34. The List

It was cool and damp out as Meredith wandered down the slightly overgrown path that connected the trailer to the pond. The sun was just beginning its trek across the sky, and ten minutes prior, Meredith had awoken to find herself alone in the small trailer. A hastily scribbled note had been left for her on the small kitchen table, only three words written on it.

Fishing,

Love Derek.

And so, Meredith was making the trek out to the pond to be with him, because that's what this weekend was about. They had found themselves with two days off together, and had decided to spend their time at the trailer. Life was still stressful, keeping a close watch on Izzy, who still hadn't stepped foot in the hospital again. Work had been busy for both of them lately, trying to work as many shifts as they could to make up for their imminent second attempt at flying out to New York. And they hadn't had a lot of time to spend just the two of them. This would be their only chance for the next several weeks.

The path gave way into a gently sloping hill, which turned into a rocky beach at the water's edge. Derek sat in an old lawn chair at the end of the dock, fishing pole in hand. She smiled at the sight of him so relaxed, and made her way down the hill.

He must have heard her footsteps on the wooded planks of the dock, as he turned towards her, a bright smile on his face. "Hey."

She smiled back. "Hey," she responded, before making her way in front of him and collapsing onto his lap. There was nowhere else to sit, and it was cool being out so early in the morning, dressed only in track pants and one of his sweatshirts.

He closed his free arm around her immediately and sighed in content, pressing his face into the side of her head. "Mmm," he mumbled into her hair.

"So," she prompted playfully. "You ditched me this morning..."

He scoffed. "I left you a note."

"Yes, informing me of what you ditched me for."

He laughed, long and hearty. "I didn't ditch you," he reiterated.

She ignored him. "I get it, though," she said sarcastically. "You wake up early, in bed with your naked girlfriend, where it's warm and cozy, and you think 'hey, I want to ditch my girlfriend and the warm trailer to go fishing in the cold in the beginning of March all alone.'"

He laughed again, knowing she was only kidding. "I thought I'd catch us some breakfast."

She grumbled into his neck, not yet ready to let him off the hook. "We have breakfast."

"Not fresh breakfast."

"Mmm-hmm," she countered. "Farm fresh eggs, it says right on the carton."

It was his turn to grumble. "You know, you're very stubborn."

She giggled. "I wouldn't be stubborn if you hadn't ditched me."

There was a hollow thud as he dropped his fishing line onto the dock beside him. "I didn't ditch you," he repeated as his fingers found her sides. "And you're always stubborn..."

Meredith squealed under his assault and fought to get away, but he had her pinned on him, stuck on his lap as he tickled her relentlessly. "Stop... Derek... Please..."

He paused, his fingers still poised over her ribs. "Do you take it back?"

She hesitated for a moment, not wanting to admit it, but also knowing what would happen if she refused. Instead of doing either, she pressed her lips up against his, drawing him into a deep kiss. His hands fell away from her side to land in her hair. And when he had completely relaxed underneath her, she broke the kiss and leapt off his lap.

"Wha..." He stuttered, before meeting her mischievous eyes.

She smirked and moved to run across the dock, but he was right behind her. And, with his longer legs, he caught up before she even reached solid ground.

"No!" She screamed through her laughter as he scooped her up into his arms and carried her back to the end of the dock.

"That was mean," he chastised as he came to a stop, facing out towards the water.

She giggled. "Sorry."

"You don't mean it."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't..."

He laughed, but narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm forced to retaliate." He stepped forward, motioning that he would throw her in the water.

She clutched to him, suddenly uncertain how serious he was being. "No..."

With a smirk, he swung her a bit, back and forth, towards and away from the water. "You can tell me how cold it is," he told her with a smirk.

She made sure her fists were closed tightly around the fabric of his fishing vest. "You throw me in, and you're coming in with me."

He chuckled, testing her grip to see if he could effectively unlatch her from himself. "We'll just see about that..."

"Seriously, Derek, I don't swim. So even if you managed to get me to let go, you'd be jumping in to get me out."

"You..." He trailed off, all playfulness falling away from his features. "You don't know how to swim?" He took a step away from the edge.

She shrugged in his arms and loosened her grip on his shirt. "You think Ellis Grey had any time to take me swimming when I was growing up? Or thought to enrol me in classes?"

