Chapter 1

After what seemed like an eternity we could finally change after the ceremony and head to the party that would end our high school years forever.

I wasn't going to go because I never heard anything good about that kind of party that had been organized by someone from our grade.

There was always some cat fight or cheating that occurred so much drama that sometimes the police were involved too.

My friend, Leigh Maxwell, with her winning attitude and endless tattoos on her skin, made me change my mind for once. What was graduation without getting drunk and letting all your stupid classmates go?

My mother wasn't very fond of me joining Leigh to go to Jolene's party who happened to be the most two-faced person that's ever been in our lives. She could be your best friend, someone who'd cover you anytime, or the kind of person who'd stab you. Her kindness and loyalty depended on her mood for the day which was irritating and somewhat sad.

The only reason I even agreed to go to this one last party was that Leigh promised me that she'd take me to the cinema and everything would be all in her wallet. Including the shopping that we'd do afterward.

My mother always said that if you stood your ground against money then you'd value more. But what if it was about a movie night?

I watched my mother throw my bag into her car that had my robe in it. When she closed the door, she crossed her arms, her piercing blue eyes never leaving me.

I already knew what was going on inside her head.

"I know what kind of lecture you're about to say," I started before she could open her mouth. "And I think that we can skip that part."

My mother wasn't impressed with my attitude needless. Her eyes were narrowed and she had that kind of look on her face. The look that every child knew and was either frightened or frustrated from it.

It was the latter for me. Once I'd gotten older and she had become more immature her stern words and expression had lost the spark.

If I was younger then I'd not consider, but obey every time without a question.

But life changed people, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.

Maybe it was for the worse for both of us. She'd lost herself and so did I even though I'd tried everything in my power to not look after her.

"You don't even go to parties, Heddy." she gave me an exhausted look.

I waved my hand around while looking for a reasonable answer that would be good enough for her. But I would probably stand here next year if I wanted to reason with her. No one and nothing was good enough for her.

"I might have to find out what I've been missing out on," I answered casually.

"You said you don't even like Josephine." she replied.

"It's Jolene." I corrected her without breaking eye contact. Not that I was in the mood to stand up for Jolene who was only happy if people would benefit her.

"Same thing." my mother shrugged and grabbed her car keys from her purse.

"This is the first and probably the last party where I'd show up." I said. "You act like you never had fun when you were a teen."

Maybe she hadn't and that was one of the main reasons why she started to act like one lately. Or because after ten years of loneliness she could finally find a guy who'd show actual interest in her.

"I'm not a role model in this situation here." she defended herself and I almost said that she never has been, but clapped my mouth shut before the words would have left my mouth.

"I'd promise you that I won't drink or do drugs but this is a party." I explained. "This is what usually parties about."

"You are doing a horrible job at convincing me, Heddy."

"Who knows? Maybe I'd come home with a shaved head and tattoos everywhere on my body." I rubbed my arms and she sighed.

"Don't even continue, just go already." she put her hand up and hopped in the car.

I leaned down and once she rolled the window down and started the engine, I gave her an unconvincing smile that she'd known very well by now.

"I'll be home before sunrise." I teased and she glared at me.

"Just don't be loud, I have a morning shift tomorrow." she warned before throwing a kiss at me and driving off.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my dark hair. I always wondered if my mother saw her younger self in me or if was she just trying to change me into the person she wished she had been?

Leigh threw her tattooed arm over me and watched as my mother's car slowly disappears in the distance.

"What did she say?" she asked casually, wiping my hair out of my face.

I moved her hand away and turned to her.

"Nothing much." I said honestly. "I might have pushed her over the edge a little bit."

She gave me a dirty look and bit into her lower lip.

"A little bit?" she asked with a face and I let my jaw fall.

"You don't have to always think the worst of me!" I defended myself but Leigh wasn't buying it.

"I've known you for years, Heddy… I don't have to think about anything I just know." she glared at me and I crossed my arms.

"One more word…"

"And? What are you going to do? Not letting me take you to the cinema?" she teased and put her index finger against her lips. "I might save actual money if that happened."

I pushed her away and we just laughed. Sometimes I wondered how empty and colorless my life would be without these little moments with Leigh.

After spending a few minutes with the teachers to say goodbye and listen to their good wishes – except for a few ones –, we hopped into Leigh's car to head to Jolene's party.

On our way, the music she'd chosen was blasting through the speakers while I rolled my window down and let the warm wind caress my skin.

Leigh was singing to her favorite band, Backstreet Boys while breathing the smoke out of her lungs.

"I thought you'd put it down." I narrowed my eyes as she lifted the burning cigarette to her mouth once again.

"I did too but it's the only stable thing in my life right now," she said, lowering her head to look at me from behind her sunglasses.

Her answer was both sad and relatable in its way. Sometimes I felt like I was out of place and needed something to hold into desperately. However, I chose night shifts in a place where everyone hated me because, despite all the hostile comments, I knew that those were parts of adult life too.

At least I had those unbearable moments at work so I could appreciate the little things more outside of the workplace.

Taking Leigh's blue and purple hair in, I realized that she might have been more lost than I'd expected her. She has dyed her hair differently every month. This was her way of accepting her emotional vulnerability and using it as a weapon.

It was also a warning that she could be unstable at times. I didn't know why or how but there were times when all of a sudden she'd just completely break down. Out of the blue. And the next day she'd act as if nothing had happened.

She's hated looking back into the past and so did I.

That was why we've been very fond of each other. We couldn't rely on our families for acceptance so we turned to each other for help.

A part of me started to wonder what would happen to our friendship if the summer was over. We've had two and a half months left but what would happen next?

"Gosh, Jolene gives me the creeps sometimes," she frowned as she turned the wheel.

"Then why are we going to her party?" I asked the billionaire question.

