Chapter 4 – The Harem Protagonist Should (Not) Be This Dense

I don't know anything about spears.

It's something I've never thought that much about, just a thing Rei did, something her mother taught her and that she enjoyed. Something that was hers and that I didn't particularly care much about.

That… was a mistake.

Because I'm watching Rei wearing a pink spaghetti strap top and white shorts that may as well be panties, barefooted, going through a series of strikes and motions in the middle of Ms. Marikawa's friend's living room, behind the huge sofa.

And she's… beautiful.

'You've got it bad.'

Tell me something I don't know.

'So does she.'

… You keep telling me, and I still don't believe it.

'I know. Just… watch her.'

And so I do.

I watch her as she takes a lunging step forward, her left foot going from the back to the front as her hands slide along the pole she's holding, exchanging places along it. I watch as she performs a slow, almost lazy sweep that nearly scratches the hardwood floor right before stopping, her right hand, the one closest to the nailless end of the pole, pulling the weapon back as her left remains steady before striking forward with what almost seems to be a snapping sound just with the strength of her right hand regaining its former position. I watch as she shifts her hips, her feet remaining on the same spot as she shifts and turns between them while doing an overhead strike that almost grazes the ceiling. I watch as she raises her arms to windmill the pole around her in a warding strike against anything near her.

And I watch as pearls of sweat bead her exposed skin, as lean muscles shift beneath a shimmering flush, as she moves in a way that might as well be flawless with how little I know of what she means to do with every strike, thrust, and block.

And then she stands, eyes closed, breathing deeply, and I can move.

"I'm sorry," I tell her.

She doesn't answer. The fingers of her left hand clench around the middle of the pole, and her lips thin.

And so I stare at her. At the tightness in her shoulders, the way her hair drapes over them, the way she…

She's so beautiful.

"For what?" she finally replies.

'It looks like she's using Saya's playbook.'

I wish. This is… pure Rei.

'What do you mean?'

Oh, I think you're about to see.

"For doing—for everything. I wish we had talked before things went any further—"

"You wish? And what stopped you?"

Damn it.

I take a tentative step toward her, and, as soon as my foot touches the floor, her eyes open. Unsurprisingly, when they meet my own, they are angry.

"I… Saya came in and—"

She turns, fully facing me. She doesn't let go of her weapon.

"So you're going to blame her?"

And now it's my turn to close my eyes.

'Hold on. She's hurt and lashing out, but she wouldn't be if there wasn't… something between you two. Just be patient with her.'

I feel she should be patient with me.

'And you're right. Of course you're right, but… you're both under a lot of stress, and very young, and handling things no one should have to handle. So she may be acting like a bitch right now, and you may act like a bastard tomorrow, but the important thing is that you both realize when you screw up and then do better.'

… That sounds surprisingly mature coming from the guy who never had an actual girlfriend.

'Waifus count.'

Right. Tension diffused. Thank you very much.

'You're welcome. Now, time to open your eyes and face the woman you love.'

You're so fucking dramatic…

"No," I finally answer Rei, this time feeling the hardness in my own eyes even if Lee thinks I should be patient with her. "I'm not blaming Saya for having feelings of her own and acting on them. I don't even blame myself for answering her, because you threw me away—"

I don't even see her move.

Just… One moment she's five steps away from me, and then, suddenly, the distance has shrunk, and there's a pole resting where my left shoulder meets my neck.

"Do you know what's the best thing about spears, Takashi?" she asks me, her tone low.

"What does—"

"Do you?"

I look at her, at the way her left leg is stretched in a perfect line behind her, the right at a right angle, perpendicular to the ground.

"I don't," I finally admit, the regret from before tinging my words.

"Reach," she immediately answers. "I can reach beyond my grasp with it, can touch things beyond my hands. Can reach you. Except I couldn't."

And she's looking down, her eyes cast to the floor as her hands tighten on wood hard enough it should creak.

"What do you even—I confessed to you! I told you how I felt!"

"And you never knew how I felt!" she yells back as her face whips up, and I see tears in her eyes.

I… Lee? What is—

'I don't know. This wasn't—she just melted in your arms! This doesn't make any sense—'

"You confessed? You told me how you felt? And you expected me to just happily accept you? The man who couldn't—didn't…"

"Rei, I don't know what you're—"

"Of course you don't! I was devastated! Had been for days, because that Shidou bastard had just decided to hold me back a year just to hurt my dad! And you… And I thought you were about to console me, to… to try to make me feel better, but you just, just—you confessed. And with that, made it perfectly clear you didn't know me. At all."

