Chapter 277: You're Crazy

"So, how does it feel, Kosma?"

Nozomi floated in the air, occasionally reaching out to touch the palm of Skadi's hand as she swam happily beside him, making her show a somewhat happy expression... This seemed to be some kind of little game between them as if it could remind Skadi of the scene when they first met.

At that time, Skadi was still a nameless and ordinary Honkai beast, a killer whale infected by Honkai... and even just an inconspicuous one among the many children of the "mother." Apart from being relatively strong and "smart," there was nothing special about her.

At that time, Nozomi was just a person who clung to his identity and was determined to return to the land, and even his mind had fallen into a semi-crazy state...?

Ha... if you take a quick look back at the "past," you will find that everything has changed a lot.

"What else do you want me to answer?"

However, in response to Nozomi's gentle questioning and facing the gentle smile on Nozomi's face that seemed to have never changed, Kosma simply responded with a blank expression.

His appearance had not changed much at this time. Apart from the horn-shaped part growing on his head, there was only a pair of fin-like things behind his ears. At the same time, there was a thin line like a blood vessel hanging down from his neck, at the end of which was tied to the pendant given to him by Nozomi. Among his dark-colored "clothing" that looked like clothes but was actually a "shell," the pendant was particularly conspicuous.

"This is all you wanted, isn't it... Nozomi?"

Kosma paused for a long time before he squeezed out his name through his teeth with a conflicted emotion.

Even though he was half-forced to accept his own "past" and learned about Nozomi's true identity and knew that he was the "Herrscher," Kosma still couldn't bear to call Nozomi "Herrscher."

Just like he was unwilling to regard Elysia as a "Herrscher" after knowing that she was a "Herrscher," facing Elysia who tried her best to help mankind, Kosma was unwilling to call her a "Herrscher" and regard her as an enemy of mankind... Kosma was also unwilling to do so when facing Nozomi.

However, all the things that happened in the "past" made it difficult for him to make a decision, especially the "first time." The hatred and hostility that Nozomi showed towards mankind were so heavy that it made people feel particularly frightened. And the "second time" was about his indifference to everything in the world. He was like a bystander, indifferent to all the tragedies in the world, and even promoted some tragic endings in disguise. This "indifference" made it difficult for Kosma to have much good impression of Nozomi.

But then again, at the "third time," it seemed as if everything had changed. Nozomi suddenly became a... [hero] who dedicated himself to the world and let his singing spread across the planet. Even Kosma was unwilling to say anything about his willingness to sacrifice.

By the "fourth time," he changed again and became a strange existence that ended everything, similar to the "Herrscher," but slightly different... But whether that was the "end" is hard to say, after all, people at that time just changed their way of life.

Moreover, Kosma was not unable to understand Nozomi's actions at the time. After all, he was overly stimulated and was suspected by too many people. However, compared to Nozomi's obedience in the "third time," Nozomi in the "fourth time" chose to take the initiative to end everything and change everything.

But therein lies the problem. He has read over various events of the "past" and experienced all the emotions therein one by one. The influx of "memory" has affected him to some extent, and he does not know how to face Nozomi, who is intentionally dominating everything and leading everything to the [ending] he has planned.

"Nozomi..."

Kosma looked at Nozomi with a complicated expression, his eyes filled with entanglement and reluctance.

"How on earth did you become... like this?"

"You already know it, so why are you asking me?"

Nozomi tilted his head and brushed the ends of Skadi's hair lightly with his fingertips. The soft feeling like water was quite pleasing to the eye. At the same time, he asked back.

"...I just want to know why you are doing all this and why you want to take the initiative to end it all..."

Kosma paused for a long time before using the adjective "end."

"You've done so well before, like in the 'third time,' you were willing to give everything, and you're still so gentle now. If you continue... can you replicate the scene back then, or even do better?"

"Then why... did you become like this? You want to decide the ending for all of us, and decide what the future will look like?"

"You want to say that I'm being arbitrary?"

Nozomi looked at Kosma with some amusement.

"It seems like you still have some complaints about me, otherwise you wouldn't be so roundabout in telling me these things... and even reject 'thoughts' so much."

"You think it's a bad thing that I connect people without permission? And it's such a strong connection, right?"

"...I feel like you're trying to control everything. After all, your level in 'Thoughts' is obviously higher than ours."

