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Endless Vertex

Tác giả: bacon_bacon
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  • 79 ch
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  • 4.5
    18 số lượng người đọc
  • NO.200+
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Tóm tắt

Same old earth. Civilians living an absolutely normal life. But beneath the surface of our peaceful society, there are Warriors who commoners don’t know about, roaming amongst us. Like all humans, they fight against the unknown and even between themselves in order to gain ultimate power. They can accomplish extraordinary things that modern science has yet to prove and achieve. This is a novel about Atlas, a teenage Warrior’s adventures to investigate his ancestry, cultivating to the pinnacle and discover life’s true purpose, as well as fascinating things that might actually exist in reality. Who knows? Your 80 year old neighbor could be a Warrior who can smash boulders and do the impossible. There is no limit to what people can achieve. So yeah. Thx for your support! Also, please feel free to leave comments. I strive to improve. If you like it, smash the five star button and save it to your library as support. Thank you!

Thẻ
2 thẻ
Chapter 1Chapter 0: Rose / Chapter 1: Atlas

# New starting

Chapter 0: Rose

"Serpent, are you in position?"

"Yes sir." Leaning against a concrete wall under an air vent, a slender man in white replied, cleaning his fingers with a maroon handkerchief. The blades in the air vent above him spiraled in an unusual way— the endless vertex of a monster's horrific devouring. Several lifeless bodies piled nearby him, blood spurting out from the same slice on their necks. "Permission to deploy D16?"

"Good job. Permission granted. Get ready to go home. Everyone else is waiting."

"Copy." Serpent cherished his words as if they were gold. Colorless dust drifted into the monster's lung, and screams of despair echoed, vanishing in seconds.

Serpent was gone. The screams were gone. Only the corpses and drying blood proved his existence.

Two deafening screech broke the silence, an "X" dicing open half a meter thick steel. The door collapsed, revealing an empty room with a row of table and chairs with white ashes atop. An assortment of rifles and ammunition scattered like sea shells on a beach. A young boy entered the room, Serpent trailing him.

"Drug and child traffickers banded in the same room. Wonder what they're up to?" The young boy muttered, grinding two needles between his fingers. He tapped open the visualizer, scanning through the content.

"So glad we took this job. Good call Serpent." The young boy clapped blithely. "These bastards deserve to perish."

Serpent grinned, his pale face displaying a cheery tune. "You say that every time, Atlas. You should visit more often, enhance deterrence. The recruits think that I'm the leader. They barely know that you exist. Very poor job at leading the squad bro."

"I'd love to. But I need time. Time." Atlas shook his head, tearing the needle through a large painting of a sausage. "Art. I don't get art nowadays." The painting shred into pieces and unveiled a safe stocked with cash, gold and jewelry. "Just like in movies."

Atlas swept his hands over the safe. "Let's go." Cracking his knuckles, Atlas secured his grip. With a strident thud, he yanked out the safe with brute strength, and a deep crack split the wall into half.

Atlas ambled away, heaving the tire-large safe on his shoulder as if lifting a light boom box. The bullets on the floor clang with his every step.

Serpent stayed behind. He pulled out a matchbox, gently lit up a matchstick by pinching the top and released. The flame flickered weakly, like a star on the verge of dying. They left the factory in broad daylight. And the first speck of the nearest white ash glowed a charcoal hue.

Serpent examined Atlas's shadow behind his back. Chanting an inaudible chorus, sunlight silently swallowed the shadow. Fire. So elegant like a rose. Yet so dangerous, like its thorns.

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My First Novel In English^_^

==============================

Class: Aura user

Tier: 1,2,3 Beginner §4,5 Intermediate § 6,7 Specialist § 8,9 Master {10 Zenith*}

Class: *

Tier: 1-10

Class:

Tier: 1-10

Class: *

Tier: 1-10

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Chapter 1: Atlas

It was midnight. An extraordinary midnight.

The stars glittered luminously, embellishing the pitch black sky. Under where the brightest among all the stars clustered the closest together, was a chain of mountains surrounded by a mysterious, white foggy veil.