Wha—

"That's… you didn't tell me anything!"

"I didn't tell Hisashi either," she says, the words falling on me with crushing weight.

So I grab the pole and pull.

And she stumbles.

And Rei's standing against me, her chest pressed to my own, her wounded eyes looking up at me in surprise, only her weapon crossed between us.

"You could have told me," I insist, ignoring the way she just threw my friend's name against me, trying to follow Lee's advice, letting her be a bitch today so she will learn better tomorrow.

"I—I shouldn't have had to! Not if you really loved me, if you really meant what you said! How could you not see how I was acting, how I was—I needed you! And you weren't there!"

I surround her with my arms, and she doesn't fight me off even as she glares up at me, even as the tears almost overflow.

"And just like that, we lost a whole year," I finally mutter.

Her eyes widen, hazel brown behind almost blonde bangs, and then she leans forward until her forehead rests on my chest.

"Because you're an idiot, and a liar," she mutters.

"Because you never explained, and asked too much of me," I add.

Then there's only silence and the warmth of a soft body against mine.

And, I guess, the hard weapon between us that she hasn't let go of.

Rei's sitting next to me on the sofa, her legs crossed Indian style over the cushion, her head thrown back over the edge of the backrest.

There's a whole cushion between us.

"This is… This is not how I wanted things to go," she tells the ceiling.

"What, you mean with the apocalypse—" I quip before cutting myself off with a yelp.

Because she still hasn't let go of that damn pole.

'You know, there's this anime with a pole-dancing scene in the ending, and if you keep mentioning that fucking torture implement of hers, I'm willing to flood your brain with all of it.'

… You make the weirdest threats.

'Trust me, if you thought Naruto's screeching was annoying, you haven't yet been tormented by Issei's oppai rants."

"I wanted to talk with you, alone, with none of the others interfering," Rei mulishly continues.

So I lean back, forcing myself to relax against the sofa, my shirt and boxers thin enough I can feel the velvety texture rustling against them.

"We are alone now," I point out.

She glares at me at those words.

"I hate that you don't even care about the eyes behind yours," she says.

And I look at her with confusion before—

'Me. She's talking about me.'

Ah.

…

I shouldn't need you to point it out, should I?

'To be fair, you haven't freaked out at me having access to your spank bank. Seems to me we're… closer than we thought.'

Right. You're still a pervert.

'And you're still trying to distract yourself from facing the women you love.'

… Straight for the throat, huh?

"I… I don't even think about Lee as another person, I think. I understand him completely, and so does he, and… I'm sorry if this makes you feel… intruded? I don't even—this is what I am now, who I am, can't you just accept—"

And Rei's on top of me, her legs straddling me, her arms around my shoulders.

Shaking.

"I don't want you to stop being you," she mutters as she rubs her head against my chest in a vulnerable gesture she hasn't allowed herself in years.

So I close my eyes and lie down on the sofa, dragging her along with me so her body rests on mine as I cradle her in my arms.

"I won't. I'll just be… more. There won't be anything taken away."

"How… How can you be so sure?"

"I don't know. I just am."

She shifts on top of me, her left hand clutching the front of my white shirt while her right remains below my back.

"You should be scared. Angry. You shouldn't accept… this. You should be looking for ways to get rid of him and—"

"Rei, I understand. And thank you."

She still refuses to meet my eyes, her breathing harsh against my chest, and her fist tightens.

"I don't want to lose you," she finally says.

And the burst of warmth and triumph almost makes up for everything else.

"You won't," I reassure her, patting her long hair.

Until she lifts her head and pushes forward, her lips meeting my own in something that's more chaste than passionate, something that I don't dare enjoy as I feel her tremble atop me.

"I feel like I already did," she whispers before resuming the kiss.

Our lips don't part, our tongues don't meet, and my hand keeps steadily, soothingly, stroking her long, straight hair, never venturing beyond, never reaching for flesh I've dreamed about for years.

It's a chaste kiss.

It's also a sad one.

"Don't," I finally tell her, my fingers on her lips, pushing her up and away as her eyes look at me not with hurt and rejection but with…

Something. Something I don't understand and that she'll blame me for not knowing.

"Takashi? Isn't this what you—"

"No. No, it isn't. I… I love you. I do, even if you think I didn't do it properly. And I know there are many things about you I haven't learned about yet, but I—not like this. Not like this, Rei," I beg her, not even knowing what I'm asking for.

