Chapter 53

When Karma said he was going to be busy, Gakushuu didn't think Karma would miss celebrating his own birthday.

He was out of the house before Gakushuu could make him breakfast, and he didn't arrive back until late when he seemed almost too tired to even be startled to see Gakushuu in his house.

Gakushuu had let him shower. He hadn't cleaned up the mess of books (which ranged from astrophysics, engines, spaceship mechanics , and only a few based on AI, fuel mechanics, emergency medicine and what seemed to be a book about how people died in space) that Karma had spread all over his bedroom. It was harid yet arranged in such a way, Gakushuu was sure Karma would be even more stressed if he attempted to rearrange them.

He cooked Karma dinner and let him eat, and pretended not to see the exhaustion weighing on him even as he thanked Gakushuu and showed appropriate appreciation.

Gakushuu laid a hand knitted scarf with Karma's clothes for the next day, and cancelled plans he had been halfway through making for their first new year and his birthday.

The first day of the year was cold, but showed no signs of snow.

Gakushuu and class A met up at the shrine early in the morning, greeting each other with new year wishes with warmth their weather didn't offer to them.

Ren wrapped his arm around Anaya, and whispered in her ear; Mori pulled Miya away after ten minutes and Kimiko laughed freely when Hinata shyly offered her a kiss in her cheek.

Gakushuu looked at the sunrise, and wished his fingers could wrap around something other than an omamori.

When he waved away his classmates, he walked back home slowly. The cold wind blew through his hair and if he hadn't already been wide awake, he would have been already.

When he reached his house, he paused to take in the right in front of him. In front of the house door stood Karma. He was wearing casual clothes, unlike Gakushuu, who was dressed up for the visit to the shrine. He had Gakushuu's gifted scarf around his neck, the ends trailing down languidly, and he held a bag in the crook of his elbow.

He wasn't wearing gloves though, as he looked at his phone, reading what Gakushuu assumed was a research article. He shut it off when he noticed Gakushuu, putting it back in the pocket of his jacket.

"Happy New Year," Karma greeted warmly.

"Happy New Year," Gakushuu greeted back, surprised. He hadn't expected to see Karma at all.

Karma smiled, and walked to Gakushuu.

"It's been a while," Gakushuu said when they stood in front of each other. Karma reached for Gakushuu's hand, and Gakushuu almost laughed at the touch.

He had been thinking of warm hands in his, but Karma's were freezing cold. He tried to rub some warmth into Karma's hand, instead of simply holding it. He pulled it up to his lips, exhaling warm air into Karma's hands.

"Thank you for the gift," Karma said, laughing as Gakushuu tried to warm up his hands. Gakushuu scowled.

He took off his own gloves and made Karma wear it. Then he wrapped the scarf around Karma's neck one more time until Gakushuu couldn't see his reddened nose.

"It's cold," he scolded. Allowing his thumb to linger a moment longer on the eye bags he could see under Karma's eyes. "If you get sick, you'll be forced to stay at home and not work."

Karma hummed.

"I wouldn't mind it too much, as long as you're the one enforcing it," he joked. Gakushuu looked at Karma seriously.

"I will be enforcing it. I won't let you put what you want to do over your health," he stated seriously. Karma smirked, pulling Gakushuu's bare hand up to his lips.

He kissed below his knuckles like Gakushuu was some mediaeval princess, and Karma his knight.

"I seem to be remembering the opposite happening some time ago," he reminded teasingly. "And, I will always be glad to be in your care, no matter the circumstances. No promises on following your rules though."

He winked. Gakushuu rolled his eyes.

"Come in already," he tugged Karma's hand gently towards his house, but Karma shook his head.

"Sorry," he apologised. "I just came to see you today. I'll need to go soon."

Gakushuu exhaled slowly.

"Then remember to use your gloves, and stay warm," he tacitly agreed to let Karma go, even without knowing what was happening.

Karma's eyes warmed with gratitude.

"Thank you," he told Gakushuu. His lips were raised into a soft smile that Gakushuu wanted to hide from the rest of the world.

He took a step closer to him, feeling a little possessive and more than a little want.

Karma read the request in his eyes, taking the last step to close the distance between them until they were breathing into each other.

Gakushuu felt the cold wind sting his cheeks, the warmth of Karma's breath on his lips, and then finally the dry press of Karma's lips against his. He tilted his head, and parted his lips.

Karma responded. His gloved hands were cold against Gakushuu's cheeks, but it was offset by the warmth that spread across Gakushuu's chest.

