Looking For A Way

There was no reason to deny the fact that I had a mental breakdown last night. No matter how embarrassed I felt, the truth was that I was bawling my eyes out in Sawn's chest crying like a little girl about my misfortune. That's why during the whole ride to the Council's headquarters I was silent. I didn't know what to say or if there was something I needed to do. Looking at Sawn made me blush from embarrassment and even though I was aware that showing my emotions was not a bad thing, the thought that Sawn and I met a day ago made it unbearable. It was probably second-hand embarrassment. If I ended up looking at myself through a screen, the character of a movie I would have found it sweet, the moment of vulnerability, the shoulder to cry on but now I just felt ashamed.

So the five hours that he kept driving my head was turned towards the window while my eyes counted the trees that we passed by. One, two , three, tall and dark green and many different kinds framed the highway while we traveled. The woods that surrounded us were probably very beautiful. I had been to large cities before but there was nothing like the feeling of the dirt under your shoes, the sounds of the leaves and branches breaking underneath your feet, the chill of the dark mornings in the woods. A chuckle almost escaped my lips, maybe I am quite the werewolf stereotype. Never questioning anything, being content with the idea of a predestined lover, loving the woods and accepting even the suppressing parts of our system. But I loved it, every bit of my species and its beauty. I had learned to embrace it from a young age. This is who I was and who I will always be.

Devoured by those thoughts I didn't realize when we reached the headquarters until we finally stopped. Sawn got outside the car, circling it and opened my door so I would get out. Before us stood a very tall building, right in the middle of nowhere. It looked like a skyscraper and I frowned. There is no way no one had noticed the shining windows made of glass, or the fact that it was so tall that it protruded from the old trees.

"It's charmed." Sawn said as if he had read my mind and my lips shaped on oh. "Come on. They are waiting." he said and began walking, making me speed up to reach him.

"Who is they?" I ask, in need of some more information.

"Well, the council has many departments. Think of it as a very big police station, a court and a ministry at the same time. We will be going to the police department, the one that deals with crimes against werewolves and we will meet my boss. Most of the rest on my team are outside in other missions anyways."

We entered the building after Sawn showed a card. I had never seen it but the guard looked at him and immediately let him pass. There was a wide reception with a moon shaped desk in the back, behind a guest waiting area that had two sofas and two armchairs. A few old magazines were sprawled out on a glass coffee table. A woman that entered after us sat there, picking something to read while she waited.

"No time to stall." Sawn murmured and I scoffed. He grabbed my hand, his palm warm as he touched mine and flashes of last night, while he held me flashed before me. I could feel my cheeks turning red. You are thinking too much, I scolded myself. "Hello, Min, could we get a visitor's pass please?" Sawn said in a sweet voice and the werewolf girl behind the desk smiled before she ducked and grabbed something.

It was another card, a bit different than the one Sawn had shown the guard. She passed gently onto me and I smiled awkwardly before I grabbed it. It wrote visitor with bright red letters.

"Thank you." I told her.

"You're welcome." she replied and I followed Sawn once again. This time we headed towards an elevator. My eyes were traveling everywhere. It was very modern, unlike what I had been used to. It almost looked like a corporation of some sort and when we entered the elevator, it started speaking, startling me.

"You look as if you grew up in a cave." Sawn made fun of me.

"It's not that. Shut up." I mumbled and he chuckled. I wish there was a hole. Something for me to hide like an ostrich because I was feeling embarrassed again.

"It's cute." He commented and I coughed."We are here." He continued as if he hadn't said anything before. The double doors of the elevator opened, revealing a black wooden door. Sawn stepped outside and knocked gently.

"Come in." a female voice was heard and we both entered the office. It was quite spacious. A black desk with a white computer on it and piles of paper. A photograph was placed on the side, turned away from us. There was a coffee table and a comfortable looking couch with two armchairs opposite of it separating us from the woman behind the desk. I gulped, feeling a bit stressed but she smiled and stood up.

She was a tall woman, definitely two heads taller than me. Her hair was blonde, styled in a slick ponytail while her eyes reminded me of the blue colors of a lake. She was beautiful, with strong characteristics, in her mid thirties, dressed in a dark red suit with a white shirt underneath. She wore many gold bracelets in both of her wrists that jiggled when she moved back her chair.

"Hello Sawn. I see you have made a new discovery during your journey." she said and looked at me, a kind smile on her face and I relaxed. I didn't know what I would do if before me stood some strict old man. "Please, take a seat, you seem exhausted. Quite beautiful nevertheless." she complimented and I couldn't help but smile. I hadn't heard I was beautiful in a while, had no one to hear it from.

Once Sawn and I were seated on the couch, the leather sticking a bit to my clothes. She sat in the armchair before us, crossing her long legs.

"I am Sylia. Sawn might have mentioned that I am his boss." she said and I nodded.

"She is Alice, she is the daughter of the Alpha. The sole survivor of Moontear" Sawn spoke for me, introducing me. The sole survivor. These words echoed in my head, painfully. It was like a title. Adrian the brave, Ella the strong, Alice the sole survivor, even though I did nothing to survive.

"I am so glad to hear that someone survived. It was such a tragic event. We haven't seen one like it in years. Almost all of my people are working on it and I assure you we will find who did this."

"I…" I mumbled, unsure if I was supposed to speak. She blinked, waiting to hear the rest. "I would like to participate in the research please." I said, as kindly as I could.

"Do you think that is a good idea? I mean…the emotional trauma must be too big, don't you think it would be better to stay here, take some time to heal?" she asked me and I frantically shook my head. No, I would kill myself if I was left alone, doing nothing, I knew it.

"Please…it's all I have going for me." I said, being sincere and she sighed. She was looking at me with pity in her eyes. It was so obvious. I didn't care though, if that meant she was going to let me help it was fine. She didn't have to know that I was also planning to give my own justice.

"Sawn…" she called him.

"I think she should join us. Also she might be able to help us with finding the one who did this. Her memories….they are locked somewhere in her head, if we could just…"

"I don't understand why you would recommend such a method." Sylia scolded him.

"I do not mean to…"

"What method?" I asked. "If there is any way for me to be of any help I want to do it."

"Alice…" Sylia called my name. Her voice was so sweet, mature, it reminded me of my mother. "It is a very painful process. It is almost like torture. Sawn, you said there was some kind of lead, why not start with that?"

"We will need a witch for that." Sawn stated and Sylia's expression turned serious. She was skeptical, the troubled relationship between the species was a huge obstacle in what we wished to do.

"What is the procedure you are talking about?" I asked again.

"We have specialists. Spiritual people, werewolves who have the ability to dig into your brain. This method is usually used when someone wants to break the mate bond. All of the memories are brought forward and are destroyed, breaking it. They will bring forward your memories of that night in our case and you will see who was the killer. But it is very painful…it lasts for hours and it could exhaust you, even hurt you." Sylia warned me but I did not need to think about it twice. I would do it. Even if it meant reliving that horrid night I would do it. Dig up my brain, take out my heart. I do not care as long as I am able to see that monster's face. I will be one step closer to destroying him.