1. PAIN

"I watched thee when the foe was at our side,

Ready to strike at him—or thee and me,

Were safety hopeless—rather than divide

Aught with one loved save love and liberty."

-Love and death by Lord Byron

Greg Parker looked at the crippled paper in his hands and felt uneasy.

He always hated this kind of feeling. He was in his room, sitting in front of the vanity table reflecting his miserable and obviously worn-outface, his dark hair sticking to the side of his vulnerable face, dark eyes narrowing as if he was up to something. He is tired, can't always say it's physical but it's the emotional warfare he's been facing that he's drained with.

He started to the frame beside the table, it's kind of old with slight cracks on the upper right side, but the carvings on its border with the splendor of the old times, you cannot just unsee it, but he sees more through it, a photograph of a group, four persons to be specific, a young lady dressed in a classic school uniform, a dark blue tie and an I.D dangling on her chess, she is beautiful, her innocent deep brown eyes resembles her hair.

"Clary," he whispered in the cold night air.

He's always been engrossed with her, he remember when he tried to confess his sentiments, they were in the balcony with the view of the night sky, he was sweating despite it was freezing, not sure of what to feel.

On the upper left side of Clary was Gabriel, such beauty incorporates to the man, black hair and the obscure eyes resembles the night sky and skin as white as snow. Greg was beside Clary, he was far from miserable back then, on his back is Benedict, from his built you can see that he's been with something.

It was them who pushed Greg to do more in life, especially when they started to live in this near to peculiar student house. It was them who turn him from a weakling to a daring man, they were his motivation 'til Benedict's incident, until then, he hardly came out of his room.

He looked again on the crippled paper on his hands which he found in his favorite room in the building, the archives room. The pain, it's penetrating as if needles were forced into his skin, he's used to it but he need to end it here and now.

Standing up slowly and miserably, he started to his door and got out.

* * *

Cold breeze touched their skin, the beautiful scenery of the night sky enthralling their eyes, it was only them this time, Only Greg and Clary in this balcony.

Clary always loved this place, especially when she wanted to clear her thoughts. Beautiful in her deep blue nightclothes, hair gathered in a bun, and moon light reflecting to her skin. He knows Clary, to the deepest of her wounds, her weaknesses, her happiness and even her senseless secrets. No wonder Greg got here straight after he tries to knock in her room and no one's answering.

He remember all the nights with her, all the things she'd share, the laughter, the cries and the times they would just prefer to be silent together, he remember the time when they broke out of the student house just to be wild in a saloon just for the night, after that, no other nights of breaking followed.

Greg always thought of the right time to confess, but couldn't find one, "could this be?" he thought.

He's sweating despite of the cold night air, he don't know what to feel and how to start either.

"It's beautiful right?" Clary started,

"It's amazing how darkness highlights the stars, how light shines brighter in the darkness."

For a moment neither the two of them is speaking, they both were engrossed with view of the night sky.

* * *

The floor is cold under Greg's feet, he's walking down the corridor slowly as if preparing for what the night has in store for them all. He had many memories of shouting, laughing and giggling matches with Clary, Gabriel and Benedict in these walls of the corridor, Greg was kind, but that kindness is absent from the Greg walking now, he's unhappy.

He's near to the door where Benedict used to be in, he paused for a while and put a grimace on his face, he used to be inside with Benedict, he remember when the man shared to him his secrets about what he's taking and asked Greg not to tell anyone, he remembered when Benedict was found in his room lifeless, he did not come just to see even to mourn with his friends.

"

I'm sorry Ben," he mutters.

He's always been so familiar with this, the pain, it was in his early age when pain acquainted with him when his mother died in an accident, he did not understand that back then but he knows and feels the agony, the burden when his father did not parted with the bottle of whisky he's drinking every night, the burden to carry life by his own. Wound, so much wound.

He started walking again, the dim lights f. lickered as he passed through doors where other students were asleep. The crippled paper in his grip is now damped with sweat, he cannot just let go of it as if his life depends on it.

* * *

Greg has wholly decided to do it now, he's going to confess his sentiments to Clary before it's too late. He started to the railings of the balcony and moved sideways facing Clary.

"Greg?" she says right before when Greg was about to confess, he sighed.

"I have something to tell you," he was appalled. Is it could be that Clary has also sentiments towards Greg? Could it be that she's going to confess it now? A feeling of exhilaration doubled with nervousness came to him. He waited.

"I always wanted to tell you this, but I was frightened that you would make fun of me if I did."

