CHAPTER 35: I am your salvation

Kazuya had immense control over his Reiatsu in his Hollow form due to the innate power of his Hollow Mask. His human form didn't have the same luxury. He used his resting time to fine tune his control and hide his Reiatsu from others, which required him to keep his Reiryoku from leaking out — a skill with great use in the Living World.

He trained for a scant few hours before boredom forced him out of his resting place. "Harribel, protect this baby while I'm away. Cirucci, let's go."

Harribel cradled the egg and patted it gently with her left hand. Her tender gaze was very much like a mother. "I'll protect your child with my life."

Her solemn words, paired with her motherly expression, left Kazuya momentarily speechless. "Harribel, it's our child."

Harribel stared at with wide eyes before she gave a look of understanding. Her hunch about Kazuya was true all along. "It's solely yours."

Cirucci traced a line in the air, opening a Garganta with the same ease as Kazuya. "Leave the talk for later. Let's leave."

She vaulted inside, and he plunged after her without hesitation. Suddenly, a maelstrom of turbulent Reishi swept through the vast void, forcing Cirucci against his chest. Instinctively, he unfurled his wings—now twice as expansive as before—and stabilized their footing with a platform of Reiatsu.

"Phew, that nearly spirited us away to some unknown place."

The opportunist Kazuya held her by her side, his arms encircling her waist. He reveled in the delicate tickle of her feathers against his skin and her warmth. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to her nape. "Don't worry. You're in the safest place in the world. Even if we were transported to some medieval fuckery, I'll protect your virginity… Not from myself, of course."

Cirucci elbowed his chest, which did nothing against his Hierro defense. Left with no choice, she shoved him with her shoulder. "Quit fooling around. How the fuck are you so horny all the time? There are more things in the world than chasing women."

Hollows, the creatures of instincts, showed not sexual excitement but hunger for her Reishi-rich body. He was one of the rare cases of a Hollow indulging in carnal desires, as she noticed in his interactions with his 'friends.'

"It…" Kazuya took a dramatic pause. "Being so full of hormones is a pain. Did I mention I am just a month old? Newborns are always full of curiosity."

He blamed his lust on his new body.

"Baraggan won't care if you're one or ten months old. You should stop this tomfoolery and focus on training your new abilities."

"Nada. I want to live a fun life, even if it bites me in the ass later."

Cirucci's fists tightened. "If only every Hollow were as carefree as you, Hueco Mundo wouldn't be a pit of despair."

Sadly, most Hollows pursued their base instincts, rendering Hueco Mundo the most desolate place to exist, apart from maybe Hell. She dispelled the disheartening thoughts encroaching on her spirit, refusing to succumb to despair before eliminating the source of her hatred—Baraggan and Szayel.

Kazuya was no fool; he understood the implications behind Cirucci's whispers. Her Aspect of Death had to be Despair or a closely related sentiment — a negative one. A cunning plan to cure her depression and gain her loyalty formed behind his smile.

"Despair," he murmured. "It's pent-up anger with nowhere to go. The darkest clouds, eager to unleash their fury, yet forever trapped. It suffocates you, never enough to take your life. It's the darkness that makes us question the meaning behind every action."

Cirucci found herself unable to tear her eyes from his solemn expression, her heart resonating with his words. He had correctly described her feelings. "Despair is… it's just pure suffering."

"It is, but." He raised a finger. "Only in the darkness can you truly see the light. So, tell me, Cirucci, would you rather keep your head down and never see the light, or allow me to guide you to the radiance of salvation?"

He extended his hand, a benevolent smile gracing his lips. Had he been born in the medieval era, he might have been the most revered pope of his time.

Unconsciously, Cirucci placed her hand in his, falling deeper into his web of manipulation. As the magic of his voice faded, she came to her senses and abruptly withdrew from him. "It's impossible… I am a Hollow. There's no future for us—for me. I can never have the peaceful life I desire."

His persuasive words and honeyed voice exposed her deepest insecurities, the insecurities that were born when she wandered the world as an Adjuchas.

She had searched the entire Hueco Mundo but there wasn't anything which could fill the gaping hole in her heart. Nothing she did ever made her feel genuinely satisfied.

The hole in her heart made her question the meaning of her existence. The meaning of Hueco Mundo and the entire species of Hollows.

She constantly lived through a mental state akin to those experiencing an existential crisis.

She wasn't a special Hollow to realize the 'despair' that awaited their race. Any powerful Hollow with a semblance of intelligence would feel the dread deep down in their hearts. But their desires and hunger kept them from pondering such deep questions.

"What you feel is the dread of an existential crisis," he said, reaching out to stroke her mane. "The only escape is through self-discovery. Cirucci, I can change that mindset and guide you to happiness. Will you give me a chance?"

Cirucci shook her head, distancing herself from him with a sense of melancholy. "What even is the point? You should spend that time and energy on honing your skills."

The broken state of her Zanpakutō only intensified her feelings of despair.

"Just give me one day of your time. If I can't solve your problem, I won't bother you."

There had to be something in the Living World — some fun activity, some object, a comforting pet — anything that could elevate her spirits and drag her soul out of the pit of despair.

He didn't love her enough to go to extraordinary lengths, but she would be an invaluable ally in guiding him through Las Noches. Besides, witnessing her in such a vulnerable state stirred genuine sympathy within him.

'Or I just have a soft spot for goth girls.'

She unclenched her fists and released a resigned sigh. "...Fine."

With the matter settled, Cirucci dashed through the void, leaving a trail of pale pink Reiatsu beneath her feet. Without warning, she halted and flicked the air, causing the fabric of space around them to fracture. She stepped back and charged headlong into the fissure, shards of glass-like space erupting in a brilliant explosion all around.

Kazuya clapped at the mystical display. "Sheesh."

***

I think I did a good job conveying her hopelessness and despair in their interactions.