80. Chapter 80

Not for the first time, he's really glad he's rich. And kinda famous helps too. The woman in the office drew up an invoice for repair work for the bathroom while she called the condo's owner. Castle got on the phone and explained about the dog, his son's birthday, all of that, and then pulled out the charm.

And then pulled out his wallet.

He carries Ellery on his shoulders as he heads down the boardwalk, his hands on her knees to keep her steady. She clutches a fistful of his hair, drums her feet into his chest. His neck is starting to ache where the sunburn is getting rubbed raw, but it's only for a little while longer. He can deal.

When he steps down onto the beach, he spots Alexis and Rafe sitting side by side right at the shoreline, and then his wife and son farther back, near their towels.

Kate sees them first; her face splits into a laughing grin as they approach. "Hey there. Conquering hero."

He grins back. "Hey. You could say that."

"Dog?"

"We're good."

"How much did it cost?" She raises an eyebrow at him, draws her hand over Ellery's leg to wiggle her foot.

"You don't want to know."

Kate opens her mouth then shuts it, turns back to Dashiell who is flinging sand. "Dash."

"Sorry, Mommy."

"Dig in the sand a little farther away from all our stuff," Castle says, nudging the boy with his foot. Ellery grips him around the neck and tries to swing down; he catches her before she can complete the maneuver. "Ella."

"Down, Daddy."

"Words are infinitely better than falling on your head. What did I say about climbing?"

"No bathroom. You not-"

"No more climbing, cricket." He sees Kate's smirk from the corner of his eye as he sets Ellery down in the sand. She sprints for a shovel and bucket, snatches them up to follow her brother a little ways off.

"Oh, the bathroom. That reminds me-"

"I told them. The repairmen are coming by later tomorrow."

Kate nods. "And that was probably expensive too."

"They made out an invoice, but I told them I'd just pay for it all when it was done. Less hassle. Makes nice with the property owners too. Hopefully."

He drops down to the beach towel, leans back on his elbows as Kate sits beside him. She pulls the paperback copy of The Preservationist out of her bag, opens it up on her knees, but she's still watching him.

"Yeah?" He glances out at the ocean, the brilliant light on the water, the flicker of his oldest daughter's hair at the edge of his vision. Rafe is holding her hand, drawing hearts in the sand together. He sighs.

Kate nudges his shoulder. "Birthday party."

"Oh yeah. I figure we can get what we need in town."

"That's your deal, Castle. Just want to make sure you have time to do it."

"Yeah, I have a plan." He fights a yawn.

"Care to share with the class?"

"Yeah, sorry. Man, I'm tired. You wore me out."

"And you scratched me all up. Fair's fair-"

He laughs and turns his head to her. "That's. . .not what I meant. Get your mind out of the gutter, Beckett."

She leans against his arm, pushing, until he topples backward. She smirks, then settles down on her stomach beside him. He's content to lie there, reaches a hand out to brush her neck.

Her lips glance off his palm, then her teeth nip at him. He laughs, startled by the move, and rolls onto his side, propping his head in his hand.

"So. The plan for Dashiell's birthday."

"Right. I'm going to decorate for Halloween, like usual, but I'm looking to do a jungle kind of theme. Dinosaurs was the idea originally, so I'll still do some of that. I brought some stuff."

"In the duffle bag? I saw it."

"Yeah. His gifts are already wrapped too."

She reaches over and flips the hair off his forehead, like she just can't stand it anymore. He grins at her and watches her eyes, suddenly struck by the everyday look of her, the normalcy of having Kate Beckett in front of him, watching him with no particular intensity or tension, just here. He remembers, as if in a dream, a time when he loved her but knew he'd never be able to have her. A time when sitting with her, sharing a look, was fraught with all the things he couldn't do.

And now he has her. And she looks at him like that, smirking, clever, indignant, frustrated, aroused - not only looking at him, but she looks to him, references him, orients around him. He can't explain it, can't believe how good it is.

Kate's fingers slide over his tshirt; her eyes are thoughtful as she regards him. "What's going on in there?" she says softly, tapping his chest.

"Nothing. Just amazed."

"Amazed?"

"By you."

She lets out a little surprised breath. "Rick." She says nothing more, but he hears all he needs to know in that one name.

He feels like explaining. He always likes to talk, to try to wrangle words into meaning for her. Especially when she's staring at him, speechless. "I know you. That's amazing. It keeps surprising me how well I know you, how well you know me. How something that started out like it did has turned into this."