A gigantic statue of a sword perched on top of the highest mountain. Its tip buried into the soil, and a faint figure of a boy could be seen resting on the hilt, humming softly to an invisible rhythm. Concealing his face under his hoodie, he stared deeply into the night sky, as if he could see through it.

The statue below him glimmered, reflecting pale starlight onto the pond which it stands in the middle of. Holy, sacred atmosphere permeate the air, the calm flow of water whispering a lovely tune. An ancient sensation roamed across the untenanted mountain forests, a scene that one can only imagine in a world of fantasy.

In a distance away, a majestic lion bolted towards the direction of the boy at full speed, as if it has discovered food. Its manes fluttered against the wind. The soft crackles and rustling of leaves echoed lightly in the peaceful night, almost silent.

The boy smirked and rested his eyes. Even the slightest buzz of a fly in a bustling morning fish market couldn't escape his ear, let alone a paw step in the middle of the night. He has considered this ability as a god-given gift. Still, despite acknowledging the potentially menacing threat, he continued to remain silent, stargazing.

Just as the pond entered its sight, the lion started to decelerate, eventually into halt. It remained at its position, before the pond, as if waiting for someone's arrival.

Not long after, an unexpected herd of elephants enclosed the pond, arranged in an orderly manner. It felt as if they were organized like a troupe of soldiers, civilized like human-beings. They encircled the pond, as if they were believers worshipping a god.

Taking off a pair of ocean-blue earphones, the boy got onto his feet. In an exhilarated tone, he exclaimed. "I'm back guys!"

He leaped onto the pommel of the sword, which had a two story difference from the hilt, spun around and glanced between the two species.

However, a bittersweet grin soon hung on the boy's face. "Home sweet home." Attempting to sound more cheerful, he cleared his throat." So... How's it going guys?"

The animals remained silent. Well logically, how would anyone expect animals to speak?

"Come on guys! This is really awkward. Could you guys just at least give a response? Don?

"Altas." An unimaginable deep, old voice came out from an elderly looking elephant. Mind blowing eh?

Though Don had a weak, but existing condescending temperament that could make even the most ferocious tiger calm like a kitten, he still spoke with much care and respect. "You seem really, down."

Atlas sat back down, scratching his head." Yeah...I, I feel confused. I love what I do, but these days my mind isn't cooperating. It's very off."

"Is it due to the long-term missions?" Don questioned, raising his trunk. Atlas's mentor always sends Atlas to missions all around the world, accepting job hirings from stealing to assassination, but of course, not hurting any innocents, just the ones who deserve it.

Moreover, Atlas has just returned from some business he had to attend in Africa. It was some to do with, assassination?

Every time Atlas returned, he would gather up everyone in the forest to bid farewell. After all, the forest was where he spent the most time at growing up, and they were practically his family.

This time, Don noticed that Atlas had a reluctant mood written lightly on his face. Knowing Altas, he also sensed bemusement in him.

Atlas sighed with helplessness, nodding his head. "Yup, that perverted, old man told me that he has accepted another job for me. But this time, a job as a bodyguard. It's gonna be another strenuous job."

He wasn't completely telling the truth. Even though these human like animals were his family, they don't share the same blood. His mentor? He was a human all right. But to him, that pervert is merely a teacher and a way, way older brother. Where are his parents? Who are his parents? His mentor always found ways to change the topic. That man was hiding something for sure. At this point, he was just chasing his tail. Having no results was just too exhausting and frustrating. Sigh.

Closing his eyes, he let out another long sigh. In a blink of a eye, Atlas vanished.

"I was gonna advise singing a song to cheer him up. Guess that's not necessary." Don let out a sigh of relief, returning to the forest as his size began shrinking.

The following day, Atlas walked out of a bijou and tidy wooden hut, lying atop one of the many mountain surrounded by an especially thick, milky and arcane fog. He yawned and stretched his body, deeply inhaling the weird fog instead of the freshening air carrying the scent of the clean mountain grass.