She gave me a tired look before turning her head back toward the road.

"Because this is our last chance to laugh at Clara's pathetic ways of trying to gain any attention?" she asked as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "I wouldn't miss it for money."

I chuckled and leaned my head against the seat, letting the music crawl its way into my head. Leigh has never missed a chance to entertain herself while someone – specifically Clara Dallen – was involved.

According to Leigh, she's embarrassed herself so many times that she earned the position to laugh at someone else's second-hand embarrassment.

Jolene's home was a two-story brick house with a huge backyard that had a pool and a grill place in the corner. I wished we had the money that her family did so that I could have my grill placed in our garden.

I would probably spend all my free time in the backyard if I had the chance to make it a modern and lovely garden. It would be full of flowers and there would be a small lake with beautiful rocks.

"Let's get this shit started." Leigh said and jumped out of the car.

I chuckled at her enthusiasm but followed her anyway, letting myself sink into the sea of teens while rock music was shaking my bones.

In the first hour, we'd had a few drinks but spent our time talking to our classmates. Almost everyone asked us what our plans would be regarding college or something else.

I was almost proud to say that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't continue my education. Colleges or universities were way out of my league and I was completely fine with that.

When they would say sorry about me not getting into college, all I did was just shrug and laugh. Why would I be less than someone who'd gotten into their dream college?

After all, we all were just teens trying to figure out our lives and trying to step into adulthood after experiencing both amazing and horrible things.

"I don't know why but I'll miss high school." said Leigh after we had walked into the garden where the sun has painted the sky orange.

"Seriously?" I asked, not understanding her way of speaking.

"Yes, of course, I will." she spread her arms. "I'd spent the last four years of my life laughing at my classmates and teachers' miserable faces. How am I going to entertain myself after that?"

I laughed and shrugged. Leigh has always found her way around words to trick me into thinking something she'd never do, only to reassure me in the next second.

"You could always make fun of me," I said sweetly and she gave me a side hug.

"I wouldn't let you off the hook, I'll always annoy you," she said. Her words reminded me of the kind of desire to want a sister. I'd always wondered if having a sibling could be this challenging but also entertaining.

"I won't get a hug?" a voice interrupted our moment causing us to turn around. "That's not fair."

I scoffed and forced a small smile as Seeley Drewitt looked at us with a disappointed but soft gaze.

He was wearing a black and white shirt with gray cargo shorts. My gaze fell to the muscles under his shirt as he adjusted his black rapper cap. He's started to work out since Christmas and the changes were more and more noticeable.

"No, it would ruin the mood," Leigh joked and Seeley pouted.

"But I'm cuter than Heddy." he argued in a childish tone and Leigh elbowed his side.

"Don't say that in front of her," she whispered. "She's extremely insecure about her beauty."

"Insecure about my what?" I asked proving her theory. Leigh and Seeley shared a knowing look.

Leigh has always had her compliments regarding my outfits or appearance but I never believed her. I always thought that she was overreacting.

When Seeley's green eyes found me I felt like something pierced through my chest. The air was still awkward between us since our accident and I had no idea how to behave in his company.

That was why I'd been avoiding him before the winter break had begun.

Leigh gave me a head tilt and narrowed her eyes. I knew exactly what she was trying to say and I glared at her but apparently, she wasn't afraid of me.

"I'll try to find the others, so we could all just sit down together," Leigh said and I crossed my arms.

"You weren't so eager to find them a few seconds ago."

Leigh stepped away from us and put her hands up.

"Things change so fast that you are not even able to figure out what's going on." she said and disappeared in the house before I could react.

My ears were burning as I tried to find her back but all I could see were the blurry faces of my schoolmates.

"So, no college, huh?" he asked after he'd sunk his hands into his pockets.

I wiped my hair out of my face and shook my head.

"Just like I'd expected, no." I admitted, not ashamed or anxious like I used to feel about my rejection.

Most of the time I was afraid of other people's reactions because almost everyone in our class had the chance to go to college and continue their studies, it was a really big thing in our class.

That was why Jolene or others were surprised that there were a few expectations who couldn't get into college or wouldn't even apply for a major.

"What was your mom's reaction?" Seeley asked.

Before we'd gone on our separate ways, I'd told him a lot of things about my family. That was why he had a feeling that my mother would have an opposite thought regarding my horrible grades.

"She was really sad about it," I admitted and Seeley raised his eyebrows. "Sometimes it feels like she'd missed her teen years and tries to get a second chance through mine while also being all fussy about my life."

Seeley nodded and leaned against the cherry tree that's been standing behind him.

"Let me guess, she thinks that whatever she thinks is best for you is what you can do with your life." Seeley guessed and I pursued my lips while thinking.

"My grandmother had her ways of sabotaging my mom's life, so a part of me understands her desire to go through things with me since she hadn't gotten much of a choice."

"But you don't either in this case." Seeley's eyes met mine and I froze. I wanted to prove him wrong, to tell him that he didn't know what he was talking about but not a single word came out of my mouth.

I loved my mother with all my heart but having her controlling my life in a non-supporting way had pushed me over the edge. It was sad and I felt bad for her but maybe it was time to tell her that I needed to control my own life.

"Life is everything but fair." I shrugged and hugged myself to hide my vulnerability.

Seeley narrowed his eyes as if he wanted to say something but fortunately, Leigh interrupted us. With a bunch of our other friends who didn't notice the silkiness of the air between Seeley and me.

"Good thing you didn't kill each other while I was gone." Leigh bumped her hips into mine and took a sip from her beer carefully.

"Only if you'd know…" I murmured but nobody heard it.

I watched in confusion as Emilia's, Casen's, and Austin's lips formed into a knowing smile while I had no idea what would be waiting for me.