33

Kisame – Damn it! Stop using Zabuza, you bastard!

Shikamaru – It's a legitimate strategy, Kisame-san.

Itachi – Please ignore these two… Phoenixsun lent us the Naruto: Shippuden – Deck-building Game and they have been playing it nonstop… *Turns around* Hey! Want to come here for a second so we can do our job?!

Kisame – It's a cheap way to win and you know it… Huh? The chapter is ready?

Shikamaru – Please enjoy PHD's chapter 33.

Kisame – What?! It was suppose to be my turn to do the intro!

Alternate Routes

A loud groan was heard in the room as a young, pink haired woman angrily paced back and forth.

"Would you stop it already… You're giving me a headache with all the pacing…" Her teammate complained from his seat at the table.

"What? Are you telling me that you're not angry?" She questioned, glaring at the larger ninja. "This is supposed to be our mission." The kunoichi complained.

A sigh escaped the teammate. "What are you talking about? It still is."

Slamming both hands on the table, the pinkette's glare intensified. "Then why the hell are we being replaced?!" She asked.

"Kazehana-sama knows what he is doing…" A third voice now joined in. This one was far more serious and carried more weight in the room. "We are at a disadvantage in this terrain… Especially if Konohagakure is getting involve. Kazehana-sama realized this and that's why he decided to hire them." Roga Nadare stated before his eyes looked to the room across the hall.

Three other shinobi were in that room with the door flung wide open. The first one was tan and impossibly big and fat, wearing clothes that were far too small for his frame. He was happily sitting on the table gobbling up five people's worth of food. The second was bald and his body was as lean and pale as the first one's was fat and tan; he did not wore a shirt, but most of his chest and arms were covered in bandages. He stood leaning against the wall with a serious, almost angry, look on his face. The third was actually quite an unremarkable individual, with mid-length black hair tied in a ponytail, an angular nose, and an ever present smile on his face. Yet he usually did the talking for their group, and always with a jovial disposition.

"Look at their headbands…" Nadara instructed the two other Yuki shinobi. "Note that X carved over their village insignia… I've only heard rumors about where these guys come from, but if half of them are true, it's a sign that Kazehana-sama is pulling out all the stops to make sure his vision comes to fruition." The lilac haired man commented.

Another groan escaped Fubuki. "I still don't like it…" She complained, causing Mizore to sigh.

"You don't have to…" Nadare replied while, in the other room, the third man look back at the three Snow ninja and wave amicably. "You just have to be ready to act… When our time finally comes." He stated.

"I swear that I didn't do anything to her!" Naruto repeated for the umpteenth time, making a case for his defense to the two angry kunoichi that stood towering over him, glaring daggers.

"Well, you must have!" Tenten stated. "Because not only did she run away from you, but she was almost crushed by part of the movie sets, and then she fainted!" The older girl pointed out. "People don't faint because you didn't do anything to them!" She stated accusingly.

Naruto grumbled under his breath. After saving the Demon Country Priestess from the falling rubble, the girl suddenly shoved him with surprising force and ran off yet again. The blond was barely able to reach her in time to catch her before she hit the ground as she inexplicably fainted. With help of her attendant, Taruho, they carried Shion back to her room at the hotel. As far as the spiky haired boy knew, she still had not regained consciousness, which left Naruto at the mercy of the Konoha kunoichi inquisition.

Now, the Leaf team was in the boys' room as Sakura and Tenten took turns grilling the Uzumaki, trying to get him to confess to something he never did, though perhaps could have wanted to. "Did you try to scare her off with a Jutsu?" Sakura asked. "Or did you try one of your old perverted Jutsus on her?"

The blond took offense at the last question. "Hey! I haven't used one of those in a while!" He exclaimed. "Besides, she's the one that has something against me! Just ask Lee." He pointed at the spandex wearing boy sitting cross-legged in one of the beds. "Just today she kicked me in the shin because I wouldn't get her a soda and then pushed me after I saved her! That girl is crazy!" Naruto shouted.

From his seat, Lee simply nodded. "It's true Sakura-chan. From the very first day, Shion-san has been very sour towards Naruto-kun… Even before he so much as said hi to her." The taijutsu user informed.

