Danmachi: The Forgotten One

This will be constructive criticism. Writing quality isn’t bad but Also isn’t good either. You need to more frequently paragraph space your dialogue. Instead of having a block of text: The car sped down the high way with droplets of rain, gliding across the windows with a gray, cloudy sky the canvas. A man, with his hands on a black leather steering wheel opened his mouth to speak. “Why am I putting so much effort into this?” Abruptly he spun the wheel a hard right crashing into the guard rail *BOOM* he goes up in flames. END. ——————- Now I will do some minor adjustments to the story. ——————- The car sped down the high way with droplets of rain, gliding across the windows with a gray, cloudy sky the canvas. A man, with his hands on a black leather steering wheel opened his mouth to speak. "Why am I putting so much effort into this?" Abruptly he spun the wheel a hard right crashing into the guard rail. *BOOM* he goes up in flames. END. ——————- I won’t blame you if you don’t want to read that but what you can learn from that is people want to read small bites of a story not shove a whole five course meal into their mouth. **************** You thought I was done with writing quality??? No. Instead of making a very obvious line break. <High way car wreckage> You just do a simple line break and instead describe the scene. ————- As the sun shone on a pile of smouldering scrap a man could be seen lying smiling upon the new day. SHOW DON’T TELL. __________ There can be multiple ways to do a line break. For Example: <Line Break> ************* ___________ ~~~~~~~~~ The only thing you need to worry about is being consistent. Unlike me. ❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️ One last basic thing you need to do is try not to state who is talking in chapter 2 for example. Where you write: Guard: Blah blah blah, blah blah. MC: Blah blah blah, *don’t be a hero* blah blah. Guard: Blah blah, *Hehe, I’m in danger* blah blah. I would go into more detail with this but frankly, you will be able to learn how to avoid this by going into any well made novel/fanfic and truly pay attantion to how they write. End. Maybe I will come back to this one day and see if you’ve improved! Happy writing. Ps: I made everything a 3 star because there isn’t enough chapters or character development to give any tips.