12. Chapter 12

Title: Of Finding Innocence

Disclaimer: Yeah right.

Summary: Kate Beckett met Richard Castle once, long ago, at a book signing. What if things had gone differently that day? Castle, but with a large, large twist.

Author's Note: This was both an easy and difficult chapter to write. But, it's a beach trip to the Hamptons, so I'm sure you guys will have fun!

I have loved all of your responses, and messages, and recommendations, and comments on Twitter and Tumblr. Thank you for being so supportive and amazing.

Emma

Chapter 12:

"So Beckett, what are you doing to for the weekend?" Esposito asked as they cleaned off their desks and gathered their things Friday afternoon.

"Going to the beach," Kate replied distractedly, looking around for her phone, which had taken cover under a mound of paperwork.

"Really?"

Kate glanced over at the surprised quality of his response. "You know, Esposito, I do have fun every now and again."

He raised his hands in surrender. "I know. Not trying to imply that you don't."

"Uh-huh."

"Just…I didn't see you as a beach girl, in, you know, beach wear."

"Stop picturing Beckett in a swimsuit, you animal," Lanie interjected as she rounded the corner and came to stand between their desks.

"Nice to see you too, Miss Parish," he mumbled.

"Oh, wipe off that wounded puppy look," she grinned. "You doing anything fun this weekend?"

"Why? You wanna join me?" he replied with a leer.

"Not on your life," Lanie sniffed, turning back to Kate. "You ready?"

"What are you guys doing? Are you going to the beach together?" Esposito asked as he straightened up and leaned against his desk.

"I'm going to a friend's cabin in the woods, actually," Lanie replied. "Kate's beach adventure is entirely her own."

Esposito considered them for a moment, while Kate got the last of her things together and shoved some files into the 'out' bin on the corner of her desk. "Tell Alexis I say hi," he finally offered, before he turned and strode out of the bullpen and toward the stairs.

"How'd he know?" Lanie asked, meeting Kate's eyes.

Kate shrugged, shaking her head at his retreating form. "He wants to make Detective too. It's an observation thing." Together they started walking out of the pen, nodding to the other uniforms and Detectives, and the few unfortunate officers who were just coming in for the holiday shift. "Plus, he's been here when Alexis has called a few times."

"Yes, how is the little one?" Lanie grinned as they stepped into the elevator. "Tucked her in this week?"

Kate turned and glared at her friend. "You sound just like Madison."

"Probably because you're playing house with a millionaire and his kid may as well start calling you Mommy."

"Shut up," Kate grumbled. "I'm not playing house. And Alexis is not calling me Mommy."

Lanie just shrugged. Kate wanted to smack her. Hell, she'd wanted to reach through the phone and shake Madison when she'd said the same thing last night. Kate wasn't playing house. She was friends with Rick and Alexis, and so she spent time with them. There was nothing 'homey' about it. There wasn't.

"So, are you all driving out there together, or are you meeting them at the house?" Lanie asked, in a tone that suggested that she was not done grilling Kate. And, of course, Kate had had the bright idea to invite Lanie over while she packed—brilliant, like leading a tiger into a room full of meat.

"I'm meeting them tomorrow. Rick and Alexis left this afternoon after she got out of school."

"Those private schools are crazy," Lanie said as the elevator opened to the garage. "She's already done with school?"

"I know," Kate replied as they walked to the car, their heels clacking against the concrete. "But she's brilliant, so it hardly matters. And Rick takes her to do all sorts of educational stuff all the time. Sometimes I think she's a better reader than I am."

"Yeah, you're not proud of that kid at all," Lanie grinned as they got into the car. "You know, there's nothing to be ashamed of if you are playing house."

"I'm not," Kate replied, turning her attention to pulling out of the garage and heading for her apartment. "We're just friends."

"Friends who spend half their nights together, call each other at work, and share a mutual love for a kid?"

"Lanie, I'll stop and drop you off," Kate threatened. Her relationship with Rick was confusing enough, without Lanie and Madison piling on other subtext.

"I'm just trying to get you to see reason," Lanie replied innocently. "I don't understand why you haven't jumped him yet."

