngayon. Sa halip na matuwa, lalong dumidilim ang pakiramdam.

Sa pagkamatay ng nag-iisang taong natitira sa buhay niya. Ang pakiramdam na nag-iisa na lamang ay damang-dama niya.

Through the years her one and only ally was her father. He had been everything she ever have all her life. Ni hindi na niya nasilayan ang ina dahil namatay ito pagka-panganak sa kanya.

It was a miracle at nagawa pa ng mama niyang ipanganak siya gayong lingid sa kaalaman ng papa niya'y may iniinda na pala itong sakit. A heart disease na naging kumplekado dahil sa pagbubuntis nito sa kanya.

Yes, her father was devastated. He even gone ballistic for a while and had tried to take his own life. But when he saw his infant daughter smiling at him. Grazing her small delicate fingers along the lines of his jaw and cupping his face with those little hands. Her father wept and cried. Naalala nitong hindi pa ito nag-iisa. Na ang pinakamamahal nitong asawa ay may iniwang munting alaala. Iniwang munting bituin sa kanya na dapat na panatilihing kumikinang, pangalagaan at protektahan.

Her father was one overprotective father most of the times, she admit. She can't blame him though na halos i-kahon na siya ng ama ma-protektahan lamang. Knowing na silang dalawa na lamang ang natitira at ang magkaramay, kaya naiintindihan niya ito. Because with all her heart she love her father too and would even sacrifice her life ma-protektahan lang din ang kanyang ama.

She even remembered how many times her father had told her how much he loves her mother and how much he loves her, his daughter. His one and only spoiled little star.

Paulit-ulit nitong sinasabi iyon sa kanya. Hanggang sa tumatak sa kanyang batang isip at puso kung gaano kamahal ng kanyang papa ang kanyang mama. How big, how great, her father's love for her mother. Ni hindi na ito nag-asawa pang muli. Itinuon lamang ang buong atensyon sa kanya at sa pamamahala ng kanilang negosyo.

How she long wished, she would find a man as great as her father who's love was immeasurable. Never ending. One great true love. A man who would willingly devote the rest of his life making her happy. Who would lovingly hold her and spoiled her with his love to her hearts content, protect her because she too will do the same.

She continued to stare into space. Hindi na niya alam kung gaano katagal na siyang nanatili sa ganoong posisyon. Feeling so numb and not feeling at all. Her face utterly blank, her eyes wide without so much as a single tear.

She wondered why she couldn't cry.

Or she just wouldn't want to cry.

Not now. Not right here, where her papa could see.

Maybe not ever.

Ayaw na niya itong bigyan pa ng alalahanin. Ayaw niyang ipakita kung gaano kasakit sa kanya ang iwan ng ama.

Lahat ng nakikita niyang nakikiramay ay umiiyak, weeping the whole afternoon habang hinahatid ito sa huling hantungan. Mugto ang mga mata while she-- couldn't even welled a single tear.

Sa nakikita niya, her father was well loved dahil sa kabutihan at kababaang loob nito. Kahit sino tinutulungan sa abot ng makakaya kaya mahal na mahal at kilala ng mga tao sa lugar nila ang kanyang papa. He maybe strict as a father but all the more she knows how deep his love for her. He is the most of everything. The kindest, caring and a loving father for her. Her kind of hero.

Her heart ached. Her chest felt heavy and tight.

Tremors began to course visibly down her small frame. 'Please, not now. Kahit konting sandali lang.' Taimtim na hiling niya sa sarili. Mapigil lang ang unti-unting pagguho ng kanyang mundo.

She was spoiled, which was not entirely her own fault. Her father could take some of the blame. Dahil lahat ng hilingin niya ay ibinibigay agad nito. Kahit pa ang iba ay hindi naman niya hiniling, ibinibigay agad nito sa kanya together with those beautiful smile her father had possessed.

Alam niyang kahit anong hilingin niya sa kanyang papa ay kayang-kaya nitong ibigay sa kanya. Pero ngayon, ang pinaka-gustong bagay na hiniling niya, yun pa ang hindi nito makayang ibigay.

Ang manatili sa tabi niya.

Her father had suffered from cancer. Liver cancer for almost five years. Those five years, she had shed a river of tears. Humiling sa amang lumaban, magpakatatag at manatili pa sa kanyang tabi.