"See!" Naruto exclaimed. "I have been nothing but nice to the girl… Shut up, Lee, I have." The boy said glaring at his teammate before he could interject. "Meanwhile, she has been nothing but a bitch to me and tried to make my life a living hell since day one… In fact, I'm not completely convinced that she is not faking it just to get me in trouble."

A short laugh escaped the pink haired girl. "Oh, please, Naruto. No one is that petty." She said offhandedly.

"Is that that any different from someone pretending to have heat stroke so that Sasuke would escort her to the nurse's office?" Naruto wondered out loud as he gave his teammate a knowing look.

Blushing, Sakura struggled to find a retort. "That… That has no… Nothing to do with this…!" She exclaimed. "Let's just forget about it." The kunoichi added as she looked away from all of her teammates.

"I would have carried you to the nurse's office like a princess, Sakura-chan!" Lee chimed in, causing the pinkette to groan in exasperation.

The blond chuckled a bit before continuing. "As I was saying, that priestess seems to have a bone to pick with me and all throughout the day she had been acting even stranger than usual… I think the best course of action is that I trade assignments with one of you guys" The boy proposed.

Immediately, Tenten's glare intensified. "How can we be sure this isn't just a scheme of your to try to be placed on Fujikaze Yukie's team?" The older girl questioned as she studied her spiky haired teammate.

Naruto scoffed. "No it isn't!" He exclaimed indignantly.

"Not so sure, I believe you." Sakura commented as she folded her arms and gave the blond a knowing look.

"Why would I come up with a plan in which I get my foot crushed and then I'm shoved on my ass?!" Naruto shot back.

From his place, leaning against the wall in the corner of the room, Neji cleared his throat in order to gain his team's attention. "At any case, this leaves us in a bit of a delicate situation." The chunin said. "And I kind of agree with Naruto on this one." The Hyuuga revealed.

"Unbelievable!" The two kunoichi exclaimed in unison.

Neji cleared his throat again before resuming. "I've decided that, before things get even more out of hand, we are going to have to switch assignments around and put someone else in the priestess' protective detail." The team leader declared with a commanding voice.

"Thank kami!" Naruto exclaimed in approval from his seat, earning another glare from Sakura and Tenten.

Neji sighed before continuing. "Let's see if Shion-sama responds better with another girl by her side. Sakura, you are going to take Naruto's place tomorrow." The Hyuuga decided as he turned his gaze at the pink haired girl.

"What? Me?!" Sakura blurted in surprise.

"Yosh! Great decision, Neji! I knew you would be a wise team leader!" Lee excitedly exclaimed before jumping onto his feet and turning to his crush. "Don't worry, Sakura-chan! We are going to have lots of fun taking care of Shion-san together!" He said before striking his signature nice guy pose.

Naruto could not help but chuckle at the sunken expression Sakura made at the sudden turn of events just as Tenten moved to comfort her fellow kunoichi, telling her that it would not be as bad and that she would eventual learn to drown out Lee's youthful speech.

Leaning back in his chair, Naruto smiled smugly to himself. Despite all of its problems, the day was ending in a very positive note. He was finally free of Shion's bitchiness and he will be able to stay in close proximity to his idol, Fujikaze Yukie. Sure, according to his teammates, she was not the most jovial person to be around, but, as far as the blond thought, there was no way that the actress could be more unpleasant than Demon Country's Priestess.

Halfway through his first day in Fujikaze Yukie's bodyguard team and Naruto did not think she was as bad as Shion, but she was certainly given the younger girl a run for her money.

While not as hateful towards the blond genin as the Demon Country Priestess, Yukie had her very own brand of spite. When Neji informed her and the production staff about the change in their team, the actress had made a face as if she had just smell the foulest odor in the world, barely sparing Naruto a half a second glare before losing complete interest in anything to do with him or his teammates.

As the day progressed, the spiky haired genin saw his idol belittle, criticize, and insult everyone and anyone around her. From the filming crew, to the set attendants, to her fellow actors, no one was safe from Fujikaze's sharp tongue. Her assistant had been reduced to tears after Yukie went off on her from bringing her water in the wrong plastic cup, and one of the extras quit after she chewed his ear off from having an allergic reaction and sneezing during one of her scenes.

The famous actress was nothing like Naruto pictured in his dreams where to two of them took a bath in a giant ramen bowl.