He swallowed heat and allowed Karma to steal the same heat from his lips. Warmth in their exchange.

They parted. Their eyes remained closed, and he simply breathed. Gakushuu blew out warm air, and Karma's gloved hands dropped from his cheeks slowly, reluctantly.

"Go," Gakushuu whispered under his breath, looking at Karma savouring the moment. Karma opened his eyes, the gold capturing him almost as effectively as it had the very first time.

Gakushuu's long coat blew in the wind, and he tilted his head away from the gust of wind. His fingers stiffened, exposed as they were to the wind.

It really was cold.

He looked up, and something wet landed on his cheek.

"It's snowing," Karma said.

Gakushuu didn't have time to startle at the words or their proximity, before Karma wrapped his hand around Gakushuu's waist, pulling him into another warm kiss.

He swallowed any sounds Gakushuu made. Karma shifted oddly and Gakushuu made a soft questioning sound, feeling comfortable in Karma's gentle embrace.

Karma pulled back to breathe, placed a gentle kiss on Gakushuu's nose, his forehead, before pulling Gakushuu in for another on his lips. He went willingly, and a scarf wrapped around Gakushuu's neck. The brush of cloth silken to touch.

"Karma," Gakushuu breathed out, a sound that was almost a whine, and Karma responded by capturing the sound before it even left Gakushuu's lips.

Then Karma pulled away again, a blush and happy smile on his lips.

"Happy Birthday," he said breathlessly to Gakushuu. He let the ends of the scarf drop, and it swayed around Gakushuu elegantly. "I knew this would look good on you," he said with a smile and flushed cheeks.

Gakushuu touched the scarf, and huffed a laugh.

"Every time," he shook his head, mock-disappointedly, even as he hid a smile. Karma leaned in to give Gakushuu a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Didn't wanna ruin what worked," he joked. "I hope we have many more birthdays to spend together," Karma said, and Gakushuu rolled his eyes.

Count on Karma to joke about the world being destroyed.

"Maybe you should do something to make sure we do," he raised an eyebrow at Karma. The other boy smiled, a little crookedly.

"I will," his gloved fingers caressed Gakushuu's cheek and Gakushuu viciously wished he hadn't given Karma the gloves just so he could feel the sensation instead of having to imagine it.

"Okay," Gakushuu said, a repeat of their conversation that occurred weeks ago. "I'll wait."

Karma stayed for a moment more, before he turned around and left. Gakushuu didn't watch Karma walk away, turning around and leaving immediately after.

New Year was a busy time, after all.

"How was your trip?" Gakushuu asked one day over coffee. Karma startled. He blinked at Gakushuu with surprise.

Gakushuu pushed his phone towards Karma, a picture of class E under the Eiffel Tower on the forefront. Karma picked up the phone and scrolled, there were more pictures of class E, and even more of just Karma with a few of his classmates or just Koro-sensei.

He flushed when he came across his picture, half naked and held against Koro-sensei almost obscenely.

"Why is he sending you these pictures?" He yelped, dropping the phone like it scalded him. Gakushuu hid a smirk, picking it out of thin air, like he had been expecting that reaction.

"I asked for it, of course. He's been gushing about us for a while now," Gakushuu casually texted something back, and his phone started vibrating with messages coming in quick succession.

"I think this is how it feels like when your boyfriend and pseudo-father get along a little too well," Karma told Gakushuu as the other boy sipped his cup of coffee elegantly.

"Well, I'm glad you're getting to experience something I won't be," Gakushuu snarked, and Karma wrinkled his nose with distaste.

"Yeah, sorry, but not really. Last time he called you out for dinner, and he didn't even ask for your preferences," Karma pointed out.

"That's because I have no indication of my personal preferences being different from what he expected," Gakushuu defended half heartedly. Karma raised an eyebrow. Gakushuu looked away with a pout.

"Hey," Karma tangled their fingers on the table. "He's working on himself, and as much as I don't like it, if you want it to work out, you need to throw him a bone too. He's floundering trying to find something. And maybe he will, maybe he won't. But he's too scared to trample on what little feelings you have left for him."

Gakushuu silently stared at their hands, and Karma drank his strawberry milkshake in peace, content in allowing Gakushuu to silently work through his issues.

"I wasn't expecting anything," Gakushuu said, his voice raw. "I didn't expect anything. But the more he tries…" he breathed, clutching his coffee cup a little tighter.

