44

Chapter 44: How to Create a Media Shitshow 101

Notes:

Guys I'm drafting the last chapter and a half of this fic this weekend. Holy shit it's been a ride. And yes apparently I update on Saturdays now.....not sure how that happened. Oh well.

Chapter Text

Yuri wanted to strangle Spiderman as she heard the sass come out of his mouth. Angering the giant behemoth cosplaying as a goddamn rhino was a terrible idea. Aleksie, and this had to be him, was a behemoth of a man. A wall of muscles. No one looked like that naturally. She watched Game of Thrones, and even the Mountain would be dwarfed by the monster standing before them.

There was a moment when everyone in the room stared at Spiderman in horrified disbelief. Because really, who says that to the face of a clearly enhanced Russian enforcer? Who!? Spiderman apparently. And then Aleksie or Rhino or whatever the fuck was his name, swung for Spiderman's face.

Yuri dived out of the way, drywall and splintered supports raining down on her as she hit the ground. Rolling to one side she brought up her gun and fired at the behemoth.

The various low level foot soldiers of the Magia started shooting, there was a blur of red and blue, webs going everywhere, crashing as walls and the roof shattered at the vicious attacks of the fucking Rhino. He was just Rhino in her head now.

She scrambled to her feet, stumbled the two yards forward, ducked a flying elbow of Rhino's, punched a goon in the face, and grabbed Officer Lippincott by the back of his bullet proof vest and hauled. "MOVE!"

The rookie scrambled backwards, raising his gun and shooting wildly into the room.

Yuri hauled him into the hall. Slamming him into the wall she slapped his face. "GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!"

"Ma'am!" His wide, slightly wild looking eyes focused on her.

She cringed as bullets hit the drywall a yard to their left. They needed to get out, this building wasn't going to stay up with the enhanced brawl going on. And based off the obnoxious quips about lack of good parental role models, it was just going to get more violent. Spiderman seriously needed a lesson in de-escalation. "Get to your car, and radio in everyone!"

"Car, radio, everyone. Got it." He nodded too quickly, his fingers twitching in panic.

Yuri released him and reloaded her gun. "Go, I'll cover you!" Fucking hell, their best hope was the teenager with a christmas sweater on over his bullet proof pajamas. WHO WAS STILL INSULTING THE GIANT MAN IN A RHINO SUIT!

She threw her arms up as the office next to her exploded as Rhino and Spiderman went crashing into it. Spiderman ricocheting off walls, the floor, the ceiling, various pieces of furniture and even Rhino himself to avoid the clobbering punches. Yuri swung around shooting the Magia goon that'd just come stumbling into the hallway. Right, Spiderman could survive that till backup got there. Hopefully. She had some more regular thugs to either arrest or prevent from shooting the fleeing Lippincott and hopefully safe Davis.

Yuri moved forward with purpose. Gun first she swung back into the destroyed room. Her eyes flicked across the room. The room and it...was still a room by the barest definitions of such. There were crumbled bodies on the ground, and several groaning idiots webbed to various pieces of debri. It had probably been walls originally. She couched, covering her mouth from the dust. "DAVIS?"

"Here!" Davis's head popped up over the rubble that had once been the wall between the room and hall on the other side of the room.

She coughed. "Can you get out from that side?"

"Yeah, I can get out." Davis slapped his hat to the side, dust billowing off of it. "Spiderman ok over there?"

Yuri cringed at the booming noises as the fight moved further away. "He was still swinging and mouthing off. Lippincott is out. Get out, radio for more back up and the Avengers, Quake, I don't care get another Enhanced down here to help the kid."

"Yes ma'am. Go, shoot for the eyes I guess?" He offered before turning and disappeared into the other side of the building.

She reloaded her gun. Shoot for the eyes...fuck. Well it couldn't go worse than her bullets bouncing off the man a few minutes ago.

////

Peter hurt. Everything hurt, was this what Daisy felt like when her bones cracked from using her powers? Cause if it was he hadn't been freaked out enough by that information. He grunted as he pulled himself out the brick side of the building he'd been chucked into. His chest heaved as he panted. "So, thoughts on quietly surrendering? I hear it helps at sentencing."

