Rain , blood and tears 1

I apologize for the delay. Due to the large amount of past history presented in the chapter, I had to make sure that everything matched the information previously provided

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[About a year ago .]

Blake pov .

Blake " Are you sure ? Lappland won't be able to be alone in a mental hospital for long ."

I ask Adam as we sit together under a tree on a slope overlooking Kuo Kuan.

Adama : " They are specialists in this type of case , Blake . I told you this before there is no turning back now we have to do it for the good of all " .

Adam : " Lappland has changed she is dangerous no one has control over her whether it is you or your mom or even Sienna . We almost got caught because of her , she can't be trusted on missions ."

Says Adam recalling the story of the mission two days ago .

Blake : " Have you talked to Sienna about it ? "

I ask knowing that Adam will be in trouble if Sienna finds out , after all she is the leader .

Adam : "Sienne instead of reacting gave Lappland a vacation . She can not make a decision on her case as it is too personal for her. She will not expel or consider Lappland a traitor they are too close together ."

Adam : "Besides neither you nor I want Lappland to become a traitor we both know how this will end as far as expulsion is concerned Lappland will remain the threat she was . She needs treatment Blake you know it I know it everyone knows it but no one reacts ."

Says Adam in the same cold tone . He has been like this since he returned from the last attack on the Atlas mines . Apparently Lappland disobeyed an order by which she endangered everyone present in the action , when Adam pointed this out to her she lashed out at him again endangering them . Something like this can be considered a betrayal .

If I had heard this two years ago , I would have denied it and defended Lappland . But now I neither have the strength nor the desire to do so because I know it is true . Lappland has really changed since we joined the white fang from nice and cheerful to cold and sullen . In public she is practically never seen without a mask .When she does take it off she is usually drunk .

She stopped being sober two months ago when I finally couldn't stand it and left her .It had many reasons one of them was the terrible things she did . I don't know why , Lappland became a monster overnight after one mission year ago everyone started to move away from her ,even the people in her small team.

If it wasn't for Sienna , mom , dad and aunt I doubt anyone would have stayed with her . Nevertheless, I was still able to talk to her back then and make her less violent and peaceful on the next mission .

However, despite the fact that she always listened to me, with time she started to fall back into addictions, drugs and alcohol messed up her head even more. Now there is no point in talking to a person who does not understand what is being said to her .

Until a two months ago, I could somehow influence her however now even for me Lappland is a wild card . Perhaps if I had pushed harder on her , if I had reacted then Lappland would not have become who she is now .

Due to lack of contact with Lappland I talked to Trifa my friend who works in Lappland group . She was the one who gave me information about Lappland condition , since most of the time on missions it was her group that was around Lappland.

It was from her that I learned what she and Lappland do. In addition to tracking people they often killed targets , even though this is not a good path I understand that sometimes you need to take someone away from this world to support our cause .

So I would never be mad at Lappland for this as she was helping the white fang but according to Trifa Lappland was losing herself in this she became too violent and bloodthirsty.

Even situations that could have ended peacefully with Lappland turned into fights where more people were injured. Then everyone had had enough making no one willing to participate in the mission with Lappland anymore even her team . All this violence and anger from Lappland was turning into a bigger wave of hatred for our race .

There were already problems with Lappland as she attacked or argued with other members of the white fang and even attacked some . However, two months ago Lappland broke all boundaries by killing bystanders civilians after which she did not stop and on another missions other innocent people were affected by her actions .

I was furious I argued with Lappland eventually breaking off any contact with her. Now I haven't seen or spoken to her but today will be the first time since that day .

However, it will not be a happy meeting .I never wanted this to happen with Lappland on one side and Adam and white fang on the other . In fact here was never anything to think about simply I did not want to hurt her however this must be stopped .

The image of a monster in a wolf mask blurs for me with the image of a girl who has been with me most of my life . Lappland has become more than a friend or sister to me I slept with her and continues to do so even though I am with Adam . I know it is disgusting however I will not do it anymore . It's over .

' But what would he think of me if he found out ? '

I think looking at his mask-covered upper face . Noticing my glance Adam turned towards me handing me his hand in which he holds the syringe . Receiving it from him I look at its long needle .

Adam : " It is a muscle relaxant a dose enough for a horse .With you Lappland will not be on guard . It will be easier for you and for us . "

Says Adam as I look at Kuo Kuan I make sure of my motivation because I know very well that Lappland may not forgive me , no she will not forgive me . However, I have already decided . Today I will make sure that Lappland doesn't hurt anyone anymore . Now it doesn't even hurt looking at what animal she has become .

Adam :" You should go now otherwise you might be late for your meeting time "

Says Adam leaving most likely goes to get everything ready . Without waiting any longer I hide the syringe in the sleeve of my long loose t-shirt after which I too leave heading to a small hut on the outskirts of town where Lappland lives. A one-room large hut with a kitchen , bed , closet and table in the same room at the back of it there is a door with a bathroom on the other side of it .

At some point Lappland moved out and lived here alone despite my mother's protests . Now few people go to these areas . Of course they are afraid of Lappland who is currently sitting on the bed standing in one corner of the hut right next to the closet .