On the other hand, as far as Naruto could tell, Princess Fuun's disdain seemed to be directed at everyone, which made it a refreshing change of pace from Shion's special hatred of the spiky haired boy in particular.

At that thought, the Sharingan user directed his gaze at the other blond across the movie set.

Earlier that morning, the priestess had been in an angry and loud fury when she was informed that Sakura would be taking Naruto's place as her bodyguard. Since then, every time the Jinchuuriki glanced at her direction, he found a pair of purple eyes glaring daggers at him.

The Uzumaki sighed before thanking kami that the Demon Country Priestess' eyes could not kill like his did.

"What they say is true, huh? Never meet your idols." Neji commented as he walked towards the blond, the Hyuuga's white eyes looking at Princess Fuun as she acted out her scene.

Snapping out of his thoughts the blond turned to look at his team leader. "What?" Naruto asked. "Oh, yeah! Yukie is dream-shattering vile… But I was actually sighing over that." The spiky haired boy said as he pointed at the other side of the movie set where Shion sat still glaring at him.

"She has been doing that for hours now." Shino suddenly commented, seemingly entering the conversation out of nowhere. "You seem to have left quite a strong impression on her, Naruto." The brunette added.

"That's what I'm worried about." Tenten chimed in as she walked towards the group of boys.

Naruto glare at the kunoichi. "Don't start with that again… I'm sure Sakura is going to go off on me about it tonight and I don't need a sneak preview now." The young man stated.

Whatever Tenten's responds was going to be was drowned out by a loud sound from the set.

"What?! Are you telling me that Daisuke won't be able to shoot today either?!" The movie's director exclaimed to one of his assistants.

The nervous employee tried his best not to trip over his own words. "A… Actually… The doctor said… Said that Daisuke-san will not… Be fi… Fit to film four about… A month…" He finally said after much effort.

"What?!" The director screamed. "We are already far behind schedule with Hiroshi's scenes as it is!" He stated before starting to pace back and forth. "Sure we can use stunt doubles for some of out of focus stuff and we could shoot most of the rest later… But we need him to be physically in set with Princess Fuun now for the kissing scene before we move on to the next location!" The man said.

"Uhm… Why not use his stunt double for that scene too?" The assistant offered, by now the scene had drawn the attention from the entire set.

The director shook his head. "It won't work, that scene is a close up… It has to be Daisuke or at the very least his twin double…" All of the sudden, the director stopped pacing and his eyes turned towards the group of ninja.

Naruto and his teammates gave confused looks at one another as the director quickly walked towards them.

"You, young shinobi, you guys are able to take someone else's appearance, right?" The director asked.

Tenten cocked her head to the side. "Yes…" She answered hesitantly.

"Perfect!" The director exclaimed. "Then you will play Hiroshi in the kiss scene!" The man declared as he grabbed Naruto by the shoulder a pulled him forward.

"What…?" Naruto blurted out in a mixture of shock, disbelief, and fear.

"WHAT?!" Both Sakura and Shion cried out loudly in unison from the other side of the set.

CRACK

Back on Konoha, Hyuuga Hanabi found herself in a very unfamiliar situation. During a routine sparing match with her older sister, the younger Hyuuga was taken by surprise when one of Hinata's strike came with so much force that it sent her flying out of the room and through the paper walls of the dojo.

Pushing all the fabrics and pieces of wood off her, the shocked Hanabi looked back inside the room she had been standing on a few seconds ago. The equally bewildered looks of her sister and father were the only respond she received.

After a couple of seconds, Hinata was the first one to snap back to reality. "I…! I am sorry, Hanabi-chan!" The older girl exclaimed as she rushed to her sister's side. "I don't… I don't know what came over me…" She added as she helped younger girl up. "It was like this rage suddenly well up inside of me… I don't know why, but I'm sorry for pushing you like that…" The young kunoichi apologized over and over again.

From his sitting position at edge of the room, the still stunned Hiashi decided to sweep the Hyuuga compound for any trace of genjutsu.

