6

Chapter 5: Wrath of the Maelstrom

The walk back to Konoha had been entirely uneventful, entirely, and this is what terrified Jiraiya more than anything else. Naruto had said no more than five sentences to him over the course of the trip home. And whenever he did it was simply business. He spoke to Tsunade and Shizune on a regular basis, he had gotten along quite well with Tsunade's dark haired attendant, go figure. But whenever Jiraiya would try to jump into the conversations Naruto would either end them, or simply box him out. Apparently he had been telling the truth and no just shooting the shit when they started. He would be professional because they were on a mission, and now that it was all but over, Jiraiya was starting to see just how Naruto was feeling about him.

Upon their arrival in Konoha they all headed up to the Hokage Tower to get Tsunade introduced and situated, grilling by the Sandaime's old advisers included. Konohamaru didn't really take kindly to someone replacing his grandfather's position so he holed himself up inside the office, barring entry with traps and blocking the door. Somehow he ended up keeping people out all day long.

Upon being informed by Konohamaru's friends, Udon and Moegi, Naruto just walked up, Sparta-kicked the heavy oaken door off of the hinges, sending all of the stuff behind it flying, walked through the office using the door to block all of Konohamaru's traps, and dragged the kid out by his collar.

He chose to do this himself because he knew Tsunade would have done roughly the same thing if she really wanted to get into the office, and she might not have been so nice about it. Naruto took Konohamaru to the top of the Hokage Tower and sat him down to talk, "So, what the hell is wrong with you kid."

Naruto got a tick mark on his head when Konohamaru clammed up and pulled his knees to his chest, "Okay, you can either tell me and we can talk this out, or I'll just do like my trainer did for me when I was a kid and beat the crap out of you until you forget why you're all mopey in the first place."

Konohamaru paled when a mild amount of killing intent began leaking out of Naruto, "What happened to you boss? You've been different since the chunin exams."

Naruto sighed, "It's a long story and because I know what's wrong with you it might make you even more pissed off then you already are, for one reason or another. Now don't change the subject, what's your malfunction today?"

Konohamaru snapped at him, "I thought you already knew."

Naruto answered back snippily, "I do I just want to hear it from you. Facing up to your own problems is the first step towards moving past them."

Konohamaru looked up with tears in his eyes, "What if I don't want to move past them? I don't want to move past my grandfather boss." Naruto stayed silent and let Konohamaru speak, "Everyone is moving on, going forward with everything. It's like he was never here, he was the Hokage boss! And everyone's going to forget about him!"

Naruto steeled himself, he really didn't feel like touching anything that involved Sarutobi with a ten-foot pole right then, but this kid needed him, and being a ninja means doing things that you don't want to for the greater good, "Look Konohamaru, he was the Hokage for many years, longer than anybody else, he had a long reign, and he's done so much for this place. I'm sure everybody has a stand-out memory of him." Naruto then grumbled under his breath, "Kami knows that I do…"

Naruto shook off that dark line of thinking, "The point is that someone that has touched so many people can never truly just disappear. Trust me brat, chances are that they'll be talking about him long after we're dead. You can go up to just about any of the ninja in this place and the majority of the civilians and they can probably give you some stories."

Konohamaru started drying his eyes, "What about you boss? What kind of stories do you have of grandpa?"

Naruto held back a frown, "I don't think you're old enough to hear about my story of the old man. Maybe one day I can tell you, but it's better that I don't right now." Naruto patted Konohamaru on the head, "Do you feel better now?" Konohamaru nodded, "Are you going to cry a bitch around me again anytime soon?" Konohamaru shook his head, "Good!"

Naruto picked the kid up and sent him off on his way. He made his way back to Tsunade's office where she had a mass of chunin picking up the mess left by Naruto going hard on the door. Seated behind what was soon to be her desk she smirked upon seeing the young shinobi enter, "Nice mess gaki. Why did you kick my door?"

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Two reasons; you would have done it yourself eventually and… Honestly I've wanted to do that for years, that just gave me an excuse."

Naruto took a seat as the last of the mess was cleaned and the door was put back. Tsunade took on a business face when the door was shut, "So what's going on with you and Jiraiya? You weren't speaking to him at all on the way back."

Naruto locked eyes with the older blonde, "Are you sure you want to hear this? It's not something really vital for you to know. And I'm also pretty sure it's a village secret, probably above me being the Kyuubi jinchuuriki."