Derek loosened his grip on her and sat back in his chair with a heavy thud. "I'm sorry, Mer. If I had known, I would never have..."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, Derek. Seriously. I trust you. I know you would have come in after me."

"But still..."

She resettled herself on his lap, revelling in the closeness. "You're allowed to joke around, Derek. It's called having fun."

"But I scared you."

She rolled her eyes again, before meeting his gaze head on. "You didn't scare me. I told you that I trust you, no matter what."

He smiled his McDreamy smile. "Really?"

She nodded. "Really."

He sighed and leaned his head against hers. "Will you let me teach you how to swim?"

"Sure, if you want to," she said nonchalantly, issuing him a shrug. "but really, it's not a big deal..."

"Everyone deserves to learn how to swim. And it's fun." He pulled away to meet her eyes and raised an eyebrow. "We could swim together," he said suggestively.

She giggled as a chill swept over her body. "Sounds like fun."

"Mmm, it is."

"But let's wait until it's warmer out," she said. "Because it's freaking cold right now; definitely too cold to swim together."

He kissed the side of her head with a short chuckle. "Agreed."

She smiled and settled herself in his arms as he reached for his forgotten fishing rod. There was movement while he re-cast, but afterwards, as they waited patiently for a fish to take the bait, she decided she liked going fishing with him. She liked anything that involved being wrapped in his warm arms.

"Mer?" He began after several silent minutes.

"Mmm-hmm?"

"What else have you never learned how to do?"

She lifted her head off his chest to meet his eyes. "What do you mean?"

He offered her a lopsided grin. "What else did you never get the chance to do that I need to add to my list?"

"You don't have to be my...my...childhood tutor, or whatever."

"It'll be fun, to do some new things together," he reassured. "So, what have you never done that you want to try?"

She hesitated, but finally found herself convinced by the look in his eyes. It was hard to admit to her shortcomings sometimes, but he never judged her for them. And all he wanted was to experience things with her. "Skating," she admitted. "I've never been skating, but...before my dad left, he took me to a skating pageant thing at Christmas. And I thought it was really cool, you know? He promised to teach me...but..." She shrugged. "You know."

"Well, I promise to teach you how to skate, Mer. And swim. Although, I have to tell you that I'm a much better swimmer than skater. Two of my sisters skated, so I got dragged to the rink a lot. But I was never very good."

She smirked. "Derek Shepherd admitting to being bad at something?"

"Only if you promise not to tell..."

She laughed. "I make no such promises..."

He huffed at her in good nature. "Anything else?"

"I'm thinking. It's hard to come up with things I probably didn't even realize I was missing at first."

"Okay, how about sports? Baseball, soccer, tennis..."

"Sports I did a bit, you know, in gym class and everything. I wasn't a big fan of the exercise thing, but I had to participate to pass..."

He laughed. "Okay, bowling?"

She nodded. "I went once, when I was...seven, maybe eight. I got invited to a birthday party, and it was after school, so my mom didn't have to do anything for me to be able to go. I got picked up at the school with everyone else, and then dropped off at home after."

"Well, that's good, that your mom let you go."

Meredith scoffed. "Yeah, except she always refused to buy birthday presents for me to take, so I didn't get invited to many parties after."

"Oh, Mer..."

She shook her head. "I'm fine, Derek, really."

"Did...did she ever throw you a birthday party?"

Meredith shook her head. "Nope. Although she was pretty good when I was young about at least being home. And a few times she let me invite a friend or two over. But when I was older...I'd usually get a check or cash as a present, if she remembered."

"She forgot your birthday?"

Meredith nodded. "A few times."

He sighed heavily. "It amazes me, you know? How you turned out to be the person you are after being raised by that woman."

She couldn't help the smile that fluttered to her lips. "You're a little biased..."

"No, I'm not. You're amazing."

"Derek..."

"Okay, I may be a little biased, but still, it's the truth. Look at what you did for me on my birthday."

"Fine," she grumbled, knowing she wasn't going to win this one.

He kissed her cheek and they sat in silence for several moments before she spoke up again.

"Horseback riding."

"What?"

"I always wanted to try it," she explained. "But my mother said it was a waste of time, and told me she was allergic to horses. But I don't believe that, because she always said she was allergic every time I brought up having any pet. And I really doubt someone can be allergic to a freaking goldfish."

