My new life as an idol

I've always dreamed to be part of the industry of K-pop. I used to suffer from, not depression but pretty close. I was about to kill myself, but one day, my friend introduced me to K-pop. I started with blackpink and then I discovered Stray kids. Their songs, I could relate to them and their voices were really good. I think that, this is when I started to listen to K-pop for real. It saved me, I kept listening and understanding and then they gave me a dream. A big dream. I kept watching them, not the fame I want, sure I want to meet them, but it's not for that either. The friendship that they have feels amazing, right. I want this. It's my dream for another reason, I want to train hard get better and get experience. Not only is this something amazing for me, but a chance to change my life, show the bullies that I was not crazy. I want to see how it feels to be under the spotlight or film for a new movie. I want to change my life. I am ready to sacrifice every inch of me until I die to get in. I just want to get in and train for a little years and maybe debut. I can make this work, I am truly hoping. I want to see how it feels, even though the chances are low, I'll keep trying to get to my goal.

I'm trying my first audition online. I live literally too far to attend the real ones. It makes it even harder for me to get in. I believe in my dancing skills but my singing lack. When I finally sent it I read many informations on the second round and it made me stress out. I was scared to pass to the next round, but in the same time I really wanted to. The problem is that my parents have no idea what I want to do. I am a bit scared of my parents they are really strict and sometimes I fear that they will kick me out. They told me multiple time that online could be dangerous and traveling overseas for an audition online would freak them out. I really want to get in, but if they don't approve my dream what am I going to do? The stress is getting to me slowly. As day passes by, I keep checking my mail to see. I wonder if they truly check it out or they just check your look. Do I stand the beauty standards of Korea? I am lucky to be adopted Asian, because I look like an "idol" I get a bit more chances. I told some of my friends and they are with me in the process of stressing and putting my life on the line. If it doesn't work, I will try again until my body can't endure the home training, but nothing could be better than a real training with pros. I am not Christian, but I pray to be chosen even though it's probably impossible, I'm someone so random in this world. I know I can get better and they will see my determination and upgrades in each performance I make if they don't choose me. They have to, they are the reason I'm alive right now. I have to follow this dream, I want it so bad. It's like a need to survive. I will keep working on my "star quality" and keep getting better. They will see my determination and they will end up choosing me.

Right now, not a lot of people actually care about my life, not even me. So even if I keep trying it doesn't work, I might as well quit. I need to be confident in my skills. I will keep going until I succeed. Even though I fall, I will get up and fight back. I will keep going even if my body tells me to stop. I will get there. It's my dream and no one can take it away from me, not my mom, not my friends and not my ennemies. No one can take it and make it look like nothing. I need to succeed. I need to prove them, but I don't know how. Some idols got found by internet, but my mom won't allow me to post my face on social media. I'll need to hide my face and I don't know about the haters. I'm not scared of them, but I'm scared someone I know finds me out. I will see. I am wishing luck to myself as I wait for the results. It takes about a month apparently.

I started by filling all the blanks and hoped it was enough information. They asked for 3 pictures and so I took 3 pictures, close face shot, full body shot and a profile shot. I hope that's what they want. They asked for an audio too, even though I was auditioning in the dancing category, I sent an audio too. They said they would rather a good dancer than a good singer, because it's easy to lipsync but it's harder to pretend that your moves are on touch when you are on a live performance. Beside singing can be easily improved. I added an introduction and experiences, I have a good flow I'm a musician, I can play many instruments and I had dance classes when i was younger. I even do a little bit of gym so I'm pretty sure it'd be useful if they know. I hope I have enough competence to get in. My dream, my passion, my life. It's all it represents for me this audition. I am training and improving every little detail in my choreo, such as the placement of my hands, the movements' flow, the change of place and even how my legs are placed. Every little detailed are checked and I'm trying my best. Filming was so hard as I couldn't really use my camera. I don't have anybody to film me and my desk is so high that we don't see my feet and my legs which is important too. I have been working on losing weight too. It's important to keep the shape and I'm trying to get some abs somehow.