lost & found

Living in a world filled with turmoil and uncertainty can bring about a whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes, it feels as if we are lost, like we don't belong or that we are treated differently from others. It's during these difficult times that we often question our place in the world and wonder why we bear the brunt of unfair treatment.

Among these people, I stand. A 19-year-old girl, ambitious and unafraid to give her all for her dreams and goals. Yet my family does not consider my aspirations worthwhile, as if I have no right to dream.

My days of cheerfulness and freedom seem distant now, as I witness the light leaving my eyes, replaced by dullness and numbness. It's a feeling of being lost, of not knowing if I'm truly alive or just going through the motions.

Once, I was confident, walking with my head held high, unaffected by what people thought. I believed that I was smart and strong enough to face any challenge that came my way. But now, I question who I really am and what I have become. Have I become a broken mess? Do I even feel human anymore?

The girl that stares back at me in the mirror each morning is unrecognizable. Where is the sparkle that always danced in my chocolate brown eyes? Where is that smile that used to light up my face when I admired my reflection? I used to love everything about myself, from my long silky brown hair that reached my waist, to my expressive brown eyes, long eyelashes, thin nose, and sweet pink soft lips.

Now, I feel like a bird with broken wings. No matter how hard I try to fly and escape, I always end up falling back into the same place. If it weren't for the soft beating of my heart, I might not even know if I'm truly alive.

In the midst of these feelings, I find myself pondering why my mother treats my sisters differently from me. We share the same blood, the same upbringing, yet it feels as if there's an invisible divide keeping us apart. Am I truly the problem? What have I done to deserve such treatment? These questions swirl around my mind, causing great distress and a longing for answers.

One of the most challenging aspects of this situation is the constant judgment I face. It seems as though every action I take is scrutinized and criticized. The weight of this judgment becomes almost unbearable, as it feels like I can never do anything right in the eyes of those around me.

But why is this the case? Why do they only focus on what I do, rather than looking at who I am as a person? It's as if my entire worth is defined solely by my actions, and any misstep I take is magnified and used against me. This narrow focus on my actions leaves little room for understanding and compassion.

The constant barrage of negativity has led me to question what I have done to deserve such treatment. It's a feeling of hopelessness and despair, as if life has dealt me an unjust hand. I find myself searching for answers, desperately seeking a way to make it all stop.

One day, as I was standing by the window, watching the winter wind rustle the leaves of the old trees outside, I found solace in the cold air and the sense of comfort it brought. The dark clouds seemed to mirror the tears in my eyes, offering a sense of solidarity and understanding. In these moments, I felt a temporary respite from the loneliness and pain that plagued my existence.

On this particular day, it was my birthday. A day that should have been filled with joy and celebration, but instead it felt like any other day. No one acknowledged this milestone, and the lack of recognition cut deep. It was a reminder of my insignificance and a stark contrast to the image of the father I had witnessed earlier, caring for his daughter and protecting her from the storm.

That little girl, oblivious to the struggles I faced, was lucky to have a father who loved and cared for her unconditionally. She found warmth and security in his embrace, while I was left questioning why I was not deserving of such love and protection. The unfairness of it all weighed heavily on my heart.

And then, the storm arrived. Not just the storm outside, but the storm within my own home. I was met with my mother's anger and disappointment, directed solely at me. I could sense that something was bothering her, and she had chosen me as her outlet.

Her words pierced through the air, harsh and venomous. She spewed insults and degrading remarks, leaving me feeling worthless and broken. The fact that she was my own mother, the one person who was supposed to love and support me unconditionally, only added to the pain.

The physical pain of her tight grip on my hair was nothing compared to the emotional turmoil I felt inside. How could a mother be so cold and cruel to her own child? What had I done to deserve such treatment?

As she released her hold on me and retreated to her room, leaving me alone and crying, I couldn't help but hope for a better tomorrow. I longed for a day where the storm within me would subside, where I would be seen and recognized for who I truly was, and where love and understanding would replace the hurt and anger that currently filled my life.

I knew that in order to make it stop, I had to find the strength within myself to rise above the negativity and continue to believe in my own worth. While it might be difficult when faced with constant judgment and mistreatment, I had to remember that I was not defined by the actions and words of others. My value came from within, and I had the power to create a better future for myself.

It wouldn't be easy, and the journey would likely be filled with obstacles and setbacks. But in the midst of the storm, I would find the strength to endure. I would hold onto the hope that one day, the dark clouds would part, and the sunshine would break through, illuminating a path towards love, acceptance, and happiness.

And on that day, I would look back at this chapter of my life with gratitude, knowing that it was the storm that shaped me into the resilient and compassionate person I had become.

My mother's words echo through my mind like a haunting melody, leaving me feeling empty and broken. I try to block them out, but they are too powerful, too real.

I am standing by the window, staring out at the grey sky, my heart heavy with despair. The storm that I had sensed earlier is now upon us, and it is raging with a ferocity that I have never seen before.

The wind howls like a banshee, tearing at the trees and sending leaves flying everywhere. Rain lashes against the windowpane, creating a deafening cacophony.

I feel like the storm is inside of me as well, raging and uncontrollable. My emotions are raw and exposed, and I am struggling to hold on.

I think about all the things that have happened to me in the past year. The way my mother has treated me, the way my family has ignored my dreams, the way I have felt lost and alone.

And now, on my birthday, the day that is supposed to be a celebration of my life, I feel like I am drowning in a sea of despair.

I want to scream, to cry, to rage against the injustice of it all. But I am too tired. I am too broken.

I close my eyes and imagine myself as a bird, soaring high above the storm. I am free and unburdened, and I am finally at peace.

But then I open my eyes and see the reality of my situation. I am still trapped in this storm, and I don't know how to escape.

I feel like I am suffocating, and I can't breathe. I want to give up, to let the storm consume me.

But then I remember something my father once told me: "Never give up on your dreams, no matter how difficult things may seem."

I take a deep breath and force myself to stand up straight. I may be battered and bruised, but I am still here. I am still alive.

I know that the storm will not last forever. Eventually, the sun will shine again, and I will be able to rebuild my life.

But for now, I will simply endure. I will clench my fists and hold on tight, no matter how hard the storm rages.

Because I know that one day, I will emerge from this storm stronger and more resilient than ever before.