Tsunade's eyes widened momentarily before she smirked, "Well I'm going to be Hokage now right? What's a village leader without a few dark little secrets?"

Naruto chuckled, "Get comfortable because you're going to be sitting there for a while asking me questions and stuff."

Tsunade frowned and pulled a bottle of sake from the desk. Naruto sweat-dropped, "Wow, you certainly stashed that quickly didn't you?"

Tsunade scoffed as she pulled out a cup, "It's not mine smartass. Sarutobi-sensei left it there before I ever even got here."

Naruto sharply inhaled breath, "That's right, the old man did train you three twisted sannin didn't he? That might make this an uncomfortable conversation." He snapped his head around, "No Anbu guards?"

Tsunade shrugged, "I'm not Hokage yet kid, I still have to get through coronation first. It's just us for now."

Naruto kept silent as he thoroughly checked the room before he looked to Tsunade once more, "So did ero-sennin tell you anything about me?" Tsunade nodded, "What do you know?"

Tsunade poured herself a cup, "Other than the stuff that I already knew he let me in on your base character and stuff. Apparently he left out the scary-battle phase part."

Naruto clinched his hands together as he set his chin on them, "That's because he didn't know about it. I didn't used to be a goofy loud fuck-up until a few years ago. I was more like I am now, calm, collected, focused, and I had something of a mean streak too."

Tsunade looked confused, "So your personality changed? How is this a secret?"

Naruto shook his head, "It's not that my personality evolved, it's how it evolved. Haven't you noticed that I'm too good for my own good at fighting? I shouldn't have been able to stop Orochimaru's surprise attack on me back in Tanzaku Gai if I was just a genin, hell, even a chunin. I was spamming jutsus that I shouldn't know how to do and fighting on par with a jounin-level ninja."

Tsunade flashed back to all of the things he had done since she had met him and then she realized.

(Flashback)

Tsunade's eyes drifted over to him, "So who's the brat Jiraiya?"

Jiraiya looked at Naruto, who was wearing an unreadable expression, minus the twitching, "This is Naruto Uzumaki, my new apprentice."

Naruto's eyebrows shot up, "Apprentice? Since when?"

Jiraiya smirked at the boy, "Since you signed the toad contract before the invasion kid. Congratulations."

Naruto grumbled and placed his face on his hands, "Great… The guy that locked away my strength and skill wants to make amends and teach me how to fight again…"

XxX

Kabuto pointed at him accusingly, "No way. From what I've seen and from the information on you you're nothing! A low level genin!"

Naruto chuckled, "Well that's what the Konoha records had on one Kabuto Yakushi also if you'll recall. We all know how that turned out right Mr. Spy? If you were capable of it then why wouldn't I be? I didn't even have to join any ranks and keep suspicion off like you did, all I had to do was not get caught."

Naruto tapped his finger on his head, "I had the plans for your invasion all up here way back then. Every move you had planned out over the long term was all up here. All of your bases, the info that was listed on your cursed seal, the true nature of Orochimaru's immortality jutsu, it's all here. The only reason your invasion had even half of a chance of even getting off of the ground was because of some unfortunate business that ended with me getting my memory and abilities sealed off before I could tell the necessary people."

(End Flashback)

Tsunade looked at Naruto and locked eyes with him, taking note of the scar over his right eye and how he was patiently waiting for the point to hit her, "There was something done to you back then, and Jiraiya was the one who did it."

Naruto smiled faintly, "You're half right, ero-sennin was the one who sealed me but it was ordered by another. Sarutobi-jiji really screwed me over back then."

Tsunade's jaw was hanging, "Sarutobi-sensei? Why? What happened to force him to seal you off?"

Naruto's eyes blazed over angrily, "Nothing happened to force him to seal me. I was injured during a covert mission, ero-sennin said he found me and brought me to the old man where they found out it was me. Apparently they thought I was some kind of threat, too strong for my age to be left alone. They didn't even wait for me to regain consciousness before they took me and locked away my strength and speed, my skills, my jutsu, my knowledge, everything."

Tsunade was enthralled with the story, "So what happened then? Why did the seal break? Did one of them take it off?"