So she stares down at me, her eyes now clear of tears but also devoid of anything I can read, her lips hovering over my fingertips—

And she kisses them.

"I love you," she whispers.

And her body shifts over mine until she's above me, the bottom of her top hanging down the only thing that connects us other than her lips on my fingers.

"I did. I always did, and I…" she trails off, her eyes lost. "I know what will happen. That you'll be with Saya and Saeko, and that you'll… you know. But I… I was there first, wasn't I, Takashi?" she asks, her voice a broken quiver by the end of it.

"You were always there," I immediately answer.

And she smiles.

A sad, distant, unsure thing.

But a smile.

"No. No, I wasn't. I left you behind, remember?" she tells me.

"I wish I could forget."

Hazel eyes look down at me, wispy hair falling around us where she hasn't tied it back behind her head, the long bangs almost close enough to tickle my forehead.

"Don't," she tells me. "I hurt you, and you hurt me, and... we shouldn't forget that. Not if… Not if this is going to happen."

And she gently takes my wrist and pulls my hand aside before leaning back down, her lips once again on my own as her whole body lowers, and I feel all of Rei's softness and warmth press against me, her breasts on my chest, her thighs on each side of my own, her hips over mine.

"Rei… If you keep doing this, I'll lose control," I tell her, already feeling something surge below my navel, rising Heat desperately trying to reach for the girl in my grasp.

"I… I think I'd like that. I think I'd like to be convinced you really want me enough to lose yourself, to take me no matter what." Her eyes blink down at me before a soft smile spreads on her lips. "But not today. Not our first time."

My pulse roars.

"Rei, you don't have to—"

"I do. Because it's about our deepest flaws, isn't it? Saya's pride, your lust, Busu—Saeko's… bloodlust? And… And if I am to give you my first time, it should be with something… something that relates to my flaw."

"What are you—"

"I am your first kiss. I'll be your first everything. And every time one of the others touches you, every time you're… with one of them, my touch will linger on your heart and mind. Because I was there first, and they can never take that away," she says.

And then she dives back down.

It's not a chaste kiss.

Her tongue pushes past my lips, her hands tangle on my hair, and Rei squirms atop me, rubbing me with every part of her body until my control snaps and the Heat surges forward, flooding my chest before splitting into three streams that pour out of my hands and mouth.

And the moment it reaches her, she stiffens, her back arching until our lips part, and she offers me her taut throat.

And I take it.

I don't even think about it; I just open my mouth and clamp my teeth around the side of her neck, sucking on salty skin, licking along the side of a throbbing vein as Rei moans and shifts above me, her pussy rubbing on top of my already hardening cock and the Heat pulsing along a fourth channel, going from my sex to hers in a way that feels between a tingle and vibration.

"Takashi!" she yells my name.

And I grab her.

My fingers sink in her ass, pulling her against me before I seek the edge of her shorts so I can touch her bare skin, so I can finally get a taste of this perfect thing I have stared at too many times when she took the stairs in front of me, every swish of her short skirt teasing me with maddening—

Maddening.

I feel the Heat. I feel the pulsing, buzzing flow of it, the channels inside my body it creates as it looks for ways to reach the girl I love and enter her, to madden her as it does me, and I clamp down on it.

Hard.

It's… I don't know how to explain it, other than the ripples hold in place, still rising and falling but no longer advancing, a frozen sea of something that—

"Ta… Takashi…" Rei moans, and I force myself to let go of both her ass and neck.

"Not like this," I finally tell her through suddenly dry lips.

And she looks at me, something swimming in her eyes that turns to tears as a bright, wide smile finally blooms and takes away all the others before it.

"I love you," she says as she leans down to kiss my forehead.

"I love you," she repeats, laying twin kisses on each of my cheeks.

"I love you," she almost chants as her palms lie on top of the still-tingling kisses, and she holds me down with her eyes in a way not even the Heat defies.

"I always did," she whispers.

And hugs me, her head burrowing in the crook of my neck.

"Rei… I… I don't—can't—"

"You… You keep saying 'not like this,' and I… I know. I do, really, but… Can you… can you take me? Accept me? Understand me as you didn't before?" she pleads.

And the Heat rises.

It doesn't rush along the four defined lines I can still feel throbbing with the same kind of pain of blood pooling back on a numb hand, no. This time, I feel it all over my skin, like being enrobed in lightning, and it doesn't rush into Rei, but holds her with my arms, my hands.

It doesn't take her.