Kosma retorted as calmly as possible.

"Also, you always say that [compatriots] need to help each other, but I don't feel that. You try to engrave in my mind the idea that all [compatriots] are equal and need to help each other, but you are obviously at a higher level."

"That in itself is a form of [inequality]."

"What else? What? Do you still want to have more authority than my [Transmission Station]? Or even the [Foundation]?"

Nozomi raised his hand and nodded his head as if to indicate that Kosma's idea was too strange, even a little... funny.

"No, more importantly..."

Kosma's tone had a hint of targeting.

"You seem to be trying to control us, imprinting certain ideas into our minds... or even... wanting us to do things according to your ideas."

"This kind of attitude, which is indistinguishable from [power]... is disgusting."

Kosma subconsciously clenched his fists, as if he was forcibly suppressing his hostility and rejection of Nozomi.

"Hmm... it seems that 'thoughts' and 'past' have had a significant impact on you. At least you talk a lot more... it's similar to Kalpas. Kalpas's vocabulary has become larger and larger, and it's easier to communicate with him. That's good."

"You!"

However, Nozomi's focus was very strange, which made Kosma feel angry and the tension in his heart was about to turn into anger.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop joking... To be frank, you're just wondering why I do this, why I don't give others a choice, and why I act in such a tough manner... This way of forcing you to act by forcing your head makes you feel uncomfortable, and it also makes you have some misunderstandings about me."

Nozomi looked away and fixed his gaze on Skadi... Just now, Kosma had shown a little hostility towards him, which was accompanied by his anger.

But even this brief and slight hostility was still caught by her, so she stopped playing with Nozomi and turned her dangerous red eyes toward Kosma. Nozomi also reached out and poked her cheek, drawing her attention back to himself.

Compared to Kosma, one's own "blood relatives" are more important.

"But now I am going to ask you... why can't I do this?"

Nozomi asked back while stroking Skadi's head and straightening her hair, and Skadi obediently "swam" into his arms, showing a comfortable and happy expression, allowing her "blood relative" to get close to her.

Hmm... How should I put it? It feels like someone is petting their own pet... This is probably an illusion.

"If you look back carefully at the past, you will find that I obeyed others, passively accepted events, acted passively, and let everything in the world push me... Did those times have a good ending?"

"......"

"Like the 'third time,' I can feel that you really enjoyed that experience, and so do I. Being loved and supported by so many people, anyone would be happy, right? Not to mention, if we could continue to live in peace, I might even be able to have a happy ending with them..."

"Although this sentence may sound a bit excessive... well, emotional problems are like this after all~"

Nozomi shook his head, as if he was thinking of something wonderful. The corners of his mouth curled up a little... Then, he brought the topic back to where it had deviated a little.

"But what was the final result that time?"

"......"

"The trust that I had painstakingly built up was easily overturned and destroyed. The original love turned into suspicion in an instant, and then turned into rejection... And what was the final [end]?"

"No, that's because of the Herrscher..."

"Ah, yes, there is a Herrscher guiding us in secret, but... is that really the case?"

"......"

Kosma said nothing.

"In comparison, the [result] of the 'fourth time' was much better, wasn't it?"

Nozomi shrugged and said very easily.

"You know, in a sense, I am leading people to [ascension]."

"It's a pity... I'm not satisfied with that [ending]."

Nozomi paused for a moment, then said with a smile.

"I can do better and make this... better."

He said this softly, his words still so gentle, like water, but with an inexplicable sense of firmness, and a little bit of... madness.

"Kosma, you ask me why I took the initiative to do this? Why do I try to control all of this? Even act according to your own head?"

"It's very simple."

Nozomi was still smiling, looking a little creepy.

"Because I can do it. I can do it. As the one who decides the [End], as the [Herrscher of the End], I can do it!"

"Then why shouldn't I do it?!"

"The past has proven time and again that if you allow yourself to drift with the world and continue as you wish, the final [end] will be filled with sadness, and even the process will hardly make people feel any joy..."

"What if I fill my life with peace and gentleness? What if I put all my complaints behind me, suppress all my resentment in my heart, and melt everything I have into a song, and give it to you and the world?"

"The final [ending] is still so sad."

"Three times, three times in total, I didn't take the initiative to do anything, but the final result was still so... unsatisfactory."

