How to Isekai

Heya guys My name is John and no, I am not some kind of superhero, saving many lives everyday. Nor am I some rich guy, with perfect looks and born with a spoon made out of diamond in my mouth. Actually reality is quite far from that. I was born in a poor household and without a father, because that guy whoever he is made a run for it as soon as the pregnancy test came out positive. He is the reason I, my mum and my twinsister were fighting for our lives ever since. Life was quite harsh to us untill graduation. After that, I went to the military and got myself a place in the Special OPS. Due to my average looks and the permanent frown on my face, my bleak outlook towords life, and my introvertedness. I never got myself a girlfrend and am still a virgin untill this day. Even though I am pretty stacked down there(if you know what I mean). I won't tell you how much though because I am not some kinda freak, that is obsessed with constantly measuring their Dick. Like litterary every damn isekai protagonist does this. So I myself only know, that I am above 20cm.

(AN: He checked and untill 20cm just so he can tell everybody that he is above 20cm which in my opinion makes him even more of a creep. His total length is about 25cm.)

I am not a creep!... You know what Author, f*ck you! You are just envious of my above average Dick!

(AN: ...I am not envious at all... maybe a little bit....you know what, I will just genderbend you into a girl in your next life. If somebody asks, I will just tell them that it is a punishment for your insolence aka breaking the 4th wall. I mean wtf man, you can't just break walls, simply because you don't like them. And even more so, the wall you just broke is the one to the 4th demension. Joe will not be happy if he finds out that there is a second Deadpool out there, breaking his 4th walls. Actually I will erase this incident from your memory alltogether. Because why not?)

Ok where was I... and why do I feel like I forgot about something important?

(AN: A womans intuition is truly quite scary.)

Why do I feel like somebody is questioning my gender? Oh well, it doesn't matter . As I was saying, I am working at the special OPS . As for hobbys, I like playing videogames and watching anime I am now 28 years old and as to why I am reminiscing about my past so much... Well, it is because of this blue screen thingy that popped up in my vision about an hour ago. Now I am desperately searching for the moment I hit my head. But I just hit it too many times and I'm not sure when I went mad. Oh well, sanity is overrated anyways. Whatever lets see what the funny blue thing floating in the sky has to tell me.

NOTICE: [You have been chosen as the winner of the isekai online quizz. Therefore the almighty Rob nr 69420666 has chosen to reincarnate you with all the wishes you made. He says the actual reason is because and we quote: you are funny and the Autor threatend me with a gun.]

[If you are fine with this press the ok button to die.]

Ok what the actual ... You know what, I don't care anymore. First that weyrd blue thing aperes out of nowhere, then I have to remember my shitty live, suddenly I have some strange spontanious amnesia and now this. Why do you expect my to accept, die and leave my mum and sister behind. I don't even know what quizz you are reffering to!

NOTICE:[ You don't have to worry about your family because time will be frozen in this world, as for the quizz it is fr-]

Hey Hey Hey what do you mean by I don't have to worry because you will freeze time? That's even worse, you Idiot blue thing! Wait, that sounds oddly familliar... from now on you shall be called Aqua. I am getting off track again, could you please give me some alternative to F*CKING FREAZING TIME, ONLY ON THE PLANET UNTIL I DON'T KNOW, THE SUN DIES!

NOTICE: [Alternativly, your family shall be blessed by luck and they will live happily ever after.]

OK. So, what did you say about that quizz again?

NOTICE: [The quiz was taken by you about three hours ago and it asked you about your wishes if you were toever be reincarnated.]

Ah, that quiz if I remember correctly, my wishes were...