Naruto shook his head, "I had my mind regressed back to the time when I was four years old for all intents and purposes, I had to learn things like how to read all over again. I was mentally behind everybody else in the academy and everything. I broke the seal during the invasion, and since then it's been a matter of picking up the pieces and relearning everything. Those three jutsu that I used against Kabuto, I have tons of those, those were just the ones that I had the time to relearn, not even master."

Tsunade still had a question, "Why did Sarutobi-sensei do it? Why did he think you were dangerous?"

Naruto leaned back in his chair, "I can't tell you that. It would be a matter of total betrayal. It's not like it's that good of a secret, but let ero-sennin be the one to tell you, I'm technically not even supposed to exist if you catch my drift."

Tsunade nodded, "One more thing. Where do you think you rank in the overall roster of my active shinobi?"

Naruto shrugged, "How should I know? It's not like I've fought any of them to find out or anything." Naruto pointed out at her suddenly, "But fuck being a genin though. You know damn well I'm better than that, anything other than that will do right now."

Tsunade smiled at him, "Noted. Now get out of my office, you're the only real ninja from this village that I've actually gotten to meet yet." She put away the sake and shooed him off.

When he was out of sight she called out loudly, "Shizune, call a meeting for me for all ninja the rank of chunin and over after the coronation we have so business to sort out."

XxX

Naruto sat on his bed back in his apartment. He had decided to stop looking for Danzo, if Danzo wanted to see him he could easily find him, it's not like it was hard anymore. He didn't need anyone to sort the whole mess out anymore, meaning that honestly there was no reason to look for Danzo. His original goal was to be a ninja for Konoha, Sarutobi had proverbially blocked one path with a boulder, but instead of complaining that the way had been blocked Naruto had followed the path the boulder had taken to find a completely new destination to find his own way towards becoming one.

Danzo had never made it a secret that he thought of Naruto as a tool, an expendable soldier. While Naruto had more value than most if not all of his other operatives; when your house burns down you don't grab the stuff inside, you just run, and when Naruto was caught on the job and exposed Danzo had to wash his hands of him, it was all he could have done. Give them Naruto and cut your losses, the only thing a man like Danzo doing the things he was doing had as an option.

He knew Jiraiya would be confronted by Tsunade about sealing him, he knew he'd tell her what he and Sarutobi had 'learned' about Ne, and try to color her opinion. But honestly, loyalty only went so far as far as Naruto was concerned and being blacklisted by Ne pretty much got rid of his loyalty, if you don't want me, I don't need you, was the way he saw it. The best Danzo would get from him at this point was him keeping his mouth shut about Ne which was all he was going to do in the first place.

Jiraiya's arrogance in his own ability to gather information kept him from ever asking Naruto what he knew about Ne, thinking that Naruto had been a young flunky and didn't have much information.

It's always fun to have preconceived notions isn't it… Not really smart though.

Naruto knew quite a bit. He had been trained by Danzo almost personally and had information given to him by the man himself, no misdirection necessary, Naruto would never have broken to torture, it had been made sure of and tested thoroughly because Danzo never placed the seal ensuring he would be quiet about Ne on him. Therefore Danzo told him things, everybody needs at least one confidant.

But that was not important either, he was now a Konoha ninja, no longer in Ne. He answered to another higher-up and belonged to their forces now.

Naruto groaned as he sat up in a meditative position. The last thought he had before slipping into his own mind was that he was still a weapon, he had just been lost and collected by another.

XxX

Naruto opened his eyes to reveal himself standing at the door of his own apartment. Naruto sighed, "Well it's better than a sewer I guess…" He opened the door and walked through his mindscape/apartment to find a dog-sized fox with nine-tails and a collar asleep on what was supposed to be his bed, obviously the Kyuubi.

The Kyuubi's ears twitched as he drew closer and it sat its head up to let out a vulpine yawn, "Hello kit. I have to say, it's a major improvement over the sewer."

Naruto sat on the bed next to the fox and looked over at the awakening biju, "I can see you're enjoying it. It's still not as cool as it used to be though. If I want to see my own apartment then I sure as hell wouldn't come in here."

The fox growled in comfort as Naruto shook his head with a faint smirk, "So is my mind good enough to broker out the old deal again or what?"

Kyuubi cracked open an eye and stood to walk over to Naruto, "Well since I can make physical contact with you again we can do this right now. Anything you want to add? Anything you didn't like? You want to get rid of the trigger?"