"Other than the fact that we're with his kid almost all the time," Kate replied dryly.

"You've had opportunities," Lanie countered. "And you haven't used a single one of them."

"I'm not trying to sleep with him."

"You should be."

"Lanie."

"No, honestly. Why not?" Lanie needled. "He's hot. You're hot. He's young. You're young. Just go for it!"

"He's recently divorced and has a kid. And I'm…" Kate took a breath and tried to figure out how to explain it without making Lanie think she was having a relapse. "I'm not all together yet."

"You're doing so well, though," Lanie replied quietly. "I know you are. You look happy, Kate—even more so than when you had Will."

"I am happy," Kate agreed. "But I'm not ready to jump into a serious relationship when all of my baggage isn't gone yet, you know?"

Lanie nodded slowly and then fell silent as they traveled the remaining two blocks to Kate's apartment. Kate kept her focus on the road and tried to ignore the niggling thoughts in her own mind—those thoughts that urged her to say 'the hell with it,' and jump in with him. But he wasn't ready. And neither was she. And it wouldn't be fair to Alexis to let things crash and burn; she only had so many stable adults in her life. Kate wasn't willing to take herself away from the girl, nor could she stand having the girl taken away from her. Oh, hell, she was in too deep, wasn't she?

They got to Kate's building and parked, hurrying inside to get out of the light rain that the weather man had said would pass, leaving Memorial Day weekend sunny and perfect for celebration. They got into the elevator and stood side by side, staring at the doors.

"You know, everyone has baggage," Lanie offered after a moment.

"I know."

"He has baggage."

"I know," Kate sighed.

"Can't you have baggage together?" Lanie asked as the doors opened.

Kate ushered her out and over to her door while she tried to find a way to articulate it. "We have baggage together already," she replied as she opened the door.

"Yeah, as friends. But you could have baggage together and still be doing it," Lanie replied easily.

"Is that all you ever think about?"

Lanie turned back and grinned at her while they took off their shoes. "Sometimes. But I think you should think about it more often."

"I'm good with where he and I are right now. I like where we are."

"I'm just saying that it could be better," Lanie shrugged while Kate pushed past her to go to her bedroom and remove her gun. "And you should totally bring that blue bikini."

"Lanie!"

"Oh, come on. If you're not going to give it to him, at least let him fantasize, girl."

Kate shook her head and moved toward her closet to grab her suitcase. She didn't need to tell her that Rick already fantasized about her enough, and told her so. Lanie didn't need the satisfaction.

(….)

The drive out to Rick's house was heavy with traffic and Kate spent most of it too focused on the road to have time to think much about where she was going, or what any of it meant. Only when she was driving through Southampton, and the busy highway traffic had disappeared, did she realize that she was on her way to Richard Castle's beach house, to run around in a swimsuit with him for three days.

She shook her head as she turned down a long road that passed house after gigantic house, with glimpses of the Atlantic between them. She had the feeling that this was about to feel like Rick's Birthday party—a mix between titillating and overwhelmingly intimidating.

She turned at number 302 and drove down the long driveway that curved around a bunch of large maple trees and wildflowers. Seagulls flew overhead and Kate couldn't help but smile. She was going to the beach, and after the gritty homicide of the day before, it was a welcome change of scenery.

When she pulled into the parking circle, however, she was too in awe to think of much else. The house, more a miniature mansion, was enormous. A white, wrap-around porch extended from the blue, two-story façade, with white shutters surrounding every large window. There was no garage, but Kate could see the edge of a pool jutting out from behind the left side of the house, and there was a little cabana where the garage should have been.

Two large maple trees stood on either side of the front steps and Kate fumbled with her door as she took it all in, watching the play of shadows from the leaves as they cascaded over the front deck.

"I've stepped into the Twilight Zone. I'm being punked," she muttered as she walked around the car and pulled out her suitcase. "And I'm talking to myself. Wonderful."

"Kate!" She turned and laughed as Alexis came barreling down the stairs, dressed in a little bikini, her hair pulled up in a high ponytail. "You're here!"

"Hi, Lex," Kate laughed as Alexis wrapped her arms around her waist. "I see you're all ready to go swimming."

