Naruto: Second Coming of the Yellow Flash [COMPLETED]

Finally a strong female character that doesn't overdo it. It's been a long time since I was hyped up about one. Its incredibly difficult to find a 'normal' non social butterfly female character in fanfiction. This tenten fic is nearly perfect for a good, strong character that doesn't overdo it with the usual OP stuff. There's a lot of depth and background in the story developments and how she pieces together her kit which is really cool as well. If I had to point out something to improve tough, it would be to tone down the extreme hyper focus on her. It feels as if I'm watching her through tunnel vision and nothing else exists. I think that could be improved upon by giving missions and other characters slightly more description and dialogue at opportune moments. Like take the Invasion scenario. It felt glossed over, like it was being told by someone retelling what a video game commenter said in his video. It was fairly far removed from om the action. There was no. .. In the now moment feeling to it, whilst a war should be a very in the now experience. That distance was reduced afterwards with the usual I'm not a psycho so I got nightmares and possibly PTSD angle, but that on the whole felt more detailed in total, more in focus than the entire Invasion itself . So I would have liked to have seen such a pivotal moment better highlighted and for future ones to be too. Similarly, she has met Uzuki Yugao ,pretty much the only other female weapons user, a Kenjutsu expert at that earlier and had no actual conversation with her about anything other than Uzushio. As a human being. We normally can't help but let our excitement shine through when we meet someone with simular interests. Tenten didn't. Which was a major loss for making her seem more human and less robotic. I recommend the author to look at things that interest them and when they meet someone who shares their interests and how the tone of said conversation changes. You'll want to add that when things line up with te ten's interest. Its subtle things like that which would further improve the story, But yea, gj. I've loved every chapter so far and that's rather unusual on my part.

Это была приличная попытка, как для фанфика по Наруто. Тен Тен ОТЛИЧНЫЙ выбор. Но почему так МАЛО?!!!! Совершенно очевидно, что это прекрасное начало, если бы она была с частичными воспоминаниями о земле, было бы еще лучше. И что дальше? Почему КОНЕЦ *ЗЛОСТЬ*