Naruto raised his eyebrow, "No I liked the trigger. Hell no, we're keeping that, that was always cool. Keep that, also you can still see and feel everything I do, you can talk to me, but I can still mute you-."

"Spoilsport…" Kyuubi butted Naruto with its muzzle.

Naruto kept reeling off deals, "I get to retrain using your chakra, and I have to get ridiculously strong again, per the first agreement. I still have to kick the guy that helped the Yondaime come up with the seal that imprisoned you in me in the balls, and I think I'll enjoy doing that more than you will. Am I forgetting anything?"

Kyuubi scratched behind its ears, "No not really. If you want to make another deal or something I'm always open to negotiations, remember that kit. And don't wait too long to use the trigger, you know I always liked that move."

Naruto stood up and let the Kyuubi lay back down on the bed, "Alright, I'm gone. Later you lazy-ass fox…"

Kyuubi batted one of its tails in acknowledgement as Naruto left the apartment/mindscape.

XxX

Naruto opened his eyes and sat up to reveal the hazy outline of the sun outside, "Damn it, did I blackout until morning?" Naruto shakily stood up and went into his bathroom to help wake himself up. As he was brushing his teeth a knock came at his window. Spitting and rinsing his mouth he then walked over to the window in his bedroom revealing an Anbu in a bear mask, "Kuma-san. I must have slept through Tsunade-baachan's coronation right?"

The Anbu nodded, "Tsunade-sama wishes for you to meet her at the tower immediately."

Naruto nodded, "Sure thing, just let me change clothes and then I'll go."

The Anbu used shunshin to disappear from sight as Naruto shut his window.

Upon changing and leaving his house Naruto was once again subjected to the usual looks of disdain and scorn from the villagers. Naruto went through a mental checklist as he walked towards the tower, 'I'm gonna get that guy, that guy, that bitch is screwed. Oh! That guy is getting fucked when I get free time!' Naruto had not lost his luster for pranks and seeing as how he needed to vent on someone anyway why not take it out on the people that dislike you regardless.

As he arrived in the tower he found the same Anbu from his house standing in front of the door of Tsunade's office, "Hokage-sama is waiting inside Uzumaki-san." Naruto nodded and entered.

Naruto found the office filled wall to wall with many of Konoha's high level ninja. Naruto sauntered, pushed, slid, and mashed his way through until he reached Tsunade's desk, "You wanted to see me baa-chan?"

Tsunade glared at Naruto as she heard snickering coming from the back, "Yes brat. I asked for you to come today so that I could get a general idea of your promotion. I've asked these jounin here because they must know more of what you're capable of than I do."

Naruto snorted, "Yeah right…"

Tsunade opened the floor for the others to voice their opinion on Naruto. Needless to say most had nothing too flattering to say about the blonde, the only thing most said that was actually good was that he had high reserves, and then the compliments dropped off sharply. Naruto could only stand silently and pondering, 'That guy's getting it, that guy's getting it. Oh hell no! He called me what? That guy's getting fucked!'

Meanwhile the Kyuubi was doing some musing of its own, "You could kill that guy, you could kill that guy… What the hell? That guy wouldn't last more than 5 seconds against you, how is he getting a say in this?"

Kurenai then stepped forward to take her turn, "Naruto has high chakra reserves and stamina, which lend themselves to him well when he uses Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. Other than that, and an ability to think on his feet, however I cannot give him a good grade in the other facets of being a shinobi. He is usually reckless and quick to act before thinking, he has poor chakra control due to such high reserves, his taijutsu has almost no true form, he has no aptitude for genjutsu, and other than his aforementioned Kage Bunshin he has no true ninjutsu to speak of."

In the back Iruka had to grit his teeth hearing all of these people speak about Naruto as if he was a burden on the program. Asuma pretty much agreed to the same thing leaving Naruto looking around, "Where the hell is Kakashi? Shouldn't someone have my back in here?"

Asuma looked at Naruto, "Good luck with that kid, Kakashi isn't going to show for this until we're three hours in."

Naruto felt like slamming his head into something; a person or inanimate object, it didn't really matter to him. Tsunade noticed that everyone was done with their opinions and looked to Naruto, "Well we've heard from everyone else Naruto, so what about you? Do you have anything to say about what you've been told today? You have the floor."

Tsunade shivered as a dark grin came upon Naruto's face. He turned to face all of his superiors, "Well speaking personally… Fuck you all!"

