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Overlord Empress

Tác giả: Satya2020
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Tóm tắt

Ichika is chosen as the disciple of the overlord. Follow her, journey, where she moves across different worlds, meets different types of people and punishes evil. The first 7 chapters are slow but necessary build up to the story. There will be 8 chapters released per week from now on. The cover image is taken from online and the full credit goes to the one who created it. https://discord.gg/hVPADmk Overlord Empress discord link. Come and join. I will be available daily for one hour after everyday server reset

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Chapter 1SAYURI

Author's Note: Hello all. This is my first time writing a story, so please help me by giving suggestions. The pace of the first 7 chapters is slow as it is necessary build up to the story. So please be patient until you reach the main storyline. Enjoy the read

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Year 2027, in an unknown war torn country, capital city.

Sayuri took her last breath after successfully defending the orphanage from a terrorist attack.

Orphanage HOPE was where she was found at it's doorsteps, when she was just a month old., The reason she was abandoned by her parents is because of her blindness. She was found by the caretaker Sister Mira who adopted her along with its other residents. Sister Mira was also an orphan herself who lost her parents in the ongoing country civil war, which brought the country to its ruins. She is an accomplished doctor in the country and she founded the orphanage to give hope to children like her.

Sayuri was the youngest of the children in the orphanage , so she was doted on a lot by the other children and Sister Mira. Being blind she struggled a lot initially while growing up, but she overcame it by polishing her other senses. By the time she turned 6, she was able to do her daily chores just like other children. Despite her handicap, she was born with a perfect Eidetec memory, able to memorize, absorb (knowledge) and comprehend anything she came across in her life.

Sister Mira took a special care to her education after finding about her talent. She spent a lot of effort in the beginning to learn Braille script herself and teaching it to Sayuri. With the help of Sister Mira and her talent , she was able to breeze through her primary, high school and college education in just 3 years. On her 8th year in the orphanage, Sister Mira gifted her a latest voice activated tablet, which became her best friend. With her talent to memorize anything , she used the tablet to access all types of audio files from the web, ranging from science, engineering, medicine, politics, history, economics, myth etc.

In a war torn country, every bit of talent is appreciated, especially someone skilled in medicine. When Sayuri turned 15, she started following and helping Sister Mira in her hospital. She quickly came to understand how to diagnose a patient from their pulse, breathing and other symptoms mentioned by the patients. By the time she turned 21 she was easily one of the best doctors in the country.

One day, during public parade, the country's president came under attack by the rebels and was seriously injured and rushed to the hospital. Despite serious threatening phone calls from the rebels to not treat the president, Sister Mira and Sayuri were successfully able to save the president from the jaws of death. After recovering from the rebel attack, the president was able to succeed in his appealing to the international community and to his allies, to help him end the war in the country and bring it peace. Soon the rebels found themselves either cornered or dead.

When someone close to success fail in their attempt at something, they start thinking "where did things go wrong ?". The rebel leader did the same and soon came to a conclusion, that it was Sister Mira and Sayuri who spoiled his plans. If they didn't treat the president , he would be the leader of the country by now. So he did, what all bad guys do and sent a "special package" to the orphanage.

When Sister Mira and Sayuri arrived from their evening shift at the orphanage, they were told about receiving a package from one of the children. When Sayuri opened it , there was a voice recorder and another strange cube box below the voice recorder. Sister Mira tap the recorder button to play the message and it started with devilish, ruthless and angry person addressing to the both

"YOU BOTH SPOILED MY LONG TIME AMBITION OF RULING THE COUNTRY BY SAVING THE PRESIDENT, DESPITE MY REPEATED WARNINGS AND SO U WILL PAY FOR THAT. THE CUBE BOX CONTAINS A BOMB, ENOUGH TO REDUCE ANYTHING IN ITS 100 METER'S RADIUS TO ASH. THE BOX IS TIMED TO EXPLODE AFTER 5 MINUTES OF FINISHING THE MESSAGE. GOOD BYE"

After listening to the message both Sister Mira and Sayuri were almost turned to stone . Sayuri who is now holding the box, her brain almost went into an overdrive, she does not want the bomb to explode here, not only it will kill all of them, but a lot of their neighbors. She doesn't want to let Sister Mira die who is like a motherly figure to her. So after thinking for a minute, she decided to carry the bomb herself to only the safest place in the area, a abandoned park nearby. She used to go there daily for morning walk, the way to the park each and every inch of its way is known to her. She started to run towards the park, despite repeated calling from Sister Mira who just woke up from the shock. So she ran with all the determination she can muster and reached the park just 5 seconds before a huge explosion shook the entire area .

After an unknown amount time, Sayuri started to come to her senses, wondering whether she is alive or not . She slowly started to observe her surroundings and her body. She is in an ethereal body in a gigantic white temple like place. After a few minutes of comprehending, she realized that she is in her soul form and strangely she can "see". Only thing she want to understand is , where she is at the moment ? is it hell ? or heaven? As if reading her thoughts , a kind, soothing and charismatic voice answered her "WELCOME TO GOD'S DIMENSION MY CHILD"

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Âm lượng 0 :Auxiliary Volume
Âm lượng 1 :THE BLIND NINJA GODDESS
Âm lượng 2 :Monster World

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Zetsway
ZetswayLv12

I'm sorry to say, but you have failed to deliver your world. The idea is very good and has a lot of potential, but the way it's shaped is simply bad... The first 7 or so chapters were huge info dumps about things that don't impact the story at all. We, as readers, don't need to know the way chakra and body cultivation works in all that many details. You can keep it vague at the start. Start with the early levels. The relevant one. In here, you started talking in detail about the last levels of power and we still have no idea of what in the world is happening. After the info dump chapters, the FanFic part begins, where you should start to expand on the story and it's characters...You don't. You keep detailing the MC's life like an activity log. Granted, some actions can be done like that, but it's very confusing to read things like... "I started training. I am now strong. I'm starting to solve the world's problems..." It's very bland. You should put more emotions into your character. Describe to us her first reaction to being able to see(she was blind for god's sake. She should at least show some reaction to sight...not be like "Oh, I can see. Moving on..."). The surrounding characters should also have emotions. Even the original Itachi has more emotions then your characters... The dialogue is almost Non-Existent. She got monologued by the Overlord for her training then...nothing. I can barely remember when. or if, she spoke. You also adopted the side-character POV style. I personally like this style, but, if you are going to write it as what they are thinking right now, don't explain their whole life... I don't thing anyone thinks of their whole life story every time they form a thought... But, as I said, the story does have potential, It also doesn't have any glaring plot holes witch is good. The grammar is also decent. I have only read 16 chapters and this is my review on those, who knows, maybe after those 16 chapters I read, it gets better, but those chapters made me turn away. To sum it up, it has potential but they way it's written is boring... Sorry for the negative review...

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