Volume 1 Part 6: Early Years - Overcoming Trauma ft. Rudy

RUDEUS GREYRAT

"But father, from what you've told me, shouldn't I learn the North God style like Julian? It seems the best one out." I replied to Paul when he decided that I would be learning Sword God and Water God style for balancing my offence and defence. From my spar before with Julian, I was able to read his ability and moves but I was neither fast nor strong enough to counter him. The disparity between his swordplay and mine was way too titanic. However, Paul didn't seem to be liking it.

Maybe it was his general dislike towards North God style.

"Are you kidding me? That isn't even a style. Just a way of flaunting your sword here and there while using your surroundings," he paused and looked at Julian in the corner who was mindlessly eating a chicken thigh while Lilia sat beside him and continuously patted his head.

Nope.

Not even a single shred of attention towards his surroundings. God, I wish I could be that clueless sometimes. Well, on a second thought, I wish I was never as clueless as him. I mean, look at those Lilia milkers right in front of his face but he has to waste such a heavenly opportunity and focus on leftover food.

"Don't get distracted. The reason it works out for Julian is because of his speed and acceleration." Paul was right. In that fight he didn't show it, but I knew it from a glance. He could go from completely stationary to his top speed faster than I could process and then decelerate back to zero in a near instant. The tempo created due to this is enough to disorient any enemy. Especially someone like me who has no experience or aptitude for swordsmanship. I can't understand Paul's abstract instructions and Julian is all about practical examples, so taking guidance from them was a no-no.

And no. I do not like to get knocked out every time we are having a friendly spar. Fuck getting knocked out, that little shit is hell-bent on cleaving me into half.

"You have a knack for magic, Rudy. It never hurts to learn a little about the way of the sword," Paul grinned as he said that. "You will want to be a magician who will protect himself from attacks by a Sword God user."

"So you're saying I'd be a mage knight?" I asked.

"No, a mage knight is the other way around. It's a sword user who can also use magic. Like Julian." Paul explained. And quite honestly, it made no sense. I mean, in the end it's the same thing. A magician who later learns the way of sword or a knight who learns magic after being trained in swordsmanship ends up being the same, right? Someone who can use both magic and sword.

Julian looked up for a small moment as Paul took his name, his blue eyes curiously looking in every direction. However, Lilia said something to him and he returned his undivided attention back to the lunch box.

The world could end right in front of his eyes but that won't budge him as long as he is eating his favourite food. He doesn't talk or compliment much about it but his facial expressions often give them away. It's like seeing a prisoner who has spent almost all his life in prison where he is just being fed bland things that fulfil nutritional value and not any taste.

"You don't like swordsmanship, do you?" Paul asked suddenly with a sad look etched over his face. Oh, so that is what he is worried about.

"No. I want to be as good at swordplay as I am in magic." I replied with a smile. Paul beamed with pride as he readied his sword, "Come on then. Let's begin your training." He said with a newfound vigour.

"Yes, father." I replied.

He was an easy man.

(***)

"Relax your muscles," a voice, sharp and cold hissed past my ears and Julian's wooden sword hit me in the back. Reeling on the ground, I held my back, wincing in pain and agony as my face and clothes got caked in mud and grime.

"Relax my ass. You can't perform an attempted murder and tell me to relax at the same time." I spat back at him, my words wobbling.

"He has magic class after this. Don't be too harsh on him, Julian." Roxy spoke from the corner, one leg crossed over the other while she read a book and took notes on a diary... most probably on what she was going to teach me this afternoon.

Julian ignored her and looked down at me with a comparatively soft look, "You're too tense. Hence, you're not able to react and attack properly. Defence and creating distance in the first 30 seconds shouldn't be your main strategy." He explained as I grimaced. He was seeing through my strategies. My hands balled into fists as I struck it down on the soft ground below. However, his hand extended towards me. I looked up and he nodded.