As the jaws dropped of everyone in the room Naruto began walking around the room, "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you… Not you Iruka-sensei, you didn't say a thing. But yeah, basically, fuck everyone with no real input or a true perspective based on real knowledge."

He continued walking around the room, "You say my jutsu list is pitiful, did you ever know if anyone tried to teach me any? Have you ever seen me fight other than the one time against Neji? You say my control is shoddy, well if you have enough chakra to make upwards of one-thousand Kage Bunshin then I'd love to see you try and keep it up to snuff. You say my taijutsu sucks, come and fight me and find out just how bad at it I am. Having an aptitude at genjutsu is kind of hard without someone teaching it to you isn't it? All of you love to talk about how much you've heard that I suck to make you feel better about your own teams, but none of you have even the slightest idea of what I'm capable of, and while I kind of like that sometimes, right now it's really starting to piss me off."

Naruto finished and sat on Tsunade's desk calmly, "I can see you all have something to say. So go ahead and say it."

The room exploded with jounin and chunin yelling at Naruto for his disrespect and begging Tsunade to discipline him. Naruto turned to look at Tsunade and shrugged when he saw her massaging her temple, "Well you said I had the floor. That means I can say whatever I want."

Tsunade sighed in resignment, "I suppose I dug my own grave on that one…"

Asuma calmly stared Naruto down, "Do you really think you're ready for a promotion kid? You didn't come off as a world beater during the chunin exams."

Naruto scoffed, "Whatever, and I suppose you'd rather have someone like Shikamaru be promoted then instead of me."

Asuma blinked, "Actually yes, he showed great strategic thinking and combat savvy."

Naruto rolled his eyes, "Yeah, and what will he do when he ends up going against someone that can flat out overpower him and disrupt his plans. He's just lucky Temari got caught up in playing his game. If she really wanted to kill him she could have just ripped the tree he was hiding in up by the roots with her wind jutsu and crushed him. Hell I could beat Shikamaru, as a matter of fact I could beat your entire team if I had to."

He looked at Kurenai, "I could beat everyone on your team. Hell I beat Kiba with my chakra and reflexes disrupted an hour after finishing the second stage of the exams with no downtime."

Naruto shrugged, "You know what, as a matter of fact I could probably beat Gai's team too, I already beat Neji, Rock Lee's hurt and if he ever recovers will need rehab before he could step to me, and Tenten, I'll beat her the way Temari did if she hasn't learned anything new. And don't even get me started on my team… Those teams are apparently the best, which means that there isn't a single goddamn genin in this entire village that can beat me."

Tsunade spoke up before they all broke into another uproar, "That's quite a statement brat. Care to back that up with action?"

Naruto smirked at Tsunade, "Do you really want me to put ten of your genin in the hospital? You sure you can spare that kind of manpower?"

Tsunade couldn't help but return the smirk Naruto was giving her, "Fine then. In one week you will fight Asuma's, Kurenai's, and Gai's genin, in addition to the ones on your own team. If you can adequately impress then you'll be promoted to chunin." She spoke again as Naruto opened his mouth, "We'll handle anything further if you can get a promotion from this test."

Kurenai spoke up, "Hokage-sama you can't be serious. I don't know of any genin that can take on three other genin teams, let alone a rookie and the dead-last of this year's graduates."

Asuma nodded in agreement, "The kid has never shown anything special, what makes you think that something like this is necessary?"

Ibiki stepped forward, having kept silent the entire time, "This 'dead-last' as you so eloquently put it captured the Kazekage's children and took out an entire squad of Oto shinobi that had our own forces pinned down during the Suna-Oto invasion. He at least deserves the chance to prove something to all of you that can't see past the titles that you all gave him in the first place."

Naruto smiled, 'Note to self: Do not bombscare Ibiki with horrible, guerilla warfare-ass pranks.'

Tsunade nodded, "Thank you Ibiki." She looked out at the other amassed ninja, "I have personally seen this boy face down Orochimaru's spy Kabuto Yakushi and come out on top. He even went head-to-head with Orochimaru himself and helped me and Jiraiya fight him off. If he is what you call a dead-last then I'm glad that you didn't determine the skill levels back when I was a genin or else I would probably still be one."

Naruto looked at Tsunade, "So are we done? Because I would love to go and vent my frustrations right now. This entire meeting has pissed me right the fuck off."

