The Black Box Theatre

She couldn't see any defining lines. The big brown desk across from her became one with the black wall behind it. The only reason she could tell its color was because of the white tiled floor it sat on. There were no windows. The only light in the room flooded around the desk. A harsh cough resounded in her ear followed by a soft ringing. Several times she tried to clear the cold wet tears she saw through, but as they dislodged and rolled, ever so slowly, down her cheeks two more appeared to take their place. High heels clicked across the floor and a panel of white fabric stepped in front of her.

"Mrs. Kenzite?"

"... Wha... What?" Her eyes lifted to a blurry face.

"Mrs. Kenzite," the nurse started again, "your..."

"I'm not...Mrs. Kenzite," she replied. Her tears grew larger as she looked down.

"I'm sorry," the nurse continued, "but Mr. Kenzite has passed on."

A vice gripped her heart and the cold tears ran down her cheeks like an army in full charge. The vice tightened as a pair of strong arms pulled her close in a warm and tight embrace. A sense of familiarity returned as she picked up on the subtle presence of cologne, but it was all in her head. In a burst of air the vice released, allowing her body to shake and a cry escape as the nurses words sunk in.

The room grew dark and a sound like that of rain filled her ears, but all she could do was silence her cries though the tears continued to fall. Hands lifted her to her feet and she was told to smile and bow. Mechanically she does so when the lights return. The sound of rain continued until the lights go out again then a firm hand takes hers. A stronger scent of his cologne assaults her nose. This hand pulls on hers and leads her into a brightly lit hallway.

"You did an excellent job, Mika," his voice says.

"Johnathan?" Mika blinks several times to adjust to the sudden light.

He stopped. "What's wrong?"

"You're... dead," she replied, brow furrowing.

"Are you okay?"

"Where...?" She stopped as she recognized the double doors of the music building, their windows covered with a black cloth.

"Mika?"

"I'm fine. Guess I got more into the scene than I realized."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Mika quickly moved to the dressing room to change because her parents would be waiting for her in the foyer. In the dressing room, she quickly changed out of her costume then sat in front of the mirror to wash off her make-up. But as she looked at her self, she felt as if she were back in that waiting room listening to the nurse tell her that Johnathan had died. She folded her hands in her lap and looked at them. Why did she feel trapped inside that scene? What was real and what was not? A prescription bottle was placed in her hands and she looked up.

Johnathan knelt in front of her. "Did you forget, again?"

"No, I didn't."

"Did you forget one dose this week?"

Mika thought for a moment. "Maybe, but I don't think I have."

"Mika, you can't be forgetting. Isn't that why the last medication stopped working?"

"Yes."

"Come on. Your parents are waiting. You can wash off your make-up later." Johnathan helped Mika to her feet and pulled her close. "I love you, Mika. Don't you forget it."

"I love you, Johnathan. Don't you forget it, either."

He let go and walked with her out to her parents. They embraced her.

"You did such a wonderful job, Mika," her mother said.

"Thanks, Mom."

"You were so beautiful," her dad said.

"Thanks, Dad."

Mika took Johnathan's hand and they walked together to her parent's car. Mika liked seeing Johnathan smile. He had moved to Utah from out of state and his parents couldn't fly out to see him. She knew he missed his family a lot because they were one of the only things he talked about. The stories he told about his siblings that lit up his face made her happy. She wanted to meet them someday. On the other hand, her parents lived only a few hours away and were always able to drive down to support her.

She tried not to be a burden to Johnathan. Her medication was something she tried hard to remember, since she knew Johnathan was concerned for her when she didn't take it. Mika had met Johnathan their Freshman year in one of their first theatre classes. He had gotten to know her well and had grown close to her before he learned about the medication. Since then he had always made sure she had taken it when he felt she was acting weird. Very much like Kelly in the play they were currently performing.

When they reached the hotel where Mika's parents were staying, she entered the bathroom long enough to wash the make-up off her face and to count her pills. Mika counted them carefully, she was right where she should be.

Her mind pulled her back into the waiting room. "I'm sorry, Mika. Johnathan is dead," the nurse said.

"No. This isn't real," Mika said, "Kora is dead. Johnathan is sitting with my parents at home."

"No, Johnathan is dead," the nurse replied.

"Mika?"

She heard a knock on the door.

