Peaceful Separation

I love you. You love me. I know that. You love her more. I know that as well. Because I love you, I swear not to press on. No screaming. No crying. No why's. No actions. No questions. Just a simple "okay".

You lightly opened your mouth and stepped back as your eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion. I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw you do that familiar action. That dry, emotionless chuckle unexpectedly erupted into a bitter one with an occasional high pitch crack in my voice. The creases of my eyes folded down into a barely visible look of pain.

I wanted to stop myself - I truly do - but the useless feelings just persisted like the neverending passing of time that, not for a moment, stopped to give the broken passager who was torn apart by the struggles and struggles of life that were thrown at them without any consideration.

I hated you. I loved you. We both had our fair share of loud arguments and breathtaking, beautiful moments. It was... lovely. We smiled, we laughed, we fooled around, we shared our shoulders in the midst of tears, we comforted each other, we love, and we created the most unforgettable memories left as only melancholy souvenirs as we parted our ways in this long and scary journey called life.

I wanted to only leave with happy memories. I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you. Because of that, I calmed down my chaotic feelings. I pushed back my empty and lost laugh as I deeply bowed in apology. You quickly and frantically shook your hands as you continued to stay at a six feet distance from me, which seemed like a speeding river at that time in my childish mind.

*Ahh, I'm bowing down to the person that I loved. When had we distanced to that degree? Why?*

I lightly waved my hands as I pushed the corners of my lips up into a smile. You smiled back at me with an obviously confused face.

"Good luck. I wish that you two are happy together."

I didn't know what created the most pain: was it when you looked at me with a concerned face as I crazily chuckled, your familiar actions that constantly reminded me of what we used to be, the clear distance that unknowingly formed between us, or my clearly amateur acting as if our separation didn't shred my heart. I didn't know. I don't know. All I know is that it hurt.

A lot.

In the end, I realized something.

Ahh, I really love you.