"I… I just wanted it to be… special. Meaningful," I tell her through an uncooperative throat.

Her lips are soft burns upon mine, and she doesn't open them. Her tongue doesn't part them.

Yet it isn't a chaste kiss.

"It's… It's you, Takashi. The boy I promised I'd marry. Of course it will be special," she tells me, her smile shining through the tears.

And I no longer hold back.

Because it's her. Rei. The girl I've loved for so long, in so many ways, and she's here, asking me, and I could never deny her, not even when she asked me to stay away.

And now… she doesn't.

So my fingers thread up through soft, almost blonde hair, and I nibble along her jawline until I reach her earlobe and take it between my teeth, and she moans as she pulls my shirt up, my burning skin screaming for cool air that never reaches me as she pulls her own top up and her scorching belly molds to my own, her skin branding me with a touch I'll never forget.

"I love you," she whispers, and I pull her shorts down, once again grasping her ass to hold her against me, to have my sex rub against hers over her panties.

"I always loved you," I answer, and her hands pull my boxers down, my erection now sliding between her thighs and along soft, damp cotton.

"You are mine," she says, her hand reaching behind her to tease my glans with deft fingers that have no calluses after a lifetime of training.

I don't answer. I just bite down on the same spot I did before, my tongue once more pressing along her neck, once more tasting her, once more devouring her.

She moans. She moans, repeating my name as her thighs clench together and she quivers on top of me, and the Heat once more pools in my hands, but now it flows along her skin—along her lower back and shoulder blades as I hold her to me, and I stop feeling it the moment it leaves my body, but I can tell it's still drawing the same circles over her that my hands do, still following my will to hold her, to pull her against me. To soothe her, and reassure her, and promise her—

"Takashi!" she yells as I feel her warm wetness drenching my pubic hair, as I feel her thighs quiver, as I feel the Heat rejoice.

"Rei…" I whisper in her ear, my breathing ragged.

And she pulls away. She pulls away and shows me a smile so pure I can't believe it comes from her, from the wounded girl who rejected me and—

"Promise me," she says, her voice quivering.

"I… what? What do you want me to promise you, Rei?"

Disappointment briefly flits across her face, and the smile that replaces it is softer, less raw.

Less precious.

"Promise me… that you'll never forget me. That I'll always be your first. Your first kiss, your first time, your first… love. Promise me I'll always be there, in your heart, even if as a memory."

My eyes sting.

So I close them, even if Rei's face follows me to the darkness behind my eyelids, because I need… I need to get a hold of myself, to… to…

Rei.

Rei laughing, holding my hand, pulling me toward the swings she wants us to ride together.

Rei shooting me an exasperated, rueful smile as she helped me study for the English test so we could go to the same high school, so we would still be together, like we always had been.

Rei looking at me with heartbroken disappointment suddenly replaced with rage before she rejected me, before she pushed me away.

Rei… Rei looking down at me with the purest smile I've ever seen from her.

"I do," I reply as I open my eyes to find hers clouded with worry. "Of course I do. I could never… You don't even need to ask," I finish, completely inadequately.

And her smile lightens up once more. Maybe not as bright as it could be, but… close enough.

Close enough that I feel it's no longer out of reach. That we can work at it until we get there.

Her hands push down on my chest, and Rei rises, my hard cock lodged between her cheeks in a way that makes me groan before she pulls her top off and, with a shy, out-of-place wink, undoes her bra.

They are… I dreamed about them, fantasized about them, masturbated to them.

They are still better than I ever could have thought on my own.

Tear shaped despite their size, firm, with upraised, tan nipples with a fading areola that I—"

"Ah!" she yells as she cradles my head against her. Because, apparently, I moved without realizing it, and now I'm twirling my tongue around her left nipple while playing with her right one with my fingers.

And Rei pushes me against her body, her warmth reaching out to me and going straight through the all-encompassing lightning that is the Heat along my skin before she pushes me back down, my back sinking on the cushion below me, the fuzzy fabric tingling across my bare skin.

"You… You don't have to be so eager," she says, bashfully holding her arms in front of her in a way that manages to push her breasts together and makes me push up with my hips.

"Ah!" she yelps yet again, and, with an almost chiding smile, she stands up.

And then she sashays her way out of her panties, her eyes trying to stay on my own even as they keep drifting to my erect cock until I can't stand it anymore—

"Takashi?" she asks me when I stand up in front of her, my boxers and shirt quickly discarded before I trip on them.

And I take her shoulders and push her onto the sofa.

