Her Maid

The next week passed relatively quietly. I spent that time attempting to adjust to my new position within the family, studying with Mage Reginald, and attending sword training with Sir Verret. It was easier thanks to Noah's presence and I even found myself looking forward to the times we could play together.

He was an innocently sweet and kind child. Maybe the books I've read tainted my opinion but I had thought that he would be spoiled and might mistreat the servants. That wasn't the case at all. He was close to several maids and some of the kitchen staff, occasionally sneaking in to steal a small pastry or cookie. I taught him how to make his footsteps quieter using some of the manners that were taught to me to aid him in his mischief.

Mother stayed in my room for the entirety of this week as well, holding my hand and speaking to me briefly before bed. Her efforts felt honest and heartfelt even if my heart wasn't easily accepting of them. She seemed to care deeply about me and might regret my treatment more than I realized. I can't help but think that if it weren't for my injuries at the hands of Lizabeth's punishments she might never have done these things though.

At the end of the week I finally felt comfortable enough to be left alone. I needed the space now and I was starting to feel pressure to accept my mother's kindness. I wanted to meet my family on my own terms and not be forced into their idea of happiness. This conveniently enough lined up with another event.

"Mari we've finished your permanent new room on the second floor of the south wing. You'll be next to Noah's room and across the hall from our own now. I hope you don't mind the location."

"I don't mind mother; I was just about to ask if I could start sleeping alone so this change will help me adjust to that."

She seemed a bit sad at that, frowning slightly and looking down at my hands. Maybe she'd grown a bit too attached to me over these two weeks. It looks like our separation might be best for both of us.

"… I'm worried Mari. Your behavior before reminded me of a friend of mine during my time at the Academy and I… Can you promise me that you'll come to me and ask for my help if you feel like you did that day in the hallway?"

There was lingering regret in her words, a profound sense of loss and something deeper. I think I see a connection now and it actually makes me feel better about her behavior. I'm feeling a little sad that she might have gone through something difficult like that and a little happy that she wasn't just doing things to get closer to me.

"As long as I'm in this house you'll be the first person I'll come to if I feel that way again."

A smile broke across her face and she hugged me, wrapping her arms all the way around my waist and squeezing gently.

"You'll need to eat a little more too, you're all muscle now and not soft enough to squeeze like a lady should be."

"I'm comfortable being who I am mother, I'd rather not fit into some predetermined mold of a lady."

"Eating more won't hurt though, I see how you still struggle to eat anything. Somehow you always manage to eat a single piece of cake or a pastry once a day though. Your expression when you eat it isn't typically happy, it seems like you might be forcing yourself a little so it must just be a habit. When did it start?"

I brushed off her question by diverting the discussion to the events of today. It did remind me that I hadn't replied to Venna for these past two weeks despite my habit of writing down what I noticed about the pastries every day.

"Lunch is soon and I'll need to go see father in his office afterwards to discuss something. Noah will be sad that I can't accompany him."

She recognized my attempt at redirecting her attention even if she wasn't fooled by it and went along with me.

"He will be but I'll have his nursemaid attend to him. I can't spend time with him either as I have to catch up on all the work that I've been putting off these two weeks. This house won't run itself and some of the preparations for winter still need to be reviewed and signed."

I wonder sometimes how the things that were happening in the north wing escaped my mother's keen eyes. I think the orders of my father might have had a bit to do with it. The way that Lizabeth had built a fortress within its confines and manipulated my father into leaving its management to her might have contributed as well.

Lunch was the same as usual, with Noah's questions about my lessons distracting me from eating. His presence at my meals has been a blessing as it's easier to ignore my discomfort.

After lunch I made my way to my father's office, following the standard etiquette to enter and present myself.

"I've come about the matter concerning the maid you assigned to me father."

"Good, I was wondering if you'd forgotten."

"I wouldn't forget father; I was giving the matter some thought as I wasn't sure if I wanted to take time to listen to what she might have to say."

"That's fine. I'll assume from your presence here that you want to see her. I can arrange for a meeting in a sitting room this evening. Is after dinner fine?"

