Chapter3- Me, Before

I was a beautiful girl and had always known that. I knew I had looks and used it to my best advantage. I only had to fawn my beautiful smile and eyelashes for the world to fall at my feet. Having a great body at that, added to my attraction. What more did I want? I had looks, popularity and importantly, money.

But at the same time in me, I had been that vunerable child_ At the same time in me had been a girl who had longed to have a family. Mind you, my mom had me at a very young age. I was the only child. Never knew my father.

I was a famous bully at school. I was that vunerable girl who bullied others that had a complete family. I had always escaped purnishment. I only had to give our head teacher that my innocent looks and tears, for him to deem me innocent. And my excuse for all my school escapades; going to parties, drinking with boys at the tender age of 14, had been my lack of family.

I had never appreciated my loving mother who was always there for me. Who despite her busy schedule as an actress, had always find room to come to all my school's events, had adviced me against my behaviour and had always been patient with me;

Mine was a gift not best appreciated.

My life took a sudden turn when I had my 17th birthday. That sudden turn had came in form of Dele. Dele used to be amongst one of the crowd I used to hang out with. He was handsome, came from a loving, rich home ( his parents had house in Lekki÷) and was one of the boys I had tried my feminine wiles on; He had actually never got passed his always sloppy kisses.

I could feel his eyes on me that day at the crowded space of my birthday party. I had looked at him and had given him a wink. He had smiled back. His smile wasn't the one I had been used to, but had sent an hidden promises. I had ignored him and kept on chatting with my friends.

My birthday was fun. My mom had hired the best musician. The venue had been decorated by a well known decorator and all had been blinking for the world to see.

I had drunk to my best, but out of the watchful eyes of my mom. Wouldn't had wanted her to catch me. She had only known of my school escapades and not my going out with boys or drinking.

It had been towards the end of the party, I had suddenly the urge to take a fresh air. It happened like that, really! I'd become a sorceress one time, and an insecure girl who longed for quietness another time. That urge for quietness came.

I had felt stiffled.

Seeing that my mom was deep in conversation with one of her friends, I had left the noisy party, went out through the back door, and into the humble air of our balcony- but not before feeling as if I was being watched.

I had ignored it. Everybody had used to watch me. It wasn't my fault I was beautiful.

I never regretted coming out. I would have paid a lot have that kind of peace I had felt then. The air had been so calm and refreshing. I had stood in that balcony, staring out into the clear space. I had stood there for thirty minutes while listening to the faraway sound of the bus conductors.

'How refreshing!....hmmm'- I had stretched, trying to loosen up my stiff muscles. But had to stop when I heard a sound. A Sound of footsteps.

'Somebody else must have felt the way I felt to have come out to this place'- I thought. It had felt relaxing to know somebody else had shared my sentiments, but I had hated the thought of sharing the space with anybody.

'Anyone there?- I had asked, turning my head with a frown that showed my displeasure of being disturbed, but had stared with surprise into the eyes of Dele.

'I saw you while you went out. Thought we could catch up'- he had said, standing beside me.

'Catch up? On what? Look, I really don't have time and I'd like some space'- I had replied with my eyebrows furrowed.

'Why? I believe you always liked my company. By the way, you look pretty enough to eat today. Well, you always do- he had smiled, running his finger down my waist, drawing me closer to him.

'Look, Dele. What we do has always been game! And I believe you know the score! And I have no time for it right now! - I had replied, getting irritated by the prolonged consultation.

Taking a deep breath and trying to keep my pacience, I had said, while longing to see his back;

'Ok, You know what? Why don't you meet me at the club tomorrow? I'll make it up to you'

He had waited but suddenly smiled. 'Alright'- he returned.

'Oh! Than....'- I had tried to say.

'But not before a kiss. How about that? Then I'll leave- he cut me off, grasping my arms.

'Alright' - I had said with a hateful voice. I had raised my face towards him then, happy to know I'd get back my peace after this. His lips descended on mine. He had tasted of sour alcohol. I had tried to draw back then but his grips on my body had been strong. I felt I had unleashed an animal as his hands descended on my breast, giving it a painful squeeze.

I had cried out, tried to dislodge his arms but he wouldn't let go.

He had began running his hands down my body, lifting my dress, trying to put his hands in my panties.

I couldn't keep up my tears any longer. They were gushing down my face.

Then, I had imagined myself getting pregnant and ending up like my mother. I respected and love my mother but I'd have hated to bring up a child with no family! Mine would've been worst! At least mom had a career and had been able to provide for me. I, Though rich, had nothing but depended on her!

' Shola? You there?- It had been my mother's voice.

I had began to fight Dele again. He had torn my dress and my bra was almost coming undone. He had lifted his mouth from mine, trying to bring it towards my chest. I had my opportunity then and had gave an ear piercing scream. Not caring how I'd be shamed after that; not giving it any thought about the party crowd that'd bear down on us later.

What had happened next was what I never wanted to recall.

Oh! Those crowd! Those faces full of mockery and scorn! My shame!

But I would never forget seeing those who I called friends giving me hateful looks! Shying away from me!

How I longed to forget!

But the past could never be erased if not broached.

I remembered my mom too, drawing me closer but with mixed expresssions flying across her made up face;

Fear..., disappointent..., shame...., shock..., disbelief, and worst of all had been the sadness.

I couldn't bare to look at her face. I could only stay in her embrace, hicupping.

' Shhh.. Shola. It's okay. I understand. The police has been called and he has been arrested. All is well'- She had soothed with that her loving voice.

But all had not been well after that day. Dele had been arrested. The police had saved that day, but they had never saved the shame that drove us from there.

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