He chuckled. "No, I've never heard of that."

"Have you ever ridden a horse?"

He shook his head. "Can't say that I have, but we could find one of those trail riding places. It could be fun."

"Okay."

"Do you know how to ride a bike? I mean, that's a big childhood thing..."

Meredith laughed at the memory and nodded. "I do know how; taught myself, actually."

He raised an eyebrow. "You taught yourself?"

She nodded. "Yeah. My mom bought me a bike for my eighth birthday, no training wheels or anything. And I guess it never occurred to her to teach me, or that I wouldn't know how. Anyway, I fell a lot, but stuck to the grass, so it wasn't a big deal. But after a week or so, I tried the pavement, and I fell really hard. Broke my arm. My mom was busy writing case notes when I got back to the house, and I was afraid to tell her that my arm hurt. So, I went to bed, and it wasn't until the next night that she noticed I wasn't using it at dinner that she found out. And she was pissed that I hadn't told her and that she had to take me to the hospital after she just got home."

"That's horrible."

"It was a long time ago. I'm all healed now." She held up her right arm in front of him for his inspection. "See?"

He grasped onto her wrist and kissed along her radius. "I do see. It's a good arm," he agreed. "Any other childhood injuries?"

"Hmm... I cut my leg once; six stitches. My mom took me to the OR at Boston General and left me with an intern to stitch me up."

"She didn't stay with you?"

She shook her head. "Said she had patients to check on."

"That's scary when you're a kid."

"You have stitches too?"

He nodded. "Three times."

"Three?"

"Once on my head and twice on my arm." He offered her a wry smile. "Mark was a bad influence. We got hurt a lot. I broke my arm twice. Almost broke my leg."

"How?"

"Tree climbing, mostly."

She laughed.

"How about skiing? You ever tried it?"

She nodded. "In college."

"You any good?"

"I was okay. Once I got the hang of it I didn't fall too much. You?"

"I went a lot in high school and college. I was pretty good."

"It was fun," she mumbled sleepily. "But you know what I always wanted to try, but my mom said was too dangerous? Tobogganing."

He raised an eyebrow. "She thought tobogganing was dangerous?"

"Yeah, something about a high rate of fractures..."

"Only really if you hit things, trees, cars, other people," he offered. "But it's a lot of fun."

"You've done it?"

"Tons. There's an awesome hill behind my mother's house, no trees, so I went all the time growing up." He laughed. "And I ended up going a lot with my nieces and nephews at Christmas and stuff."

She leaned her head against his shoulder and smiled at his enthusiasm. "Well, then, I really want to try it."

"I'm officially adding it to the list," he reassured.

They fell into comfortable silence again. Derek fished absently, reeling in and casting off several times around the small woman in his arms. Meredith sighed comfortably and closed her eyes, letting herself drift off.

She was startled awake some time later as she realized she was moving, or, to be more precise, was being moved. Blinking wearily, she realized Derek was carrying her back to the trailer. "I can walk," she mumbled.

He chuckled. "You were out solid. Didn't wake at all when I tried."

"Hmm, sorry," she spoke as she petted the soft fabric of his vest. "But I'm awake now."

He sighed and came to a stop, carefully setting her down on her own two feet. She staggered slightly at suddenly being upright, but caught herself and threaded her fingers through his, letting him lead her back to the trailer.

"Did you catch any fish?"

"No, but that's not what's it's about."

She rolled her eyes, but resisted the urge to argue. They had been over this many times before. "Okay, so I guess that leaves us with the farm fresh eggs for breakfast?"

He grumbled something under his breath.

Meredith giggled and playfully bumped him as they walked. "Shut up; you know you love me."

He turned to her, his smile bright and cheerful. "I do, Mer, I really do."

Capturing her lower lip under her upper incisors, Meredith attempted to prevent a beaming smile of her own, but she was unsuccessful and it broke through her defences.

Derek laughed light-heartedly and dropped her hand to wrap his arm around her waist. "I'm glad we came out here."

"Hmm, me too."

The quickly reached the trailer and stepped into its warmth. Meredith absently rubbed her arms as the warmer temperature made her realize just how cold it had been outside. And she wondered vaguely how long she had slept on his lap while he fished.

"Cold?"