All the way in Suna, a cheerful Kankuro made his way from the kitchen to the dining room with a large trey in hand. All in all, it had been a good morning for the Sand ninja so far. The lumber for his new puppet had finally arrived from Kumo, Baki had informed him that their chunin promotion was in the works, and the boy could have sworn that he had actually seen Gaara smiling. Now, he was just a few seconds away from enjoying his favorite spicy curry for lunch.

Opening the door to the dining hall, Kankuro was only mildly surprised to find his sister lazily reading a magazine at the end of the table. Smiling brightly, the puppet user prepared to ask her to join him for lunch.

"Hmm… Why do I suddenly feel like punching something?" Temari muttered to herself as she turned the page of the article she was reading.

Without missing a beat, Kankuro turned around and started to walk back to the kitchen. After all, it was a great day… To eat his lunch in the kitchen where he would be safe and sound.

A soft hand caressed a pale cheek as tears streamed down her face and explosion went off all around.

"We have to go! We have to leave now!" Someone was heard shouting.

The girl shook her head vigorously. "He gave his life for us… For me…" She whispered while continuing to stroke the cheek of the blue haired young man lying in her arms. "And I never… I never…" She said as she started to lower her head, her trembling lips seeking out the unmoving ones just a few inches away.

CRASH

A pile of boxes suddenly fell onto the floor, their content spilling all over the set and some of it even getting into the camera shot. "Cut!" The director screamed.

"For kami's sake, not again!" Fujikaze Yukie exclaimed as she immediately stood up, unceremoniously dropping the boy, whose head had been lying on her lap, onto the ground.

Down in the dirt, Naruto gave a large sight as he checked his henge was still on, thankfully it was and he was not going to get chewed out for it again.

After only a few hours pretending to be an actor, the blond had a newfound appreciation for his job as a shinobi. Sure he faced death on a regular base, but fighting missing nin was a far less grating occupation.

Case and point, one little scene about kissing Princess Fuun somehow already was on its seventh take. By now, everything that could go wrong probably had. From problems with the film, to issues with the lighting, to a poor distracted intern walking into the shot. The worst part was that, every time the director yelled cut, it was immediately followed by a full blown rant from the princess herself, who would not stop until the cause of the issue ran away from the set in tears.

Sitting up, Naruto took another deep breath as he waited. If the prospect of kissing Fujikaze Yukie was not tense enough, all the retakes, which always happened right before the actual kiss, were leaving him a completely nervous wreck.

Glancing to the side, the spiky haired genin could see Neji, Tenten, and Shino looking back at him. Their eyes showing about as much anxiety as he felt… Well, at least Neji's and Tenten's did, while Shino was anybody's guess.

On the other hand, on the other side of the set, Sakura and Shion continue to glare angrily at the transformed blond, while a slightly scared Lee stood a safe distance away from the two girls.

"And I can promise you, by the time my agency is done with you, it would take a miracle for even your children to get jobs pulling out weeds at minimum wage!" Yukie's rant caught the young genin's attention.

Turning to the source, Naruto could see the beautiful actress in full rage mode and the poor staff member was already reduced to a trembling mess. "Sorry… Sorry… Sorry…" He kept repeating almost in a trance.

"Come on, Fujikaze-san, why don't you leave the poor guy alone? You already traumatize him…" Naruto did not know what possessed him to involve himself with this matter, but the silence that enveloped the entire movie set immediately told him that he made a terrible mistake.

Princess Fuun slowly turned to glare at the Leaf ninja and after a few seconds made a beeline to her new target. "Just who do you think you are?!" She questioned as she stood over the boy. "You're just some no-name kid… Just becomes you are a ninja you think you can tell me what to do?!"

Naruto finally got up from his sitting position. In his transformed state, the Sharingan users stood at eye level with the actress. "What's with the people in this mission and their entitlement issues?" The young man wondered out loud. "You're the one who blows a gasket every time someone makes a little mistake… I mean, you went off for twenty minutes when someone when someone corrected you earlier today… Even though you were the one who messed up!" He exclaimed.

The fury in Yukie's eyes almost rivaled a chunin's killer intent. "Why you little piece of shit… How dare you talk that way to me?!" She shouted, closing her fists to prevent her hands from shaking.

"Well, someone had to!" Naruto responded. "All this week you've been steamrolling everyone who so much as makes eye-contact with you… Hell, I'm starting to doubt Daisuke-san is actually injured… I think he just wanted to get away from you!" The comment immediately caused a myriad of responds from the audience present, ranging from gasp of disbelieve to barely suppressed chuckles.