He was a man... or rather a boy of few words. But you can see his intentions right through his face. He just wanted me to improve in swordsmanship as much as I had in magic.

I stood up and stood a yard away from him.

Such a nice brother I hav–

*thud*

Or maybe not.

The last thing I remember as soon as the thought of him being the best brother in the world crossed my mind, his form blurred and reappeared in front of me.

I swung my sword like a club—-my movement akin to a tantrum throwing kid as he hit my butt with the flat end of the sword, making me stumble forward.

"Don't spank me!"

Before I could talk he changed his stance and his sword hit square into my jaw as he brought his sword like an upward curve, robbing me of my consciousness.

Before I completely blacked out I saw his face looking at me with an oblivious look, "3rd time today. You're really something else."

"Oh, Fuck off."

(***)

Julian Greyrat POV

As Rudeus took his first steps into sword techniques, our magic lessons progressed into practical uses.

"If you activate WaterFall, Heat Island, and Icicle Field in this order, what will happen?" Roxy asked from no one in particular.

"You will create fog." Rudeus replied almost immediately and I rested my chin on my palm, my eyes getting heavy as I felt an urge to sleep.

"Indeed. Then how do you dispel the fog?"

"Well, reheat the earth again." Rudeus replied as a matter-of-factly.

"Correct answer. Then go ahead and try again."

Right now we were learning about creating various magic spells in a specific order. This was called [Melded Magic].

Although how to summon rain is recorded in the textbook, there aren't any notes on how to create fog. Therefore, a magician will use different magic systems in a specific order. In doing so, one can replicate a natural phenomenon or other stuff that isn't exactly by the "textbook".

There are no microscopes in this world—meaning no scientific knowledge---hence there is no way in which natural phenomenons can be explained.

On the basic level, [Melded magic] contains the past magicians' creativity and hard work. Since the scientific knowledge in this world was next-to-none, the number of spells in [Melded Magic] category were negligible if compared to their prospective limit. While I can use the scientific knowledge from my past world to create a plethora of spells...

I don't need to do something so troublesome.

As long as I can produce clouds and make it rain near the ground, it will suffice. But a man-made phenomenon allows one to understand it easily. If you ponder on things, you can do a lot. It might be too difficult for my mind though.

"Magic can really do anything." Rudeus marvelled.

"It can't do everything, don't put your trust into it so much. Please calmly do what you can possibly achieve." Even though Roxy refuted Rudeus, it seemed awfully visible that his mind has stuff like railguns and cloaking devices popping up.

Why, you ask?

Well, that is because he is a reincarnate. Such as myself. I was sceptical at first but after repeated slip-ups in which he used idioms from my old world and stuff, I came to this conclusion. It's still not a virtually-certain conclusion but it's probable.

Well, that aside, I don't really care much. He seems like he used to be a simple person. And for my own convenience, I had decided not to think about the past anymore. He was my brother now. That's what mattered. If anything, this makes us two pieces cut from the same cloth. Kind of. Since we both are reincarnates. However, it's better to keep this to ourselves. To not tear this family down. Our parents seem to be in their teens when they had us—extremely young age to become parents. Hence, information like this would have drastic impacts. Better keep it a secret.

"Also, if you brag and say that you can do everything, people will push impossible tasks onto you." Roxy added, waving her finger.

"Is that Sensei's experience?"

"Yes." She replied in a blunt tone.

I see. I should take note of this. It would be troublesome if I were forced.

"But are there people who force things on magicians?"

"Yes, because there aren't many advanced ranked magicians."

Out of every 20 people, only 1 can take up combat. Out of every 20 of these people, only 1 is a magician. Something like that. A magician is 1 out of 400. Even though it's not rare to be a magician.

"And a human graduating from a magic school... As an advanced ranked magician, it's about 1 in 100."

Advanced ranked magicians, 1 in 40000.

With the ability to use intermediate and advanced ranked magic to make melded magic, the number of things that can be done will increase immensely.

