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HP X LOTM : Please Call Me Mr. Error.

"When did I sign away my wealth to you!?" Lockhart asked, shocked. "That's the neat part about it, you don't know.", Loki said with a smile. "Hmm...I can feel it. I can feel the power coursing through my veins." Voldemort said as he felt his face after his rebirth. "Huh? Where's my nose!!!?" "Obviously, I have it! Do you want it? If you want it you need to praise Dumbledore!!" Loki said with an innocent smile. "Lord Voldemort does not need to listen to yo- Dumbledore is the greatest wizard of all time!!" Voldemort said with fanatic eyes, creating confusion amongst the death eaters. 'What!? Why am I saying this!? What did he do to me!?' "Who are you!??" Dumbledore asked calmly. "Me? Have I not introduced myself yet? Please call me Mr. Error." Loki said with a smile while adjusting the monocle over his right eye. Read more about Loki's adventures as he walks through his years at Hogwarts meeting and scamming an array of famous personalities that have become infamed in the world of Harry Potter. ********************************************************** Read 20 chapters ahead on my p@treon for $3 (USD) by going to the link, pa treon.com/hooin_kyoma_au . Remember to remove the space between 'a' and 't'.

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216 Chs

Kind Bat.

Loki's first reaction was to be frozen.

He felt his blood cool down and his head spin.

'What!? Slytherin!? But why!?'

'I don't have any ambitious plans! I mean won't every Beyonder want to become a true god?' Loki tried to reason but it seemed like the hat had died because it didn't respond to any of his questions.

Loki slowly stood up and placed the now good-looking hat on his head back on the stool.

As he turned around and analysed the students sitting around in the great hall, Loki's eyes met Hermione's.

There was a sense of betrayal hidden under a facade of normalcy in those eyes and Loki could easily sense it, but he smiled and sent an almost imperceptible nod in her direction to tell her that their friendship wouldn't be affected.

'Damn. I didn't think I'd end up in Slytherin.' Loki thought as he made his way to the table that was lightly clapping for him.

'At least Walburga won't be disappointed about this now will she?'

Loki found himself a little space beside a brunette girl who had introduced herself as Tracey Davis on the boat and made himself comfortable.

Before anyone could talk to him though, Dumbledore stood up behind the teacher's tables and announced, "Welcome! Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak! Thank you!"

Loki looked confused as he wondered what Dumbledore had just said, 'Is he speaking in Latin? But that would mean he just called someone stupid, perhaps he meant something else?'

'Meh. I don't care enough. I'm sure though, that something's gone wrong with him. Maybe the power he wields has gotten to his head. First, it was not paying the teachers enough and now it's using curse words to describe the houses.'

'Poor Dumbledore must miss having his sanity.'

'Maybe a spectator could fix his mental problems.'

He looked around the teacher's table only to be surprised about a person sitting there, 'Is that giant the one who helped us cross the lake and helped me at the police station? He's a professor? I should talk to him when I'm free.'

But then his eyes fell onto the food before him that had just magically appeared.

Picking food and placing it on his plate Loki ignored everyone else on the table and kept to himself, yet a single student on the table disturbed Loki.

"I knew I'd seen you before. You were that pauper in Madam Malkin's store!" Draco said pointing at Loki.

"Pauper?" Someone asked much to Draco's satisfaction.

"Yeah! His clothes were all the wrong size and dirty, like a pauper's. He smelled worse than a pig too."

A few students laughed, but Loki didn't mind and continued to eat with the impeccable table manners Walburga had drilled into him.

"You can't mimic to be a Pureblood when you're a filthy mudblood." Draco whispered just enough for everyone around him to hear, causing them to giggle.

Loki finished chewing in silence and then gulped his mouth full, wiped himself with a handkerchief and spoke in a polite tone.

"Who said I want to be a pureblood? I don't want to become an inbreed maniac that hails another half-blood maniac as the greatest thing that has happened to them. Hypocrites the lot of you are."

A stunned silence reigned across the table attracting the attention of all the other students and teachers in the hall.