Tsunade sighed, "Language brat. And yes, that was all I needed. Be at the chunin exam stadium at 10 a.m. next Monday for your fights."

Naruto nodded and bowed to her before moving to open and jump out the window to begin racing along the rooftops.

As soon as he left the office broke into a smattering of talk. Mostly centered around the audacity of Naruto and how 'that demon brat' was going to get slaughtered next week. Tsunade finally got fed up with it all, "SILENCE! What does this look like, the jounin lounge? Get out!" As they began to leave she called, "Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, you three stay."

They did as was told, "The rules for the test will be roughly that he will fight each genin one by one. The other rules will be given on the day of the test. You can all get together to determine the order in which you want them to fight. You all need to inform your teams of my decision for next week. Prepare them well, trust me, they'll need every bit of training they can get…"

Asuma looked skeptical, "It's just one genin Tsunade-sama. Even if we don't train them he couldn't possibly beat more than two in a row."

Tsunade gave up and shrugged, "It's your team Asuma, you can do whatever you feel you should with them. They're your responsibility. You're all dismissed."

XxX

Naruto ran along the rooftops back to his home when a familiar presence landed behind him, "Sasuke-teme, you're out of the hospital I see."

Sasuke glared at Naruto's back, "Fight me dobe."

"Dobe huh?" Naruto didn't turn to face him, "You can fight me in a week like everybody else."

Sasuke looked at him in confusion, "Like everybody else? What are you talking about?"

Naruto shook his head, "Go find Kakashi and ask him. And while you're at it tell him I'm not going on any missions with you all until the week is up… maybe."

Naruto disappeared in a swirl of leaves leaving Sasuke alone on the roof, "He knows shunshin? What have I been missing while I was in the hospital? How strong are you dobe!"

XxX

Naruto once again sat in his apartment meditating silently when his eyes snapped open and he flung a kunai just in time for a poof to go off in his house.

"Maa, Naruto you should really be more careful with these things." Kakashi appeared holding the kunai as the smoke faded, "You do know that we need to talk right?"

Naruto motioned for Kakashi to have a seat as the white-haired man did as directed. Naruto had moved to a more comfortable position on the ground to sit, "So what do you need Kakashi?"

"Kakashi-sensei Naruto." Kakashi finished with an eye-smile.

Naruto snorted, "The last person I called sensei actually taught me stuff. Go ahead and ask your question. Did Sasuke-teme talk to you yet?"

Kakashi sighed, "Yes, and I've also heard from Hokage-sama about your test. Naruto, do you really think this is a good idea? Do you truly believe that you're ready for such a promotion? I mean I can see that you've finally dropped the orange and that scar on you is a new touch, but it takes more than that to be a chunin."

Naruto smirked, "Then it's a good thing that I'll end up being more than a chunin when this is all over then huh?"

Kakashi's eye widened, "You can't be serious."

Naruto gazed at Kakashi seriously, "I'm dead serious. I'm no genin level ninja, I wouldn't even call myself chunin. Doing all of this kiddy crap has dulled my edge. When you're systematically fed garbage that's what you eventually become, garbage."

Kakashi was confused by the whole turn of events here. He expected to simply admonish Naruto for such a brazen act of disrespect, get him to cancel his test and be done with it, but the trend with Naruto these days seemed to be getting more questions and problems than answers and solutions, "Naruto, what are you saying? All genin have to go through missions like the ones you take, we've been over this."

Naruto chuckled, "Go and talk to baa-chan, or even ero-sennin about my 'skill level' and listen to what they say. They've both got the closest inkling to what I can really do more than anyone, and the truth is, I'm not even as good as I should be. At first I thought it was just a work in progress, that if I just trained like I used to that it would come back to me, but I recently realized something…"

Naruto clinched his fists, "I realized just how fucked up I am when I fought Kabuto when we went to go get baa-chan, I was talking to the guy, talking, instead of just running through him and moving on to more important matters. I was casually engaging him like it was a game, like we weren't both there to kill each other instead of me running through him like a buzzsaw, which was what I should have done."

"I should have been kill first, ask questions later. I realized this when I noted that he had gotten back up from the Rasengan." Naruto pointed out the window at Konoha, "It's this place. When I was little that never would have happened, I would have just killed him and moved along. This place's arrogance rubs off on you. The academy stresses stealth, but apparently stealth isn't good enough for a Konoha ninja once they graduate seeing as how I've yet to actually meet one that actively uses it in fights."

