116. Predict Ability

Predict Ability

[The episode begins with Lincoln impatiently waiting for the bathroom. The toilet can be heard flushing and Lisa comes out.]

Lisa: Apologies for taking so long in the lavatory. I know you like to evacuate your bladder at precisely 7:03 antemeridian.

Lincoln: I do?

Lisa: Mm-hmm. So predictably that I can set my atomic clock to it.

[Lisa rolls up her pajama sleeve that shows said atomic clock and sets the time for Lincoln's bathroom arrival before walking away. Lincoln just shrugs it off and goes in there to do his business. Later in the dining room...]

Lynn Sr.: Morning, fam. Kitchen's open for breakfast, put in your orders.

[Leni, Lana, Laney, and Lynn put in their breakfast orders.]

Lincoln: And I'll have a breakf-

Lynn Sr.: [Puts a breakfast burrito in front of Lincoln.] Breakfast burrito with extra cheese, hold the taters. [Lincoln is about to take a bite.] Same as always.

Lincoln: Same as always?

Laney: What's wrong? You always have a breakfast burrito.

Lynn: [belches at Lincoln while looking at his burrito.] You eating that or just looking at it? Cause I could use more protein.

[Lincoln eats his burrito, while giving Lynn a dirty glare. Later again, Lincoln is seen combing his hair in his room until he gets startled by Vanzilla's horn.]

Lori: [offscreen] Come on, Lincoln, we're gonna be late for school!

[Lincoln quickly grabs his backpack and dashes out of the room, out of the house, and into the van.]

Lucy: How come in a house full of girls, you're always the last one ready?

Lincoln: Huh? I'm not always last.

Lola: Uh, yeah you are, which is weird 'cause how long can it take to put on the same orange polo every day?

Lincoln: [winces; to the viewers] Am I seriously that predictable? Maybe my family just knows me really well.

[Later at Royal Woods Elementary.]

Mrs. Johnson: Alright, class, time for astronomy review. Everyone take some flashcards and find a partner. [to Lincoln] Here, Lincoln, I assume you'll be working with Clyde.

Lincoln: Why would you assume that?

Zach: Becuase you have every day since kindergarten.

Clyde: [offers a fist bump] Clincoln McCloud!

[Lincoln only does a fist tap, and nervously thinks, while Clyde gets nervous at what Lincoln did.]

[Gym class.]

Coach Pacowski: Hope you runts brought your hustle because we're climbing ropes today.

[One of the climbing ropes snap off, making Lincoln gulp in fear.]

Lincoln: Oh, heck no. Uh, Coach?

Coach Pacowski: Ah, let me guess, Loud: you need to go to the nurse.

Lincoln: [surprised] Oh, how did you know?

Coach Pacowski: You pull this every time we do the ropes. It's like clockwork.

[Lincoln gets nervous again.]

[That night, Lincoln is having a bad dream. He is put into the dining room and is about to eat his breakfast burrito, when suddenly he is surrounded by coloured floating heads of Lisa, Lynn Sr., Coach Pacowski, and Zach.]

Lisa: I can set my atomic clock to it.

Lynn Sr.: Same as always.

Coach Pacowski: You pull this every time.

Zach: Every day since kindergarten.

Lynn Sr.: [to the other heads] Well, nothing to see here.

Zach: Yeah! It's not like he's gonna do anything we haven't seen a million times.

Coach Pacowski: Hey, you guys wanna grab some chow?

Lisa: Ah, yes please, [They all leave] anything would be more interesting than this.

[Lincoln now tries to eat his burrito in peace, when suddenly he becomes old and his teeth leave his mouth.]

Dentures: Face it, pal. You're boring. [chasing after the heads] Hey, guys! Wait up!

[The frame zooms in on Lincoln twice before he wakes up in a panic like scream, checks his teeth, and breathes a sigh of relief before turning to the audience once more.]

Lincoln: Yikes, I'm getting too predictable and boring. I better change things up or no one's gonna wanna hang out with me. Hmm, I need a plan. [thinks and facepalms] No, that's exactly what predictable me would say. I need a... strategy. [Yawns and goes back to sleep.] Strategy...

[The next morning, Lincoln's alarm goes off at 6:03 AM, having Lincoln get up, turn it off, and heading down to the bathroom first with a groggy Lisa following behind a second later.]

Lincoln: [steps out] All yours.

Lisa: [surprised] What are you doing here so early? [gasps] Did I miscalibrate my time piece?

Lincoln: Nope, just thought I'd empty the old bladder before everyone else today.

Lisa: Hm, that's atypical of you.

[Lincoln winks at his sister and off he goes, whistling. Later in the kitchen, Lynn Sr. is making breakfast.]

Lynn Sr.: [Seeing Lincoln] Hey, kiddo, just about to start on your burrito.