Unexpectedly, Atlas immediately sat on the floor with his legs crossed, exhaling out a humid mist.

After a few seconds, Atlas shook his head as he furrowed his brows, biting his lower lip. "So close?" Throwing his hands in the air, he walked back into the wooden hut, returning with the latest Skullcandy earphones, a delicate looking ring on his ring finger and a childish Iron Man luggage bag. With only such items, he trekked the mountains hastily and silently, heading towards the urban area.

Stopping by a deserted road, a Byzantium-colored Ferrari could be seen, parked by the side, dazzling with gleam.

Atlas murmured. "How fancy, at least that old man still remembers me."

He couldn't help but to recall the days when his perverted mentor was still training and accompanying him to missions, which he would always flirt with women on the way, somehow succeeding, and buying inappropriate DVD's in different countries, which was explained to Atlas as the best remorial souvenir.

Until when Atlas was 10, he just suddenly disappeared without trace, isolating from Atlas to wander the world by himself. He sent him missions often, but only few training materials and pictures of him with food from all over the world after a period of time, sometimes weeks, sometimes months, and from the last time he did, it had been a year and four months.

Atlas shook his head, shaking himself back to reality. He stepped towards the expensive car, noticing the thickness and density of the glass, which to his calculation, was about thrice the durability of bullet-proof glass.

Atlas chuckled, examining the outer shell of the Ferrari.

"This is practically a mini-super-tank car!" Atlas exclaimed excitedly. He paused, continuing with a calmer voice. "My favourite."

Entering the car, Atlas held firmly on the wheel with one hand, and the other reaching towards an envelope on the passenger seat. With a snap of his fingers, the envelope tore into two, revealing the car key, some photos of his mentor with foreign food and a slip of paper.

As Atlas fired up the engine, he picked up the letter, took a deep breath, then started skimming it through.

" Hey Atlas, got my present? There's even more surprises in the trunk. Also, I've gotten you a place to stay too, get to this destination below, and you'll sense the key urself. About the Mission: Don't have much to say, just remember this address and meet the employer by tomorrow. PS. Do the job perfectly and just have fun. PS once more. Sorry for not being there. But don't do any dumb sh*t, I'm still watching you."

The paragraph ended with a badly drawn wacky-face, artistic skills equivalent to a kindergarten, as well as the addresses along with the employers name at the bottom.

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Mục lục
Âm lượng 0 :Auxiliary Volume
Âm lượng 1 :Warriors in Daxrim City
Âm lượng 2 :Coiling Dragon Arena

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Chryiss
ChryissLv5

Writing: 5 There are a few odd sentence constructions, but overall, it’s very good with a nice range of vocabulary. Updates: 5 Seems fine to me. Story: 3 The beginning is an ok start. It reminds me of a military mission (especially with the use of nicknames/codenames like Serpent) but that mood quickly disappears and is never seen again in the rest of the chapters, so for consistency and introduction of story expectations, I don’t think this is best way to begin. More importantly, however, the plot jumps all over the place. It’s a real shame because the level of writing is actually quite high, but the story suffers from clear direction and imperatives. There’s the whole Warrior cultivation going on, but for Atlas who’s the MC, there isn’t a clear drive or goal like be the best/rise to the top. After learning that the animals were like his family, we never hear from them again or why or how he’s closer to animals than humans filially. What kind of life is Atlas aiming for? At this point, he just works as an assassin basically, but the action/events don’t clearly lead or build up to something. Maybe the goal could be revenge (which cliche, it can still be done refreshingly). Anyway, the events need to have a purpose in building to a climax, and that importance and direction should be clear. Character: 3 Atlas is developed and characterized just fine. It’s all the other characters that are a problem. There’s simply too many of them. When Nam died I literally felt nothing. Why? Because I didn’t get to know him enough. When Atlas was upset over Nam? Still felt nothing. Why? Because the importance of Nam to Atlas wasn’t conveyed strongly enough. The better option would be to kill him off later after forming those deep connections. Yes, make the reader suffer upon his death! Looking at Crow. Ok so Atlas is going to help him reach the next tier. But why?? Is this necessary? Will they go on missions together? How does Crow affect the rest of the plot and the next events? He wasn’t spoken of again after those first few chapters. Hugh is fine. I already commented about Iris. Kristine is better. Just be careful of not individualizing and developing the girls in a story. Very easily they can become props or background ornaments in stories like these. In general, don’t introduce so many characters. Develop and demonstrate their character and backstory to the reader and then continue weaving them into future events. If they aren’t mentioned for some time and reappear much later, then they should’ve been presently clearly and memorably enough that readers won’t be like huh, who’s this again? Stick to a literal handful of named characters, at least in the beginning. Unnamed side characters don’t count of course. World: 4 This okay overall. I feel like I don’t have a sound grasp on the cultivation tiers and how Warriors fit into society as well as their skills/duties etc. The details of actions and objects is done well, but the settings are unclear in parts, the moving from scene to scene. We go from Africa to house to orphanage to school in 21 chapters. This is a bit much. Exactly 4 overall. Your story has a lot of potential. The MC is crazy in a good way and is layered. The writing is high quality (just be careful of weird constructions). It’s just the lack of urgency or direction to plot and the over abundance of characters early on which spoil it.