If one has enough knowledge, it is safe to say that the possibilities are near endless.

Therefore, Advanced Magicians are prodigies who are highly sought after by every faction. This country's home tutor must also possess advanced magic and above. It is a powerful effect for one's position.

"There are magic schools?" I was the one who asked a question this time.

"Yes. Only big countries will have magic schools."

It makes sense. When the disparity between wealth and power is so far-out distributed, something that is considered almost noble, would have famous institutions only in major or big cities.

"But, the biggest is probably still the university in Ranoa."

Oh, there's a university, too. This is interesting. Hopefully, I can live the life that was cut-short previously. But as of now, me and Rudeus shouldn't attend it—logically speaking. We are too young to attend it. And being too powerful or being too ahead of our seniors would form hindrance in the peaceful school life. I do deserve a life like that—for once.

"What's the difference between this university and other schools?" Rudeus asked.

"There are very good facilities and teachers. Compared to other locations, you can receive higher quality lessons."

"Did Sensei come from there too?"

"Yes. Well, magic schools are usually places that require high social standing. As a demon race, I can only enter magic universities..."

As nobles go to Ranoa's magic school, it isn't a place where non-human races can enter. Even though discrimination against the demon races is dwindling, the way of doing things hasn't changed completely.

"Ranoa's university doesn't require high social standing or pride. Even if you have some crazy theories, you will not be rejected as long as the logic is correct," Roxy paused and looked at me, flashing a hidden smile while she emphasised "Crazy Theories". Does she view me as a crazy scientist or something?

"Also, due to the acceptance of various races, there is also research done on magic unique to specific races. If Rudeus wants to start on the road of magic, I would suggest entering the magic university," she continued, "You too, Julian. But you seem more inclined towards swordsmanship." She said with a sullen yet aggressive tone.

"Wishing you trouble, little brother." Rudeus snickered, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Thanks?" I replied while he just facepalmed.

Is it because it was her Alma Mater? Roxy keeps praising the university.

"Uh, not really. I like magic as well. It's just that I am not as good as Rudeus in it." I replied as she narrowed her eyes at me that screamed 'For real?' if she vocalised her mental dialogue.

"But still, It's still too early to make a decision..." Rudeus spoke while his voice trailed off in the end.

"That's true. I think following Paul's direction, becoming a swordsman or knight, isn't bad. There are also people who are knights and study in the magic university. Please don't think that you have to only choose the sword or magic path. You can also choose the route of a magic swordsman."

"Yes."

It seems that she is the opposite of Paul. Roxy isn't unsettled by whether we hate magic or not.

Recently I could "see" Rudeus' mana capacity increasing, and I've started to understand the principles of magic as well.

Due to that, his attention during classes is starting to wane and I just like to spend more time in sword training. I like to spend time with Roxy as well since other than being my magic instructor, she is my friend as well. My first real friend in this world. But, there wasn't much to learn about magic for me. Mostly, it depended on the basics of science which I already knew. What it actually needed was a huge pool of mana.

I might have more theoretical knowledge about every kind of magic, my pools of mana aren't as big as Rudeus. His mana pools are like a bottomless pit.

That could be the main reason why Rudeus didn't seem much more interested in magic anymore. Moreover, he started taking magic lessons when he was only 3 years old.

He must've started to get sick of it. Maybe he is being misunderstood.

Paul saw his talent for magic.

Roxy saw his passion for the sword.

2 people with their different reasons pointed the middle road out for not only him but also me.

"But this is something very far away." Rudeus interjected my train of thoughts.

"To Rudeus, it is indeed."

Roxy smiled with a hint of loneliness that only seemed to increase as she looked at me and smiled again.

"But I am almost out of things to teach you both. When you are nearing graduation, this matter should be discussed."

...... Graduate?

Oh, yes, I had already graduated. But it was time for Rudeus to graduate as well.

Time sure flies.

