Chapter Five: Funeral Days

If it is not the last will of his grandfather, he will never agree to his parents' marriage proposal. After he married her, that's the same week when his lolo died. His lolo was the number one issue in our relationship, and until now, I still have no idea. If it's regarding his grandson's status, he should not worry; I am not after his money.

Our relationship started to fall apart and become tainted after their engagement party.

People will never understand the pain and feelings until they are put in the same situation. Wala silang pakialam sayo maliban na lang kung may kailangan sila. That's the painful part of being human. It's common because it's human nature.

"Are you okay? "nag-alalang tanong sa akin ni Liniea pag uwi ko. Napansin niyang hin

Di ako makasagot kaya.

"No, I mean, kaya mo pa ba? That's asshole." nanggigil niya dagdag bago ako nilapitan at mahigpit na niyakap. Hindi ako maka iyak. I started to feel numb. All I know is that I am hurting.

"Don't force yourself to cry if you can't. I am always here for you, Zyrene. Hush." hagod niya sa likod ko.

I became an inexpressive person when my father died. I forgot how to cry, and that's what makes me frustrated every time I'm hurting. I want to release it, but I can't. I can't, and I endure crying silently in my mind. While dying inside, people keep judging me because I keep seeing him even though he's already engaged to someone else when he was first engaged to me. How painful is it? Do I deserve this?

Each day, he became a stranger to me. It gradually continued until he was married. A Howard I knew became completely to me. We've been in a relationship for six years, and during those six years, he proposed to me before our college graduation.

"Yes? "Pag-uulit niyang tanong sa ulit sa sinabi ko.

"Yes." I smiled proudly and kissed him on his lips. Bigla niya akong binuhat at habang umiikot-ikot siya. It was the great sunset I have been watching.

I want to marry you, hoping this won't lead me to someone I hate.

We've been engaged for more than a year, but nobody knows because it was a secret. He was engaged to me while his family forced him to get engaged to his wife now. They've been engaged for almost a month, and after a month, they got married.

Totoo nga ang sinabi ng sayo nag propose, pero sa iba nagpakasal.

Howard's wedding is the happiness of his family, while mine is my wake. I wore a dress like I would at a funeral. He didn't know I was here, and I had no idea it was his wedding day. He never tells me, or does he have plans? Probably not.

I decided to choose to watch them from afar. I watched them give their rings to each other while exchanging their wedding vows. I couldn't hear their vows clearly because I was too far from them. I have no plans to hear their vows anymore. I am not a masochist after all. Do I? Attending your fiancé's wedding is not a masochist decision when you aren't the bride.

"You may now kiss the bride..." after I heard that. I decided to leave as soon as possible because I couldn't take it anymore. My mind was preoccupied at that time; I bumped into someone, and I heard the most hurtful words I don't want to hear from anyone.

"Sorry." I heard his apologetic words. I just nodded without looking at him. I continue to walk and leave this sacred place.

I went to the nearest bar and drank the best-selling beer they had. I don't mind the price because Zyrene was one of the business partners at this bar. While I am quietly drinking, a sudden memory flashes in my head.

It was one of the most tortured wedding ceremonies I attended in my whole life. Seeing your fiancée tied to someone, he said he was only a family friend. It's a day when my heart feels numb. You shouldn't put me in a picture if you have no plans to make me the center of that damn picture.

Bakit wala ka pa?

Kasama ka'y parang nag-iisa

Pangakong nagmamahal

Aalis ka rin pala

Napalingon ako sa stage nang may nakita akong isang babae na kumakanta. Nagulat ako nang makita iyong best friend kong kumakanta. Hindi ko alam na kumakanta siya. Malayo at hindi ako gaanong nakikita niya dahil nasa tago akong lugar.

Sabihin mo na kung babalik ka pa

Para di na maghintay

Sabihin mo na kung ayaw mo na

Para lang malaman ko

I hope, Howard, you told me first because I will understand. I can understand you. But why didn't you tell me? You made me feel betrayed.

How we end up like this, like a sad song.

Iiyak na lang

Iiyak na lang

Tahimik kong pinakikinggan at pinanonood siyang kumanta sa stage.

"I killed that f*cker." I heard the deep baritone voice of a man. He is so handsome, but his aura screams of authority, power, and danger at the same time. He never glanced at me. Nagulat na lang ako nang suntukin niya ang lamesa na inuukupahan niya. Mahina iyon, pero ramdam ko ang galit niya.

Who the hell is he?

Bakit wala ka pa?

Naririnig naman ako

Mahina pero ramdam mo ang lungkot at sakit sa boses ni Liniea. Hindi ko pa alam kilala ang buong siya. Ngayon ko rin nalaman na maganda pala ang boses niya. All I know is that she is one of the business partners at this bar. And everybody knows here that I'm their best friend.

Sabihin mo na kung babalik ka pa

Para di na maghintay

Sabihin mo na kung ayaw mo na

Para lang malaman ko

Napatingin ulit ako sa katabi ko nang sadyain niyang ibagsak ang kopita na hawak niya at walang pasabi na umalis.

Anong problema non'? Hindi pa naman ako nasisiraan para mag basag. Umiinom lang ako, pero hindi ako nagwawala.

Because this is how my father was raised—without a mother by my side.

...

Sakit naman ng kanta na ito: one sided/unrequited love. Awww.

Sakit magmahal.

Sabihin by Zelle