"I am! But we wanted to wait for you, so we would know when you got here."

"That was very nice of you," Kate told her as she wrapped an arm over the girl's shoulders and began walking toward the house.

Rick came out of the open front door and leaned against the door frame. He wore a white tee shirt, a pair of blue, floral swim trunks, and a large, happy smile. The shirt was nice. The trunks were great. And the smile…no, not going there.

"You made it," he said happily as they walked up the steps. He reached down and grasped her suitcase as he leaned in and gave her a lingering kiss on the cheek. "Hi," he offered as he straightened back up and tugged the suitcase from her hand.

"Hi, chivalrous one."

He grinned. "Of course. Now, come in and let's give you a tour before Alexis explodes in anticipation."

"I won't explode, Daddy," she huffed. "But don't take forever, okay?"

Kate and Rick laughed. "I can just get the short tour, for now. But you'll have to let me change before we go out to the beach, okay?" She was going to match Rick's trunks. That was almost too cute.

"What will you be wearing?" he asked as he led her into the expansive foyer, which bordered on a formal living room, surrounded by wall-to-wall bookshelves. Big bay windows looked out on the back porch and the ocean at the end of a stretch of private beach. A huge, oak staircase in the middle of the living room blocked the other side of the back view.

Kate blinked and gazed around for a moment before giving her attention back to Rick, who was watching her expectantly. "You'll find out."

He scowled but gave her a shrug. "Fine. Alexis, why don't you go get the beach toys while I take Kate upstairs to her room, okay?"

Alexis nodded and scurried away and out the big, sliding glass doors that opened onto the patio. Rick took Kate's free hand and began to lead her up the staircase. She nearly stumbled as she stared at the big kitchen on the other side of the staircase, with its huge marble countertops and center island.

"This house," she breathed as he pulled her up to the second floor. "My God, it's enormous."

He turned around to walk backwards, so he could meet her eyes. "Too much?"

She laughed. "If I said it was, what would you do?"

He bobbed his head for a moment. "Move, maybe. But, it's not, right?"

Move? Move? She shook her head. She'd have to think about that one later. "It's not. It's just…My…We rented a beach house when I was a kid, but it wasn't like this."

"I know it's a bit big for just me and Alexis, but it was available and when I got it I was still a little high on fortune, you know?"

"Apparently," Kate murmured as they passed two more rooms, a bedroom and a study. The house was extravagant, but, then again, the long white hall was lined with pictures of Rick and Alexis, along with various paintings from unknown artists, that Rick had probably picked up at little galleries.

"So, this is your room," he said as they came to a stop at the end of the hall. There was only one other door next to hers, which she assumed led to the master bedroom.

He led her inside and Kate gave a gasp as she looked out of the huge windows along the opposite wall. The room faced the back of the house and gave her an expansive view of the ocean. The huge, white, queen-sized bed faced the windows and there was a small sofa along the right side of the room, next to a door that led to a white-tiled bathroom.

The bed looked sinfully comfortable, and there was a hanging closet along the left side of the room, along with a dresser and a large, mirrored dressing table.

"Good?" he asked, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"Good is an understatement," Kate murmured, watching as he moved to put her suitcase on the little sofa. "How many people do you usually have up here?"

Rick turned and gave her an odd look. "Just me, Alexis and my mother, usually. I did buy it when I was…with Meredith, so sometimes she threw larger parties, but that was a while ago."

Kate nodded absently as she walked to stand near the windows, looking out on the pale blue sky and choppy, roiling ocean.

"The water will still be a bit cold, but you get used to it," he said, coming to stand next to her. "Though, if you're in an itsy bitsy bikini, you might be colder than me," he added.

She turned to look at him. "You know, you have to leave so I can change and you can find out if you're right or not."

He was gone from her side in an instant, a large grin plastered across his face as he closed the door. "We'll be outside. Come meet us. I'll have sunscreen and everything. Just bring a towel."

Kate shook her head and opened her suitcase, shuffling things around until she found her bikini. It wasn't itsy bitsy, but it wasn't that demure either. It would pass the child standard though. She shrugged and went into the bathroom to change, more than aware of the huge windows that would give Rick an unimpeded view of her changing if she stayed in the room.

