Just Another Day - Two Birds

"Hey. Did you know? No matter how much two people may try to understand one another, they will never be able to be more than two separate people. I mean that's pretty obvious, but I feel like that's something people often overlook. But that's one of the things that's constantly taking up space in my head. What do you think about this, Tsubasa?"

This is the first exchange that I'm ever having with Miu. She just transferred to this school and was seated next to me. We worked together on our Math work (which, surprisingly, I'm good at) and on our English work (which to my surprise, Miu was an absolute pro at (well I'd see anyone as a professional in English; English isn't my strong suit)). Now we're spending some free time during school together. Normally, I spend my time on my own. I'm not much of a "friends" person. But today I have someone accompanying me- Miu. I don't know if I'd consider her my friend yet, but I engage with the conversation.

"This is a thought that I occasionally have, but not one that is worth entertaining to me. I've never really wanted to be close to other people. Look at it this way: if you were to become "one" with someone, the only thing you're doing is leaving yourself vulnerable to pain. The closer you are to someone, the more they'll be able to hurt you. But this goes both ways. You will be able to inflict pain on that someone much more efficiently compared to if you were to remain strangers. So to me, remaining strangers with someone would be the most logical option. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Respectfully, Tsubasa, I'd have to disagree with you. Don't you know the saying? No pain, no game!" Does she mean "no pain, no gain"? " Sure, you prevent pain from being inflicted when you choose to just be strangers with others. But tell me, how do you expect to experience happiness?"

"Happiness?" A word that everyone knows, but one that I don't truly understand. Is happiness something finite or something infinite? Is it something that you only experience on a few occasions? Or is it something that you experience from the moment you are born until the moment you die?

"Tell me, Tsubasa. Do you think happiness is something ephemeral or something eternal? Happiness is something I don't truly understand yet, but I know that as long as I open my heart up to people, I'll be able to experience it." Wait a minute. Is she reading my mind? Hopefully, she isn't. What am I thinking? Of course, she isn't. That's impossible. "I don't care if my happiness lasts for eternity or but a mere moment. Just experiencing it once will make me satisfied with my life."

"How do you know whether or not you've experienced or are experiencing happiness? For the 14 years I've been alive I have never once felt like I've experienced-." What the hell am I doing? Opening up to a person I've just met? I hardly even talk to my parents, but I'm having a philosophical discussion with someone I don't know. Just who the hell is she?

"Why did you stop mid-sentence, Tsuabsa? Hmm, let me guess. You sneaked a peek at my breast and were dumbfounded by their size. I'm right, aren't I?"

Why am I talking to her again? "N-no! I wasn't looking at your breast! What would give you the impression that I was?" Damn it. I just took a peek right now just because she brought it up. Hopefully, she didn't notice.

"You just took a peek at my breast again! Jeez, you're such a pervert." Now I'm being called a pervert by someone I was just having an intimate conversation with... What am I doing with my life?

"Okay so maybe that time I did catch a glance at your breast, but when you mentioned it the first time I swear I didn't look!" Good. Hopefully, she'll think of me as half the pervert that she was originally thinking I was.

"What!? You were looking at my breast!? I was just messing with you. You truly are a pervert." Pervert, pervert, pervert, happiness. Are these the only things that are running around in her head?

"I refuse to entertain your lewd mind any longer." As I say that I accidentally took one look at her breast. Wait, am I a pervert?

"Haha. I'm enjoying this conversation with you. I hope that we can have many more conversations like this one."

"So do I." Without noticing, these words slip out of my lips. But honestly, I wish we could keep talking like this in the future; it's refreshing. Hopefully, we can have more days like this. Maybe through these conversations, I can have a chance of experiencing happiness.

Today, surprisingly, was an interesting day.