Playing Scout

****(POV)

Follow that guy my father said. He might not look like much but he's a hidden dragon.

Little Dragonoth make sure you follow him, and you will prosper!

That's what my old man always used to say. He saw my current leader fight once and he instantly volunteered me away.

How the fuck is it that the only one that didn't get fucking consulted about this was me?

I was just lazing around all day?! I had nothing better to do?!

Screw you old man!

I was diligently practicing my magic I'll have you know!

Me making magical fireworks was a form of training!

Same as chatting up all the ladies back home, it was all to train my charisma!

I might be handsome but even for one such as me, it requires know-how to interact with others. I was simply practicing. Quite a lot if I say so myself.

So yeah, that shitty old man of mine signed me up in that bullshit. After being recruited I had either the choice to suck it up or leave.

I totally tried leaving… the only issue is Rhinnase would have unscrewed my head off my shoulders.

So I reluctantly stayed.

Everything was fine at first.

We fought valiantly, we succeeded in taking the throne…. for the leader's brother.

Such a huge waste of time if you ask me. Why did we have to be the ones fighting over that?

Let the king candidate succeed alone if he's that good.

*sigh*

Anyway, it was a royal pain in the ass but we finally won …ish.

I was finally going to be able to relax.

Then it turns out all of that shit was all for naught.

The nice king we inaugurated…. gone. Just an insane ghost that took over.

Who gets fucking jailed for something he didn't want to even be part of?

Me. Fucking Dragonoth again. Of course.

I don't know why but I'm always the one running out of luck.

At first, I was convinced I was gonna die there. Like a dumbass.

Turns out the leader brought us away. To this shitty ass forest.

Dark elves weren't meant to live on the surface. Not at all.

It's like taking a fish and putting it straight up in the sun with no water in sight.

While it can be tasty if you are barbecuing….it ain't cool when you are the said fish.

So yeah, I'm way out of my element right now.

My prided dark vision is not of much use at the moment.

Oh yeah, and my specialty is troublesome to use here.

Flame magic.

Yeah, I truly want to burn this fucking forest to the ground.

All of it. I just don't want to be in it while it goes in smoke.

I prefer my body solid…. not ashes.

Again, shit out of luck.

I saw the way the leader was crushed from the loss of his daughter.

I'd like to say I know out it is …but I've never had any kid. Never will either.

These tiny little beings scare me shitless.

Also pretty sure finding a decent partner will be hard here.

With us now being exiled and all.

Oh, there are a few ladies with us. But they are either taken or batshit insane.

Rhinnase being the absolute worst. Some masochistic bitch that idolizes the leader.

Can't count on her to make a logical decision ever when that man is involved.

So yeah, the leader was Hella sad. Then he turned crazy.

I get it, faith is cool and all. But believing a bean is your daughter?

Seriously dude?! Cuckoo alert!

This bean shall be the future of our tribe? How about no?

I don't even like beans. I'm more of a meat enthusiast myself.

I only eat two things! Meat and ass! Couldn't help myself haha.

First, we get put to work on a house …for a bean…yeah.

Why would a damn plant need a house?! There is not even a single window in it! This is a plant!

Just drop it anywhere and let it grow. How dumb are you guys?!

Of course, I don't protest. I want to live after all.

I even wasted time making a pedestal. Well, it was either that or doing the more heavy labor.

Up until that point, everything is disturbing but not unacceptable.

But what am I supposed to do when the leader and his unofficial right hand pressure us into doing a blood pledge?

Any sane person wouldn't proceed with such a heavy pledge. Sadly my hand is forced.

To be honest just the leader alone is too much for me to handle.

Gosh, I hate geniuses like him.

He always had it easy…well beside the part where his wife and daughter die….and his brother gets possessed….and …ok never mind.

So yeah, now I'm soul bound to a fucking bean.

If there is an afterlife, I hope my old man is fucking watching.

Follow that guy he said, you'll have a bright future he said.

How about becoming a fucking minion to a plant!

How the hell am I supposed to keep my head up high?

I can already picture the scene.

Dragonoth is here! The strongest and blood thirstiest knight there is! He serves a bean ….

People are gonna be like…. wait, rewind…. did you just say bean?

How to go from scary warrior to professional clown.

I could be hacking people to death, yet everyone would be too busy to laugh at my expense.

This proud knight is now scouring the forest. I'm not even sure what I'm searching for.

Part enemies, part food, part a good timing to run away from the group.

The only issue is if the surroundings are dangerous I'll need them to survive.

Even without any external danger, they would hunt me for disappearing on them.

This is a huge pain in the ass.

As I'm thinking that, I notice something.

A huge pile of shit. I'm not talking about my situation this time around.

There really is a huge fucking pile of shit on the ground.

This means that whatever left this is a really big creature.

Probably 10 m tall at least, and very large.

There is a lot you can know by looking at feces. By seeing how big it is you can figure out the size of the creature.

By looking at the consistency you can guess its diet.

By observing how warm it is you can figure out how long it has been.

By describing shit you can achieve a lot. Heard from an old hunter that you can even pad the word count with that. Not sure what he meant, however.

So I slightly approach the thing and I ….NO WAY IN HELL I'M TOUCHING THAT!

I'm fucking out of here. Time to report!

Of course, I'm no coward, but I'm not gonna deal with that mess alone.

They want me to blood pledge? They should fucking deal with all the problems themselves.

I'm just going to half-ass orders.

Alright, time to go back home. How will they deal with the situation?

Don't know, don't care.

Still, what kind of unknown creature could it be?