The bathroom was ridiculous. It had a huge bath and shower in the corner. The tub was deeper than hers at home, and the showerhead above it was removable, with a fancy handle that probably had all sorts of settings. The mirror over the sink was large and lighted, and even the toilet looked expensive.

She shrugged out of her clothes and slipped into the bikini, trying to remind herself that it was just Rick and Alexis. The size and extravagance of the house didn't change the people in it. And the house itself was a paradox, huge and expensive, yet adorned with childhood photos and obscure paintings. The bookshelves in the living room would be fun to go through, and Kate was already looking forward to going to sleep to a good, obscure book that night.

She found a beach towel laid out on her bed, which felt just as comfortable as it looked, and she wrapped that around her waist before grabbing her sunglasses—a white pair that she'd picked up at the flea market—and heading downstairs.

She wandered through the living room and out onto the patio, following the sounds of Alexis' delighted giggles as she made her way across the sand. The pool was set out to the left of the back patio, and past it stretched a large expanse of beach that led down to the ocean. She could see an umbrella already set up, and beyond it, Alexis and Rick were already splashing each other in the waves.

She smiled as she walked through the sand. It had been ages since she'd been to the beach, and she found that she'd missed the breeze and smell of the ocean. The sand was soft beneath her feet and the sun was warm on her back as she reached the umbrella. She added her towel to the ones they'd dropped on the lone beach chair and spotted the sunscreen on the blanket they'd laid out. She grabbed it and began smoothing it over her skin, rubbing it in almost mechanically.

She glanced over at the pair at the ocean's edge and found Rick watching her. A moment later, he disappeared as Alexis tackled him, using his moment of distraction to her advantage. Kate laughed and finished her legs and stomach. Then, with a deft accuracy that would probably make Rick pout, she did her back, reaching around with flexible, long arms to rub the lotion into the difficult-to-reach areas.

She capped the bottle and stood for a moment, watching father and daughter play in the water. She almost couldn't believe that she was actually there, at the beach villa—there was no other way to describe it—staying the weekend with them. What made her worthy of this? The house was gigantic and the people…they were such good people. She knew she made Alexis happy, and Rick too, but she had moments of doubt about all of it.

"Kate!" Alexis called, breaking her from her thoughts.

She cleared her mind and took off toward the water while she watched Rick pick Alexis up and toss her into the waves. Kate sped up and hit the water at a sprint. Then she squealed and jumped back.

"Told you it was cold!" Rick said as he approached her, Alexis hanging onto one hand as she floated in the water. "Nice suit."

She glared at him, standing ankle-deep in the water. It was frigid. Also, Rick was shirtless, and she was having a little trouble taking her eyes off his chest. Did he work out? He wasn't quite chiseled, but he had great definition; he looked good. He looked really good.

"See something you like?" he added as he reached her, standing Alexis up in the water.

"Hi!" she grinned, wrapping her cold, wet arms around Kate's stomach.

Kate gave a gasp of surprise and looked down at the little imp. "You are wet, Miss Alexis."

"It's not that cold," the girl replied, stepping away to flop back into the water. "Specially when you get your head under."

Kate watched her, bemused. The water felt freezing. Then she glanced at Rick, who was now looking at her with a predatory smile. "Oh no," she warned, stepping away from him as he advanced. "You better stay away from me, Richard Cast…"

But she was too cautious, and before she could blink, he'd scooped her up bridal style, and walked deeper into the water, until he stood waist deep. His arms and chest were cold, and she squirmed, trying to get away, but aware that now, if she did, she'd get wet either way.

"You're evil," she told him, meeting his eyes.

"And there's a lot of your skin showing," he replied, moving a big hand over her shoulders.

She flicked his ear. "Rick."

"What? I'm not allowed to admire the beautiful woman in the alluring bikini?"

Kate scowled at the easy grin on his face. "Put me down on dry land."

"Oh, sorry, no can do," he replied, giving her an apologetic look. "Everyone must swim. It's a Castle tradition."