She had known how selfish that could be kahit kitang-kita na ng dalawang mata niyang nahihirapan na itong lumaban. Gone where those beautiful smile he had possessed. Ang kakisigan nito noong kapanahunan ay unti-unting nawala maging ang halos may kaputian nang mga buhok ay unti-unting nalalagas. His body became so thin because he can no longer eat solid foods. Hanggang sa tuluyan ng hindi makakain. Umaasa na lamang sa mga gamot ang katawan nito at tuluyan nang iginupo ng sakit at hindi na makatayo. Pero anong magagawa niya. Iyon ang tanging hiling na pinaka-gusto niyang ibigay ng ama but couldn't even give it to her. Dahil hindi naman nito hawak ang sariling buhay.

She would have trade everything she possessed kahit pa lahat ng meron siya ibibigay niya, kahit ano, basta lang bigyan pa siya ng kaunting oras makasama lang ang kanyang papa. But nada! Hindi naman kasi niya hawak ang buhay ng ama. No one does.

"Hija. Masyado nang gumagabi. Kailangan na nating umalis. Nauna na sa mansyon ang mga tito't tita mo."

Dinig pa niya ang mahinang buntung-hininga ng kanyang yaya Fe at mayordoma ng kanilang bahay. Puno ng pag-aalala sa kanya. Ito na ang nag-alaga sa kanya mula pagkabata na itinuring narin niyang pangalawang ina.

Habang sa di-kalayuan naroon ang asawa nitong si Mang Karding na naging bodyguard at driver na din niya mula pagkabata. Matikas itong nakatayo sa kabila ng katandaan at nagbabantay sa kanila sa tabi ng sasakyan.

"Halika na at kailangan mo naring mag-pahinga. Ilang araw kanang ganyan."

She rappidly blink her eyes. Stopping her stupid tears. "Wala na si papa, Nana. Mag-isa nalang ako." She murmured. Her voice croaked. Her lips trembled and the tip of her nose grew pink dahil sa pagpipigil na tuluyang mahulog ang mga luhang bumabalong sa kanyang namumungay na mga mata.

Marahan itong lumuhod sa harap niya holding her hand. Her yaya's wrinkled eyes watered with unshed tears. "Nandyan ang mga tito at tita mo, hija. Pati mga pinsan mo. Marami ang nagmamahal sa'yo. Hindi ka nag-iisa."

"They have their own family, Nana. And I don't. Naiiwan ako laging mag-isa." This time her voice trembled and broke.

Nakakaintinding mahigpit siya nitong niyakap. "Nandito naman ako, hija."

"You have your own family too. And someday-- you'll leave me too." She blinked back the tears.

She wouldn't cry. Shouldn't cry.

There's still many things to do other than crying. Maraming dapat asikasuhin.

Oo, pinangarap niyang magkaroon ng katungkulan sa pamilya at matulungan ang ama. Bawasan ang bigat na dinadala nito kahit sa maliit na bagay lamang makatulong siya.

She had often fancied herself to be a heroine, but those were only her fanciful childish dreams, at matagal na niyang kinalimutan ang mangarap at humiling. She had long ago stopped living in dreams. This was reality. This was a terrible reality. Kailangan niyang haraping mag-isa. Malaking responsibilidad ang ngayo'y nakaatang sa mga balikat niya. Sa murang edad niyang labing-siyam that role had been thrust upon her without her applying for the position.

She had no choice but to accept the truth, for this was not like her fancy dreams but the reality. She could only react as best she could. Hindi niya puwedeng ipakita sa lahat ang nagsisimulang hysteria na nasa kaloob-looban niya ngayon.

She should concentrate into something valuable, more important things. Basta kahit na ano, maiiwas lang ang isip sa kanyang papa. So she could keep on going without breaking herself. Thinking without really thinking, reacting without overreacting, at tingnan ang lahat ng problemang kakaharapin para sa kanyang bukas without allowing her heart and mind of the memory of her father.

*****

Matamang minamasdan niya ang magagandang bulaklak na nagsisimula nang mamukadkad.

Sa kabila ng kadiliman na hatid ng gabi ang kagandahang iyon ay malaya niya paring nakikita sa ilalim ng sinag ng misteryosong bilog na buwan, maging ang nag-kikislapang mga brilyanteng bituin.

Suot ang kanyang puting pantulog. Nakatayo sa terasang kanugnog ng kanyang kuwarto habang nakatanaw sa ibaba. Ang kanyang mahabang alon-along buhok ay malayang isinasayaw ng mabining ihip ng hangin.

Everything around her were beautiful and shining. They glow complimenting each other. Habang ang pakiramdam niya ay nanggi-gipuspos.

Another trembled sigh came out from her. How long has it been? She doesn't remember. Ang alam niya lang ay ang nalalapit niyang pagpapakasal. Exactly three months from now.