She's sitting, her legs spread after losing her balance, her naked body in front of me.

So I dive.

My tongue dances along her folds, traces of Heat left behind after every lick and kiss, and I taste Rei for the first time, her sweet juices on my tongue making me harder than before, making me clench my eyes shut as I suck her clitoris into my mouth and she yelps before her thighs close around my head, her hooked heels pushing me forward, toward her.

And I keep at it. I keep at it as her fingers roughly take my hair, as she keeps babbling my name, and, finally, I keep at it as she lets out an inarticulate scream and her whole body quivers.

And only then, on my knees in front of my first love, do I look up at her, at her hazy eyes looking back at me with yearning and anticipation so keen it looks almost like fear.

"Like this," I whisper, my warm breath making her shiver as it ghosts across her wet thighs.

And then I rise up as she scuttles forward, her legs spreading further and her hips set on the very edge of the sofa before I grasp her knees to both steady myself and hold her down.

So she can't run away.

And, when I do, another smile breaks through on her lips, one that shows me more fulfillment than I ever hoped she would feel at something I did.

"Let me," she whispers as her hands go to my member, guiding it to her entrance, only stopping for a moment when she inadvertently bumps it against her clitoris, and her grip tightens on me.

And I can feel her. Her wetness, her warmth, her softness kissing my very tip, asking me to move forward, to finally cross that line.

I look into her eyes, and she silently mouths something at me I don't understand, but…

I push forward.

"Takashi!" she yells, her hands going from my cock to my face and pulling me down into a hungry kiss that deprives me of the chance to answer.

So, rather than doing so with clumsy words, I move.

Slowly, pushing ahead as she opens up to me, softening at my passage before I pull back and do it all over again, realizing it's unlikely she had her hymen after—

She lets me go, her eyes opening to half-lidded yearning as she looks up at me and her lips quirk up.

"It's… It's also my first time," she tells me.

And I can only stare at her.

"I… My hymen broke years ago, practicing a low stance, and I… I never… I always hoped…"

Her words drift, and mine never reach my lips.

So I lean forward and take hers.

Because this is a dream I gave up on long ago, the sharing of… of something this precious with her, with the one I…

I push forward, drowning my thoughts in sensation until I have time to process them.

And then I'm grinding down on top of her, my member poking at something inside her that makes her squirm and moan into my mouth, and I—

I pull back and then push forward. Faster and harder.

Rei's nails rake down my back, almost drawing blood.

And I go harder.

Her legs surround me, her ankles hooked together, and, the next time I go back, she's the one pulling me in hard enough her body lifts off the sofa for a moment that makes her bounce, that makes our rhythm become erratic, and then I lose all control.

And there's only the taste of Rei, the sound of her moans and the slapping of our flesh, the scent of her arousal and sweat, the sight of her breasts wildly bouncing up and down.

I don't know how long it lasts.

I just know when the Heat finally slips my grasp.

I feel it surging, reaching for her, for the girl that's been my focus and center for so long, and I feel it when it burns past her skin as her eyelids quiver and a soft gasp turns into a low moan that keeps rising and rising until she's screaming my name, thrashing below me, pulling me to—

"Rei! Rei, I'm going to cum—"

"Inside!" she yells as her legs go rigid, the muscles so tight they almost vibrate.

"Rei, I—"

"Mine! You are mine! Your everything's mine! So give me your—"

And I come.

Waves of sensation surge through and around me, and I feel myself spill into her warm acceptance, her mouth moving in syllables repeated yet unheard as her eyes roll back, and I keep thrusting inside her, not even managing the willpower to try and stop myself, to not fill her, to not have her pussy marked with my seed, to—

I drop down on top of her, the already familiar sensation of something growing inside me barely more than an afterthought as I lie my head between Rei's gorgeous breasts, and she, after a while, cradles me against her, humming a wordless song that almost lulls me to sleep even as I slide down and feel my knees hit the floor, my face on her soft belly.

"I…" I start to say, not knowing how I'll continue.

"Hush," she stops me, caressing my hair. "It… It was perfect," she reassures me.

It wasn't.

Far from it. Because I slipped and allowed something other to interfere in what should've been purely ours. And because it came too late, after too much heartache and misunderstanding. Because the situation is less than ideal, and we still have tomorrow to deal with.

But it was Rei. It was our first time.

So I find myself closing my eyes, something warm and soft quirking my lips up as I allow myself to drift away momentarily, basking in the knowledge that…

That it was.

Perfect.