"You… You…" Now it was Yukie's turn at being stuck repeating the same word.

"So please for the sake of your movie, my mission, and whatever remains of my original impression of Princess Fuun… Calm the hell down!" Naruto declared loudly.

The entire set when quiet after that, everyone waiting for Fujikaze Yukie's answer. Unexpectedly, without saying a word, the young woman simply ran way, pushing pass the Uzumaki and making her way through the dumbfounded staff.

Naruto was left in the middle of the set, with his teammates and the rest of the movie crew on a perimeter around him. Suddenly, someone in the crowd started clapping and before long everyone seemed to have joined in.

Undoing the henge and walking dumbly out of the literal spotlight as people continue to cheer, Naruto was greeted by the confused look of his teammates. "What the hell just happen?" A noticeably confused Neji asked.

"I have no idea…" Naruto honestly responded.

A scoff escaped Tenten as she folded her arms. "All I'm seeing is that this is the second girl that runs away from you in two days, Naruto…" She commented, glaring at her younger teammate.

"I guess I might have gone a bit too far…" The blond admitted before letting out a heavy sigh. "I guess I have to go look for her now… Since no one else in here seems to be in any hurry to do so." He said before turning and walking in the direction the actress had ran off to.

Back among the movie crew, the director quietly leaned towards his assistant. "Was the camera running during all of that?" He asked, receiving a shy nod in reply. "Good… I don't know how yet, but I want to use it."

It took Naruto several minutes to find Fujikaze Yukie. Once again, the blond was surprised with how quick a civilian could run since, just like Shion the day before, Yukie had managed to cover quite a large distance, getting herself deep into the woods in a considerable small amount of time.

As the genin got closer, his ears picked up a distinct sound. "Damn it…" He swore under his breath once he realized that he was hearing Princess Fuun's sobs. "Hey… Fujikaze-san… Listen, I know I said a lot of things…" The boy awkwardly started. "But I honestly didn't want to upset you like this."

Quickly, wiping her tears away, the actress turned her head to glare at the young man. "I'm not upset because of you… Idiot…!" She spat.

Naruto was taken aback by the respond. "Oh… Well, you did run away after I confronted you… It's easy to see how someone could assume you're crying because of that…" He commented. "So then, if you're not upset because of me, can you come back and tell Tenten that?" The Uzumaki added.

A short, dry laugh escaped the black haired beauty. "Your little rant was simple the latest drop in the stress filled cup that is my life." She explained as she tried to compose herself.

The blond gave the actress a curious look. "Really? Care to share?" He offered.

Another, far more condescending laugh from Yukie was heard. "A little boy like you could not possibly understand." She countered.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Sure, because I'm just a shinobi who has faced certain death a handful of times..." He commented offhandedly. "I wouldn't know anything about problems or stress."

To her credit, Yukie did have the decency to look a bit ashamed and face away.

Deciding to spare Princess Fuun any more embarrassment, the spiky boy opted to continue. "I'll tell you what… Let me tell you some of my issues first." He offered. "For starters, just a couple of months ago, one of my teammates ran away from the village in a misguided attempt to save our team."

One of Yukie's eyebrows rose. "And how does that work?"

The blond snorted in responds. "Did I say misguided, I meant stupid…" He explained. "Anyways, we were sent on a mission to drag his ass back and, by the end of it, both Neji and I had holes through our chest, but we did manage to bring him back."

Yukie was noticeably taken back. "That's… quite a lot of dedication…" She commented, clearly at a loss for words.

Naruto shrugged his shoulders. "Well… He is my best friend… Also, about a year ago, I found out that he is one of my only two living relatives." He revealed. "And the other one is an S Rank missing nin who is trying to kill us both."

It took several seconds for the actress to find her voice. "Ok… You might know a thing or two about stress…" She finally admitted.

"Now is your turn…" Naruto pointed out with a smirk on his face.

Sighing, Yukie had no other choice but to give in. "Have you… Have you ever had a part of yourself… That you needed to hide from everyone else… At all times?" She asked.

"Heh… You have no idea." Naruto replied with a laugh. A small smiled appeared on the young woman's face at the answer and Naruto could not help himself but think she looked absolutely stunning.

