A bad mother and an awful wife

"I'm alive! I'm -- "

"Madam!"

Heaven jumped and her spread arms instantly folded to her chest. She turned her head at the door, where she heard someone calling her name in a panicked voice.

At the doorway stood a middle-aged woman, wearing a maid's uniform with an aghast expression on her face. She was looking at Hera like she had seen a ghost. 

"Young Madam! What have you done? Why are all these pills scattered on the floor?!" she yelled. The maid looked at the pills on the floor with a horrified expression on her face. Her hand went to her chest and looked at the young madam.

Her name was Miriam.

Miriam hurriedly picked up the pills from the floor. Heaven rubbed her chin and kept her gaze on Miriam as she rummaged through the memories the real Heaven left for her.

Miriam was a maid serving the Zhu Family for decades. She had dedicated her life to the young master Dominic Zhu, Heaven's husband. Even now that Dominic had grown into a fine man and had a family of his own, she still served him. But now, as Heaven and Dominic's son's nanny.

According to Heaven's memories, Miriam was the only person who truly cared for her in this household. Not that Heaven was able to open up her heart to Miriam, but unlike everybody else, Heaven tolerated this nanny.

"Madam! Are you trying to kill yourself again?" Heaven's thoughts halted when Miriam sat on the edge of the bed. She looked at the middle-aged woman whose face bore a mixture of emotion. "What are these pills?"

Heaven glanced down at Miriam's open palms. The pills that Heaven tried to drink were like a clear evidence of what this body had tried to do. She looked at the pills again and then cleared her throat.

"Madam…" Miriam frowned, hiding the pills in the pocket of her apron. She then reached for Heaven's hands, squeezing them slightly. Her lips parted, but no words came out. She could only look at the young madam with worry reflecting in her eyes.

Miriam was lost for words and didn't know what to say anymore. She already tried her best, gave the young madam advice, and created opportunities for her. But alas, Heaven just kept relapsing. Even though there were days Heaven would try out some hobbies, she would still succumb to her intrusive, negative thoughts swirling inside her mind.

"Miriam," Heaven pressed her lips into a thin line.

It was true Heaven attempted to kill herself last night, only to change her mind at the last second. However, death still came because an intruder strangled the original Heaven to death.

How would she explain that without causing panic?

Would they even believe her in the first place?

Deep lines appeared between Heaven's brows as the original Heaven's demise sank into her. She woke up with the original's memory intact. Therefore, the soul inside the host already knew what real Heaven's life was like.

It was hell.

"Madam, don't you have an ounce of affection for the young master?" Heaven was pulled back from her inner mussing at Miriam's inquiry. "I know you are unhappy, but the young master is having problems in school."

Heaven slowly set her eyes back on Miriam. This was the first time this lady spoke such words because she knew Heaven didn't want this marriage, let alone 'that' child. For the original Heaven, Dominic Zhu was the man who took everything from her.

"Madam, I know I am stepping out of bounds, but please," Miriam mildly squeezed Heaven's hand, almost begging the latter. "Can you at least try?"

Miriam braced herself for an unpleasant reaction from Heaven. Heaven's son and husband were almost like a taboo for her. No one could mention them if she was present; that was no secret for all the servants in the household.

Mentioning their names would instantly put Heaven in a terrible mood. For Miriam to have such courage, the current Heaven was certain Miriam had enough. Or rather, Miriam was worried about something and was trying out a different approach this time.

'I can't blame her. After all, this isn't the first time Heaven tried to kill herself.' Heaven mentally shrugged. 'Though this time, she died. Or rather, murdered.'

"I know Madam didn't like the master and the young master, but the young master is still your child. The young master fought his classmate yesterday, which he doesn't do usually. I'm not blaming you, Madam, but a child still needs a mother's affection and guidance," Miriam continued her lecture with a deep sigh. "Now, the school sent a letter to Madam and Master to settle this matter. Madam, maybe if you try… You will learn how to love the young master and the master."

'Huh… this woman…' Heaven mentally chuckled in amusement. '... she's probably ready to die for her to step out of her bounds.' — Or maybe, Miriam was just fed up trying her best to push Heaven to open up to her husband and son.

'Heaven, you are a terrible mother and an awful wife,' thought Heaven to herself. 'Though I understand where you are coming from, you shouldn't just blame your husband for your misery. Blame yourself for not trying, even just a tiny bit.'

'Don't worry. I will cherish this life you didn't,' Heaven added inwardly, grabbing Miriam's hands this time.

"Sure," Heaven smiled, catching Miriam off guard with the sudden show of affection.

"Su — sure?"

"Mhmm. Sure," Heaven nodded. "I'll try my best to fix this family instead of finding ways to kill myself."

Miriam blinked several times, almost there was a look of disbelief on her face. Had she heard correctly?

"Madam, you're saying…?"

"I'm saying I'm done with deaths, dangers, and whatever I had dealt with in the past." Heaven firmly said. She then let Miriam's hands go and started combing her jet-black hair back. "And I'm very much willing to embrace the life I have now."

Heaven winked, her eyes full of life, as she continued, "In other words, prepare me breakfast while I doll myself. Didn't you say my son got into a fight? I'd like to see who hurt my baby."

Miriam looked at the dazzling woman, who was smiling confidently at her. Ever since Heaven stepped foot in this household, she always had this gloomy look about her. She liked keeping things to herself, enjoying her own company and the solitude.

This was the first time Miriam had seen Heaven with such vigor, such life. But what was even more surprising was how Heaven called the young master her son. Heaven never once held her son or even acknowledged the young master's existence. Never.