Kakashi took offense to that, "Naruto, Konoha's Will of Fire stresses protecting your fellow villagers and comrades above all else. The way you speak of combat, someone would be left out and could get injured, do you not remember my first lesson to you?"

Naruto scoffed, "More like your only lesson, but who's counting? Yes Kakashi, but sometimes a weapon can protect better from the shadows than out in the light. You all specialize in open area fighting. You all are just glorified samurai with special techniques for the most part."

Naruto sighed and stood when he felt Kakashi's glare on him, "Fine, nothing I say is going to make you change the way you think so I'll just use the week off that I told you I was going to take."

Naruto grabbed the weapons and items he sealed in his scrolls, his sword, and headed towards the door. Kakashi noted that he looked like he was going on a mission, "Naruto where are you going?"

Naruto looked back at him, a smile faintly playing on his lips, "I'm going to get something very important to me back. Don't even bother to try and look for me either. If you want to talk to me leave a message here or wait until I get back in on Monday to try to speak to me." Naruto stopped at the door before shutting it, "You can try to find me, but you'll just be wasting your time, because if you can actually find me… then this week was a waste"

Naruto shut his door, leaving one confused scarecrow inside.

XxX

(One Week Later)

Every single solitary soul in Konohagakure no Sato was on edge and watching around every corner for their own safety. It seemed like the 'Prankster of Hell' had returned with a fiery vengeance, only no one could prove it was him this time. The pranks over the course of five days were reminiscent of the days of yore, but only cranked up substantially for a select few others.

Day 1: It was quiet. Nothing really happened to anyone on this day with the exception of one lone pervert at the hot springs, who was stripped, tied up, and had PERVERT spray painted on him before being thrown inside of the woman's baths… Oddly enough he was already crying about his testicles before the women even laid a finger on him in retribution.

Day 2: Day two was noted by a coded message sent out to the Hokage stating intent to pester and disorient the village into oblivion. It stated that she was not a victim, and to handle this like she would anything else, so she simply pulled out a bottle of sake and went about her day.

The first true shots were fired early that morning however when the owners of stores and restaurants in the villages inexplicably found their stock and inventory switched out with each other, everything, even the stuff in storage and lock-up. Restaurants found food switched with clothing, leather, and other goods needed to make clothes, Shinobi outfitters found their weaponry and armor replaced with flowers or canned goods. The entire day for them was spent figuring out who had what from whose store. Needless to say the merchant's guild had more work to do on this day than any other.

The walls of the hot springs separating the men's and women's sides were blown down randomly during the day, much to one side's delight and the other's chagrin.

The academy had their targets' bullseyes packed to the brim with mass amounts of kunai and shuriken stuck to them. Inside each classroom had the definition of stealth written on each chalkboard and each student's seat had a handwritten and copied pamphlet on how to develop true sneaking skills. No teacher at the school's desk was free of nasty trappage, ranging from silly string, to stink bombs, to paint and glitter mini-cannons, with the exception of one Iruka Umino who had a sealed, steaming bowl of ramen within his, chopsticks helpfully included.

Day 3: At 5 p.m. in the evening the jounin lounge had been riddled with pranks.

At the lounge the common area refrigerator was filled with urine samples swiped from the hospital, replacing all of the things that had been stored within. Starch was injected into the couch cushions making them hard, lumpy and uncomfortable. A space heater had been hidden in all four corners of the room, eventually making the room stiflingly hot, and unfortunately for all who were within at the time, the tops of the ceiling fan blades had been coated in itching powder.

Day 4: Apparently the prankster had a wild hair up his ass on this day because he was getting ballsy enough to make attempts on the clans of the village.

The Inuzuka Clan kennels were a miserable place to be, as the prankster had swiped a vial of pheromones from the vet's office and let it go within the kennels of the ninken. The poor, poor genin squads that were hired that day to walk the dogs were subjected to a sight better left to a twisted nature documentary of some sort. Entire teams were mentally scarred from the scenes.

The Aburame Clan was heckled repeatedly for hours by their kikaichu repeatedly reacting to a 'delicious' source of chakra being flared on their grounds in different areas randomly and blatantly. When they arrived on the scene to check it out they couldn't even find the faintest of signatures. The final massive flare-up however, scared the shit out of them, being something reminiscent of the night the Kyuubi attacked twelve years ago.