"Well, I have something like that too…" The black haired woman continued. "Keeping it buried usually comes as second nature, but lately… It's on my mind at all times… Nagging me, eating away at the walls around my heart…" Her breathing started to become a bit unstable and one her hands moved to clutch the pendant that hung around her neck. "I usually have a much better grip on my composure, but lately… Well, you saw how I made poor Kaoru faint during one of my episodes…" She said with a healthy among of blush adorning her cheeks.

"So, you're not usually this strung up crazy?" The boy asked.

Yukie gave the blond a glare. "Of course not! I'm a professional!" She emphatically stated.

A small smile appeared in the young shinobi's face. "Good. I would hate it if my favorite actress in the whole world was that unpleasant." He commented; his words actually causing Yukie's blush to intensify. "Come, let's go back… We still have a movie to film."

Finally, regaining her composure, the young woman gave the spiky haired boy a knowing look. "Oh my, someone sure is in a hurry…" She said as a mischievous glint appeared in her eyes. "Could that person be looking forward to finally do the kissing scene?" The actress asked as she approached the genin.

Naruto audible gulped as he took a step back.

By now, the smile on Yukie's face was absolutely predatory. "Maybe I should give you a bit of service right here…" She said. "After all, you've been such a good little fan… You need to be rewarded." Her hand reached out for the blonde's cheek, teasingly stroking it.

An exceedingly nervous Naruto tired to move away from the beautiful woman's touch, but found his retreat cut off by a tree.

"What was it you say your name was…?" Yukie asked as she continued to move up. "Is it… Naruto-chan?" Her face was now dangerously close.

"What are you two doing?!" An angry voice suddenly demanded to know.

In a flash, Fujikaze Yukie backed away from her would be prey.

Finally, being able to breathe again, Naruto turned to look at his savior. Immediately, his gratitude disappeared at the sight of a furious Shion glaring at him.

"Shion-san! Don't run away like that!" Sakura called out as she and Lee came running from the direction of the movie set.

Naruto look at his teammate and smirked. "Told you she was a handful…" The young man smugly said, earning a glare from the pinkette for his troubles.

The priestess stomped her way to the other blond. "So, what? You guys staged that whole little scene back there so that you could come out here for some… Some secret rendezvous?!" She asked, jabbing her index finger on the spiky haired boy's chest all the while.

The Uzumaki gave his previous charge an incredulous look. "What the hell are you talking about?" He asked with a mixture of confusion and aggravation.

"Oh no, Naruto-chan, it seems we've been found out…" Yukie suddenly said as she came up behind the blond genin, hooking her arms underneath his and leaning her chin on his shoulder. Naruto noticeably jumped at the actress' action while Shion and Sakura eyes widen in complete shock and Lee turned beet red.

"What… What are you doing?!" The spiky haired boy asked in a panic, only receiving a sly smile from Yukie in respond.

"Na… Ru… To…!" Sakura said through gritted teeth and her hands close into fist. Next to her, Shion's purple eyes looked almost as terrifying as Itachi's Sharingan.

Untangling himself from Princess Fuun, Naruto struggled to explain himself. "She's lying…" He hurriedly said. "I just came here to make sure she was alright and then she… She…" The boy stopped talking when he saw the kunoichi's hand moving closer to her weapon's pouch.

Fortunately for the Uzumaki, instead of going for a kunai, Sakura's hand went for his collard, bringing the spiky haired boy closer to her. "Naruto… I swear… If you…" Whatever the Haruno's threat was, it was left unsaid when a huge explosion thundered through the forest, strong enough to cause the ground to shake.

"What was that?!" Lee immediately asked.

All anxiety disappeared from Naruto. "I don't know… But it came from the movie set."

Itachi – Stop pouting… This is a perfect example of a "you snooze, you lose" situation.

Kisame – Grrr…

Shikamaru – How do you put up with him, Itachi-san?

Itachi – Pocky and xanax, Shikamaru, pocky and xanax… Anyways, we will like to apologize in behalf of Phoenixsun. The outline for this chapter was ready almost as soon as the previous one was posted, but severe writer's block delayed it quite at lot.

Shikamaru – As always, thanks for reading.