Chapter 21: Chaos is a Ladder Bitch Part 1

[Part 1: ]

I leave the common room and head for the Great Hall, and I know I've already said it once, but this castle is one huge pain in the ass.

Who in their right mind and with magic doesn't come up with a portal?! Like, portals are the very first thing any magic user worth their salt gets to use, right?! Yennefer uses them, the whole WoW franchise uses that stuff, even the Battle monks in Marvel have that stuff too!

Like, come on, how can an entire planet full of magic users not have established a global system of Portals?!

Why even waste time using stuff like Floo, Apparation, and Portkeys?!

They're all stupid as hell, the Floo network they've set up, can only link if there's a chimney, Apparation is loud as fuck, and Portkeys need some sort of shit that can be used as, well, the key. But real portals like the ones used in vanishing cabinets, they have none of these shortcomings, Just walk in and walk out.

Sure, they're not perfect, but only because none of these morons has invested time and energy into further researching them.

It's a proven fact that they have that stuff, but they just don't deem it worthy to use for whatever fucked up reason.

Only the morons in this world can spontaneously decide, "Nah, screw Portals!". Like they got so close to actually realizing it, but then just decided not to.

They created the vanishing cabinet, and if they just used the idea to build some big-ass Gates, they could get students from all around the globe to Hogwarts. And if they go one step further and make a hall with these cabinets, people can just skip past climbing stairs altogether, or even walking.

How convenient would that make life? I think about inventing that stuff, or rather, re-inventing it! I'll make it like in Studio Ghibli's film Howl's Moving Castle's! The best shit in that animation was the castle's door.

One Master Key that connects different locations, and then let people use the doorway to move between these locations that are permanently locked together.

No shitty ass Floo needed, no Apparition needed, just walk through the god damn doorway! I bet I'll get an Order of Merlin for offering that to the world because it makes travelling so much easier, and Portkeys and the like are just redundant or can be used for other stuff.

Anyway, a short 30 minutes later I arrive at the great hall, tired and annoyed.

I greet some of the people that I pass by, and I like enough to actually greet them, before I am finally taking a seat at the Slytherin table.

"Merlin, bless sitting!" I say happily as sit happily.

"Have you read the Daily Prophet?!" I hear some asking another student, and can't help myself but look over.

I look around and find one of the papers lying some distance from me on the table, and Accor that to myself.

There are way too many subscribers to this bullshit paper, and some just like to skimp through it before throwing it away, or leaving it on the table for the house elves to clean up.

"Let's see what is going on in magical Britain." I say happily.

On the front page, I see a muggle village in fire, and the Morsmordre spell in green fire burning above the ablaze village. "Attacks on Muggle have taken a rise. More on page 6." I read out loud.

The next article is about attacks on ministry employees, and finally the one after is about a missed Student in Hogwarts, and the final one is about how Dumbledore is a failure.

And finally, one that I did not expect is about my Gramps taking a seat in the board of Governors for Hogwarts.

'Well, seems like Moldy has started his little campaign! I wonder when he'll pop up on Gandalf's radar.' I think amused.

The gay old man will know and have ideas about what is going on, he is after all a war veteran, but the real question is how will he act.

I know he won't be acting fast, probably assuming these are just random events taking place and that there is no connection between them all, and will start way too late giving Moldy a head start.

As I contemplated the possibilities of what these two idiots might or might not do, I suddenly pick up an all too familiar smell and voice.

*Boom* The Doors of the great hall are literally kicked open.

Glancing up from my plate, my gaze locked onto the sight of my gramps as he entered the Great Hall accompanied by a group of elderly people.

"Damn it, you imbecilic moron!! These doors are older than your whole lineage; handle them with care!" Someone shouted at my gramps.

Instinctively, I looked at the opposite end of the hall and saw the Marauders, their expressions far from the usual scowls of disdain and annoyance that I managed to provoke. Instead, today they wore mischievous grins that sent a shiver of anticipation down my spine.

'Haha, so you've made your move? Let's see how this plays out?!' I thought excitedly.

Learning is boring because the professors don't teach us anything really dangerous or challenging. This is not a military school, and what we learn here is basically the basics of the basics, just enough to get started. The real magic comes after Hogwarts.

After Hogwarts, you go on to earn your mastery, which is like finishing university. Only then can you call yourself proficient in one school of magic. I wonder how stupid the Death Eaters had to be to lose to children, trained by an idiot with plot armour on his side and nothing else to show. Potter's child wasn't even good in school, so how did he manage to hold his own against people who had decades to hone their skills?!

*Sigh*

I get a headache just from thinking about it.

Anyway, I am happy about the current show that is unfolding before me because everything that gives me excitement is welcome, and this situation is proving itself to be an exciting one.

I look back at my gramps and see him holding the other old man by the collar and shouting in his face, and I can't help but chuckle to myself.

'The old man is as lively as always,' I think, amused.

"Go fuck yourself, you old bastard!" Gramps shouts at the other old man who is fighting to get out of his grip.

"Reginald, leave him alone, or I will beat your old ass!" another guy says angrily.

"You think I'm afraid of you, pothead?!" my gramps shouts at the other old man.

"All of you have some decency; we're in front of children!" an elderly woman condemns the three old guys.

"Lady Longbottom, you know me! I am the most charming, the most civil, and the most patient and tolerant man alive, but even I cannot stomach how retarded this duo is!"

*Sigh*

'Charming? Maybe. Civil? Probably. Patient? Well, depends on the issue. But tolerant?! Abso-fucking-lutely NOT! You crucio'd someone just because he did not address you properly,' I think as I keep eating my breakfast.

"Bah! Prince, you are just full of shit!" one of the old guys throws at gramps.

"Shut the fuck up, Black, before I kick you in your arse so hard you taste my foot!" my gramps replies angrily.

I watched in astonishment as my grandfather and several other usually esteemed figures started insulting and verbally abusing one another, their expressions hardened with resolve. It was clear that if no one intervened, spells would be flying pretty soon, though the exact nature of the aggression between them was unknown to me.

I decided that if someone were to pull his wand, I'd be joining in. No way I'd let my gramps duke it out and have all the fun.

"Where is the little bastard who's messing around with my grandson?!" another voice boomed, sending a ripple of unease through the hall.

With a bubbling feeling of excitement in my stomach, I realized that the newcomers were here on a mission—a mission that involved me.

*Wicked Grin*

Just as I am about to shout my reply back to the old bastard, I see Professor Slughorn sprinting forward, his brow furrowed with concern. "What is going on?" he demanded, his voice tinged with anxiety as he surveyed the scene unfolding before him.

He observed the gathered group, recognizing them as individuals of significant influence and power within the wizarding world.

And one thing Sluggy does not like to do is piss off people who have some say in the world, but here he is in front of those same people.

But suddenly my grandfather's voice cut through the tumult, commanding attention as he brandished his wand with a sense of authority. "Dumbledore, get your old wrinkly ass to the Great Hall before I lose my patience! Now!" His words reverberated through the chamber.

Meanwhile, all the students in the Great Hall were frozen like deer caught in headlights, and I couldn't help but grin wickedly.

'I love chaos!' I think to myself with a newfound sense of appreciation. 'I had nearly forgotten that I'm here to enjoy life, and not to dwell on worries and consequences.'

'Thank you, Gramps, for reminding me. I should not be worrying about all that bullshit, and instead think how I can fuck everyone over!' I reflect happily.

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