ExperimentalWriter
ExperimentalWriterLv3

Hello, Don't mind the unusual rating level, 3.8 is considered high-tier by me. To me, this novel looks pretty good. However, I ask that you proofread your novel at least once after writing, as there are a few grammar mistakes. Otherwise, I can't offer you too much more advice. Your writing actually seems very similar to mine when I was a bit younger, I can tell that you're at a stage where you have the skills in language arts to begin writing a webnovel, unlike the bad fanfiction that plagues this site. At his point in your writing career you should really think about developing your unique style, you're almost there. To improve, I think there are two things to do: first is to think. Think about what your readers will think when they read the conversations and sentences, because some of them don't flow vey well, and occasionally the dialogue is a bit too cliche or edgy, although that's very normal for us ******* writers. The second is to READ. Find an actual complicated 300 page novel for adults that fits the tone of what you're writing, or is at least in the same genre. Read a book about post apoc or dark mercenaries with superpowers trying to make their living in a corrupt world. An author's writing style is a compilation of everything they've read, so by reading you can get much better at writing artistic and meaningful sentences in your work. For my novel, I read up a lot of HP Lovecraft's horror stories, who is what I based the MC on. Like my MC, he is sometimes arrogant and condescending, and writes in a very fake-polite tone. You can see that reading helps develop character. Before I go, you replied to my thread about reviewing novels... So now you have an obligation to read mine. MUHAHAH! Don't worry, it's only 6K words. :D

DriftingCloud123
DriftingCloud123Lv5

This is kind of shounen type story with a unique mc. He has an interesting way to see the world and a mysterious past that makes you want to learn more about him. The pace of the story is good if sometimes a little rush, but it goes perfectly with the mood and style of the whole novel. But sometimes events feel like totally random or forced to happen just to advance the plot. Another thing I noticed, is that some scenes are done as if it were a movie. A good example of this is when Hugh is introduced in chapter 5. I got the idea of how the scene would be. But if you don't make a clear separation, others may find it hard to notice when the scene of Hugh being chased starts and when it ends. But that's just my opinion you can take it or leave it. The world building is good but I would like to know more about how the warriors mix with the normal society. It could lead to some plot holes if their role is not well defined. Maybe in the following chapters, I will discover more (I'm just at chapter 16 now). Except for that, I like the idea of a modern setting with the whole martial artists and warriors in the shadows. As for the characters, the mc personality feels unique and is really well done. It is one of the many strong points of this novel. The only thing I would point is that some of the side characters often feel plain in contrast with or the main character. But I think it is mostly because the mc is too well done while the rest are average. Overall: This story is a great read for those who want something with action and have a fun read at the same time. Also, If you want to take a breath from the classical cultivationstories then you should give it a shot at this novel.

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