Lincoln: Actually, Dad, I was thinking biscuits and gravy today, with hot sauce please.

Lynn Sr.: [Impressed] Ho, ho. Spicin' things up, I like it.

[Lincoln smiles at this. Later, he is looking at his long line of orange polos.]

Lincoln: Wow, I am boring. I need to step up to change my routine. But who do I know who loves to be unpredictable... [Lincoln then sees Laney dancing while twirling a ribbon through the hall] Huh? Laney, what are you doing?

Laney: Hey, Lincoln. I decided to take up rhytmic gymnastics. It's my passion to become an acrobat.

Lincoln: I thought slam poetry was your passion.

Laney: Yes, and that was great for last week. This week: gymnastics! [Lincoln gets and idea, and later he and Laney were talking in Laney's room] So you wish to change up your routine eh? Well you are wise to seek help from me. I am known to change my activites.

Lincoln: That's why I'm counting on you.

Laney: Which makes me wonder: why are you suddenly want to change your routine?

Lincoln: Uh, no reason. I just want to change things up that's all.

Laney: Okay. I was just testing you. You don't need a reason to change things up. So, how do you want to start?

Lincoln: Well, I have been wearing an orange t-shirt for long time...

Laney: A change of wardrobe! Perfect start! [She runs to her closet and pulls out a whole rack of different clothes and costumes]

Lincoln: Woah! These are all yours?

Laney: Yep, from each new passion I take up. So, what would you like to wear today?

Lincoln: Hmm... [pulls out a red beanie and a raggy cerulean t-shirt.] Bingo.

[Outside in Vanzilla, the sisters are waiting for Lincoln once again as Lori honks the horn.]

Lynn: Come on, Stinkin', we're gonna be late for school!

[Lincoln clears his throat and to his sisters' surprise, they find that he is already in the van.]

Lynn: [Amazed] Whoa-ho-ho! Wait, you're already here? Didn't see that coming.

Lincoln: Yeah, ya didn't.

Luna: [Notices Lincoln's new clothes] Hey aren't those your hipster clothes from your poetry slam phase, Lanes?

Laney: Yeah, I'd figure I take a rest from that after that rap battle. The words that guy used were so inappropriate...

[At school, Lincoln takes a deep breath before he enters the classroom. He walks in, and his friends take notice of his new look.]

Liam: Hooo-weee, sure do fancy your new duds, Lincoln.

Stella: Yeah, didn't know you were into the hipster look.

Lincoln: You might find there's a lot you don't know about me.

Clyde: [starts to get paranoid] Are you saying that specifically to Stella? Or there are things that I, your best friend of six years, don't know.

Mrs. Johnson: [gets the class' attention] Alright, class, time for calligraphy practice. Everyone find a partner. [Handing out the quills; to Lincoln] Lincoln, I assume you'll be-

Lincoln: Hey, Stella, would you like to work together today?

Mrs. Johnson: [surprised] Oh, didn't see that coming.

Clyde: [fully paranoid] Me neither. [starts breathing into a paper bag]

[Laney gives Lincoln a thumbs up]

[Later in gym class...]

Coach Pacowski: Look alive, troops, it's rope climbing time! [Lincoln raises his hand] Ugh, what is it now, Loud? Bird flu? Charley horse?

Lincoln: No, Coach, I want to volunteer to go first. [heads to the ropes]

Coach Pacowski: [surprised] Wow, I didn't know you had it in you.

[Lincoln starts climbing the rope with all the strength he has in him, but then slides down a few inches. He then climbs back up again while his classmates are amazed at his performance.]

Stella: Whoa, he's actually doing it.

Zach: Haha, this guy is full of surprises.

[Clyde, once again, gets paranoid, sneaks off from the group, goes into Coach's office, and starts calling Dr. Lopez.]

Clyde: Hello, Dr. Lopez? I know you're in Aruba, but I'm really starting to spiral right now.

[Back at the rope, Lincoln is almost at the top.]

Everyone: [chanting] Lincoln! Lincoln! Lincoln!

[Lincoln rings the bell, and everyone cheers for him. Lincoln points to them, but due to only having one hand on the rope now, falls.]

Lincoln: AAAHHH! [Lands] Rope burn.

[Later afterschool, Lincoln was walking with Laney]

Lincoln: And then I got rope burn from climbing the rope.

Laney: Well done, Lincoln. You really became so unpredictible. Now it's time for our next lesson.

Lincoln: What's that?

Laney: Change everything again! Being unexpexted means you can't let people know what you're gonna do next!

Lincoln: I think hear what you're saying...

[The next morning, Lincoln's alarm goes off at 6:03 AM, again, Lincoln gets up and goes to use the bathroom but stops himself.]

Lincoln: Wait, I can't be the first one in the bathroom again. Now it will be predictable. [ponders for a second] I know, I'll go last.