"Are you all right?"

Shaking her head, Mika found herself back in the bathroom, prescription meds in hand. "Yeah, Dad, be right out." Mika put her medication on the counter by the sink and left the bathroom. She sat next to Johnathan.

"You okay, Mika?" he asked.

"Just fine. Must be a little tired from all the crying I did in the closing scene."

"It was very realistic," her mother responded, failing to mask the worry, like someone new to theatre. "You're a good actress."

"Mom, stop." Mika acted embarrassed.

"Sparkling cider?" Mika's father offered.

They all took a glass.

"To a successful performance."

"Successful performance," they replied, raising their glasses in a toast.

Mika felt Johnathan pull her a little closer and her mind started to shift back to the final scene, but she willed herself to stay in the present. It took a lot of concentration, but Mika managed to keep her mind within the white walls of the hotel room though it still threatened to topple back into the black walled waiting room of the black box play.

After drinking the sparkling cider, Johnathan felt it best for him to return to his apartment so they could both be rested for the next night's performance. Mika's parents wanted her to spend the night with them in the hotel though her apartment was just across the street from campus. There were a total of four performances in the black box theatre and tomorrow night would be their last. Johnathan bid Mika goodnight with a kiss.

"See you tomorrow, Mika."

"I love you, Johnathan."

"I love you, too, Mika."

Mika's father drove him back to campus and Mika went to bed.

Her dreams were odd and she felt disoriented when she woke up. She stumbled into the bathroom to take her medication. Then she took it back into the room and put it in her bag. She would need it during the day before they got ready for their performance. Mika was still tired and her thoughts wandered to many places—some she had created and others were part of her 'to do' list for school. She put her shirt on backwards.

"Need a little help this morning, Mika?" her mother asked.

"Hmm?"

"Your shirt is on backwards."

"Oh. Thanks, Mom."

"Did you forget to take your medication last night? Johnathan was concerned."

"I haven't missed a dose this time, Mom." 'No wonder Kora tries to avoid being with Kelly all the time. It's annoying.'

"Just watch that. If it gets worse, we'll need to go back to the doctor to see if there is another medication that will work."

"I will."

Mika finished getting ready, her thoughts swaying between her lines in the scene and what was going on around her. With the past four medications she had been on, the signs that they were not working had begun like this. However, she remembered when the doctor had prescribed this one that he said he hoped it worked since it was the last possible treatment for her kind of disorder. She didn't want to end up in a hospital just because she could not distinguish realities.

"Mika, you ready?" her father asked, heading out the door.

"One minute," she replied, trying to keep her focus on her morning routine.

The pull to remain in the waiting room, listening to the nurse tell her that Johnathan is dead, was becoming stronger. To be in reality, with her parents, was one thing, but ever since she was little it had been easy to slip into the make believe and create all sorts of realities. However, this play was so close to real life that it would be harder to stay where everyone else wanted her. Running from the hotel room with her bag, Mika met her father at the car.

"You have everything? Medication? Homework?"

"Yep and yep."

"Good. Get in."

Mika climbed into the car and her father drove her down the street to school. She wouldn't see Johnathan until their second class. Then they had classes together for the rest of the day. All of their classes would have been the same, but Mika had decided to take a Latin class instead of Spanish. After Latin, Mika was anxious to see Johnathan. But in her excitement to see him, her rush came off as panic. Something that Kelly would do when she learned something had happened to Kora.

"Mika, what's wrong?" Johnathan asked. "Are you okay? Did something happen last night?"

Mika pulled a confused look. "No. Everything is fine. I'm okay. I was just excited to see you today."

"That's not how you looked. You looked like you were about to cry. Are you sure you're okay? Medication?"

"Taken. I didn't mean to look that way. Sorry."

"It's all right. You ready for tonight?"

"I'm ready. It will be the best performance."

"It had better be," he replied.

After classes, Mika entered the dressing room to get her make up and costume on. She took her medication, even though more symptoms, that the medication wasn't working anymore, had appeared. Her panicked expression instead of excitement, the nurse's cursed words blending with the voice of the professors' as they lectured, and the sudden blanks she was drawing as she tried to run through Kelly's lines. If she could get through this performance without any problems, then perhaps there could be another medication that would keep her in this reality as Mika.

"Five minutes!" came the call.