"Why a sitting room father? Wouldn't it be best and safer if it was done in the visitation room above the dungeons?"

"Normally I would ensure that any prisoner you were about to see would be present there but there are special circumstances under which I've allowed this."

"I won't question your orders further then."

He stopped and looked at me in confusion and then his expression settled into one of guilt.

"This isn't an order Mari. If you're uncomfortable meeting a prisoner in such a relaxed way you can request that I move the meeting to the visitation room."

"That's fine father. If you've deemed it safe for the meeting to occur in the manor I have no reason to doubt your judgement."

"Do you have any other questions?"

"No father."

"You may leave."

After dinner I was escorted by Sir Trevor to a sitting room on the first floor that was attached to the foyer.

Inside the room sat the girl I knew as my maid, Rebecca. She was in good health and showed no signs of any harm. There was an expression of discomfort on her face, maybe from anxiety at having to speak to me. She played a part in my suffering for over two years after all.

She stood up as I entered, performing the deep customary curtsy that a servant would give to their master. It's something I saw her doing often in the past. I always wondered why she was so respectful with some of her etiquette while she often hesitated to listen to what I asked of her or ignored my pain.

"Miss Rebecca, my father has told me that you wish to speak to me. I agreed to this because I was curious about your intentions and had a few questions of my own."

"Yes Young Lady Arkesh, I requested this of your father and I'm glad that you agreed to it despite the fact that there is no good reason for you to do so."

She was always smart and observant of the situations when she was my maid, making quick decisions based on what was going on around her. I admired her for it even if those decisions weren't always best for me.

"I hope I wasn't called here so that you could plead for leniency regarding any sentence that would be passed down for your discretions."

"Not at all Lady Marisilea. I simply wished to express my apologies regarding my role in what happened for the over two years that I was one of your maids."

"You wanted to apologize? Is that it?"

"Yes."

She seemed to be telling the truth. I'm suspicious of her intentions though.

"Why? And why now? You were with me for quite some time and had a lot of opportunities to change your behavior or apologize for your role in it."

During her time with me she never hesitated to follow orders or to do things that would make others balk. It's true that I never saw her angry with me after Healer Yumi left and I'm certain she never attacked me with glee or hatred later. But she did everything ordered of her with an impassive expression. I find it hard to believe that someone could do that and then express true regret for their actions, at least not without some ulterior motives. Especially if they had a punishment from a major noble house looming over them.

"I'm not sure any explanation I could offer would be satisfactory, given my role in everything that happened. As such I don't think it's worthwhile for me to explain myself. This is the last thing I requested of the Duke so I just wanted to follow through with it. Nothing more."

"So now that you've said it you'd be fine with me just leaving?"

"Yes Lady Marisilea."

There was absolutely no hesitation. Her expression was resolute and she looked me directly in the eyes when she said it. I couldn't detect any attempt to garner sympathy from me.

"I shall take my leave then Miss Rebecca."

"Thank you for your time Lady Marisilea."

Still no hesitation. She hasn't even expressed curiosity about what I wanted to ask of her.

I approached the door and hesitated with my hand hovering above the handle. I could just walk out now and not have to face my own curiosity towards this girl, and the memories that would drudge up, but something deep in my subconscious was telling me that I couldn't do that.

Turning around I approached one of the couches and sat down. I was amused by the expression of surprise on her face. That alone made my decision to come back worthwhile.

"I still have some questions for you and I hope you'll be willing to answer them despite your desire to just apologize. I would regret leaving things as they are now."

"Of course Lady Marisilea."

"You don't have to repeat my name and title. You're no longer my maid and I'm not here because I want to revel in your situation or capitalize on my position over you."

She relaxed a little at that.

"I always hoped that we shared similarities but I could never be sure if what I saw was true."

Not the words I was expecting to hear.

"Why would we share similarities Rebecca?"

"… You might recognize the name Treske more than just my first name."

She was the firstborn daughter of the Treske Barony that was expelled from the family roll when she was only two years old? This made the entire situation worse, not better.

"If you were a firstborn daughter then why did you treat me the way you did? Did you not know you were their daughter until later?"