[Lori and Leni's bedroom door then opens and a tired Lori comes out. She then notices her brother.]

Lori: Oh, hey, Lincoln. Did you need to get in there?

Lincoln: No, no, after you, Lori. [Lori shrugs and goes in. Luan arrives later on.] You first, Luan. [Then Lana] Lana, I insist. [Lana points to Hops, who is under her hat.] Yeah, Hops can cut me, too. [She smiles and goes in. Luna arrives next, wondering the same thing as Lori.] Go ahead, Luna, seriously. [Luna shrugs and goes in. Lola arrives next, suspiciously looking at him.] No, Lola, this isn't a trick.

[Lola gives the "I'm watching you" gesture as she goes in. One by one, Lincoln allows his sisters to go first, and puts himself in more pain in the process. Finally, Leni comes out.]

Leni: All yours. Sorry I took so long, first, I forgot what I was doing in there, and then I noticed my hair color was a little flat-

Lincoln: [Cutting Leni off] Great story, Leni! [bolts into the bathroom]

[Later, Lincoln is looking through Laney's closet for something to wear. He pulls out what appears to be a brown business suit.]

Lincoln: Hmm, a little formal, but definitely different. [Cut to outside; Lincoln, in the suit, is walking out carrying a briefcase and his sisters look at him from inside Vanzilla.]

Laney: Hey, Lincoln! Looking sharp!

Leni: Hey, isn't that your buisness suit from the time you pretended to be a lawer, Laney?

Laney: Yeah, not one of my best phases. I barely know how lawyers work. Other than they use words like: "objection!", "overruled!", and "you're out of order!" What does that even mean?

Lincoln: Don't wait for me, guys, I'm walking.

Lori: Really?

Lynn: [chuckles] Oh, good one.

Lola: Wish you told us before we all sat here for ten minutes!

[As Lincoln was walking to school, he realized due to the heat and the fact that he's wearing something long-sleeved, he starts to sweat. Eventually, he makes it to school and to his classroom to the point that he's exhausted. He shakes it off and enters as his friends check out his outfit of the day.]

Zach: Whoa-ho, check this guy out. Just when I was getting used to the hipster look, he goes all dapper.

Stella: Cool briefcase. I didn't know you were into vintage stuff.

Liam: [Grabbing Lincoln's arm] Whoa, you could get married in a suit this fine, or buried in it.

Lincoln: Thanks, guys, just shaking things up.

[At his desk, Clyde is doing a little shaking of his own.]

Clyde: It's okay Clyde, just remember your calming mantra. 'The waves come in, the waves go out.'

[The next day is a rainy day, Lincoln walks up to the table wearing a Shakespearean outfit and carrying a plate of sake sushi.]

Laney: You're eating sushi for breakfast?

Lincoln: Yep. Pretty wild, huh?

Lisa: Meh, not in Japan.

Lincoln: [Grabs the maple syrup off the table.] How about, covered in syrup?

[Lincoln daringly drizzles the syrup on the fish. Lynn, Laney Lola, Luan, and Lisa turn green at the sight of this and leave to throw up. Lincoln grabs his chopsticks, and nervously attempts to eat it. He takes a bite and turns even greener than his sisters did, and runs to throw up, too. The next day after that, Lincoln is riding a unicycle, wearing a clown outfit, to school. His sisters catch up to him inside Vanzilla.]

Lori: Are you sure you don't want a ride to school?

Lincoln: Thanks, but I'm good!

Leni: [As Vanzilla drives off] Watch out for potholders!

Lincoln: What?! [His unicycle trips over a pothole and he falls down on the sidewalk face first.]

Laney: I think you mean potholes.

Leni: Oh yeah. Sorry!

[Lincoln grimaces in pain. The next day, Lincoln is now a mime, he pulls himself into the classroom on an invisible rope, and gets trapped in an invisible box. His friends just watch without a clue.]

Mrs. Johnson: [observing this] Well, this is different, not sure how you're going to participate in today's spelling bee.

[Mrs. Johnson gestures to the blackboard, which discloses said spelling bee. Lincoln loosens his invisible scarf realizing that he hadn't thought this through. The next few days follows a montage after that, which includes Lincoln walking around the hallway wearing half a horse costume, Lincoln trying to eat his sandwich, considering the fact that he's wearing deep sea diving gear, Lincoln wearing goth attire, Lincoln wearing the other half of the horse costume, and finally during gym, while the students are running laps, Lincoln is riding a gym cart, wearing a cheese hat and a purple sweater with a pink cape, carrying a princess wand, and repeatedly saying "Woo!" like a siren.]

Zach: This guy's totally insane!

Stella: Go, Lincoln!

Liam: You never know what this feller's fixing to do next!