Blake : " How are you feeling ?"

I ask Lappland who is looking at me without the top of her clothes showing her breasts under which is a thick layer of bandages going down to her long black loose pants .

Lappland: " I've been better ,Blake . "

Says Lappland in a numb tone looking at me . Looking at her I can tell that she is not drunk or high which is a difference as this has been her most common condition for the past year . However, it does not change the fact that on the kitchen counter lies a plastic bag full of medications and painkillers . Right next to that lies another bag with alcohol .

Seeing this I don't say anything anymore , I already tried to help her with this , I talked to her I asked her however she doesn't stop drinking. Looking away from this I look at Lappland who stares at me .

Blake : " Help you dress your shirt ? "

I ask looking at Lappland's left hand which she is holding in a sling tied around the back of her neck .

Lappland : " Don't you like what you see ? "

Asks Lappland when a gentle smile appeared on her face as if she was hoping for an answer. However, I just sighed and walked over to the closet next to her .

'We just started talking and I already have nothing to say to her .'

I think as I walk over to her closet from which I pull out a clean white T-shirt when only now I notice the strange cleanliness that prevails here . Last time I was here there were empty bottles everywhere and the air was full of cigarette smoke .

Lappland: " Ms. Kali cleaned up here after she patched me up ."

Lappland says noticing that I look around. Hearing her words I am not surprised because generally it is mom who cleans up here when Lappland is not here . Of course I told my mother to be careful or not to come here but she always got angry with me saying that someone has to .

And all this despite the fact that she herself knew how dangerous and unpredictable Lappland had become . This is completely different from years ago , Lappland grown up and now is stronger than her or dad . So her usual tricks to calm her down, now won't work .

However, even if they used to be able to do it anyway, it is already impressive . I remember a situation from a few years ago when me and Lappland were still children. A situation that forever changed the image of Lappland in my eyes , I know that she defended me and herself however .... I will never forget the faces of those dead SDC workers.

Thinking about it I feel a shiver run through my body . Yet I feel in my bones and in my instinct that Lappland wouldn't hurt me, but that feeling of her breath on my neck scares me . I never knew what she was thinking that is why I am afraid of her .

Calming down I choose a clean white T-shirt and walk up to Lappland who was already standing in front of the open fridge, with her teeth making a hole in the side of the beer can. Watching her drink the beer like water I shake my head in disapproval as I walk closer to her to help her get dressed .

Suddenly when I was close enough Lappland released the empty can from her hand and then she use this hand to hug me tightly as her white tail wags incessantly with excitement . Such a sudden feeling of having her so close made my heart beat faster however a sudden feeling of discomfort covered this feeling making me feel like pushing her away .

Lappland: " I missed it . I missed you Blake "

Lappland says burying her face in my chest . As much as I would like to push her away from me now I can't bring myself to do it remembering our old days especially since it's possible that we won't see each other again . At least until I or Lappy are ready for it .

Lappland: " Then why do you want to meet ? If you wanted sex you wouldn't be dressing me ."

Says Lappland making me feel awkward after her words because indeed I often came here for that , however, it was long ago when we last did it . Sighing I tell her what I have already prepared for this question .

Blake : " I wanted to take a walk with you and ask how you are doing."

I say lying hoping that Lappland won't sense it by the pounding of my heart and fortunately she probably didn't sense anything or didn't want to sense anything when with a deep breath she took in my scent . Seeing Lappland's behavior makes me again feel uncomfortable as I can see that it is not healthy .

Lappland: " Walk ? Really ? We haven't seen each other for so long and you want a walk ? A walk with Blake . "

Lappland:" I remember that our last conversation didn't go very well but if that's what you want , what's important to me is that I do it with you Blake ."

Says Lappland at first surprised but then this surprise disappears replaced by pure joy despite the fact that she recalls our last argument . However, after her words Lappland notices something and stares dully at it as her pupils contracted . Feeling her grip on me tighten I look at what Lappland is looking at and I see that it is a mirror visible through the open bathroom door .

Lappland: " Sure why not " .

Says Lappland in an irritated tone as she releases me from her embrace . Pulling off her sling I help her dress her shirt as painlessly as possible after which I put her sling back on . Ready we both head towards the exit however at the last moment Lappland turns and heads for the bed next to which her two blades are lying .

Blake : " Lappland we are going for a walk you don't need them ."

I say trying to make sure that no one gets hurt .

Lappland : " I am not going anywhere without them ."

Says Lappland putting the blades behind the belt on the side of her pants . Looking at Lappland I see her serious face which turns into a calm smile as she looks at me . Which gives me the impression that she knows what's going on but doesn't care.

Lappland: " Let's go ".

Lappland says , walking out first while I, after a momentary shock, quickly follow her out because I know that convincing her to leave her blades behind will arouse her suspicions, I just hope no one gets hurt . Closing the door to the hut I notice on one of the shelves an old photo of me and Lappland together which makes me pause in my movements .

' It's only for the sake of her and white fang' .

I think closing the door knowing that Lappland is unlikely to return to this place again .