Mika took a deep breath and prepared herself as she stepped into the roll of Kelly Topaz, a young girl who is to be betrothed to her childhood friend, Kora Kenzite, who after several hardships and conflicting feelings about Kelly's constant help, doesn't live to wed her. As Mika prepared, she felt herself being forced into the back ground and Kelly taking her place; ready to perform.

"Mika, are you all right?"

"Fine," Mika replied, slipping through momentarily.

Slowly she walked to the back stage area of the black box theatre.

"Break a leg, Mika," Johnathan said, from behind her.

"You, too, Johnathan."

Kelly lived her life, not knowing what was going to happen. She loved Kora with all her heart and would do anything for him. When he lost his job, his mother, and eventually his health, Kelly tried her best to help, but found no matter what she did, nothing seemed to work. Then it all came to an end. Kora died and the nurse spoke the words she never wanted to hear. "I'm sorry, but Mr. Kenzite didn't make it."

Kelly felt her heart shatter into a thousand pieces and the world around her fell apart. The sound of rain came again as it did after everything seemed to head towards the darkness in her life. But then a light came on and, though the sound of rain continued and her heart continued to break, Kelly forced herself to step into the role of Mika, a college student who was aspiring to be a great actress.

They were practicing their stage bow to the rain that still fell in her ears. When the room went dark, Mika's boyfriend Johnathan took her hand and led her to the hall.

"That was the best, Mika. I don't know how you pulled it off, but you made tonight very realistic."

"You did, too, Johnathan," Mika replied.

He left her with a kiss.

Kelly walked into the dressing room and saw herself in the mirror. She saw herself, but knew the show was about to start and she needed to change her clothes so she could portray the best Mika she could despite her heartache of losing Kora. Kelly determined there that she would only release her tears for Kora when she was alone, when she could get her feet to walk from the waiting room at the hospital. She washed the make-up off her face. Though a theatre major, Mika only wore make-up when performing. Johnathan was her love and she wished to make him happy just as Kora had made Kelly happy. She looked forward to this role since she was sure she could make him very happy.

When Mika's face appeared in the mirror, Kelly had an easier time casting her fancy dress aside for the t-shirt and faded jeans that defined Mika's character.

"Mika, you ready?" Johnathan asked.

"Always," she replied.

As with all plays, all things must come to an end, but for Kelly this part of Mika that she needed to play never seemed to end. Day after day of the most routine stuff, Kelly wondered what the audience was thinking.

"Mika, you okay?" Johnathan asked.

"Yeah."

"You remembered your medication this morning, didn't you?"

"I did." 'Must be we are still in rehearsals,' she though to herself.

Slowly as the days wore on, Kelly found that the only time she could let go of Mika and grieve over Kora was when Mika needed to be sleeping. She would cry for a little while then step back into Mika and sleep. As Mika, she stopped taking the medication and just flushed the pill she was supposed to take. When the bottle was empty, she didn't bother to refill it. The medication didn't help her. Finally, Mika married Johnathan. Now the role of Mika took on a new meaning. After their marriage, Mika became pregnant and needed to raise her child.

No longer did Kelly have time to herself to cry and grieve. Because of that, her acting as Mika became horrible and for days at a time, she was so depressed she couldn't get out of bed. Mika's mother came over often to watch over her daughter and to care for the child since Mika could not. Kelly tried her best to revive Mika's character through play writing or new things to help Mika's creativity bring solace to this hidden grief, but no matter what Kelly had Mika try, Kelly's grief was eating her alive.

Mika's child had just turned 10 months and Kelly could no longer hold onto Mika. Kelly was lying in bed, in the dark bedroom. Mika's mother feeding the child while waiting for Johnathan to return home from his latest rehearsal of the play The Miser by Molière. Images of Kora filled her mind then blended and twisted with the other realities that Mika had created. Soon, soft voices could be heard coming down the hall as Mika's mother explained how she had been that day. The floor creaked right outside the door before a bright light announced Johnathan's entrance.

"Hi, Mika," Johnathan said softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Frustrated that nothing has been helping."

"You've been taking your medication, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"We'll find something. We can talk to the doctor tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Johnathan kissed Mika before he left her to sleep.

"I'm coming, Kora," Kelly said, closing Mika's eyes for the last time.