"HOLD STILL THAT I MAY CRUSH YOU!" Aleksie, rhinoceros cosplayer and mob enforcer screamed in frustration as he stomped towards him.

He shot a web across and lept, pulling himself up and over the man's head and landing on his back. He shot webs at the man's hands trying to restrain him, again. "Has anyone told you this isn't how to make friends?"

"JUST DIE!" Aleksie slapped at him, just managing to whack himself as Peter ducked and then wheeved while hanging onto his back.

Peter shot another dendrotoxin web into the man's face. "I don't think I will. Seems a bit silly to let you catch me like that." There was a resounding smack as Aleksie hit himself in the face instead of Peter. He webbed the hand to the man's head. At least it would hurt to snap those webs. "Have you considered not hitting yourself?"

Aleksie made a sound that could only be described as a roar getting caught up in a blender as he ripped his hands off of his face, the web snapping from the strain. "I will enjoy killing you." He panted.

His spidersense went wild. Peter moved, he still went rolling from the force as he was dislodged and sent rolling down the road. His mouth tasted like blood as he looked up. He pushed up and then yelped as his weight landed on his foot. Oh that was very, very broken. This was bad, really bad. He sprayed his foot with webbing to give himself more support. Testing it he grit his teeth. Doable, it was going to hurt.

Squinting he looked at where Aleksie was snapping more webbing off of himself. He didn't look good either. His grey suit was ripped in places, his veins standing out blue as he moved with a drunk like quality. The dendrotoxin might not have knocked him unconscious but was definitely affecting him.

Peter swallowed as he pushed himself back to his feet, gingerly keeping most of his weight off his broken foot. He could do this. So back-up wasn't here yet, that was fine. Aleksie was almost done. If he could just get one good hard hit in he'd go down. He nodded to himself. If he used those lampposts he could launch himself, if Aleksie was charging, and he slung himself he could get a hit in hard enough to knock him out.

So he was going to do this. "Hey Rhino! That your name? Or you just got a kink you're a bit too into? I mean no judgement. But wearing fetish gear in the streets, not cool man."

The comm in his ear crackled. -"GET OUT OF THE WAY SPIDERMAN!"- Yuri shouted.

Peter jumped, his feet going up faster as he somersaulted over a patrol car, gunning it straight for Rhino. His eyes widened in awe. Holy shit.

Yuri was in the driver's seat of a patrol car with a dented hood. She had to have the gas pedal shoved into the floor as it half flew down the road aimed straight for the wavering, punch drunk Rhino.

Just a matter of car lengths from Rhino she threw the door open and threw herself out of the car. Her arms up guarding her head as she prepared to hit the pavement.

Peter was moving before she'd even kicked herself out. His web caught her back as he launched himself forward. "YURI!"

The car collided into Rhino and exploded as it impacted. Fire and shrapnel flying as it roared.

There was a blueish blur, a hand grabbing the back of Peter's suit and yanking him backwards and away. The wind was knocked out of him, and then he was landing on the sidewalk on his butt.

He blinked. Turning to the side he spotted Yuri sitting on the sidewalk looking as confused as he felt. His head shifted up and his shoulders slumped as he spotted Pietro. "Cutting it a little close."

"I had an exam to finish." Pietro blew out a breath while staring at the still on fire form of the car wrapped around Rhino. "So, that's a bad guy right?"

Peter laughed while nodding. "Yeah, that was a bad guy." He looked over at Yuri. "You drove a car into him?"

"My bullets weren't working." She shrugged, though she had a certain air of ruffled post battle bafflement. Clearly she wasn't expecting to have survived the car stunt without a single scratch.

Pietro's brow rose as he looked at the soon to be smouldering...possible remains, possibly injured enhanced. It was like he hadn't quite realized what was the cause of the explosion he'd just saved them from getting singed by was. "That is impressive." He looked at Yuri. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"Paperwork." Yuri replied without blinking. She let out a groan. "You know the department is never going to give me back up, move me to a normal shift, or stop treating me like the plague if I keep doing this shit."

Peter reached out and patted her on the back. "Aren't you getting some fancy award for the whole Magia thing?"

