Reborn as the Clown Prince

I swam in the Dark, trying to gather the fragments of my memories. This is my childhood, and my first attempt to tie my shoes to impress my mother. Mother... I can't remember her face, but when I think of her, a smile involuntarily appears on my face... more precisely, where my face would be if I had one. I still remember how she would praise and hug me. I don't want to lose those memories, so I try to hold onto them.

A strict but fair father, who knew everything, from why the sky was blue to how a car worked. Oh, how much fun it was to build snow forts with him.

For someone, this set of memories might seem strange, but they are literally my earliest conscious memories of the people closest to me. After that, time seemed to speed up and new faces began to appear: grandparents who were doting on their grandchild. Then there was kindergarten, where I met my first teacher. There was also the first friendship and the first fight over a toy. After that came the first trip to the zoo and meeting charming raccoons.

Moving to a new place, the start of school in September, the top five, and the joy of learning were all part of this period. Then came first love. As time sped up, school seemed to fly by unnoticed.

Admission to the institute, on a budget, of course. Otherwise, why spend so much time at school? Meeting classmates, first love, and then the first real fight... I must admit right away that it was not the most successful experience: a missed blow to the head and I was already hanging in space... There was no pain, no fear. I didn't even understand how I got there at first. Was this a dream? But I had never had such vivid dreams before. I tried to examine my body, but suddenly realized that I didn't have eyes or any other sense organs, but somehow, I could see. I was surrounded by a milky white fog. Trying to move through it, I didn't feel like I was moving anywhere, but with the persistence of a madman, I kept trying to move somewhere. Time passed and the surroundings didn't change. Maybe it was all pointless?

The sense of time seemed to have disappeared, and I had not felt hungry or thirsty since I arrived at this place. I did not know how long I had been there, perhaps a year, ten years, or even a hundred, or perhaps just a few seconds. My thoughts flowed slowly, adjusting to my surroundings.

The environment had changed, allowing me to shake off the apathy that had taken over my mind. It was not until I realized that the milky, weightless fog had given way to a viscous darkness that I noticed the change. How had I missed the transition?! After reflecting on my memories, I realized that the environment had been changing so gradually that my clouded mind had not noticed it at all.

It became uncomfortable, and I tried to look around, but I saw nothing. Fear took the place of my melancholic mood and calmness, and a sticky fear began to creep slowly into my heart. There is an expression that says, "If you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare back at you". Nietzsche used this phrase, but it was taken out of context, and it's more about fighting evil and becoming like evil, because your soul becomes hardened. But right now, I feel exactly what he meant. It's like an unknown horror from the works of H.P. Lovecraft has surrounded me. My vision, or what I have instead of vision, notices even darker, huge tentacles stretching out into infinity in absolute darkness.

Terrified, I tried to stop looking and, like in childhood, closed my eyes and hid under the blanket, hoping that all sorts of monsters wouldn't get to me. But the new vision didn't turn off at all. Then, I tried to recall the best moments of my life, in order to find at least some salvation in them. However, with horror, I realized that many fragments of my memory were missing. Damn, I couldn't even remember my own name. Trying to figure out what I had forgotten, I started to furiously rummage through my memory, noticing gaps in my personal memories, including faces.

And now I'm floating in the darkness, trying to hold onto what little remains in my memory. The deadly terror no longer holds me down, as the environment has become something beyond my perception. I could have floated forever to nowhere, if my being hadn't felt a sudden jerk.

This is new. Unusual… I expanded my awareness of the outside world once again, to find a completely transformed environment. A gigantic bubble came into view, shimmering with every color of the rainbow, with the surrounding space resembling the psychedelic haze of a drug-addled mind on very powerful substances.

Ha-ha-ha, how beautiful this sight is! I could gaze at it forever, abandoning everything else in the world. So many colors! Truly, colors from other worlds! I wanted to dive back into this kaleidoscope of colors.

Hey, what the heck?! A flash of light that appeared out of nowhere flew right into me, knocking me onto the surface of a rainbow-colored ball. A second later, I found myself flying through a dark space, surrounded by the lights of stars.

Space? There was no trace of euphoria left, but as soon as I thought about that amazing place again, I wanted to laugh and go back there again. Hey! I want to go back there! Make everything the same as it was before!

[Mental anomaly detected: smoothing out emotional peak]

Suddenly, apathy set in. What is this? Is this some kind of system? I'm the Intruder!!!

Emotions started to overwhelm me again. This is great! Who hasn't dreamt of finding themselves in their favorite nowel? And if it's a relaxing harem, and you're the main character? The most important thing is that it's not me... and if you don't like harems, you can still watch your favorite characters up close! Great, ha-ha-ha!