"No, I've known since I was five or six years old. At least I had plenty of clues that I was at around that age. It was hard not to figure it out given that I was working in the house as a maid the entire time. All the other maids and servants would occasionally make comments about how striking my resemblance to the lady of the house was, which only increased as I got older."

"You stayed on as a maid. Was that their decision? It seems strange to expel you and then have you still working in the house."

"The woman who took me in figured out who I was fairly quickly and tried to use me to extort money from the Baron. She thought that if she could put me in their manor as a maid and then later reveal who I was she could use it as leverage to make herself rich. It was a pretty good plan honestly but she didn't account for the ruthlessness of Baron Treske."

Her situation was sounding even more like my own now. She could be making this up for sympathy but it wouldn't be too difficult to ask my father to verify her story. Judging by all the concessions my father made and his willingness to accede to her I think he probably already has.

"So what happened to her? I'm assuming her fate wasn't simple as Baron Treske has been known to pass cruel judgements on criminals in his lands."

"She was tortured and then executed after my presence, and her role in it, was discovered. I was only nine at the time. She intended to wait until I was thirteen so she could request my Ceremony be completed in his manor but that obviously never came to be."

"I'm still confused as to how you ended up working here as a maid who was told to watch over me."

"I was kept on as a maid after I was discovered because nothing bad had happened to the Barony when I worked there. The Baron apparently believed that removing me from the House roll was enough to prevent the curse. After that I..."

She took a moment to slow her accelerated breathing down before continuing.

"I… was essentially tortured by the servants in the Baron's manor after they discovered who I was. I spent five years being told I was trash, a curse, dangerous, and worthless. I was given the worst duties of the house, worked until late hours and was awoken at the earliest hours. I was even kicked and beaten if I was too slow or began to fall asleep. When I reached the age of fourteen and found an opportunity to leave, I took it. I escaped the Barony by moving to a Marquisate and looked for work as a maid there. I had the ability even if I couldn't rely on proving my qualifications through Baron Treske."

Working from that young until fourteen would easily give her the skills necessary to prove she could be a maid in a Lord's manor. Choosing a Marquisate was intelligent as well because all of them manage the borders and don't often participate in court politics. She might never have to get anywhere near Baron Treske and any Marquis might not be familiar with his wife.

"My work was with Marquis Brighton, your grandfather. By the time I was seventeen I had worked my way up to a Lady's Maid for your cousin Florence, the daughter of his successor. When the Marquis heard that your father was looking for more maids for you he recommended me and I jumped at the opportunity. I had heard from whispers among the servants in the Marquis' manor that you were a firstborn and not favored by the Duke. I thought I might be able to enter the manor and get you out if you were suffering through a similar fate as my own."

"You seemed to hate me not long after we first met. You never made any attempt to get me out or talk to me either. And now you want to apologize? Your situation and how that reflects on your actions are only making your behavior look worse, not better."

"I… any apology I give now would just ring hollow, so I don't want to keep saying that. There's no real excuse for how I treated you even if I can explain why. I didn't want to tell you this and even now I'm not looking for forgiveness or empathy from you. You're right in saying that what I did is worse given my circumstances. My apology earlier is a selfish one born of a desire to assuage my own guilt."

Listening to her finish her explanation might help me to deal with this revelation a bit, even if I am getting angrier the more I hear. I motioned for her to continue.

"When I arrived the Duke assigned me to the north wing immediately. I was instructed to only report to Lizabeth as all of the north wing was managed by her under the direct order of the Duke and she relayed everything directly to him. I was made to work away from you and around the north wing for a short time to get familiar with the layout of the manor and so Lizabeth could judge my skills. During that time I had heard a lot of rumors about your behaviors. I was told that you would throw fits and request jewelry from your parents, you would go on hunger strikes to try to get them to come see you, and that even though you were a firstborn daughter there wasn't much that was demanded of you.