The Nara Clan's deer had all been removed from their grounds and spread out all over Konoha. Now while the deer were just as easy-going as the clansmen and wouldn't move too far from where they were placed, it was still 'damn troublesome' for the ones sent out to retrieve them.

The Hyuuga clan grounds ended up having flash-bomb traps set up over random areas of mass traffic. Doorways, hallways, the waiting room outside of the clan head's office, all of them and more. Every Hyuuga ended up being 'flashed' at least once during the day. Those that thought that activating their Byakugan while roaming the halls to find the bombs before they went off would be a good idea not only failed miserably, they ended up getting it worse that way.

The most unnecessary and shining example of overkill that could be provided took place at the Uchiha Clan main building where one Sasuke Uchiha resided.

From the second his foot hit the floor that day he instantly tripped a wire that activated a mass of smoke-bombs that filled the house room-by-room. As he went to brush his teeth he ended up heaving in the toilet due to the fact that his toothpaste had been switched with a tube of raw ground beef.

All of Sasuke's shirts had an iron-on emblem of a heart on the front of them, even the undershirts. Seeing this he scoffed and decided since he was staying at home that day to train he didn't need a shirt. As he walked into the kitchen he was blasted with a hidden glitter cannon (Glitter is mutha-f'er so you just have to imagine this). When he opened his refrigerator door cologne was dumped on him from above.

Now getting pissed off that his attempts to start the day kept ending with some kind of shenanigans he decided to head outdoors to practice with his kunai. Upon opening his door he was greeted with a sight that until this moment was something saved for his academy day nightmares. Standing out in front of his house was a sea of fangirls, and much to his horror a few fanboys, gathered from around the village.

The day before this occurrence, flyers were put up all over Konoha advertizing Sasuke Uchiha hosting a mystery contest of sorts at his home, with the prize, of course, being one day with him alone to do whatever.

Now the sight of Sasuke Uchiha stumbling out of his house, smoke billowing behind him, without a shirt, glinting in the sunlight like some sort of new-age vampire, coupled with the overwhelming smell of the cologne drenching his frame was, simply put, overkill for the young women there for their Uchiha-sama.

Now Sasuke, not being slow on the uptake by any stretch of the imagination had his bishonen-senses tingling the second he opened the door. And with good reason he took the staring, hungry looks of the females in attendance as his cue to get the hell out of there, taking off in a dead-sprint towards town to find a place to hide and lose the raving fangirls.

And this is where the cologne came in, because he could run, but smelling like an entire bottle of cheap-ass body spray, he damn sure couldn't hide. And so Konoha was subjected to the sight of rookie of the year, the last loyal Uchiha, Sasuke Uchiha, running around town frantically ducking and dodging attempts from other girls to make him theirs and win his love.

Day 5: At the limits of their own sanity, nothing really happened on this day, it didn't have to. By now the citizens of the village were so frazzled by their week in hell that they ended up screwing with themselves. Prices in the general stores were dropped to all time lows in a collaborative effort to lure out the prankster in question who they figured had to restock.

They were wrong, and simply ended up getting mobbed all at once by artisans ordering raw materials in bulk after having everything ruined by the prankster, young kids rolling through with pockets full of cash and a sweet tooth, and pretty much everybody in Konoha that liked to take advantage of a good deal.

They lost more money than they really made, the prices were so low.

The ninja sent to patrol and watch out for suspicious activities were at the end of their rope, so much so that in addition to turning on each other and hatching crack-pot theories about whodunit they had taken to harassing the general public.

The bags under their eyes showing that they hadn't gotten any good sleep over this in days.

By the end of the reign of terror the only people not touched by the spree of pranking in some way were: Tsunade herself, Shizune, Konohamaru and his three friends, the ninja outfitting shop owned by Tenten's family, Teuchi and Ayame Ichiraku, and Iruka Umino.

The final prank was harmless compared to the rest of the week's activities. It consisted of every face on the Hokage Monument with wide eyes painted on looking out towards the chunin exam stadium with stupid grins on their faces, with sundry sweets and refreshments being painted around their faces. Over their heads hung a massive banner stating simply, "10 a.m. Chunin Exam Stadium."