(***)

"I can't do this. NOOO!" Rudeus howled, clinging to the gate like a stubborn koala refusing to let go.

"Come on, you took a step outside last week," I said, channelling my inner cheerleader as I gave him an encouraging shove.

"Would it actually kill you to leave me in peace? I'm scared out of my mind," Rudeus pleaded, his eyes as wide as saucers on a dinner plate, the corners already brimming with tears.

"You never know, it might actually kill me," I retorted, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively, just to mess with him.

"Oh, you fucking scoundrel! You just want a front-row seat to my misery," Rudeus accused, fuming from his ears.

"Can't really deny that as well," I confessed.

"I knew it. You're just my karma-incarnate." Rudeus exclaimed, shaking his head in mock disbelief, as if he'd uncovered the truth behind the universe's grand joke.

"Well, off you go!" I spoke in his ear and kicked him in the back as he stumbled and fell face first in the soft ground below.

"Ouch... you're such a brute, geez," Rudeus spewed a string of incoherent curses as he rubbed his nose. As if a realisation had suddenly dawned on him, he looked down, his whole body trembling as he placed his hands over his head.

Realising it just got serious, I got on one knee and placed a hand on his hunched back. He was on the ground, curled up like a little ball and his whole body wracked like he was experiencing violent spasms and concussions.

"Rudeus? Rudy?"

It was as if my voice had been muffled—falling on deaf ears as my arms continued to drench in his tears as I held on to him.

There was no use of him if he stayed inside the house because of some trauma he had experienced in his past life. He had to change. Overcome whatever demons he had kept locked inside him.

RUDEUS GREYRAT POV

Ever since I came to this world, I have not left the house. I am conscious of the fact that I have never left. Well, I have once when Julian pointed a sword at my throat but that doesn't count since I just stepped a few steps while keeping my eyes closed and ran back in.

I am truly afraid. If I walk out of the courtyard and see the scenery outside, my past memories will quickly awaken. The memories of that day. The pain on the side of my stomach. The piercing cold from the rain. Regret. Despair. The pain from being run over by the truck. All these memories will return to me, as if it had just happened yesterday.

My legs will start shivering.

I can look outside from my window or walk to the courtyard with my own legs. But I am unable to take another step. Because I know. That peaceful scenery of the fields might instantly turn into hell. The seemingly peaceful sights are unable to accept me. In my past life, I had countless delusions when I was unable to sleep. What if Japan suddenly went to war? What if a bishoujo suddenly appeared and became my neighbour. If that happened, I would definitely be able to work hard.

I kept deluding myself so as to escape from reality. I dreamt of it countless times. In my dream I'm not Superman, and I still possess the same level as an average person. And like an average person, I was able to do what my limits allowed me to do. I could live by relying on myself.

But I'm going to wake up from this dream. If I take a step outside this house, I may possibly wake up from this dream. And when I wake up, I will return to that moment of despair.

That instant when I was drowned by regret...

No, this isn't a dream. How can there be such a realistic dream like this? If you tell me that this is a VRMMORPG, I might still accept it. This is reality. I keep convincing myself. This reality is not a dream. Even though I understand that it is a fact, I am unable to take a step outside. No matter how much effort I put into my heart.

I swore to live on earnestly with my lips. But my body is unable to keep up. I really want to cry.

My brother—Julian, he is really trying his best to help me. He is such a kind kid. There is a common stereotype that I saw and even experienced in real life in my past life that the more of a prodigy a kid is, the more ruthless and cold hearted he becomes, seeing everyone—even his siblings as his inferiors.

But this wasn't the case with Julian. He was kind. And I could feel warmth emit from him... almost like my mother. The way he cared and tended to me. The amount of sincerity he showered when he wanted to help me. He might appear expressionless, but something tells me he is doing it out of good heart.

And me? Look at me. As pathetic as ever. Grovelling on the ground like the insect I am.