"After Lizabeth was satisfied with my performance and I was first assigned to you I noticed your hesitation at receiving food despite it being luxurious and plentiful. You didn't have any classes or suffered through any of the scathing words from the maids. There were times where, when you were with the Young Lady Ardaine, you smiled or even seemed to enjoy yourself. Your expression was impassive but Lizabeth told me it was because you controlled your emotions to specifically appeal to your parents. I had begun to assume that your life and treatment was nothing like my own and I held that against you."

"What about how skinny I was? Wasn't my body and how sick I was enough for you to consider that things might not be as they seemed?"

This should have been the most obvious thing to anyone. The other maids had been working for the Duchy for a long time and had heard the story of my hunger strikes repeated constantly before I was that skinny but she was a new hire. She hadn't seen me until I was at my worst.

"All the other maids repeated the same story, and Lizabeth told me that your hunger strikes were so severe and had gone on so long that you didn't like eating anymore. Her explanation and the evidence that was given to me was enough to convince me of it. I was already starting to feel envious of you so that probably contributed to my desire to believe what she told me.

"My opinion started to change after your lessons began and Healer Yumi left. Lizabeth came to me and told me that the Duke had ordered your studies be changed to make them more difficult and you would be punished for any mistakes you made. She seemed upset and when I questioned her about it she said that you had suffered through something similar in the past.

"I asked her why she didn't help you or get you out of the Duchy and she informed me that the reach of Duke Arkesh is far. Any attempt to go against the Duke with regards to your treatment could result in disbandment with a letter of non-employment or even imprisonment. Any attempt to rescue you would be viewed as kidnapping. I'd be labelled a criminal of the highest order and my bounty would be massive. She repeatedly stressed it, offering explanations that some maids had tried in the past and their lives were ruined."

"And you just believed her? I'm sure there were other maids that could refute some of those claims."

"The other maids either had no idea or told me that some maids had inexplicably quit or disappeared without notice suddenly. There was one or two maids that confirmed Lizabeth's stories but when they were pressed for details they couldn't provide anything concrete."

I'm starting to get a deeper understanding of how Lizabeth managed to control a lot of the north wing. A few people helping to spread stories, a few maids quitting suddenly because they were uncomfortable or didn't like the working conditions, and most of the information regarding anything else kept quiet.

"I realized everything when I was questioned by the Duke. I wanted to confront you and help you but Lizabeth kept me scared for so long that eventually I was so deeply involved I saw no way out. Only when the Duke began asking me questions about Henry's actions and your punishments did I realize I had been fooled for years. I had been just as complicit in your treatment as the maids that hurt me in the Baron's manor."

"You were so impassive when you were ordered to do things to me. I couldn't tell what you felt while complying with orders. There was no indication of reluctance or joy with your actions."

Not that joy would have made a difference to me. Only Henry really seemed to get any pleasure out of my pain and he was a fool.

"My time in the Baron's manor taught me to ignore my own pain and suffering. I did the same thing when I was punishing you that I did when I was inside that hell. I controlled my expressions and detached myself from the situation. I cried myself to sleep some nights but I knew that what I was dealing with was nothing compared to what you were going through. I used that knowledge to pull myself together for the next day."

"Why did you stay? You could have left at any time."

"A part of me hoped that there might be an opportunity some day where I could help you. I had arrogant fantasies that I could swoop in and rescue you from everything and you might forgive me for it. Those fantasies would make me cry when I realized I was just being selfish. Another part of me stayed because I was guilty. I didn't want to leave you to suffer alone so I deluded myself in to thinking that the least I could do was suffer emotionally with you."

"Despite the fact that you said you didn't want to make excuses or explain your reasons, you're certainly being forthcoming now."

"It's not admirable but I'm happy to finally tell you all of this. I wanted to tell you but I knew that it was selfish of me to think so. It took a lot of courage for me to admit that and commit to just apologizing. I'm using your kindness and curiosity to feed my ego and give myself a reason to…"

Her words trailed off as she seemed to gaze inward at a part of herself that she was disgusted with. I think I've asked enough for now.

"We've spoken enough. You may return and I'll consider what punishment is appropriate for your crimes."

"Thank you for listening Lady Marisilea. Once again I apologize, as hollow as it may sound at this point.

I took my leave from the room and immediately made my way to my father's office