"Rick," she growled.

"Sorry."

Then he tossed her into the freezing water. Kate hit the ocean and went rigid. It was horrible—freezing, cold and wet. She came up spluttering and wiped her eyes, her entire body covered in goosebumps. And he was just standing there, grinning at her.

"You are going down, Richard," she threatened, advancing toward him even as she shivered.

"Oh, I'm scared," he laughed.

Well, she hadn't gone through the Police Academy for nothing. "Hey Alexis," she called, waiting until the little girl doing somersaults in the water looked up. "Watch this!"

Then she swung a leg around and pulled Rick's out from underneath him. He toppled backward into the water with a splash and Kate and Alexis laughed. The girl came over and floated next to Kate as they waited for him to come up. When he didn't after a moment, Kate began looking for him in the water, worried that perhaps it was too shallow and he'd hit his head. But then, as her whole body toppled forward, pushed by his full weight as he flung himself onto them, she realized that he might just be a worthy match.

They spent the greater part of the afternoon swimming and messing around in the water, until Alexis got cold and they opted to get out and build sand castles. Rick's was by far the most imaginative, but Alexis and Kate's was more structurally sound, with its retaining wall and courtyard.

"You know what my mom and I used to do?" she asked Alexis as they put the finishing touches on their castle while Rick rested in the sand, a hand thrown over his eyes in a dramatic protest of their having teamed up on him.

"What?" Alexis asked, looking up at Kate with wide eyes.

"We used to catch hermit crabs and keep them in our castle until it was time for dinner." What had prompted her to share the memory was beyond her. But Alexis looked intrigued, and suddenly it just felt like the right thing to say, the right thing to share.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Kate replied, remembering the hours they'd spent looking for crabs and then watching them inside the castle that looked remarkably like the one she and Alexis had just built. "And then we'd put them back, but it was fun."

"Could we do that?" Alexis asked.

Kate gave her a smile. It had been forever since she'd done something like this. She felt a subtle warmth wash over her at the idea that she had someone to share the tradition with now.

"Sure," she smiled, standing and brushing herself off before extending a hand to Alexis. "Rick, do you want to start dinner while we grab the crabs? And then we can eat out here while we watch them?"

She turned to look at him and found him already watching her, his eyes soft and a smile playing at his lips. "Sounds great," he told her, his blue eyes twinkling. "You guys have fun."

Alexis grinned while Kate returned Rick's smile. He got up and made his way to the house, his gate easy and relaxed, and Kate grabbed a bucket and turned back to Alexis, allowing her to tug her down to the water.

"You did this with your mom?" she asked a few minutes later as they stopped and searched for crabs in the rocks the low tide had left behind.

"We did," Kate replied as she picked up a particularly large crab. "Got a good one."

"Ooh!" Alexis exclaimed, extending her hands and cupping them together so Kate could place the crab in her hands. "It's so big and it tickles!" she squealed, giggling as it crawled around her hands.

"He's a good one," Kate replied, looking around. "And I've got another. Brings our total up to seven," she added, counting the crabs already sitting in the bucket with some water.

"How many do we need?"

"Well, that depends. How many do you want?" Kate asked, watching as Alexis gently placed the crab in the bucket.

Alexis stared down at the crabs and then looked up at Kate. "Two more?"

Kate nodded and took the girl's hand again as they walked along the water's edge. "Are you having fun?" she asked.

Alexis nodded and looked up at her. "It's really nice to have you here."

"I'm having fun. I'm glad to be here," Kate replied honestly.

"Sometimes it gets lonely with just me and Daddy. It's a big house."

"It is a big house," Kate agreed, feeling her heart tug a little at the wistful quality in Alexis' voice.

"I miss Mommy sometimes, when we're here," the girl admitted. "She used to come."

"I'm sorry your Mom lives so far away," Kate told her, giving her hand a squeeze.

"Me too," Alexis nodded. "I wish she could come see me more." She let go of Kate's hand and bent down to pick up another crab, placing it into the bucket. "But she's too busy. Work's more important."

