Chapter 20: Stones

My gaze was pulled from the TV. Seokjin leans forward to having a whispered conversation with Teddy I didn't know the contents, but he seemed concerned. She seemed embarrassed possibly shy. Were they flirting?

I thought because of the eccentricities of our Mistress we had halted romantic advances. Maybe I shouldn't have lived so rigidly by a rule we never discussed. Oh well, I would wipe the floor with the other six regardless. 

Not that I was more attractive than them. Mistress knew how to pick them. Unfortunately for them, they seemed unaware of how to wield their sexual appeal. No knowledge of how to use it as the weapon it is. 

"Jimin, did you want to try some?" I blinked, looking at a wide-eyed Jungkook holding out a couple of his Pocky sticks the rest clenched close to his chest. He must have mistaken my absentminded stare at Seokjin and Teddy as a desire for his precious snack. And I knew it was precious to him because all food was precious to Jungkook. 

He tried to be subtle about it, but from one restricted eater to another it wasn't hard to spot food guarding. Not when he practically did a whole-body flinch whenever someone grabbed a dish near him and his plate. I wasn't the only one who noticed. Seokjin plied the boy with snacks throughout the day along with several vitamin-packed smoothies. 

My habit of food guarding goes unnoticed. It is something I had been trained out of years ago soon after the habit was performed. My grandfather, as always, horrified by my barbaric lack of grace and manners. 

I shook my head denying the offered snack. Rejecting the food and my thoughts of competing for my Mistress' affections.

I didn't want to. I didn't want to hurt these men I was starting to trust. I didn't want to find out that the first woman I had trusted just a little since becoming an adult was just another woman willing to lie for her gratification. 

Maybe I was becoming spoiled by all the choices, company, and lack of sexual advances, but my current plan is to not use my biggest selling point. This would broadly be considered a. naive, borderline suicidal course of action. 

Popping a chocolate-covered almond into my mouth, I snuggled down to relax while watching the jolly two-dimensional snowman on the holo-screen. The blanket was so soft, I would have to sneak it out at some point. It was sacrilegious for it to be just a throw blanket, plus I'm sure this wasn't the only one she had. 

I couldn't imagine having this opulence and not buying spares of practically everything, it would be impractical. So in theory there is a linen closet with several of these treasures just rotting away. It would be a pity if they weren't used.

This called for a proper hunt: after the movie of course. Looking around for any obvious spots wouldn't hurt though.

Jungkook is glaring at his Pocky stick with a pout. I raised an eyebrow when I spotted half of them were still in the box. Why was he upset? 

I would have leaped from my if I wasn't properly wedged into the corner of the couch because Jungkook's gaze suddenly shifted to me. 

"Jimin, do you want some?" he whispered. I started to shake my head again, but he interrupted me. "I didn't touch these I promise." The box of treats tilted towards me making it easy for me to grab one. 

"I know you don't like dirty things, I just forgot for a moment. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Whispering a quick "thank you" I picked a pocky stick to nibble on. 

He wasn't wrong to think that's why had refused his offer. He had been to my room, it's clean to what most people would consider an extreme degree. Dust didn't last long there, everything had a place and everything was in its place, which was well-organized and out of sight. 

And maybe I was the most verbal about someone leaving a plate on the counter or a smudge on the window. 

This was good, I'd had Pocky sticks before but it was a rushed affair so I didn't get caught. "Deserts are indulgence with no purpose." is a popular saying from my grandfather. The sweet chocolate with the subtlety of the cookie beneath it is delicious and the snap is utterly satisfying. 

I wasn't obsessed with getting rid of germs, but keeping everything tidy and spotless was a habit my parents enforced. And if I did get rid of germs and reduce my chance of getting sick then it's a plus. Being sick sucked especially when you know you'd be on your own for its duration. 

What puzzles me is why Jungkook would bother remembering. Why go through the trouble of offering something dear to another person when you'd done the polite thing already? Now that I had accepted his offer Jungkook was happily munching away and watching the holoscreen. He'd been upset that I rejected the food he loved, but why? My choice gave him more food to enjoy.

Hypothetically people enjoy sharing what they love with people they like. Did that mean he liked me? That he trusted me to not take more than was offered? 

My eyes watering I could feel them on the brink of running down my cheeks. I rapidly blinked to keep them at bay. What Jungkook did was very sweet and made my chest feel warm. That wasn't why I was crying. 

I couldn't return the favor. I'm terrified of offering anyone anything, I don't trust anyone to take what is offered. I don't trust that they will take what is offered gratefully. I don't trust that they won't keep asking for more and more. More than that though I don't trust that I'll be able to say "No.". That I won't in desperation for approval keep giving and giving even if it hurts: even if it breaks me. 

He offered me his trust and I don't think I'll ever be able to return the favor.