LHS=RHS Prologue-
Anxiety is a deadly self-aware state, where a person just spirals into a self-sabotaging thought process. And the worst aspect about it- nobody knows. It is a war one fights with oneself, quietly. It cannot be seen. It must not be seen. The world must not know what chaotic thoughts wander in this head; thoughts given birth by that very world.
Looking at the board in front of her, Cecily tried her best to get the words written, but all in vain. The professor went ahead with the explanation, and he did stop quite a few times to ask if anybody had doubts, but Cecily just looked around hoping that someone was as lost as she was. She was afraid to stand out, always. Even in crisis, she would rather bear the consequences than stand up for herself. She stared at the board, and the train of thoughts finally left the station. Thought? More like questions! Questions of her worthless existence, questions about her choice of career, questions about her dumb self, and questions she confessed she did not have answers to. For years, she was trying so hard to hide this side of hers. She used to sit with the questions alone and deal with them. Cecily closed her eyes, as she tried to focus on her raging breathing, and calm herself down.
‘No unwanted scene Cecily! No unwanted chaos!’, she thought to herself. But it did not work. She could still feel losing control, something she didn’t like. And then a voice messed up more.
“How are you doing guys? Do you understand what prof. Ali is saying?”, the voice was close. Not right next to her, but close. And it was calm, confident, and soothing, almost urging her to give in.
Not caring for the world for once, and finally, she let go! She let the world see who she is. A broken being trying so hard to look brand new! She was anything but new. With a gasp, she tapped the table, as the air left her lungs at a frightening rate. She could hear voices around her, but she could not see anything. She gave in to her thoughts, and the voices in her head took over. Threw her around like a ball, laughed, and mocked as she tried hard to do one simple thing- breathe.
“Cecily are you okay?”, a voice prominent than all landed in her ears. She recognized it immediately. It was her professor. A tall man with a moustache, a scary-looking man but a humble person.
“I am taking her out of here. No one follows. She needs some air!”, he said and helped Cecily out of her seat.
Cecily knew it would pass. It had happened many times, enough for her to know that it would pass. An anxiety attack was not something that bothered her. The voices she was used to. They were always there, with or without attack. They were a part of her. But all Cecily could think about was- where did that voice go? Did she scare him? What is she to him now- a freak?
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