Hero of Justice (Non-canon)

Archer glared at the pink-haired Spirit, teeth audibly grinding together. Noa remained oblivious, examining a small pinecone with avid interest.

"Archer?" I hid my smile. "Is something wrong?"

Her gaze swiveled to me. "Damn right there's something wrong. You never did explain to me, why did she get that for a body while I look like this?"

"This?" I repeated innocently. "What do you mean?"

"Why am I flat?" Archer asked incredulously. "I wasn't the biggest as a human, but I was at least a C cup then. Why am I as flat as a washboard?"

"Ah." I sighed, shaking my head sadly. "Unfortunately, my Spell was designed using a vocabulary-based dictionary taken from myself and other members of Nazarick, so when the Spell read that you wished to be a Hero of Justice… it did its best to fulfill that wish."

"Hero of—" She spluttered. "Are you kidding?"

"I'm afraid not. You wished for justice, and the only true justice is flatness."

"…You're fucking kidding me. After all this time spent wondering. Ten years of not knowing why, and that's your reason?" The white-haired loli made a muffled screaming noise, eyelid twitching.

"Hey, blame Peroronocino, not me." I raised my hands, fighting the urge to laugh.

Noa blinked. "…It's all right, Onee-sama." She said quietly. "You still have your feminine charms."

"Thanks, Noa."

"Even if you have no breasts at all—" Archer twitched violently. "—Ko still loves you just the way you are. Flat is still justice."

"So I've heard."

"And you can always try a push-up bra." Noa tilted her head. "I'm sure you can find one somewhere."

"I'm flat, Noa." Archer said. "I doubt a push-up bra would help any."

Noa shook her head. "I believe in the power of the push-up bra."

All said with a completely straight face.

"…Thanks." Archer mumbled, picking herself up and turning away. "I'll just be… outside. Contemplating why the universe hates me so much."

She trudged away, and the door clicked shut. Silence fell.

"…Ko?"

"Yes, Noa?"

"Are you ever going to tell her that her chest was just you trolling her?"

"Not if I can help it."

"Ah." She fell silent. "…Do you have a way to reverse it?"

"...I might."

"Don't." She smiled faintly. "It's hilarious."

"I'm glad you think so, Noa, because I somehow doubt she does."