"But what happened later? What about when I took the initiative to try to do something? What about when I took the initiative to let go of those boring emotions and persistence and took the initiative to [end] everything? In the end, what was the [end] that I and we got?"

"You know, 'that time' I didn't even understand what had happened. I didn't return to 'mother's' arms, I didn't accept the 'memories' of rain, and even the recognition of 'blood relatives' was done with great difficulty... But even so, what did we finally gain?"

"It is our own evolution and people's ascension. We have reached a new level!"

"In that case, why shouldn't I continue?!"

Nozomi said so.

"You ask me why I do this? Because it has been proven before!"

"I can do it all, I can do it all! So I'm going to do it!"

"I can do better and make everything better!"

"I will rewrite this [ending] bit by bit until I am satisfied and it becomes what I want it to be."

"...You've gone crazy, Nozomi."

Kosma said so.

"When did you develop the delusion that I wasn't crazy?"

Nozomi asked back in confusion.

"......"

"You should know it very well after knowing the past."

Nozomi smiled, still with that gentle smile, and tilted his head slightly while reaching out and lightly tapping his head with his index finger.

"From the first time, I was crazy, wasn't I?"

"If something of that magnitude happened to you, as long as you could persist and not choose to destroy yourself, I would admire you, Kosma."

"...sorry."

"I don't want your apology, and I don't need it."

Nozomi's expression changed, and his originally gentle smile became expressionless... He was a little angry.

"This belated and sympathetic apology is of no use at all, and it makes me feel like I'm using your guilt to further influence you to agree with me and do things for me...which makes me feel uncomfortable."

"I gave you 'blood' so that you could be accepted by the 'mother' and have access to your 'past,' but not for you to use it to hold guilt and immerse yourself in the 'past.'"

Nozomi's tone was no longer as gentle as water, and the smile on his face was gone. All that was left was calmness, a seemingly crazy... calmness.

"Move forward, only forward, and only forward, just like time can only move forward but cannot go back. Everything that was once has passed, everything that was once can no longer be made up for, and because of this, we can only move forward more firmly, try to make ourselves better, try to do better."

"Because it's the only thing we can do."

"......"

Kosma was silent for a long time, but finally, he had no choice but to turn around and seemed to be leaving.

"Where do you want to go, Kosma?"

"...Go find Mobius and try out this [Echo/Power]."

Kosma did not look back, but raised his hand and gently grasped the pendant on his chest. After responding to Nozomi, he took another step and prepared to leave.

"…Hehe, sure."

Nozomi's gentle smile returned to his face again, and his words were still so gentle.

"Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll have to try to let you face Dystopia... After all, the 'Fire Moth' has made a big move against us recently, right?"

"I'll go there too."

Kosma paused again, said something to Nozomi again, and then continued to leave quickly... At this time, Nozomi made him feel more and more unfamiliar, and somewhat... scary.

"hehe..."

Nozomi didn't say anything more, just watched Kosma leave... If nothing unexpected happens, after Dystopia joins, Kosma will also accept "Thoughts."

"Did you lie just now, Blood Relatives?"

Skadi, who was still lying in Nozomi's arms, slightly propped up her upper body, looked up at him, blinked, and asked softly.

"Blood relatives said that they don't need to feel guilty... But, I still felt that he felt guilty just now..."

"...Yeah, yes, 'blood relative,' I lied."

As for Skadi, Nozomi naturally acknowledged it openly.

"Because this is something that cannot be avoided no matter what... Once I bring up this matter, their emotions will change to some extent, which will in turn affect their attitudes. This is a very normal thing... After all, people are such emotional creatures."

"Will it make you unhappy if I do this, Blood relative?"

"Unhappy? No, blood relatives are important, and they have never lied to me."

Skadi tilted her head in confusion as if wondering why Nozomi asked that.

"Blood relatives must have their own reasons for doing this. I will support you. After all... blood relatives are important."

"Ha...really, I feel a little embarrassed when you say that."

Nozomi smiled, hugged her gently, and touched her hair tenderly, making her look happy.

"But... rest assured, my 'blood relatives,' no matter what the final outcome is, we will always be there for each other."

"After all, we are related by blood."

"Besides... I will make this all the way I want it to be."

"To do this, I will use everything I have..."

"And finally..."

Nozomi's voice was as soft as water.

"Everything will be paid for."