She sucks in a breath and he thinks, maybe, she was holding it before that. "Partners," she says after a moment, and then lays her head down on her crossed arms, cheek to her wrist, her back to the sun, her eyes on him.

He nods, reaches out to trail his fingers lightly over the band-aids ranging up her back. "Like this. How we love. Sometimes it hurts. But it's worth it."

She's not crying, but her eyes are bright. He gives her a moment, glancing over to the kids digging a hole in the sand, then roaming to where Allie and Rafe are standing in the ocean, water to their knees, still talking closely. When he looks back to Kate, her eyes are closed.

"Kate?"

Her eyes open. She can't seem to say anything, find words, and he's used to that too. He smiles at her, let's her know it's okay, and she closes her eyes again. Breathing. Beautiful. Basking in him. That's what it is, isn't it? Absorbing his words the way her skin absorbs the sunlight.

Rick leans forward and brushes his lips against her temple. He wants to say more, but he finds he's got nothing. His throat is closed up with it, for once, and all he can do is lay his palm at her cheek, spread his fingers along her skin, and hope the touch conveys everything else he meant to say.

When Alexis and Rafe come sit on the towels in front of them, Kate sees it on the girl's face. Hesitant and halting. Like she's in trouble. Or has bad news.

"Allie?"

Rafe nudges his girlfriend's side, and she shoots him a look. Castle, still stretched out on his stomach, sits up.

"I should've told you guys this awhile ago. I meant to."

"What?" Castle says, crossing his legs, dropping his elbows to his knees. Kate glances at his face but he looks like he's going for 'cool dad' once more. For her part, she has no idea what Allie might want to tell them, but it doesn't look good, the girl telling them together like this. Allie usually comes to Kate first, lets her soften up Castle.

"Remember when I told you about my job at Youth Villages and how, during our training, they threw a chair at me?"

Kate cracks a smile. "Yeah."

Allie isn't smiling. "Well. I was working at the lockdown unit for the girls at the beginning of the summer-"

"I remember," Kate says. For some reason, she can tell that Allie is mainly talking to her. Castle is hear to clam *her* down, not the other way around. It makes her mouth go dry.

"I'm the crisis counselor, which means whenever there's a problem, I'm the one who goes in and tries to restore order."

"Restore order," Kate repeats flatly.

"During a fight. Or a - a riot."

"A riot." Kate glances to Castle, sees the color draining from his face. At least he didn't know about this either. "Was there a riot?"

"Of a sort." Allie bites her bottom lip and looks over at Rafe. "I should've told you. But I was fine, really, and I didn't want a lecture-"

"You were fine?"

"She went to the ER," Rafe says evenly. "She was admitted for two days with a concussion and a broken rib."

"Alexis," Castle gasps. "What happened?"

"I ducked," Allie jokes weakly, giving them a small smile. "The chair was just. . .a little heavier than I expected. Caught me in the chest. And then I - I'm not sure, really. A couple staff members grabbed me. Most of it is blank."

"Allie. Oh my God." Kate feels her chest squeeze tightly in response. "You can't-"

"I can." Allie shakes her head, but her eyes are intense. "This is why I didn't tell you right away. I'd been telling the manager that we needed more people, we were understaffed, we had too many girls on the unit, but they'd been dragging their feet. After I was hospitalized, they got their act together. And now-"

"Allie." Kate can't speak, can't get out the torrent of words she wants to rain down on this girl. "This is too dangerous not to-"

"It's not anymore. That's why I'm telling you now. Yeah, I've gotten a few punches, a few hits. But I went back to judo, Kate, and I'm quicker on my feet. Also, Youth Villages hired ten extra staff members for the lockdown unit. And finally-"

She pauses, squeezes Rafe's hand, but Kate is still stinging. Not from the news that Allie was in the hospital this summer - no, that's bad, but it's a numbness in her - it's that Allie called her Kate. Stupid, to dwell on that one thing, but it runs over and over in her head.

"They've agreed to promote me. To an on-call crisis counselor. So I'd be going in after the fight, after the big blow up, and I'd work with the girls on implementing a plan for success. Much safer. I'd only be on the unit for one weekend every other month. So it's all fixed, guys; no need to worry."

"No need to worry!" Castle looks like he's going to. . .something. Kate breathes past the shock and reaches out, puts her hand on his knee. He cuts his eyes back to her, and for once, for once, the look they share is equal parts upset, hurt, frustrated.