"Don't be afraid, Rudy. If you're afraid of anything in the past, something I don't know, it's just a dream. Wake up, now."

His voice came, soothing and calm. His voice never wavers. No matter what situation it is. It calms me.

Is the past... the trauma of being tied to a gate, naked... the memory of my own siblings looking at me with a look of disgust... is everything a dream?

Have I been dreaming all this time?

"Rudeus. Wake up." I heard his voice again, this time even closer. Vivid. I felt my body shudder.

How pathetic do I have to be to get scared over a dream? No, it wasn't a dream. It was real. But this world isn't the same. I have left everything behind. My past self, my past identity.

I am Rudeus Greyrat now. This is my new life. I will definitely live it to the fullest.

And so, I opened my eyes, taking in the sight of the scenery around me. Julian was sitting beside me, his hands around my head, pulling me close to him.

Whatever, he was doing... it was calming me down.

"Thanks, Julian."

(***)

JULIAN GREYRAT POV

The graduation test was to be held outside the village. When Roxy told us that, Rudeus let out a weak groan of resistance but then slapped his cheeks and instantly got ready for it. .

"Outside, right?" He asked.

"Yes, outside the village. The horses have been prepared." She spoke as she looked at me, "Will you be coming as well?" She asked, getting closer.

"Should I?"

"It's up to you."

"Then I'll come. I want to witness saint-magic as well." I spoke with an exaggerated excited tone to which Roxy just rolled her eyes, "As if you aren't one."

Thankfully, no-one heard that.

I might have to ask her to tone down her volume next time. This was something she had asked me before. When did I plan to tell my parents that I had already performed saint magic with Roxy.

My answer?

Well, it should be clear. I won't tell them. I think my advancement in swordplay is enough. Rudeus can have the magical spotlight to himself. I didn't want the limelight in the first place anyways. But I got excited and overexerted myself which resulted in them seeing me as someone with promising talent in the sword.

Which isn't quite right, but anyways.

I looked up and saw Rudeus readying himself while Roxy stood beside me, "By the way, I wasn't expecting you to have the same interests as Rudy."

I looked at her. I was growing a bit faster than Rudeus and was almost as tall as Roxy, just 2 inches shorter, so I didn't have to look too up at her.

"Sorry?"

"You know what I mean!" She raised her voice a little, pressing her index finger in my chest.

I was wondering what I did, but then it clicked. It was something I didn't do but was present at the scene of crime, so that makes me equally guilty, probably.

"Oh, you mean Rudeus stealing your pant-"

She placed both her hands on my mouth, shutting me up, "Don't say it out loud, idiot." She spoke, looking around.

"Sensitive topic?"

She narrowed her gaze once more, this time seeming like she'd kill me any moment.

"Do you like this stuff as well? Like Rudy?"

I titled my head, "Not really. I was trying to bond with him."

"And you thought stealing your teacher who also happens to be your friend's panties as a good idea for bonding?"

"Well, it isn't strictly "just" stealing panties."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he does sniff it and stuff so..."

Her face flashed in a bright shade of crimson, "D-Did you do it too?"

I think I've teased her enough. I didn't know whether he stole or even sniffed it. I was merely talking based on speculations and what seemed to be the perfect fit to his character. Seems like she was convinced as well.

"Well..." I paused to make it a bit more suspenseful as she got closer, her ears twitching and expressions hardened, "I didn't."

Hearing that she let out a sigh of relief. "You have other ways to bond. Please refrain from such acts."

"Why am I being scolded?"

"Because I expect you to be more than this. It's not like I am disregarding Rudy, but I have expectations that go beyond just purely magical performance like I have with Rudy," she said and pressed my hand between her both hands, "We're friends as well, right?'

Maybe.

"Yes, we are." I replied despite the ambiguity as she smiled and looked back while walking towards Rudeus, "See you outside, Fire-saint."

Oh, I forgot to tell her to keep her volume down.

Better do it on the way.