Kate looked down at the girl, who was looking down at the water, one hand twisting into the ruffles of her brown and pink bikini, the other held behind her neck. Kate knelt down, ignoring the sting of the cold water, and reached out to turn Alexis' face to meet hers.

"Work is never more important than you," she said seriously, watching the mistrust and disbelief flicker across Alexis' eyes. "Your Mom is busy, but that doesn't mean that you're not important to her."

Alexis nodded after a moment, but Kate could tell that she didn't really believe her. She'd kill that woman, or slap her the first time she met her.

"I know," Alexis added.

"I don't think you do," Kate said honestly. "But know that you are, okay? You are the most important thing in your Daddy's life, and your Mommy loves you very much. Don't doubt that, okay?"

Alexis looked at her, considering her. "Am I important to you?" she asked very softly.

"Oh, Sweetie," Kate sighed, placing the bucket into the sand behind them and reaching out to pull the little girl into a hug. "You're the most important thing in my life too," she whispered, "and I love you very much. Don't doubt that either."

Alexis hugged her hard and buried her face into Kate's neck. Kate rubbed her back and tried to figure out what had just happened. They'd been talking about Meredith, and suddenly she was reassuring Alexis that she loved her, and that the girl was the most important thing in her life. It wasn't a lie. There was little Kate treasured more than the relationship she shared with Alexis, and she would drop everything if Alexis needed her. She knew that. She'd known that for a while.

But knowing that and telling the child that were different. But, then again, did it matter? If it was true, Alexis deserved to know. And now she did, and Kate had a broken, fragile little girl clinging to her neck.

"Do you want to go put the crabs in our castle?" she asked a few minutes later.

"Okay," Alexis murmured.

She let go and Kate stood up, offering the girl her hand. Together, they walked back toward the beach, where Rick was waiting for them, a plate of burgers set out on a little table he'd brought over. They reached him and Kate smiled at the trash bag he extended to her.

"I figured this way you could keep them wet."

"Thanks," Kate replied, kneeling down as she handed Alexis the bucket to hold. The little girl hugged it close with both arms and watched with rapt attention as Kate fitted the trash bag over the wall of their courtyard, creating an insulated little pool. "Okay, pour the water in, Lex."

Alexis did as she was asked, and within a minute, they had a little crab corral. "That's cool," Alexis said, turning to Kate with a smile.

Kate's heart warmed at the fact that the girl was smiling again, and she nodded. "I always loved doing this."

"Did you go to the beach a lot when you were little?" Alexis asked as she let Rick wipe her hands down with a disinfecting wipe. He held one out for Kate.

"Thanks. Yeah, we did," she told Alexis. "My Dad had a friend who rented us a house out in Jersey. It was fun."

They sat down together on the blanket, and Rick handed them each a plate with a burger, and a glass of lemonade. "Dinner is served."

"Thanks, Rick," Kate said as she settled onto the blanket and took a bite. "And you make a great burger. What can't you cook?"

"Brownies," he and Alexis replied together.

"Really?" Kate laughed.

"Daddy made the firemen come once," Alexis told her.

Kate snorted as she took a bite of burger and had to take a second to make sure she wouldn't choke. "Really?"

"I just set off the alarm," Rick mumbled. "Suffice it to say that they were not happy."

Kate just shook her head and then smiled as Alexis leaned back against her legs. "And what did you do, Lex?"

"Stood outside with Gram and laughed," she replied. "Mommy wasn't so happy though."

Kate glanced over at Rick just in time to see his face fall for a second, before he brightened. "That's right! She was putting on cold cream, right?"

Alexis nodded. "And then someone took a picture."

"Oh, God, yeah, not a good week for us," he admitted.

"Do you wear cream to sleep, Kate?" Alexis asked, twisting back to look at her.

"No," Kate replied, scrunching her face up at the thought. Ick. "I don't wear enough makeup to need it yet."

"You don't need makeup," Rick said from her left.

She glanced over at him. "Thanks?"

"I agree," Alexis added. "And that way, you can laugh with me when Daddy does that again."

Kate glanced between them. There was no winning with those two. There was no skirting around it. She was stuck, in too deep, settled in their lives, and she wasn't going to end up coming back.