"It's been handled," Allie says. "Really. It's better on the unit. And getting put in the hospital made them pay attention. Gave me the chance at this job too, which I might not have gotten before."

Kate squeezes Castle's knee and he looks back at her again; she feels her tension melt a fraction, sees the same happening in him. Another long breath and she thinks she can speak without yelling. Not yelling would be best.

"Alexis," she starts, stops again when she realizes she's talking to the woman like she's still a fifteen year old girl. Still - even - a twenty year old. "Allie. I - you've waited too long to tell us."

"I wanted to be able to defend myself."

"It's good you're going to judo again-"

"No. Not self-defense. I meant against you. Against you guys. Defend my job."

The tension returns, spirals tighter in Kate's chest until the words can't get out again. At her side, Castle shifts forward.

"Defend your job. So. You think we'd be hypocritical. That's what you're saying."

Allie opens her mouth, shuts it. Rafe is giving her a meaningful look, and Kate gets the impression that he wanted to tell them long ago. That he disagreed. That helps. Some.

Kate realizes her hand is still on Castle's knee, removes it to knit her fingers together, keep herself centered. But it doesn't work. It's worse. At least when she touches him, there's the sense that this is shared.

Castle, this time, reaches out and hooks his finger over her wrist, brings their hands together.

"Allie, this is because of me?" Kate asks, lifting her eyes to the girl. She thinks of Alexis as her own, if not always as a daughter, then a sister for sure, but more - more even than that. Hers, something she has a part of, a stake in. "You thought I'd. . .tell you to stop."

Allie nods, mouth closed.

"This is. . .this kind of thing - the sacrifices someone is willing to make for the important things, for a job that helps other people. . .Don't you know that your dad and I went through this years ago?"

Alexis watches her a minute then slides her glance over to her father. "I - I know you did."

Kate feels her heart pound suddenly, something like shame on her cheeks as she looks at Castle. "I don't mean your dad." Her palms sweat and she bites her lip. "Although I - we should have talked about that. Back then. We didn't." She put him in danger, worried about him getting home to his daughter, but not the way she wants him to get home to Dash and Ella, not the way she wants to make it home herself.

And that was a failure.

Castle squeezes her hand, shakes his head at her once, a no Kate she needs but wishes he didn't have to say.

"You mean - you. Doing your job," Alexis says quietly. She glances to Rafe, then back to Kate. "When you were pregnant with Dash, with Ella, what did you do?"

"Wait." She holds up a hand, rubs the bridge of her nose. "Just. Hold on. Back to you. And the lockdown unit."

Castle takes over when she stalls out again. "It's not the job, Alexis. Like Kate said, we know about that. You do important work; those girls need someone who understands and will listen, who will give them a second and third and one hundredth chance. It's not the job. It's that you kept it from us."

Kate nods. That's it. That's what hurts.

"You were in trouble, you were in the hospital, pumpkin. We should've known."

Rafe lets out a sigh and speaks up. "God forbid this happens again. But if it does, I don't care what she says. I'm calling you next time."

Kate's chest eases; she has a thing about being in control, about knowing, and she gets it, she does. It's her deal, her damaged psyche, her eternal issue. But Rafe - he just gave her something, a promise, a way of knowing. Being certain. She could hug him.

"Rafe-" Allie starts.

"Thank you," Kate says, and something in her voice cuts through Allie's indignation, makes the woman look at her. "Allie. You. . .please don't do that again."

Alexis startles, opens her mouth, closes it. Kate glances away, lifts her eyes to the ocean, then to her kids still playing in the sand, oblivious and innocent. She hears Castle murmur something to Alexis, but she doesn't catch it. She realizes, strangely, that somehow she made this about herself, and that maybe, it already was, it had been, and that's why Alexis hadn't been able to tell them. And that hurts too.

"Mom."

She turns her head, sees Allie leaning towards her, arms out; she catches the woman's hug, embraces her back.

"It's fine now, I promise. It's as safe as it can be."

Kate nods into her hair. "I know. I understand. The job. I'm okay with that."

"I won't do it again. I'll call you."

Kate squeezes harder, finds her eyes slipping shut. "You're mine, Allie. You're mine and I can't. . ."

"I am. I know. I'm sorry."

She feels Castle at her back, the pressure of just his hand, and her eyes fly open; she remembers they are on the beach, the little ones are close, and she lets go.

She lets go.