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REVENGE

Tác giả: abhi124
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Tóm tắt

ryan xed a proffesionnel gamer of game SHAI gets betrayed by his guild forcing him to lose in a competition resulting to delete his account. Xed accept his fate and makes a new account to take revenge on them.

Chapter 1CHAPTER-1 GETTING WARMUP

Pro gamer Ryan Dex or basically known as Xed ry open his eyes and founds himself covered with blood. And suddenly he falls down from his bed. With a laugh he founds that it was just a dream when the bright monitor screen in front of him showed "SHIN SAO HAV INVITED YOU TO A PARTY"; Dex accepted the invite and saw their guild members waiting for him.

-Captain why are you late say Shin. Xed explains him about the dream he saw and enters the dungeon of the world famous game "SHAI".

SHAI was a competition based mmo game. It was the most trending game in the world with more than a million players. With more than 10000 guilds, Xed was the captain of one of the best guilds in the games named tyranny ghouls.

Tyanny ghouls were the guild who was three timed champion of the SHAI ITERNATION COMPETITION. Dex was the one of the best player in SHAI.

He was 2 times MVP in SHAI leagues and titled with "lord of shai" by many players in game.

As they enters the dungeon they made a strategy an finished the dungron.

Suddenly Xed remembers about the battle between his guild and the brus hills.

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Remteldanmarkius
RemteldanmarkiusLv4

While I would like to read a story about a gamer getting revenge on people that have betrayed him, I couldn't get myself into it from the first chapter. One thing about first chapters is that they're great for drawing in readers and getting them excited for what's to come. I got none of that from this beginning chapter, and it seemed to have been stopped way shorter than it should've been. The story is too riddled with telling than showing, which really breaks the immersion and it's kind of difficult for me to get into to be honest. The story has far too many spelling, structure, and grammar mistakes. I have no clue what's going on in the story simply because the writing setup is just weird. There's too many errors that I can't even get any kind of emotion from the few sentences that put in. I would HIGHLY recommend that you find a beta reader or someone to bounce off story assistance from. I would also suggest the use of grammarly or any kind of writing assistance tool, as that would be very helpful in this scenario. I would like to point out as well that you can make the first chapter longer by talking more about the flashback where Xed is in the battle with the guild and the Brus Hills? I don't know the name of the last one, whether it's a guild or a location, but I can say that you could have made the beginning chapter much longer by inputting that detail. That's all for my review and critique. I sincerely hope that you work on this more and polish it up, because there is potential to be made here. In fact, I would be very willing to change my review upon the moment that the novel is reworked.

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