Karma tightened his trip on Gakushuu's hand, silently asking him to keep going. Gakushuu needed a better therapist goddamn it.

"It's harder than I expected. I almost don't want to reconcile. It's too much," Gakushuu shook his head with a frown.

He seemed disappointed with himself. Karma stifled the urge to pull him into his arms.

"Then don't," he offered. "You don't need to be. You don't need to forgive him for the shit he put you through. For the things he put your family through."

Karma took a breath.

"Have you…considered talking to your mother?" He asked slowly.

Gakushuu stiffened, then he looked away. He covered his mouth with his hand and stared outside.

Karma didn't have to be a genius to know what that meant. He sighed, stroking Gakushuu's fingers.

Gakushuu had these beautiful long fingers. They ran elegantly along an instrument, and traced Karma's hand just as beautifully.

Gakushuu was an elegant person. From the way he sat, to the way he positioned himself and even the way he fought.

Looking at him made Karma feel like he wouldn't mind laying under his feet, with Gakushuu pressing him against the mat while breathing out unsteady at their previously furious exchange.

He wouldn't mind a lot of things as long as it was Gakushuu doing them. In a way, he had understood Koro-sensei's desire to die at the hands of his students too.

But at the same time, Gakushuu was far too precious to him. Karma wanted to protect him even when he didn't need to. After all, if it was a straight fight, Gakushuu still beat the living crap out of Karma.

"I took another trip," Karma started, willing to divulge more so he could stop Gakushuu's mood from going down too much.

"The space station right?" Gakushuu smirked knowingly.

"Yup, that's the one. Too predictable?" He asked. Gakushuu shook his head.

"You were brave. Reckless, but brave. And lucky too. You must have met some good people up there, because you definitely weren't reported," Gakushuu looked at Karma, a smile playing on his lips.

Karma wondered, not for the first nor last time, if Gakushuu was actually feeling what his face was showing Karma. Gakushuu's fingers stroked Karma's hand, and he tightened his grip on them.

But in the end, his actions never lied.

Karma pulled Gakushuu's hand up, and pressed his lips to his knuckles. He hoped Gakushuu could understand how much Karma admired-prized-longed for- Gakushuu, with that simple contact, because he could never find enough words to explain them to him.

Gakushuu was going through his own conflicts and so was Karma. They couldn't be there to support the other as much as they might have wanted to, because even though they didn't need the other person, they wanted them.

But life was full of roadblocks, and all they could do for each other was be the other's oasis.

"Have you talked to mother?" Gakushuu asked one morning during breakfast with his father.

When Karma had been busy, Gakushuu had restarted some parts of his previous routine with his father, much to the other man's relief.

Gakuhou learnt from his previous mistakes, but the fact that he was making them at all, was yet another evidence to how terrible a father he had been. Not that he needed more proof.

All he had to do was look around his house, Gakushuu's room, his office, or even the people surrounding Gakushuu to figure out how terrible he had been.

Gakushuu wanted to escape so badly and yet Gakuhou couldn't allow himself to remain as a scar on Gakushuu. Even if he couldn't be the father he had wanted to be, he didn't want to be so distant from his own son.

To remain as a hurt.

Gakuhou had deluded himself for far too long to what was in front of him, and yet another part of it was coming back to hit him.

He carefully didn't wince and placed his cutlery down.

Gakuhou's wife. Gakushuu's mother.

She had always been a delicate subject for both of them. Gakuhou wondered if it was progress that Gakushuu was willing to bring her up.

"Did you keep track of her?" Gakuhou asked bluntly. He was asking if Gakushuu knew her current circumstances.

"...Yes," Gakushuu answered at last, to his relief. It was good that he didn't have to break his son's hopes at least.

"She's married with three children," Gakushuu continued. Then, "did you meet her?" he asked again.

'A dog with a bone,' she used to joke, 'just like you,'' she once told Gakuhou.

Maybe if Gakushuu had been less like him, she would have insisted more in taking him along.

Gakuhou didn't have many regrets, or so he used to think. He was starting to discover that it might not be as true as he hoped to make it.

"Yes," Gakuhou replied. "She's happy where she is."

Then, "do you want to meet her?"

Gakushuu shook his head.

"I'll be leaving for school now. Have a good day, father," he wished his father, tone slightly warmer than normal.

"Have a good day, Gakushuu," he replied back, with the slightest of frowns.

And then Gakushuu left, leaving Gakuhou behind, worrying about exactly how close he had been to permanently losing his son with his behaviour.