Gil-kun and the Mountain

"Why? Why did I think this would be a good idea..."

Gilgamesh thought as a despair he had rarely ever felt before filled his soul.

"I decided to follow her, half in jest and mostly because I felt insulted by this mongrel's words, so I told her that I accepted her as my servant... but... has she stopped talking for even a second? She keeps talking about the flowers, the grass, the plains, and how everything is much quieter than Rome... I'm going insane... how many times did she say 'umu'? What the hell even is a 'umu'? Is that a Roman insult? Honestly, I don't even care anymore!"

"And so most of the houses in Rome were built using strong wood like this one. They could withstand a truly incredible amount of force, but the problem was that they easily caught fire, which is why the Great Fire of Rome happened, but hey, don't you dare say it was my fault, umu, I wasn't even in Rome during that awful tragedy! Although it is kind of funny that-"

"Enough! Enough, you damn mongrel! You have pestered me enough! Keep quiet now, that's an order!"

"Hehe, no need to be so pushy, umu! I kept talking simply because I noticed you kept quiet and because I get the impression we are going to be together for quite some time. Don't you think so too, umu?"

"Please shut up..."

"Are you alright, umu? You know, it's an emperor's duty to safeguard the wellbeing of his subjects."

"How many times do I have to tell you, mongrel? You are my subject and I am your ruler!"

"Hey, hey, what's this sudden anger, umu? Don't worry, I shall allow it. But you must know, Goldie, I have my pride as a ruler, so I can't serve just anyone, you know? Especially out of my own volition and outside a Holy Grail War, when there is so much land I could rule! Although I do admit that I have grown a bit tired of the role of the leader and of being the one to talk, so I guess that I could lower myself to the rank of servant if I find you worthy of such an honour, ok, umu?"

"That's what I've been trying to explain to you, foolish mongrel..."

"Huh? Are you finally going to tell me who you are, umu? Huh, umu? Right, umu? Are you, umu? Are you? Umu, ar-"

"OK, OK... ok. I'll grace you with the knowledge of my name. Consider this a sign of forgiveness for your ignorance. I am the first hero, the king who started all legends, the King of Heroes, the ruler of the legendary city of Uruk: Gilgamesh."

...

...

Complete silence.

"You damn mongrel, I sai-"

"Umu, that's amazing, umu! I suspected it, but now I have confirmation of it! I really am in the company of someone equal to me. It was worth it saving you from those giant ants. I can't wait to establish a companionship with a fellow ruler, umu!"

"..."

"Well, what do you say, umu?"

"I regret talking."

"What, umu? What did you say, umu!"

"Damn you, I won't all-"

"Look, umu! This mountain is blocking our path!"

Just then Gilgamesh noticed the impressive mountain right in front of them.

"Wow, this mountain really looks like a mountain! It's splendid, beautiful, poetic, wonderful! Don't you think so too, umu?"

"Pathetic little emperor, this mountain is nothing more than a barrier this fake world has placed in front of me to dissuade me from my intent. A pointless endeavor indeed. Just like any who oppose me, this mountain shall fall in disgrace in front of my unreachable brilliance."

Having just finished talking, Gilgamesh raised his hand and threw a dozen high-ranking Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasms against the natural beauty. After a loud noise, the dust cleared and the mountain was nowhere to be seen, completely wiped out of existence.

"Well, what do you think, mongrel girl? Isn't the power of a true king awes-"

"That was awful, umu! Truly awful! Why would you do something so despicable, so horrible, so wrong!"

"What the hell do you mean? That mountain was in my way! Such pride must be punished by no one other than myself."

"That was so uncool, umu! Come on, fix it!"

"What?"

"Fix it!"

"Are you kidding me, mongrel?"

"Fix it, umu!"

"How am I suppos-"

"Fix it now, umu!"

"Stop it! I'm not going to fix anyt-"

"Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it!"

"Shut up, you mongr-"

"Come on, umu, fix it, umu, do it, umu, now, umu, umu, um-"

"Ahhhhhhhh!"

"What's the matter, umu?"

"Fine! I'll do something about this!"

"Thanks, umu, I knew you wouldn't be so bad, umu, now fix the mountain, umu."

"Gods, if you still hate me, please end my life right now..."

After gaining once again the will to live, Gilgamesh pointed out as calmly as he could.

"I have no intention of fixing that mountain, however, I can substitute it with a treasure of equal value."

A big distortion of space appeared on the ground in front of them, like a lake with thousands of golden coins inside. Slowly and theatrically a huge structure exited from the portal, reaching more than 300 metres and having the shape of one of the most important and famous monuments in all of humanity.

"In the name of Gods, that's the Eiffel Tower!"

"Fool, this is the original model from which that cheap imitation was based."

"I see, but then, umu, how can gold form a structure like that?"

"You need everything spelled out, don't you? This isn't gold. It's irongold."

"Irongold?"

"Yes, it's a material from the Age of Gods, capable of forming a structure much more solid and complex than any kind of iron while maintaining the shining blaze of gold. Or did you really think that my subjects made huge structures out of pure, solid gold?"

"Umu! That's amazing, umu! Truly impressive, umu! You've outdone yourself, umu!"

"Please just die..."

"Why? Don't you appreciate my praise, umu? Don't you like it when I praise you, umu?"

"That's not what I meant..."

"I'm sure you wouldn't mind lending a companion some of that irongold! I shall use it to construct the greatest palace and theatre ever built!"

"Since when are we supposed to be companions?"

"Well, umu, I wasn't sure before, but starting from now, I acknowledge you as my equal companion in this journey. Let us try our best to be happy and to form a lasting relationship."

"You know, after bothering me so much, death would be too quick and painless, mongrel. For this reason alone, I shall indulge your requests for now until eventually I'll show you the insurmountable gap between a fake ruler like you and the one true king of this and all worlds, me. I can't help but imagine your face coloured in despair when you will finally understand the weight of your mistakes, foolish mongrel. Ohhh, I can't wait..."

"I look forward to working with you too, king of heroes. Together, it feels like nothing in this world or any other can stop us! Let us proceed forward, umu!"

"I hate you..."

*****

"May I have some too?" Alaya asked.

"Of course, suit yourself." Gaia replied, passing a bowl of popcorn as she laid down on a side, she could feel her breasts slightly exposed by the lack of fabric but gave little care to that.

"Am I not sweet?"

"I mean, I'm the one who prepared them..." Alaya observed as her shirt was slowly falling down from her as if it was trying to escape her, leaving her shoulders partially in view.

"Well yeah, but I made you, so I guess we're even."

"You did not create me."

"And how do you know? Were you there to see what happened?"

"I can look into the past, you know."

"Whatever. Anyway, this is certainly getting interesting. The King of Heroes and Red Saber... a weird combination, but certainly one that in its own way could work."

"You think so?"

"Of course, you should trust your big sister!"

"You're not my big sister. In any case, I can't hide that these first developments have intrigued me and have given me a good laugh. Now, if all goes according to plan, their next meeting with someone else will definitely be... interesting."

"Indeed, I can't wait! Hey, Alaya..."

"Mmm?"

Gaia sat up, fixing up her fabrics and covering herself a bit.

"Can you please make more popcorn?"

Alaya sighed, putting her shirt back over her shoulders and getting up from the couch.

"Sweet or salty?"