"And a promotion." Yuri did not sound excited. "Until I've clawed my way to Captain they're going to play hot potato over me."

Pietro cleared his throat. "Why? This doesn't make sense."

"She keeps turning and arresting coworkers for corruption and stuff." Peter explained, he'd read the file Daisy had found on their ally. "So we help her. She's good people."

Pietro nodded at that. "Ah, no one likes a snitch, even when it needs to be done."

"Yes well anyways...is that...man alive?" Yuri looked pointedly at the..wreckage.

Pietro and Peter shared a look. Pietro tilted his head. "Ironman will be here soon. He can contain whatever that thing is."

"He's a Russian mobster." Peter explained helpfully.

Yuri hissed as she poked at her nose that was bleeding sluggishly. "Hospital for us I think."

"Aunt May is going to kill me." Peter groaned as he looked at his foot. He felt like a walking bruise, there was no way he'd be out fighting crime for a week at least. Even his advanced healing and Daisy's bone steroids weren't going to change that.

Pietro patted him on top of the head. "I'm sure Stark will take care of both of you." He looked at Peter. "And who knows, you might get home before dinner."

Yuri seemed to realize something. "I'm about to get dragged even further into the superhero nonsense aren't I?"

"It's inevitable." Pietro informed her, he put on his most dashing grin. "I'd be happy to give you the tour."

Peter's nose scrunched up. "Wait, are you seriously flirting with her?"

"Of course? A beautiful woman willing to sully her reputation for justice is impressive." He winked at Yuri as he spoke.

Peter was filled with a sharp rage. Oh he was going to kill him. How dare he! While he was doing whatever it was he was doing with Darcy. That was his sister! He lunged, fully intent to introduce Pietro's face to his fist.

////

Darcy stared at the three individuals in the medical room sitting on separate gurneys. She then looked at Tony. "What sort of unicorn, magical horse shit happened?"

"I'm still rough on the sheer stupidity. It doesn't come naturally to me." Tony crossed his arms.

Pietro looked as baffled as she felt as he sat there with a black eye. "I do not know what went wrong. I got the alert that Spiderman required assistance while I was taking an exam. As soon as I finished I ran as quickly as I could. I grabbed him and the detective from the explosion from her driving her car into a guy who looked like a rhino? Then we talked and then he tried to strangle me." He jerked a thumb towards Peter.

Darcy swung her attention to Peter. She noticed the cop was trying to sink into her gurney like her ice pack and stitches would make her invisible. On the other hand Peter's body language was all mullish and stubborn as he refused to take his mask off. Doctor Cho was splinting his foot. "Kid?"

"He flirted with Yuri." Peter shot what was probably a vicious glare under the mask at Pietro.

She shared a confused look with Tony. Her eyes flicked to the detective and then Pietro before returning to Peter. "And?"

Peter spluttered, and then he was ripping his mask off. His eyes wide as he stared at her, face painted with indignation and upset. "I know the two of you are together! You're not that sneaky!"

"What!?" Tony squawked!

Darcy pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're a big dumb dumb."

"We live in the same house!" Peter's eyes narrowed.

Pietro made a sound that probably would have been laughter if he hadn't swallowed it. Good plan, she'd have had to kill him if he laughed at her brother deciding to protect her honor. It was kind of adorable actually.

"This whole thing is because you think Pietro and I are dating?" Darcy ignored Tony's puffed up squawking.

Peter crossed his arms over his chest. "I had to put noise cancelling headphones on two nights ago."

"You're fifteen, do I need to explain friends with benefits?" Darcy gave him her best 'really' look. Cause she'd do it, and she'd make it the most awkward moment of his life.

Peter's face scrunched in consideration. "But you two are always around each other."

"Eh, tower, he's not bad company, and our sisters are a disgusting Disney couple. It's for survival." Darcy snickered, but stepped forward and landed a large smacking kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for defending my honor, but I've got a taser and can do my own defending."

The cop, Yuri now that Darcy was looking at the woman properly, cleared her throat. "Do you guys have a mind wipe thing? Or do I just have to live with this new knowledge I don't want?"