"I agree," she said after a minute. "I'd totally laugh."

(….)

Sunday passed much like Saturday had. Kate woke to a big breakfast being cooked down stairs, Alexis and Rick moving around with a practiced ease. She found that when she stepped in to help, she fit. It hadn't been awkward, just comfortable, passing things and moving around Rick as they tag-teamed the eggs and waffles.

Then they'd spent the rest of the day outside, moving between the pool and the ocean, playing tag, playing frisbee, and tanning. Well, Kate had tanned, Alexis had imitated her, and Rick had spent an inordinate amount of time staring at Kate's ass. She'd glared at him for a while, but then had given up when he'd said, point blank, "You have a great body, Kate. I'm going to admire it. You like mine too, I see it. Accept it. You're just going to get tired of admonishing me anyway."

It wasn't bad, being appreciated. And after a while, it stopped bothering her. It was just how they were. It was just how this little group they'd become was. She fit into their lives as a third part of their little team, and when she was with them, it wasn't weird. And if she kept trying to make it weird, she'd ruin it somehow, right? It wouldn't ruin itself, right?

Kate stared out at the ocean, her arms folded over her knees. The deck was quiet and bathed in swatches of moonlight that poured through the beams above her. The beach itself stretched out, pale and soft in the bright night, and Kate took a deep breath of clean air. It was quiet, and she was content to let herself get lost in thoughts of nothing.

She heard a creak behind her and then the soft pad of bare feet moving across the wooden floor of the dining room.

"Kate?"

"Out here," she called quietly. How did he always know where to find her?

"Hey," he murmured as he stepped through the large, sliding glass doors and out onto the patio. "Why're you up?"

"Couldn't sleep," she shrugged, turning her head back to look up at him. "Why are you up?"

"Haven't gone to sleep yet," he replied, sitting down next to her. He never left any space between their bodies anymore, and he sat with his thigh flush with hers. Kate didn't mind it; it was a bit chilly, and the thin cotton pants she wore didn't do much for her body heat. "Been jotting down notes for Derrick."

"Anything good?" she asked. She'd yet to tell him that she was an embarrassingly large fan of his work. And these moments, when he talked about his writing—well, they kind of made a long time dream of hers come true.

"Nothing," he sighed. "And Gina's going to have my head."

"You'll get there," she told him with confidence. He was quiet and far less cocky late at night. "You've had what, ten Bestsellers?"

"It's funny how you always think the next one will flop," he laughed darkly. "But thanks."

"Oh come on, find that Richard Castle arrogance."

"It's 3am. I'm off my game," he grumbled.

"Hmm," she replied, looking back out at the ocean. It was so peaceful and calm at night. Was it really that late?

"Why can't you sleep?" he asked a few minutes later, one of his hands coming to rest on her knee, sneaking under her elbow to settle there, warm against the fabric of her pajamas.

Her father. Her mother. A big, cold, empty bed. Alexis' problems with Meredith. Rick's constant touches and caresses. Murder scenes. "My mind just wouldn't shut down," she replied after a moment. How could she possibly explain how much was whirring around her head?

"Is it about your Dad?" Rick asked quietly, the hand on her knee squeezing gently. "He called earlier, right?"

"For our Sunday chat, yeah," Kate replied.

"Is everything okay?"

Was everything okay? Her father had sounded distant, and lonely—not that he ever sounded happy. And this, coupled with the call earlier in the week, had left her worried. He hadn't had anything substantial to say tonight, when he'd called and she'd had to leave Rick and Alexis in the living room, watching one of the Land Before Time movies.

He'd just let her ask questions, pulling information out of him with as much ease as a root canal. There was nothing wrong; he was going with Alan tomorrow, to go fishing, and then he had work for the rest of the week. But there was something so off about his voice. She just couldn't figure out what it was. He'd been doing better for so long, and with everything that was coming, she was worried.

She looked over at Rick and found him staring back at her with simple concern on his face, his body heat radiating out to her as he rubbed soft circles on her kneecap, his hand jostling the arms she still had folded on her knees.

