Chapter 1 - FIRST MEETINGS

Beauty has often been portrayed with rose petals on top, a kind of scenery which shapes the unknown, gripping each uncontrollable urge at our emotions with a single touch. Slowly diving into our somewhat shattered hopes, giving the images of romance a chance to seep in. Quite gorgeous. And so is Sorrow, …

Have you ever noticed the beauty of people losing themselves, the pain and anger which humans keep locked in is too beautiful to be kept locked away, and when it finally comes out, the Scene which gets portrayed is like a simple outspoken masterpiece? Now you see, regret is the one punishment no person can ever get rid of, and when that regret catches up with you, you finally explode releasing that beautiful side of yours you’ve always caged up.

I met a girl once, she had beautiful eyes, the kind you see twinkles on, she had a very refreshing energy about her, you could tell that her bubble hadn’t been popped yet. Even her steps had a kind of beautiful rhythm about them. The innocence in her face disappeared after a few years, you could tell that she was headed someplace where her heart did not belong, her mother brought her to my place once, although she fought to give me a smile, the pain beneath her spoke so loudly that all I did was look deep in her eyes and said, “ Amy , cry, don’t stop crying until your ready to tell me where you left your smile”, she looked at me and said that she still had her smile, and I stared at her.

“Now, what caused your visit to my office today? be sure to be honest with me, I’m usually very picky about the kind of patience I keep.” I said, the girl in front of me had a specific kind of stare in her eyes, the kind which reminded me of how every first snowfall looked, giving the energy of a new start and the dismay of ending a season as well, she had beautiful brown eyes, too gorgeous for the message they couldn’t help but put out there with effortless teardrops. Yes, she struggled to keep her glass eyes in check, good enough to avoid any questions which seemed to put her emotions on a roller coaster. With a sickening kind of expression, her face, as pale as it was, with glistening white cheeks, more so that it seemed as though she had witnessed something she shouldn’t have laid her eyes on in the first place.

As much as I tried to keep my eyes fixated on hers, she seemed a little too hesitant for me to even dare to ask anything about her little visit, we sat there for approximately four hours, thirty-six minutes, and eleven seconds, before she finally spoke. The first words which fled out of her mouth were, “hi there, I’m Annalisa, but you can call me Anna, who are you?” I froze for a minute afterwards having been waiting for ages to hear a little squeak from her, she spoke with such confidence, much like she didn’t have anything which you would call traumatic which had taken place a day ago apparently.

I then replied to her with, “Hi there Anna, I’m Maisie, you have very beautiful eyes there Anna”, and with a huge excitement she asked me, “does it look like the one girl you told me about? tell me about her she sounds very interesting.” Her death-written eyes showed a small twinkle in them as she asked me about ‘the girl’, it seemed as though she wanted to see if she really was as beautiful as she had once hoped.

“You know what the two of you have in common is? there’s a lot of emptiness in your smile, much like the one she wore a lot after loosing her spark, before that, she had the most simplistic kind of beauty, the kind that you see once in a lifetime, one that can’t be replicated no matter the number of tears you put in place. Its irreplaceable and easily broken and well, and it did break, …

Her shell survived of course, but not her true self. Do you know what it means to be a shell of yourself Anna?”, I asked her casually.

And with a little squeaky voice, with little freckles on each pause, I could feel the pain she tried very hard to keep locked in, she said, “Her soul found solace in a place more beautiful than the one she was able to offer it.” Then her forced smile came back to life once more. Although I could sense the emptiness in her eyes, they had a little spark which came out of nowhere, there was simple optimism in her voice, more like she was starting to rise from the ashes. It was interesting to witness such a versatile young soul going back and forth on these two emotions.

“Anna, can you tell me more about your family? lets start with your mom, how would you describe her?”, I said watching the little girl in front of me who had a very interesting kind of gaze about her. She quickly stared at me, more so that it looked like she was utterly stunned by my question that she was in a position of disbelief that I would even consider asking her that kind of question, which was weird cause it was not exactly a very complicated task which I gave her, and yet, ‘she smiled’ and said, “ You know most kids complain about having unreasonable parents, or strict parents, and sometimes just sometimes, parents tend to have a little psycho presence in them. I really wish that was the case here, they couldn’t be any more picture perfect than any other model family I tell you.”

