Chapter 26 Memories

Trigger Warning: Abuse

"Come, baby! Come!" Auntie Julie enthusiastically said. She invited Ciara, my sister,  into the living room and showed her the dress and toys she bought because Auntie came from a business trip that took place in another country.

I was looking from afar and felt empty while seating in the chair near Mother Lena who is busy cooking our dinner.

"Why are you here? Your mom bought a present, why not join them?" Mother Lena said that made my attention drift to her. I looked at her intently without uttering any response but I manage to smile bitterly. I was not expecting Auntie to do it for me.

I wonder why I became an outcast.

*

"Andrea, what are you thinking?" You know how much it costs! It had a label on it. It was priceless. Oh my goodness! " My vision began to blur as I held Auntie Julie's watch and noticed a sparkle of tears.

This isn't my fault. I picked it up from the floor to put it back on the table, but she barged into the study room. I was being yelled at by her.

She was incensed. I could sense her rage. Because my fear was devouring my energies, I was unable to fight back and defend myself. I attempted to talk. I started to explain what had happened, but I was cut off.

She snatched my tiny wrist and dragged me out of the room.

"Who told you to go inside? I told you countless times," she banged the door closed as I can't help but sob.

"Auntie, I'm. . . I'm so. Sorry!" I stuttered.

"Now, go to your room and stay there until I said so," Auntie let go of my hand and pushed me to go upstairs and stay in my room.

"It's not my fault," I said and said to myself even if I know Auntie won't hear me or if ever she can hear me, I'm expecting that she will not believe in me. I sat down on the floor and my feet curled up as I hugged it while crying.

Then I felt like my stomach was growling and I felt uneasy. I remember that I didn't eat breakfast.

I stopped myself from crying when I heard a noise outside the door while knocking on it. I wiped the tears on my face before deciding to stand up and went near the door. I move closer to my right ear at the door so I can feel and recognize who is or are outside.

Those voices outside were from Frida, my sister and our new helper.

"Andrea!" Frida yelled and knocked on the door. "Come, let's eat!" she said with a hint of her concerned voice.

"I can't!" I was shaking my head even if my tummy was betraying me. "I can't, Frida!"

"Why? Is there something wrong?" I can imagine her confused face because of my refusal.

"Frida, my dear!" our helper butted in, "Your mom told her to stay in her room."

"No!" She paused. "Wait!"

Then, I didn't hear any noise from the outside. I sighed and decided to sit on my bed.

An eight years gap between us shows how different us in every aspect. Knowing Frida fight for the things she didn't understand. She's fearless while on my part was trying to do whatever they told me so. I was a mere child who's 6 years old, an innocent child.

I stared at the ceiling as I started reciting tongue twister as Auntie Julie want me to deliver at a young age until I heard another noise on my door.

To my surprise, the door was finally open.

Frida opened by herself with the use of the spare key found in the study room.

Just like what Frida was concerned about, we ate brunch without uttering anything, only the sounds of plate, spoon and fork we're using.

*

I was doing my elementary school works with my sister, Frida. She guides me on how to draw a good family tree. I was putting colours on my drawing, not specifically my drawing because Frida draw the tree using a pencil then I trace it with a coloured pen when Auntie Julie went inside coming from work and seated on the couch across to us where we are seated.

"Kindly handed me another pair of scissors," Frida murmured so I gave it to her.

My attention drifted to Auntie when I heard her exaggeratedly sigh.

The next thing I knew, she looked frustrated and stress out. Her forehead wrinkled and any moment, if we speak words, she might burst out.

I'd done tracing the family tree and started cutting pictures of us. I was contemplating who's pictures am I going to put, if Auntie Julie is my mom or my other mom since Dad told me that I have two mothers. I just can't understand how it happened that I have two moms and why she told me to call her Auntie instead of mom.

Frida and I halted when a sudden move from Auntie surprise us.

"Frida, go to your room and let her do her school work alone," she said as she grabbed the pair of scissors from Frida's hand and put it hard on the table.

"But mom?"

"No more but's!" she ordered. Frida looked at me apologetically and went upstairs.

I went back my gaze to Auntie and her expression doesn't change and it made me cringe.

"Don't do things that might trigger me to hurt you!" there was a hint of anger in her voice and as I child, I can't fully understand what she's saying. "You look like your mom and I hate you!" Confusion showed on my face.

Before returning to my room, I didn't say anything and focused on finishing my schoolwork.

Because of the storm, I awoke at midnight. I hugged my pillow and went downstairs to fetch milk since I didn't want our helpers to be awakened and Auntie will be enraged at me once more. When I opened the door, I was paused by the sound of voices downstairs.

It was Dad and Auntie Julie arguing with each other.

Auntie was crying while Dad kept on explaining and telling him how sorry he was.

"You liar! Why can't I believe in you? Stop making promises because you lied to me," said between her sobs. Dad held her face and wipe her tears flowing in her cheeks with his thumb but she pushed Dad that made a space between them.

Then the next thing I've discovered was the reason why Auntie hate me and the story of why she never let me call her mom. My painful memories started to haunt me and I can't seem to understand how did it happen.

I dashed back to my room and quietly shut the door before slipping beneath the sheets. It kept playing over and over in my mind. I could sense how pitiful I was. I had the distinct impression that I did not truly belong in this family but the truth hurts me a lot. My chest constricted and it was excruciatingly painful.

I got out of the sheets and walked over to my study table to look at the family tree my sister and I had created. I ripped it up and tossed it in the trash can beside my study table.

The only thing I did after that was staring at the ceiling, my heart pounding.

*****

I covered my ears because undefined memories of the past running into my mind.

It was the past that I tried to forget but it seems that it still haunts me.

I slowly sat on the floor while holding my two ears even though my phone was held in my right hand.

I stayed that for a while and hide in the dark near them. I heard Dad and Auntie talking but I can't fully understand what they are talking about because my thoughts filled from the past and kept on echoing what had happened that made me numb. These past few days were like torture making my body slowly burn with a blazing fire as hell.

Then the second thing I realized, the study room was occupied with silence. My tears seemed to recede when I realized Auntie came out of the room and didn't bother herself to turn on the light as she walked into their room.

That's my cue to return to my room. Just like what I always did, I hide under the sheets. My chest hurt so bad and this is not the first time I heard something terrible.

When will be the time I won't feel like this?

"Are you not going to school, Andrea?" Frida barged into my room like she used to do when she can't see me doing my daily morning routine.

I felt her sit on the side of my bed. I heard her sigh very deeply. "What's wrong? Is there something wrong?"

"Nothing. I just felt sick. I don't know," Yeah, it was. The only thing inside my mind was what I heard. Frida suddenly slightly pulled down the sheets and put her hand on my forehead.

"You're not sick," she paused and stared at me intently. "Tell me and I'm willing to listen."

"But you have work. Now, go to your work," I said after I noticed her dressed up with her usual formal business attire.

"And even you? It's your last day in your work immersion, why not attend it?" she mumbled and stood up. "I'll wait for you. I will drop you in the company."

I saw her go out of my room so I have no choice but to prepare myself even though, I do not have the strength to attend my immersion.