Clyde: [Starting to lose his marbles.] Yeah, ha ha, I know, right?! [He accidentally bumps into Coach Pacowski from behind, leaving his glasses attached to his butt, to which Coach turns around, and shrugs it off. Coach then notices Lincoln scooting across him.]

Coach Pacowski: [chuckles] Unpredictable Loud. What's he gonna do next?

[Lincoln hears Coach's comment and smiles, knowing that his strategy worked like a charm. Later that night, Lincoln goes to Laney's wardobe to find what to wear for tomorrow.]

Lincoln: Alright, just need something new to wear for tomorrow. Viking helmet? Nope. Disco outfit? Done that. Chicken suit? Wore that last tuesday. [He finds that he has pretty much worn every last one of Laney's costumes and sighs] I wore every last outfit Laney has... [Goes back to his room and lies down on his bed] Guess I'll just have to wake up super early and go shopping for new clothes. Maybe I can get an advance on my allowance, or Lola's always got cash to lend, if I can afford the interest.

[Lincoln then falls asleep and has another bad dream. This time, he is put on a stage with his family, classmates, and gym coach watching.]

Lincoln: Hey, everybody, it's me, unpredictable Lincoln. Watch what I do next! [He morphs his face into a caricature kind of look, but they don't seem interested in that.] Wait, what about this? [Takes his head off and spins it around like a basketball.]

Lynn, Lana, Liam, and Stella: We've seen it!

Lincoln: [now angry] What about this?! [Tosses his head and his tongue then decends as a staircase, having his body climb it up, in his mouth, and his head spits it out and is back in one piece. But...]

Lisa, Lynn Sr., Coach Pacowski, and Zach: You did that last week!

Lincoln: [growls] Fine, is this predictable?!

[A volcano then sprouts above Lincoln, destroying the stage, then out erupts fiery lava, but he gets the same reaction.]

Lynn Sr.: Yawn, again!

Liam: Come on.

Lincoln: HOW ABOUT THIS?! [He then jumps backwards into the volcano screaming, to which he hears "Boring" in the background. The last thing he hears before waking up] Gah! Oh man. Who knew being unpredictible could make me so predictable... [He looks at his closet full of orange polo shirts, coming to his senses]

[Laney was walking to the bathroom only to find that Lincoln's not there]

Laney: He's not anywhere near the bathroom. Oh! Of course, he's already done that. [She walks downstairs in the kitchen and finds that Lincoln is sitting on the table] Oh! There you are! What are you having for breakfast, Lincoln?

Lincoln: Breakfast burrito. [Eats his burrito]

Laney: Oh... aren't you gonna put anything on it? [Pulls out maple syrup] Like syrup?

Lincoln: Nope. [Continues to eat his burrito]

Laney: Hmm... Why is Lincoln acting so predictable today? [gasps] Maybe he's planning a big unpredictable surprise at school! [excited] Oh! I can't wait!

[Later at school, Lincoln's friends are chatting near the entrance.]

Stella: What do you think Lincoln's gonna wear today?

Zach: Well, you never know with that one. He's a real wild card!

[Vanzilla's horn honks in the distance.]

Liam: Oh, here he comes!

[Vanzilla pulls up in front of the school and the younger sisters get out. Lincoln comes out wearing his orange polo.]

Lincoln: Hey everybody, there's something I want you all to hear. Lori, can you wait a second? [jumps out of the van] Okay, so I know I'm a predictable guy, but I can't help it, that's just who I am. And if you think that makes me too boring to hang out with, I'll just have to live with that.

[His sisters and friends are confused at what he just said.]

Laney: Wait. That's why your were doing all this? I just assumed you like doing random and unexpecting stuff because it's fun.

Lincoln: Well, it was fun for a while. But then I realized that being unpredictable would still make me boring.

Leni: We don't think you're boring, Lincoln.

Lincoln: Really? Even though I wear the same orange polo and pee at the exact same time every day?

Lola: Oh, I judge the polo.

Zach: TMI, dude.

Lucy: Never really thought about it.

Stella: That stuff doesn't make you boring. We all have our routines.

Lori: Yeah. I literally wear the same shorts every day.

Lynn: I fart when I sneeze. Always have, always will.

Zach: I watch the same alien movie, like, every night to fall asleep.

Laney: I sometimes skip breakfast because I like lunch even more.

Lana: I can't pass a dumpster without checking to see if there's something yummy inside.

Lincoln: Wow, thanks, guys. This is such a relief.

Clyde: [tearing up] Tell me about it. [Runs up to Lincoln and hugs him while crying.] Please don't ever change again! At least not while Dr. Lopez is out of town!

Lincoln: [pats Clyde's head] You got it, buddy.

Coach Pacowski: [with some poles] Loud, we're doing pole vaulting today! [Unknowingly hits Rusty on his bike when he turns.] I know you're gonna wanna go first.

Lincoln: [deadpan] Dang it.