"Take that back you filthy mudblood." Draco cursed but his voice carried across the whole hall. While the whole hall became tense and frigid as if a fight was about to break out, Loki gave Draco a dead-eye stare and spoke in the calmest tone he'd ever spoken.

"Ok, filthy inbreed."

The air at the table immediately turned frosty while the other people in the hall became dumbfounded but Loki was unaffected by it, choosing instead to continue munching on the deserts that had popped up.

Although the pureblood fanatics who chose to feel insulted by what Loki said wanted to do nothing else other than beat him up, they couldn't, because they were right in front of the entire Hogwarts teaching staff.

"I hope you can stay safe when there are no teachers around you twat." A senior student whispered across the table into Loki's ears.

"Ha! Pathetic. You call yourself purebloods but you can't even act when the teachers are here. You're pathetic. Worse than garden gnomes you lot are. What are you waiting for? If you want to keep finding excuses you shouldn't have picked a fight in the first place."

The senior who had threatened Loki was now glowing red with anger and rage, yet he remained seated in his place since another one was holding his hand and not letting him stand.

"Ha! For a house supposed to be filled with proud nobles, all I can see are leeching scum that need fresh blood just to survive."

Before Loki could say another word a goblet filled with some juice was thrown at him but anticipating such a thing, Loki had primed his spirituality by spreading it into the air around him.

And when the goblet was in his range, he imagined a telekinetic force pulse around himself which caused the goblet to reflect back the way it had arrived, dousing what appeared to be a seventh-year student in the yellow drink from head to toe.

"Are you lot trolls? Using physical violence when you can use magic. But I guess I should be lenient since you probably don't have the brains after all that inbreeding you went through."

All the purebloods on the table scowled and looked at the one who threw the goblet with anger since he'd just given Loki a point to criticise them on a golden platter.

And just as the table was about to erupt into chaos a firm voice calmed them all.

"Fifty points from Slytherin. Mr. Loki. Follow'a me." Snape said in his poetic tone that was very close to a mumble.

Loki looked up at Snape with surprise but complied immediately after wiping his mouth with a handkerchief.

Snape under the intense gaze of all the students began to walk out of the great hall while Loki followed him out cheerfully.

Meanwhile, all the students of Slytherin looked positively furious that their prey had escaped but then Loki saw Draco whisper something which caused them all to wear satisfied smiles.

Arriving in a random classroom nearby, Loki greeted Snape with a salute once he turned around.

"Good evening Professor Snape!"

Snape looked at him judgingly and asked a simple question, "What are you trying to do Mr. Loki?"

"What do you mean Professor?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"*sigh* I was just responding back in kind, Professor. How else would you have wanted me to treat them?"

"...You will spend the rest of your nights in the castle in detention with the different teachers. And a prefect will be escorting you to your room every night."

"Huh?" Loki felt a little confused but then his eyes lit up as he asked, "Professor! You care about me enough that you're trying to hel-"

"You will begin with me Loki. And I expect you to comply immediately by going to the dungeons and waiting patiently in my office."

"Erm….Professor, I don't know if you know, but I'm new and I don't know where your office is." Snape sneered as Loki said this and then said in a condescending tone-

"Then I expect you to use that brain of yours and figure out where it is. Can't you even do such a simple thing Mr. Loki? Or are you no different?"

"Wa-" Loki froze in place his mouth opening and closing soundlessly as Snape turned around and glided away to go back to the great hall.

And then Loki burst into a fit of laughter. "Oh my God! Professor Snape! You just cracked a joke! I didn't know you could do such a thing!"

"*sigh* well I guess I have received my first quest!"

'But how kind of him to keep me under the protection of the teachers so that I'm not murdered in my sleep.'

'Ha! And I get to learn magic all the time!'

'I'm sure Mione would kill to be in my place.'

'Although I wonder what she's doing right now, she was disappointed that I got sorted into Slytherin.'

'Oh! No worries! I'll catch up with her later.'

Thank you for reading, I hope you're having fun!

Poor Malfoy, he doesn't know Snape doesn't like him anymore.

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