"I'm afraid there's no going back." Darcy held out her hand. "Good to meet you. Well, sorta? I've been on the comms so we've kinda already met."

Yuri just looked pained. "This is my life now."

"I'm confused and I don't like the sensation." Tony pointed at Pietro, his eyes narrowed. "I can take out the trash."

Darcy waved off her dad. "Naw he's chill Poprocks. Friend not food."

"God help me there's two of them." Yuri dropped her face into her hands.

Peter reached out and patted her back...it did not seem to help.

Darcy softened, Thor she'd been spending too much time in the lab. "Come on, let's get you home after Doctor hotpants-"

"Excuse me?" Doctor Cho jolted.

"We can even smuggle Poprocks with us." She continued as if she hadn't been interrupted.

Tony nodded. "That sounds like an idea Spawn." He shot a last glare at Pietro who was positively smug under the disapproval. "Also my media peons have been complaining, something about you not traumatizing them? Do something so I don't have to dazzle them with my thoughts."

"Were there cameras when you punched Pietro in the face?" Darcy asked, suddenly feeling terrified.

Peter tilted his head. "Probably?"

"You owe me." Darcy face palmed. "Circus time is coming."

Pietro pulled the ice pack away from his face. "Circus?"

"You're lucky you're pretty." Darcy considered the likely future media storm. Fuck.

////

Amanda Sefton, barista, future air hostess, and current college student thrust a magazine into her coworker and friend's face. "I TOLD YOU!"

"Oh that's...oh dear." Wanda blinked as she took in the horror that was the cover news story.

She nodded enthusiastically. "I told you! Look at that! That...bitch!"

"That seems a bit harsh." Wanda offered weakly.

Amanda scoffed. "Stealing Spiderman away from Quake, and now playing Quicksilver and Spiderman against each other! It's horrible! How dare she! You can't just play with people like that!"

"It could just be a misunderstanding?" Wanda offered, it was weak and her friend clearly knew that.

She stared at her friend with obvious disbelief. "Really? No, this bitch Darcy Stark is fucking over the heros of New York!"

"Shouldn't we support another woman in a position of power?" Wanda offered. "I mean it could be a bit more complicated than we know."

She scoffed while pulling her apron on with extreme prejudice. "Please, superheros don't punch other superheros. I mean have you ever seen Captain America and Tony Stark punch each other?"

Wanda opened and shut her mouth clearly unable to come up with a rebuttal.

"Besides, we should have known she'd be as scummy as the other Starks. Howard and Tony fucked everything that moved. Of course Darcy would too."

"But you like Tony Stark?" Wanda asked with a slight frown.

Amanda waved off the doubt. "He stopped being a slut after he became a hero. So now we have to wait for some stupid disaster in like twenty years for Darcy to get her head out of her ass and in the meantime it's going to be bullshit."

"That is...that is one way to think about it." Wanda pulled on the branded baseball cap of their coffee shop.

Amanda paused, Wanda was awkward about the topic. Shit. She was talking about relationships around her friend whose girlfriend was probably dead. God damn it. Way to go Amanda, let's just pour salt in that emotional wound. She gently nudged Wanda. "Sorry, I know you're not as interested in celebrity gossip."

"It's fine?" Wanda was looking at her strangely, clearly her thoughts elsewhere.

She cleared her throat. "How were your exams?"

"Top of my class." Wanda had a small pleased smile.

Amanda beamed. "That's amazing! I don't know how you do it. I'm just glad to get B's."

"Well I need the grades to get into the law program." Wanda shrugged. "A degree in Social Justice and Civil Rights Law doesn't just happen."

Amanda nodded. "True, you're going places girl. Promise not to forget me when you're rich and famous changing the world."

"I don't think I could forget you if I wanted to." Wanda smiled, her eyes a light with humor. "And I don't want to."

She beamed. "I'm the manic pixie dream girl to your social justice warrior punk ass."

"I...you do know English is not my first language yes?" Wanda stared at her like she wished she didn't understand.

Amanda laughed. "And yet you understood every word. Now let's go face the Karens in need of their caffeine fix."

"I wish I could strangle one customer a day." Wanda said under her breath.

She gave a solome nod. "Preach."