She blew out a breath, suddenly compelled to tell him a part of her past. She'd have to figure out what it was about him that made her want to do that. "My parents got married almost thirty years ago…or they would have, this coming month."

"Oh, Kate," Rick sighed.

"And, it's just…it's not like a Birthday or the anniversary of…you know. But, it's still a day that won't ever happen again." He pulled his hand away and she was momentarily confused, until she felt him wrap his arm around her and pull her into his side—a silent strength she could lean into as she remembered. "But for my Dad, it was always something big. He did flowers and chocolate, and they'd go out dancing."

"Sounds like he knew just how to spoil your mom," Rick murmured.

Kate smiled sadly. "Yeah. She always had this gorgeous smile when she woke up and he had flowers waiting for her on the bedside. I almost felt bad on Mother's Day, because I knew that I couldn't really compete with my Dad."

"I'm sure your mom loved your Mother's Day flowers."

"Yeah," Kate sighed. "But it wasn't the same. I know that, now." Her mother had always had a special smile for Kate—a smile that could light up a room. But for her father, she'd had a smile that would light up the sky.

"Are you worried about him?" Rick asked quietly a few minutes later, pulling Kate from memories of watching her parents waltz around their living room to Frank Sinatra.

Kate nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder. "He's done so well this year, but their anniversary is coming, and then it's just a few months until her Birthday, and then the anniversary, and…" her breath hitched and she swiped at the corner of her right eye. She wouldn't tear up. She'd gotten to the point where she could talk about her mom without crying. She had.

Rick's arm tightened around her shoulder and he leaned down to press a kiss against her forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Kate reached for his free hand and twined their fingers together. "Thanks," she replied. "Being out here has been good," she added honestly. It had. The distraction Alexis and Rick provided had kept her from focusing on her father, and the summer and the fact that after summer came the fall. It was only at night, when Alexis and Rick were asleep, that the harsher realities came back. She'd tossed and turned on Saturday night as well.

"I'm glad," he told her, leaning his cheek against the crown of her head. "We've liked having you here. Alexis begged me to get you to stay for the whole summer."

Kate laughed and then gave a sigh. "It's tempting," she replied. "But I have to work. Most of us can't call insomnia 'brainstorming,' like you seem to do."

"More's the pity. But if you get another opportunity, you should come back— spend another weekend."

"That would be nice," she murmured, her head growing heavy and body sagging beside him. The quiet ebb and flow of the ocean and Rick's warmth wrapped around her had finally managed to lull her into exhaustion.

"Feels like I'm putting you to sleep," he chuckled.

Kate shook her head against his cheek. She didn't want to move. "I'm not sleepy."

"Oh, come on. Alexis tries that on me all the time. In fact, I think you learned it from her."

"Not lying," she lied. She was slowly falling asleep on his shoulder, but she didn't want to move just yet. She was so comfortable, and in her hazy, pre-sleep state, she wasn't above admitting that she liked having Rick's arm around her shoulders, and his fingers twined with hers.

"Okay. Five more minutes," he murmured.

"Kay," she replied, snuggling into him a bit. She'd probably regret this in the morning, when he gave her a knowing grin and then took every opportunity he could find to touch her. But, then again, would she really regret that?

They'd have to figure themselves out sometime soon. He dropped another kiss against her forehead and his arm squeezed her into his side. They were taking so many liberties, from holding hands in public, to sitting out in the moonlight in the middle of the night. She didn't mind; she liked it. But lines were blurring, and she was well aware that they weren't ready to jump in the sack. It would ruin everything.

She didn't want to give it up, but she didn't know how to keep it going without watching everything combust before they could catch the fuse.

"Hey. I can feel you thinking up here," he whispered.

"Shut up," she muttered.

"Then don't think so loud," he laughed. "Want to share?"

"Not now," she replied quietly. Sleepy and hazy on his shoulder was not the time to talk about their relationship.

"Everything will work out," he said a few minutes later.

She didn't know whether he was talking about her Dad, or their relationship, or the fact that Alexis had been completely attached to Kate since their crab hunting expedition, and seemed reluctant to talk about the fact that Kate had to go back to the city the next day.

She hoped he was right, about all of it.