"A little," she admitted. And then she smiled and sidled up to him, her hands reaching for his shoulders. "But do you know what will make it better...?"

His lips tightened as his fingers found her hips. "I have some ideas..." He raised an eyebrow. "What did you have in mind?"

Her smile morphed into a smirk, and stood up on her tiptoes, so her lips were inches from his to whisper, "A nice, warm breakfast..."

He glared at her. A torrent of giggles escaped her lips as he huffed and dropped his hands from her sides.

"So, let me get this straight, you're being mean to me, but you still expect me to cook you breakfast?"

Meredith hopped up onto the counter across from the stove and shrugged. "I could always make it myself, but we both know that's not a good idea."

The corners of his lips twitched. "I'm adding 'teaching you to cook' to my list."

She giggled again. "Yeah, good luck with that..."

He stepped towards her, coming to rest between her legs and pressed his lips against hers for several seconds. "I'll do my best."

She caught him before he could move away and pulled him closer for a second kiss. "Good; because otherwise you'll be cooking all our meals for the rest of our lives-" She cut herself off when she realized what she had said. And how easily she had said it. "I mean..."

He cocked his head to the side and smiled tenderly at her. "I'm good with that, if I have to."

She hesitated, but she had brought up the topic. "Do you mean the cooking part, or the...other part?"

He pecked her lips in reassurance. "The cooking part. I've got some fairly excellent kitchen skills; they can be put to good use for the rest of our lives."

Meredith bit down on her lower lip and tightened her hold on his tee shirt, her fingers turning white, and sucked in a deep breath. "No," she finally said, shaking her head.

His expression changed ever so slightly, betraying his uncertainty. His smile faded just a bit. His eyes pinched in that way that told her he was feeling vulnerable. His nostrils flared almost imperceptibly. And the colour in his face dropped a shade. But she saw it all.

"No?" He echoed.

She offered him a smile. "No," she repeated. "It's not fair, expecting you to always cook. I want to learn to at least help with basic stuff."

He let out a breath and his expression reversed to its original happy tone. "Okay," he conceded. "But nothing too complicated. We want to be able to actually eat it..."

She swatted at his shoulder.

With a hearty laugh, he easily caught her hand in his. "What, am I being unreasonable in any way?"

"You're being...mean," she retorted.

"That's not what I asked."

"Fine, so I suck at cooking. I'm good at other things."

He was still laughing when he pressed his lips into hers. "You're perfect," he mumbled when he finally pulled away.

She hooked her hands behind his neck and smiled at him. "And I'll learn to cook a bit, so I can help."

"So it's not just me cooking forever," he completed.

She nodded, surprised to feel her eyes stinging. "Thank-you," she found herself whispering.

"For what?"

"For offering me a forever."

He lifted a hand to cup her cheek. "Mer, you're offering me a forever too."

She nodded. "I am," she said shakily. "But I... I never expected this to happen to me. And it's still scary sometimes, but do you know what's scariest?"

"What?"

"That I think about things, and say things, and look forward to things, and want things, and...expect things...like they're all second nature. And then I realize what I'm doing...and that scares me. It scares me how easy it's become; how much I want it."

"Well, that's good, I think," he offered. "I think it means we're moving in the right direction."

"So, let me get this straight. We're moving in the right direction because I went from being scared, to being scared that I'm not scared?" She clarified, laughter in her voice.

He smirked and nodded. "Either that, or you're more neurotic that I thought..."

She gasped and swiped at his shoulder again. "I am not neurotic!"

He laughed and enveloped her in his arms. "You are, but I love you for it. Just like with the stubbornness. And the inability to cook. Or eat anything healthy, for that matter... And the snoring..."

"Derek, that's not..."

He kissed her again, long and lazy, as his fingers ran through her hair. "You're perfect," he said, echoing his earlier words, as he pulled away. "I love you, Mer, and all of your quirks. To me, you are absolutely perfect."

She wanted to argue. She wanted to shove him away and glare at him and list a few of his so called 'quirks.' But he was smiling so tenderly at her. His eyes were and ocean of deep, dark blue and sparkles. His breath was warm against her face. His hands were resting comfortably against her sides. He was leaning close to her, still between her legs, and his body just fit so...perfectly with hers. "I... You're perfect to me, too, Derek."