She had a little smile on her face talking bout her apparent model C family, just like she had a kind of pride she would carry around from being born into that such family in the first place. It was interesting to look at her face while she had a kind of fascination on her face, that kind of charm was not easy to come across, with her beautiful small and upmost adorable face I had ever seen. When I did proceed to asking her about their nature, there was a drastic change in her facial expression, it seemed as though that they had sides to them which were not known by outsiders, sides which were a different kind of persona than the one which they always portray in front of others.

It was quite an interesting kind of scenery, which was displayed in front of me, she kept fiddling around with her teddy bear, it looked like she had been holding that teddy from the moment she walked into my office, its just that I hadn’t been paying much attention to it, until it was now that she kept playing with it to avoid keeping eye contact with me. It had a red sweater on, with its brown colour, the sweater popped up even more from the dull colour which the teddy bear resumes. Her fingers couldn’t help but pick on the ears of the teddy, while her right hand held the bear at a grip that could kill, I watched her silently, to understand what her mind was filled with I kept glancing at her eyes which kept a firm stare on the black carpet right next to her pink coloured backpack.

“Well, that’s all the time we have for today, Anna, I’ll see you tomorrow for a follow up on today’s session.” And even at that moment she kept a certain kind of grip on her teddy bear, more like she used the teddy as a crutch. I kept calling her after that moment, she still stared at the black carpet while keeping her lips chipped by her front teeth tightly, she looked as though she was trying to mumble a few words under her breath but still uniformly placed on the single couch which she had been sitting on for the past two hours with no movement than that of her left-hand fiddling with her teddy continuously.

Her eyes kept still for a moment that I stopped calling her out to understand what it was that she was trying to achieve, she stayed on the sofa with unabashed eyes long enough for me to walk up to her, as I got closer to her, I started calling her name all over again, “Anna, … Anna, Anna, …. can you hear me, Anna?”. When I tried to shake her out of her daze, she quickly looked at me with dismay and shock that it took me a moment to realise that she had been drawn to her thoughts that she had lost herself and completely forgot about her surrounding all together. When she did come to her sense, with tears running through her soft cheeks. She asked, “what happened, why am I crying?”, as interesting as that seemed it was also very worrisome for me to bear as that meant she was holding back on things which are a little too hard for her to handle that she keeps having episodes of black-out at random places and times.

I walked her out of the office as slowly as I could, she still had those guilt written eyes on, her beautiful pinkish eyes turned pale, as a peach which had days before its ripeness would show its visibility. Although holding a conversation with her was rather impossible, I believe it would be better for her to hear any person telling her while she kept her half consciousness alive.

And as much energy I tried to put into our one-sided conversation she was still as silent as a corpse which you would hope would miraculously come back, as letting go seems too hurtful thus you allow your imagination to take control of your reasoning to keep your dreams alive even in the mist of there never being a chance of having that one soul back into existence. Yet you keep that little ray of hope, as you into their eyes with content and a little disappointment at heart.

As I reached the receptionist area, I noticed a beautiful brunette young lady with a magazine on her hand she had a very attractive pair of hands, they looked fairly moisturised while keeping their beautiful paleness, and with white nail polish on which complimented her natural style of clothes, you could tell by the sky blue dress she had on with black one-inch shoes that complimented her small and rather comfortable purse which she had placed on the wood coffee table in front of her, the one piece of furniture I had took my own time to choose, as it was the first thing you would notice the moment you stepped into my work place.

She kept a single sip on the mug she placed on her lips every twenty seconds, with her eyes fixated on the magazine which looked like she enjoyed zoning in on the gossip block, she somehow looked very familiar to the eyes, and as pleasing as her beautiful face was, her simple little smiles of enjoyment sealed the deal completely.