Pagka-uwi nila sa mansion, iyon ang agad na ibinungad sa kanya. Marrying the eldest son of her father's equal partner in business.

According to her Tito John-- the eldest brother of her father-- her father left a certain documents that included a letter stated that she should marry Carl James Ramirez the eldest son of Teodoro Ramirez his equal business partner of R & D Home Builders. Ang negosyong ang tito Teo at ang daddy niya ang talagang nagtayo, hanggang sa lumago at lumaki ng lumaki at nagkaroon ng maraming branches sa iba't-ibang sulok ng bansa. R & D Home Builders ang isa sa pinaka-malaking kompanya dito sa pilipinas pagdating sa construction field. Ito rin ang isa sa pinaka-indemand na supplier sa pilipinas man at maging sa ibang bansa.

Her father and tito Teo did a great job.

They had been best of friends even before she can remember. Basta ang alam niya lang ay magkababata ang mga ito at para nang magkapatid kung magturingan.

Kilala na niya ang tito Teo niya and she knows he's a good man. Kahit ang anak nitong si CJ ay kilala niya. They were even friends, though not close. They only see and bump each other occasionally. Lalo na during CJ's vacation here in the philippines. Dahil sa tuwing umuuwi ito sa pilipinas they were often invited to party in their mansion.

Ang alam niya sa ibang bansa ito nag-aaral. At kahit hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa ito umuuwi. Mas matanda lang ito sa kanya ng tatlong taon.

But heaven forbid! Napaka-bata pa nila para mag-asawa, lalo na siya. But deep in her heart she knows exactly what her father was thinking. Kahit wala na ito he could always find a way and knew how to protect her even in his own twisted way by insuring her future.

Mapakla siyang ngumiti sa kawalan.

"Papa-- you are so cruel. Iniwan mo na nga ako. And now,-- you're pushing me to marry a man i didn't even love. Fixing me a marriage without a jot of true love in it anywhere. Where in truth is, you believe in everlasting love." Mahinang bulong niya sa hangin. Her bottom lip began to tremble slightly. She pressed a hand to her mouth, hoping to physically hold on to her emotions.

Pero sa ginawa niya lalo lang nadagdagan, her chest felt heavy and so tight na halos hindi na siya makahinga.

She didn't want to think about her father o kahit ang anumang tungkol sa kasal. She just want to stand here in the dark, alone, and be numb. But unknowingly the last straw that holds her emotions already snapped.

She began to cry then, sobbing to her hearts content. Swearing to everything but her father. Allowing her grief, allowing her fears to consume her whole being. Hinayaan ang sariling makaramdam niyon at ng mga isiping pinilit niyang i-deny sa sarili ng ilang araw.

Looking up at the stars, and a little while later, she calmed.

Hindi niya alam kung bakit ganoon ang epekto sa kanya kahit noon paman. Sa tuwing tititigan ang mga bituin nakakaramdam na agad siya ng kapayapaan at ginhawa.

Looking up at the stars it would always warm her heart that it almost felt like they were literally embracing her heart with its twinkling yet shining beauty.

Siguro, dahil alam niyang ganun din ang mga magulang.

She remembered when her father told her na gustong-gusto ng mama niya ang mga bituin noong ipinagbu-buntis siya nito. Na kahit bago ito matulog titingala lang ito kahit sandali sa kalangitan matitigan lamang ang mga bituin at magiging buo na ang araw nito. Hanggang sa nakasanayan na ng papa niya ang routine na iyon ng mama at kahit ito ay nagugustuhan naring tumitig sa mga bituin bago matulog masamahan lang ang kanyang ina. At hanggang sa kahit noong hindi paman ang mga ito nakakapili ng ipapangalan sa kanya at habang nasa tiyan pa ng ina ay tinatawag na siya ng mga itong kanilang munting bituin. Little star o star.

At hanggang sa paglaki niya kahit mayroon na siyang pangalan her father would often call her his little star o kaya ay his baby star. Mas gusto ng amang tinatawag siya nito sa kanyang palayaw. Kahit malaki na siya. It was some sort of an endearment na gamit ng ama panlambing sa kanya. And it would always made her heart warm.

She unconsciously smiled at the thought. Heavy tears rolling down her cheeks.

How she missed those times when her papa would call her my baby star.

But now that her father was gone the warmth that would always bloom in her heart upon hearing that name was replaced by an agonizing pain. And that pain cuts deep, so deep.

Her heart ached for her parents.

At ang kasabay niyon ay isang solidong desisyon.