 [Smoothing out emotional peak]

After this message, my desire to have fun disappeared again, but this time, the impact was not as powerful, leaving me with the opportunity to think more clearly.

"Hey, System, what's the status?"

[No synchronization with the First Beginning: status unavailable]

"What's the First Beginning?"

[No synchronization with the First Beginning: help unavailable]

"Great, then what's available to me?"

[No synchronization with the First Beginning: help unavailable]

Nothing... I have a system, but without any " First Beginning", nothing is accessible. Wonderful... What do I do now?

I looked up at the stars surrounding me and tried to navigate towards the brightest one. If that worked in that dark space, maybe it would work here too?

I didn't know how long I had been traveling, but the star hadn't moved a millimeter closer. Or maybe it had, and it was just that my pace was too slow and the distance was incredibly vast. Damn, I didn't want to spend millions of years trying to reach it.

"System, how long has it been since we started? You should know that you don't need to synchronize anything for this."

[The Sixth Beginning is damaged: time parameters are not available]

Whoa, it turns out that there are at least six of these "Beginnings" and I am missing at least two, more precisely, the system has one, but it is damaged...

"System, could you restore the sixth starting point? Hey, can you hear me?" I shouted in my mind, hoping for a response.

[Insufficient resources]

"Something new, and what resources do you need?"

[No synchronization with the First Beginning: help unavailable]

Now I see. I didn't receive the full System, but a demo version of it. My question is, where are my status? The system interface? Quests, after all? I want to defeat the dragon and save the princess! Or should I save the dragon and defeat the princess? Defeat both of them if it turns out to be a dragon, ha-ha, that would be funny! Hah-ha!

[Smoothing out emotional peak]

"Well, here we go again, I've ruined all the fun. You need to try to control your condition… Hey, maybe you could help me find this "First Beginning" thing."

[Searching]

"Really? And you don't need any extra things for that? You make me really happy, yeah. Although I am sure that there is some kind of trick again..."

"Hey, system, it's still a long time," I asked, tired of waiting. "Hey! Do you hear! … Status!"

There was silence in response, there were no more pop-up signs. It bothered me, was I crazy and had I imagined all this?

"Hey! Give me some sort of sign!"

Shit, I think I'm crazy, damn it. In principle, it's not surprising to spend so much time without a body, and even look at the primordial Darkness, and then at the cheerful nonsense of a drug addict, haha, still that place was amazing! I want to go there again! It's like the country of pink ponies, ha-ha-ha!

[The search was interrupted]

[Smoothing out emotional peak]

Damn, it's those crazy memories again. But the System is still with me... It seems that her capabilities are extremely limited and she can only perform one task so far... there is not enough RAM, heh. At least I made sure that I hadn't imagined her, or else you never know.

"Keep looking for the "First Beginning"."

[Searching]

That's all right. What should I do with myself? Oh, I can just count. One, two, three, four...

***

…twelve thousand one hundred five, twelve thousand one hundred six, twelve...

[The search has been completed. Proceed the transfer?]

"Oh, what?"

I stared blankly at the sign that popped up. This account has put me in a kind of trance, I can't think of anything.

"Come on, move it," I asked, mentally crossing my fingers for luck.

After a moment, I was jerked forward sharply and the surrounding stars from individual points blurred into a real sparkling wall!

But it all ended quickly, and I stopped for a moment at a planet so similar to Earth: huge expanses of water were replaced by land, clouds covered the planet with a soft blanket. Is this really Earth? I didn't have time to consider much, as I was jerked again as my essence rushed to the surface. It seems that I was screaming with delight and horror. It was steeper than any roller coaster!

In a split second, some gloomy buildings, vile sewers flashed before my eyes, and then I was slammed into some pale body with bright green hair color connected to an IV. Just don't tell me that I got into some stupid anime, and I got body of some antagonist... But before I could put all the facts together, a blinding pain hit me. It seemed that even something that could not hurt in principle hurt, I wheezed, I wanted to scream, but a sharp spasm just squeezed my throat. I was shaking and twisting my joints, my muscles were contracting like crazy, threatening to tear at any second.

"Mr. J, you're awake! It's going to get better now," the voice sounded like an alarm bell in my head, bringing even more pain, but after a few seconds that stretched for an eternity, I really felt better.

I suddenly felt sleepy, and with my elusive consciousness I noticed a sign of the system with the inscription:

[Synchronization with the First Beginning has been performed].