"W-what makes you think of that?" he replied.

"I was just scared…I always trusted you that's why I'm telling you now, just promise it's just for the two of us."

"You can assure of that."

"I-I…"

"I what?" Greg replied.

"I am having this strange feeling with Benedict, I think I am starting to love him more than just as a friend". For a moment, the two of them were silent, "Is that it?" that's all he could reply after hearing all the things she had said. He smiled trying to veil the pain, he succeeded. Both of them parted barely speaking. Greg tossed himself on his bed, the sheets twisted around him were soaked with sweat.

For days he didn't wanted to go out of his room even when he heard Benedict's passing as if he was sick to death. After realizing all of what happened, he tried to recover, got up and gone to his hiding place, the archives room, it was midafternoon and the sun was high and weak in the sky when he immersed himself with books, he's fond of fantasies, suggesting his desire to escape the reality he is in now, at least for a moment he'd forget the pain.

After hours of reading, he started to his feet, ready to leave the table where he was reading the whole time. He noticed a folded paper forgotten and left by someone who also came here and read, he opened it and learned that it is a letter.

To: Clary Gray

From: Gabriel Wayland

Ms. Gray,

I'm afraid to say that I am scared to tell you this in person. After being one of your best friend and telling you all my hopes and desires with Greg and Benedict who is sadly not here with us now, I need you to know what will make me happy the most.

The three of you have always been there for me through our ups and downs, listening to my childish problems. I wanted you to know that I love being with you and I love you.

I thought about you, and I couldn't stop thinking about you! And I realized that it's you more than the other people I wanted to be with forever.

I love you Clary.

Gabriel Wayland

Greg's heart beats faster than the normal, this letter makes him forget how to forget the pain, first it was Clary over Benedict and now Gabriel over Clary.

* * *

After minutes of walking in the corridor, Greg is now in front of the room of Clary. He moved and gently knocked to the door. For a moment there was no response, he knocked again and tried to turn the knob when he realized it was not locked, "she forgets to secure it," he thinks. He moved in slowly, "Clary?" he said in a monotonous voice, he glanced to the window where the dim light from the moon penetrates inside the room, it's beautiful he noticed.

She found Clary lying in the bed, no sheets above her, clothed in beautiful scarlet nightclothes. He walked slowly and sits to the bed side and silently observed Clary's face. She's beautiful even with the visible dark spot under her eyes showing the agony she's carrying about Benedicts passing.

"Looks are so deceptive, really," he whispered. "Clary, I think this would be the best time to confess after all the times and opportunities I've missed, I think this would be it," He became silent for a moment and recalled all the days and nights they would be here in this room doing all the crazy stuffs, "Clary, I needed you to know that I love you and you are the best thing that ever happened in my life, but I guess you can't love me back, even in my wildest imaginings." He sniffles and tears started to fall from his eyes. "I-I'm sorry Clary," he can't stop his tears from falling. "I guess I needed to confess this one too… I-I," mouths wavering.

"I killed Ben, so you can't love him anymore!" tears stopped from falling,

"I gave him lethal drugs and deceived him that it was the same with what he's taking."

"Yes Clary! he is taking drugs, I don't know in the world that you guys don't know that, it's way too obvious from his built."

"I was wrong Clary! I was wrong!", Greg started a peculiar smile, wider and wider as if his face was made of elastics. He laughed, an uncanny kind of laugh, louder and louder until Clary started to notice.

"I was wrong Clary! " he shouted. "It must be you! It's you that I should kill!" he added. Before Clary could make any move, Greg grabs the pillow beside her and dashed it to her face and pushed it as hard as he could, moments of shaking and Clary is dead…

Gabriel waked up from the noise outside his room, series of odd laughs and knocks through his door. It is obvious from his sweats that he is frightened. He started to get up and moved toward his door and unhurriedly opened it, the laughs are all gone, and all he could notice is a silhouette of a young man, until he realizes that it was Greg.

Greg lifted the crippled letter from his hand showing it to Gab, it was his letter for Clary, he froze trying to understand what's happening.

"You love her right?" Greg finally spoke in a low voice. "She is yours now." Greg moved to his left showing him Clary lying in the floor, lifeless.

Greg dragged Clary's body from her room to this place, tears started falling from Gab's eyes and before he could make a move to get closer to Clary, a loud bang on the floor caught his attention, Greg falls to the ground with knife on his chest, he stabbed himself to death, and the smile on his face didn't vanished. Gabriel was all alone now.

Peculiar, what love can do.